I had a conversation with my cousin last night and she said something very strange to me.... "Bren, don't change who you are when you are thin." I thought... what an odd thing to have someone say to you. So we discussed it and I understood what she meant more.
She said, some people trade one addiction for another...
Then she talked about a friend of her's whose sister would become indignant if someone mentioned how great she looked after losing weight.
Then you have the ones who become better than everyone else
And worse yet, the floozies, who don't know how to handle attention without doing it on their backs.
And lasty, I read a post about someone who was sick of people asking how much weight they had lost, on this here weight loss forum... and all the comments that followed. And it made me think of the bigger picture.
The truth is, we live in a world that is obsessed by a persons physical appearance, and the amount of pure hate and prejudice heaped on people who are fat is immeasurable. I myself live in a ridiculously prejudice part of the country. Cowboys with stickers on their trucks of a boy pissing on fat chicks. You name it. The ridicule is endless. Getting jobs, being taken seriously by doctors, even enjoying a night out with a meal has been difficult. I've endured so much hate in my life.
But now as with then I prefer to take the high road. My surgery and my weight loss haven't been advertised. But if people notice and say something to me, I am certainly not going to take offense. Rather it is an opportunity to educate people in some fashion or another. To connect with people. If people notice and ask questions, you don't have to be a nasty person. Because the first person you should be doing this for is YOURSELF! It's not anyone's business if I lose or don't lose, but they will notice, and they will ask. Being honest with even strangers can change their way of thinking.
How many times has someone asked you... "How are you?". How many times do you think they really meant it to hear the real answer? Many years ago I started giving people the TRUTH! And I never ask that question unless I am prepared for the real answer. I don't want to hear... "We're fine". I want to hear... how you REALLY are! Maybe it makes your life too personal to the world, but you cannot imagine the effects you can have on other people with your honesty.
Most people are good natured and when they ask a question they may well be facing their own battle and want to connect. Our world has become far too seperate. We don't care about our own neighbors. We have to start caring again. I don't want to stand in the middle of a crowd and feel completely alone any longer. If you ask me about my weight loss, I am going to tell you, and I'm going to ask you a question about your life, and maybe... we'll help one another.
Just be who you are... no matter what body fits around it.
Bren
Can't believe it's only been five days and I am twelve pounds lighter!
The next pound I loose I will ve under 300 pounds, and I havent been under 300 lbs in at least ten years.
I am thinking that I need to reavaluate my weight loss goals for the first month. I had originally planned to lose fifteen for the month. As I have already lost 12 pounds in 5 days. At this rate I will reach my weightloss goal of the month in a week. Now I am not complaining one little but, it's just I am shocked on how much weight has come off so fast! I would like to hear more about peoples first months of weight loss to get a better idea of realistic weight loss goals.
Right now I am just cycling twice a day, and walking but am considering th 25k in 9 weeks program....any thoughts.
Like another bandster who wrote about a comment she got on her narrow hips, I have never heard those words come from my husband's mouth! Let alone anyone's! All these years I bought clothes to try and disguise or hide my butt, now I have to look for clothes to NOT hide them! Laugh out flippin loud!
Thank you God for all of the little miracles!
I have surgery date of April 4 for a Vertical Sleeve in Tijuana Mexico with Dr. Ariel Ortiz. I am a bit nervous and hesitant since I have to fly from Canada to go down and get the surgery done. I just hope there isn't any complications. I was wondering if there was anyone out there who has had the Sleeve with Dr. Ortiz and also wondering if there is any Canadians out there.
So I am alive and well, over all I feel pretty damn good for a guy who went to mexico to get lap band surgery. My incesions are happily healing well, the skin around them is brused, a funky yellow color. The sturry strip have fallen off now, I helped a little bit I admit it. But everything looks amazing thus far. Weighed in 2lbs less, starting weight prior to surgery 312, now 310. Not a lot to post today other than I am happy happy happy to be two lbs less.
Pre Op Day One
by Thomas Moore on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 at 5:34pmMy surgery day came yesterday, our transport arrived at the porta vista hotel at 8:15 am. We arrived to the border and waived straight in. A few Minutes later we were at hospital Angles. Immediatly registered, there was zero wait times. We sat down in the lobby them immediatly shown to a special waiting lobby, within maybe three minutes I was in the lab getting my blood drawn. Which only took about ten minutes...I am a hard stick. Back to the waiting area for maybe a minute then off to be xrayed to be certain I have followed my orders not to eat or drink after six pm. When I arrived back in the lobby my papers were signed, I had to remit immediate payment. Then we were ushered up to my room. The whole process maybe an hour tops. In the next hour a nurse who spoke no english came in the room stripped me of all street clothing, dressed me in a gown and some socks that came to my pelvis, thrombosis hose is what they are called. My EKG was done next. Then a doctor came in went over my labs, I had fallowed all of their guide lines and although my blood sugars were high he felt no concern in having my operation. We had to wait for a long while then to meet my surgeon, then for a few hours for surgery. I am not sure when I actually went to surgery as I took a good hour and a half nap.
When it was time for my sugery I got on the gourney and waived goodbye to my Scott. I was rolled down a long hallway, a left turn then onto some elivators, down another halway where I had to switch gourneys again, down another hallway to the pre op nurses station to swap gourneys again, into the operating room when I was moved to the operationg table, where I was strapped down a net was put on my head and the doctor came and told me he was giving me a seditive prior to the anathesia....
I woke up several hours later... they were taking the tubes out of my throat...I hate that part of surgery.....
When I woke up again I was in my room, Scott was there, and the sun was setting. My troat hurt so bad at that point. I brought gum minty gum which soothed my throat. I jumped out of bed, rangled me some boxers, life was good again. As I was not allowed to drink anything that night all. I rested off and on, checked my face book and talked with Scotty. Later that evening they gave me a pill that goes under the tounge and desolved and ten I was asleep again until this morning.
At six thirty this morning they game in and took me be down to get an x ray where I had to drink some nasty stuff, but I got to finally see this thing that had already drastically changed my life. I got wheeled back to my room a very very happy man. Several hours later I was allowed my first meal, herbal tea, apple juice and orange jello. Luquis are fairly easy still very gassy but getting better as time goes on. Met with dietican, and psycologist, had another simular lunch and at 3Pm was taken back over the border to our beautiful hotel room at the Porta Vista Hotel.
Getting ready to walk to the water...uploaded some incision pics check them out.
*STAGE 1 - LIQUIDS
START: When you return home from your surgery
DURATION: For 2 weeks post surgery, or until your next dietitian appointment.
DIET: Clear and full liquids
GOAL: Aim for at least 64 ounces of fluid for the day by continuous sipping.
LIQUIDS RECOMMENDED:
Water
100% Fruit Juice (No sugar added)
Bouillon
Strained soups or broths
Skim or 1% milk
Soy milk
Milk Shakes - thinned
Gatorade or equivalent sports drink
Yogurt Smoothie Drinks - not including homemade
Crystal Light
Sugar free beverages
Herbal or decaffeinated tea or coffee
Popsicles (Pedialyte)
LIQUIDS TO AVOID:
Citrus juices (orange, grapefruit, pineapple)
Acidic liquids (tomato juice, tomato soup, buttermilk)
Caffeinated beverages (coffee, tea)
Carbonated beverages (any soda pop, seltzer, or tonic water)
Homemade fruit or yogurt smoothies
Anything that seems liquid but is not (Jello, yogurt, pudding, ice cream) *Do pour test*
*STAGE 2 - MUSHIES
START: 2 weeks post surgery
DURATION: Up to 2 weeks post liquid stage
DIET: Soft food
GOAL: Aim for a meal capacity of about 1 cup (8 ounces) for 3 meals per day. Aim for fluid intake of 48-64 ounces per day.
FOODS RECOMMENDED:
Milk (skim or 1% only)
Cottage cheese
Eggs (poached, scrambled or soft boiled)
Blended cream soups
Yogurt
Low Fat Cheese - unmelted
Peanut Butter
Tofu (silken only)
Pudding
Applesauce or other fruit sauces
Canned fruits
Mashed potatoes
Cream of Wheat or oatmeal (diluted with milk)
*STAGE 3 - SEMI SOLIDS
START: 4 weeks post surgery
DURATION: 2 weeks post mushies stage
DIET: Semi-solid food
GOAL: Aim for a meal capacity of about 1 cup (8 ounces) for 3 meals per day. Aim for fluid intake of 48-64 ounces per day.
FOOD RECOMMENDED:
Deli cuts of meat
Canned flake meats such as tuna or chicken
Ground meats like ground beef or ground turkey
Beans
Tofu
Baked fish or crab meat
Pasta, rice, and corn
Fresh fruit - eliminate skins
Cooked vegetables - avoid celery, asparagus or broccoli stalks
Low Fat melted cheese
FOODS TO AVOID FOR MUSHIES & SEMI SOLID STAGES:
Caloric beverages - sweetened tea, soda, lemonade, juices
Ice cream, frozen yogurt, milkshakes, & smoothies
Regular Jello
Dry solids like breads, cereals, crackers, high fiber foods
*STAGE 4 - SOLIDS
RECOMMENDED FOODS & SERVING SIZES:
PROTEIN GROUP:
1 ounce lean meat, poultry or fish
1/4 cup yogurt
1/4 cup pudding
1/4 cup cottage cheese
1 egg, 2 egg whites
1/4 cup egg substitute
1 tbsp. peanut butter
1 ounce tofu
1 ounce cheese
1/4 cup canned flake meat
1 slice deli meat
2 tbsp. grated cheese
1/4 cup shredded cheese
1/2 cup beans
1/4 cup hommus
GRAIN GROUP:
1/2 slice toast
1/4 bagel or english muffin
1/2 cup cereal (cooked or dry)
1/2 cup broth-type soup
1 oblong graham cracker
1/4 cup rice, pasta, or potato
1/2 small baked potato
1/4 cup corn
4 crackers
FRUIT GROUP:
1/4 cup canned fruit (in its own juices)
1/4 cup grapes
1/2 piece fresh fruit
1 tsp. jelly or jam
1/4 cup dry fruit
VEGETABLE GROUP:
1/2 cup cooked vegetables
1 cup raw vegetables
1/2 cup tomato juice
1/4 cup tomato sauce or salsa
OTHERS GROUP:
1 tsp. oil, butter, or margarine
1 tsp. mayonnaise
1 tbsp. Miracle Whip
1 tbsp. sour cream or cream cheese
1 tbsp. salad dressing
2 tbsp. guacamole
4-6 almonds, cashews, or pecans
1 ounce cheese
2 tsp. peanut butter
1 tbsp. tahini
1/4 cup Cool-Whip
1 tsp. sugar, honey, or syrup
COMBINATION FOODS:
1 or 1 1/2 cup per meal
1/2 cup per snack
CORE PLAN:
BREAKFAST:
1-2 proteins
1 fruit
2 grains
1 other
LUNCH:
2-3 proteins
1 vegetable
2 grains
1 other
SNACK:
1 fruit
1 protein
DINNER:
2-3 proteins
1-2 vegetables
2 grains
1 other
SNACK:
1 vegetable
1 grain
I hope that this helps those who are researching getting the band, with knowing what your eating habbits will be like after surgery. I also hope that this will help those who are never given a clear eating plan after surgery too.
Please know that this is just the plan that was given to me, and I do not expect all bandsters to follow this plan. It is simply a guidline for those who need one/are not given one.
Please remember to follow exactly what your surgeon/nutritionist says, even if it is different than this list.
Source: LapBand Food Stages Lists Suggestions
Like most, my story starts off the same; I started gaining weight as a child; I’d say around the age of 7 or 8, which was a about two years after I had my tonsils removed (the only surgery I’ve ever had!). I was raised by my grandparents and had a happy childhood. I never wanted for anything, including food. There was always food around, whether it was leftovers or snacks granny would buy just for us kids. Our lunch boxes were always full, because we participated in the after school care program, so Granny always packed extra snacks for late in the after noon after school. A normal lunch could consist of: 1 whole ham sandwich, ½ a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, apple/orange slices, pudding cup, fruit gummies, and two fruit juice boxes. THIS is A LOT for an 8 y/o girl. I don’t blame my grandmother, though now as an adult and an aunt of a 6 y/o niece, I do realize that maybe our grandmother gave us these things to appease us. We were active to an extent, and maybe she thought it would be ok. I think this was the age where I gradually began to put on weight. It was noticeable, but I guess not enough to really bother me.
I knew I was bigger than the girls in my class. We attended a private school where we had to where uniforms daily and during PE. So, when buying PE clothes and having to get an “Adult Lg/XLg”, it dawned on me that I was a little bigger. When I reached the 5th grade my weight still didn’t hinder my childhood, but it was obvious that I was going in a downward spiral. I tried out for cheerleading and I made the team, but I couldn’t wear any of the uniforms that the squad already had. They had to order one specifically for me because I was larger. Some would see this as an embarrassment, but at that time in my life. I felt like I was meant to be the way I was. I wasn’t worried about getting bigger and in my mind, I felt like I was special because I got a “NEW” uniform. (I was obviously in denial) I played volley ball and basketball 6th and 7th grade. Still the chunkiest girl in class, but I didn’t let this bother me. I never had any incidents with bullying or name calling in school (thank GOD), and I always had plenty of friends.
Summer of 8th grade was an eye opener for me. My family owns a funeral home, so one day I went with my Dad to pick up a body from the airport. While waiting for him to sign paperwork and talk to the “man”, I saw a large scale used for boxes and packages to be shipped. Making sure no one was around; I stepped on the scale only to see that I was 220llbs. I was mortified! Here I was all of but 13 years old, and I was 220lbs, not much less than my 40 something year old dad. I believe this was when I started to NOT weigh myself anymore. From this point on when anyone asked me my weight “I didn’t know…” nor did I want to know out of embarrassment. Buying uniforms, I realized that we had to special order my uniform skirts. I remember an incident when the lady was measuring me and gave my waistline as somewhere between 40-44 inches, and my grandmother making an “oh my goodness” sound under her breath. Of course my head was hanging low and the lady must have noticed this. She said, “Don’t feel bad, that was another girl in here and she needed a 48!” I guess she told me this to make me feel better, and I suppose at the time, it did; knowing that I wasn’t the only one.
Like I said 8th grade was the turning point. I didn’t want to participate in school functions as much. Going on school field trips to theme parks was embarrassing because even though I could still fit the roller coasters at that time, I would be forced to sit on certain rows that were made to accommodate the “larger” rider because it had two belts instead of one. In the end of the year 8th grade program where we performed the stages of the cross, I readily jumped for a speaking role, because I didn’t want to go through the embarrassment of not being able to fit any of the costumes. When it came time for us to give our height and weight for cap and gowns? Well, of course I “didn’t know” my weight. After graduating 8th grade I wasn’t all too excited about high school other than the fact that the braces I had from 6th through the 8th grade, were coming off before my 9th grade year started. So, in my mind I said, “I may be fat, but at least I have an awesome smile!” Once again I didn’t have any issues with being made fun of at school, but I still felt out of place. I could barely fit into the desks (the kind where the seat is connected to the desk), I was still wearing size 40-44 waist pants/skirts, and just felt like… not a normal teenager.
The summer following my 9th grade year, but grandmother decided to take a stand. She told me I’d be spending 6 weeks at a weight loss camp for teenagers. I was mortified! I refused to go, but in the back of my head I remembered seeing an episode of the cartoon “Wait Til Your Father Gets Home” and the daughter on the show was over weight, she happened to go to a “fat farm” and came back looking “HOT”. LoL! I laugh now, but I believed that if I didn’t come back svelte, that I would’ve at least lost a little weight. So, I went to the camp, and I learned a few things (I didn’t retain the info, though), met a few friends, lost a few inches, and lost enough weight to where I could notice a difference in my face and the way my clothes fit; my family noticed too. I was happy to be home, because I’m definitely a homebody/family oriented person. I was able to share a few “diet” recipes with everyone; who were more than obliged to try. I went back to school, and no one noticed. Which I think took away my drive for losing weight. My friends and teachers didn’t notice. So in the end, nothing stuck.
We were your typical African- American family. Most family functions revolved around food, so whatever weight/ inches lost were gained back, plus more. From what I can remember, I’ve never bought clothes made for people my age. I was always in the next section over. Whether it be huskies, plus sized teen, or women’s. If memory serves me correctly, I’ve been wearing anywhere between a size 20 – 22/24 since 7th or 8th grade. I think about this now at the age of 24 and I realize that being that size at the age of 13 is just horrible and wrong. As I’ve gotten older, it sucks that if I decide to go shopping with friends, that I can’t shop in the same stores. When going out to clubs, I sit in the corner and drink my drinks, even when I know I LOVE to dance. I don’t feel comfortable in the clothes I wear 75% of the time. You know that feeling when you’re walking into somewhere and you’re just constantly pulling down your shirt or pulling up your pants, making sure you look ok in them, when you feel huge?
I remember being in either late middle school or a freshman in high school, when Carney Wilson went public with her RNY surgery. It seemed like an easy fix in my head. To be honest, I thought about doing it for about 30 minutes, and just wasn’t interested. And I figured being as young as I was, that they wouldn’t approve it for me (which they hadn’t at that time, approved this procedure for young teens). It seemed scary and invasive, so RNY was an awesome tool for WL, but it wasn’t for me. A few years later, my mom mentioned the lapband after seeing a few infomercials. At this time in my life I had accepted my size. I didn’t think anything was going to change. I had had at least one boyfriend so I knew men liked me as I was. I wasn’t an ugly person, so why couldn’t I be happy with the size God made me? I again brushed the lapband idea aside as well.
In 2008 I began working at my local hospital. As I’ve gotten older in life, my friends and family are starting to settle, and I still feel as though I haven’t done much. Like something has been hindering me this entire time. I found out that I have PCOS, which was likely due to my obesity. I started developing hair on my face (sideburns) and hair under my chin. I didn’t realize then that this is also attributed to obesity, I just pushed it off on our Cuban heritage. After getting health insurance, in what had been years without, I went to see a doctor for an annual and learned about all the things that were wrong with me. I’ve developed high blood pressure. Not to the extent of having to take meds, but I’m on the tipping point. My glucose levels have been testing high, which one doctor states may be causing my irregular periods and PCOS. So now I’ve been medicating that issue with Metformin…
As I get older I know my problems will only get worse if I don’t do something about them now. Both my parents and grandparents suffer from Adult onset Diabetes. Both my parents have high blood pressure, both are over weight, and my dad uses a BIPAP machine to sleep at night. I decided to change because I don’t want to live this way. I want to be able to have kids, and not worry about being too overweight to play and spend time with them. I feel as though I’m young enough still to correct this issue. I still have a life to live! My main issue with accepting that this is something that I WANT to do, is worrying about what my family, my friends, and my peers will think. I’ve already discussed loosing weight and I’ve had negative comments like, “you wouldn’t look good smaller”, which is mind blowing. I want to do something to better my health and you say “I wouldn’t look good?!”
I don’t want people to think I’m doing this for vanity reasons. Though it would be nice to say I went shopping in a store that I never thought I would or to be able to wear a bathing suit without shorts AND a tshirt on (LoL), but it’s not about how I look, because I know I’m pretty. It’s about how I FEEL! I feel fat, I feel overweight, I feel like my body is stopping me from doing the things I want to do. I’m a summer baby (Zodiac: Cancer), so I feel like I could be this active person, I already have a bubbly personality; I just need the body to go with it. So, my reason for doing this is my health, and my future children. I want to be there for them… HELL I just want to be around period! So I’m going to make this effort and hopefully everything will work out in the end.
Hello everyone! I am 3.5 months post op, 6cc in my 10cc band and down 50#'s. I am so happy about the weight loss. I have committed to going to the gym 4x a week and have only had a few weeks where I have fallen short since the first of the year. I had a fill last week and was taking it really easy with solids and doing well, really feeling a restriction and thinking aaaah, the green zone. But 2 nights ago I came home from the gym starving and had a few bites of a roast I had in the crockpot and have been in misery ever since. I slept in the recliner the first night, it was after 11pm before I got it clear or so I thought. Ugh! I had an early dentist apt the next morning so didnt eat or drink until around 10am and ate a smallish bite of banana while making a protein shake. It stuck. I spent the rest of the day tossing it up. Tried some water at bedtime but it didnt feel right. This morning drove to work and sipped on water on the way and did ok, but it was not just zooming thru. Managed a protein shake this morning over a couple of hours and for some unknown reason, thought i could eat some pureed soup at lunch. 4 bites and here I sit 3.5 hours later in misery still. Finally, I decided to call my Dr for advice but I cannot leave work till tomro at 4pm. I imagine he will unfill me a bit when I finally can get in. Until then, they adviseI have lost 7# since last weeks fill but no way would I want to repeat the last few days.
I am diappointed b/c I thought I had finally found a level of restriction where I could actually feel full and be unable to cheat. Here's hoping that I will get back to that sweet spot after I am over this current disaster.
Thanks for listening
My journey...
My weight loss...
My weight gain...
My progress....
My thoughts...
My feelings...
My prayers...
My beliefs...
My faith...
Noticing a trend here? My and by my I mean Me. This is the best thing I've ever done for myself. My journey is not yours, nor is yours mine. I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm here to encourage and uplift by my blogs, thoughts and comments. Spread love and encourage nothing else.
I see/hear some comments and receive some that just leaving me with a blank look on my face and going *blink...blink*, your issues are not mine, feel free to share and comment but be careful to not try to PUSH/DUMP/UNLOAD your issues or feelings on me or anyone else, I wonder when some of you will stop trying to find yourself in others and find yourself within. That's when this REALLY works, when anything YOU really wants to do works. Whether it's weightloss, business, or something else. You have to find it within YOURSELF to do it, just as I have to find it within MYSELF to do it. We should all want those around us to be our very best, and we should encourage them and love on them until they reach it. Just my two cents.
For some bandsters this may sound like the silliest thing you have ever heard, but this is my story. I had a fill about 31/2 weeks ago, and I am finally at 5cc's in my band. I think I am very sensitive to fills because I have experienced 2 overfills in the past. This last time I was very careful to follow the post fill diet and eat small bites and chew very well. Ooooh okay, I could really tell my restriction was there but on a good day I could eat a decent meal. Well around the second week I could only eat maybe 4oz at a time. Don't get me wrong because I can hear someone saying- What's your problem? I really don't have a problem but the fat girl inside of me is unable to eat a third of my small meals. I find myself trying to constantly over eat. Honestly, I have prayed for this day and its here! I thought about asking my Doctor to take just a little out, but that is a crazy thing to do.
There are some days, I am only able to eat once per day and mentally I am having a hard time handling that! I have to be so careful about the first couple of food choices I eat because I may not be able to eat anything after that. Lately, my energy level is very low because of my low calorie intake. Yes, I do my vitamins but it's also hard for me to do my protein shakes due to feeling full so quickly. I do know some people will kill to be in my situation and Lord it's an experience like none I have ever gone through! From my last fill until now my fat mass has gone from 106 to 79 is that crazy or what.
My whole life my mother have always taught me to be careful for what I ask God for, because he just may give it too me! I am going to have to learn to have more self control and remember why I am doing all of this! Physically, I can eat one okay meal a day and not have a need for food for the rest of the day. However, my mind continues to tell me I need food when there is no actually hungry present. I feel like I am missing something but I know I everything is fine. The FAT girl in me is trying so hard to wreck my success! I have faith and will power to put her in check and keep this train moving.
No one knows I'm doing this. It's funny, even though I don't qualify for regular insurance and even though I'm clearly obese no one would suspect that I, the quietly growing mushroom in the corner, would one day get on a flight to Mexico to have my stomach cut out. Maybe this is common for wealthy or extremely confident people. I read all the time about movie stars and other sparkly people jetting off to Rome or Cancun -- or what is it these days? Cabo San Lucas with only a bikini and a couple of syringes in a Prada bag but for me this is one gutsy, desperate, expensive, slightly terrifying thing I'm doing.
I am not a good flyer. I am a bad flyer. When I get on an airplane I instantly begin to calculate the strength and the agility of the people around me to gauge whether they would be saveable or not if we rocketed into the ocean and it was up to me to get their infirm asses up to the surface and home to their yorkie, Funyons. I usually drink a lot on a flight but this will not be allowed eleven days from now because, as I mentioned, I will be having my stomach cut out the next day.
I was just reading an article in the New York Times about the search for an incisionless solution to obesity. They're not having much luck. The fact is that even though twenty percent of people in the US would qualify for surgery, a number that's growing each year, no one's got much more of an answer than to cut your stomach out. I used to think there was some kind of special thing I was not personally doing and once I discovered it I would find myself in an instant size eight, but now I don't think so. I think consumer culture is trying to kill us. The problem is that as food gets cheaper to produce and there are more people on the planet, the quality of it all tanks. There are these places in the US called food deserts where you can't find a leaf of lettuce to save your life but Little Debbie, Hostess and Aunt Jemina are smiling from every shelf like spokesmodels for the apocalypse.
I'm five ten and I weigh about 280. Seven years ago I went on the Atkins diet and lost all the weight: I zipped around in teen section jeans from Target and fell in love with a guy who didn't understand what it was taking me, what it had taken me to get to that point. He was a food nazi and a semi-vegetarian and he kept telling me everything I did was "unhealthy". I would work out an hour and a half a day, he told me I wasn't doing enough cardio. He would actually get redfaced over this stuff. His thing was, he was born naturally thin and he really paid very little attention to what he was supposed to be doing or eating, because being naturally thin, he was naturally healthy. I had to work at it. So he would go to work and graze from the Estrogen Bar set out by the office ladies and then come home and want to go out to eat. He loved restaurants.I would have to diet like crazy to keep up with this, and it finally got to the point where I would go off by myself, binge for a couple weeks, then spend the next couple weeks starving myself, and then reappear again, thin as ever.
By the time we broke up I weighed about 240, up from a very happy 150 when we first met. During the breakup process, I put on forty more pounds. It was easy, it was instanteous. So for a while I gave up on the whole thing. I mean, how much heartbreak do you need to pack into an issue before you just check out and go for the pasta? I just kept buying bigger and bigger clothes. I didn't care, no one was ever going to love me again and I was now over 40. If I lived in the old country I could put on black robes and a veil and make everybody in the village dumplings every day.
And then I realized something kind of odd. The reason we really broke up was because I was too fat for him already, when we met. I wasn't perfect then. I was a blank, doofus of an in-love slate to be improved upon, screamed and tantrummed at and *nothing* in the world would ever make me loveable enough for him. You really have to ask yourself in these moments if you want to live or die, because I had been almost intentionally, systematically destroying myself for a couple of years.
But I didn't have the heart for another diet. Atkins wasn't working the way it had for one thing and my life and my body had changed in the past seven years. I had started smoking again. Seven years ago people were saying my god you're so thin how are you doing this you look like a different person just beautiful where is the rest of you? I'm ashamed I'm all the way back where I was then. I don't like to go out where people can see me and compare my old self to my new self. I hate the whole thing. For a while I just decided to be fat. I would walk around asking myself, am I loveable this way? Am I really disqualified from society because of a hundred pounds?
It's still a good question, right?
Then for a while I tried to do a Geneen Roth thing and "just eat normally". The problem is, for me, eating normally means I gain forty pounds in six months.
It would take a year to get back there if I got there at all. I need help, that's just all there is to it. I am not going to count, measure, starve, obsess, and do all that, live on the edge of anxiety all the time worried that I'll somehow destroy my life if i have a piece of cake, only to gain it *all* back anyway in a moment of weakness. There has to be a better way. I really hope this is the way. I'm so sick of this now. It's enough already.
Yes it has been a while since I visited and blogged on the site. With the help of the band and will power along with good choices I am down 60 pounds in 6 1/2 weeks post op!!! I had my first fill last week (1 1/2 cc's) but didn't make much of a difference so my Doctor wants to see me nxt week to add more to the band. I think it is because I had 2 1/2 cc's taken out during my complications in the hospital. I will say that even though the band is not as tight as it should be right now...I am rarely ever STARVING...The most amazing thing about the weight loss is that I barely exercised but I start today... I coach H S tennis so I plan to get in a good tennis workout... A sport I love and now with my wqeight loss I could move around much better on the court...Very Exciting !!
GOOD LUCK TO ALL PRE AND POST BANDSTER...I HAD SOME DOUBT COMING IN TO THIS JOURNEY BUT DAY BY DAY IT CAN BE DONE AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A WAYS TO GO...I COULD SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL...
Peace
So, here i am the morning after surgery. It's early, only 1am, but I am having a bit of a hard time sleeping. I doze for a while, but it's hard to get good rest. And I can't even blame the nurses, they are great and really don't bug me, but this guy across the hall has been moaning and yelling for "someone, come on!" for hours now. He was so mad they wouldn't let him go to the bathroom, even though they told him over 10 times he has a catheter!! I have been doing really good, just some soreness, but sipping my ice chips, walking, peeing, breathing into my little spirometer, wearing my foot cuffs and and my oxygen. I do not have to push my PCA for morphine near as often as I thought I would need to. I have the ability every 6 minutes, but I would honestly say I only need it and push it about every 30 minutes. But I can feel some more soreness creeping up and itching glued suture sites.
I am all alone since my husband has to work today and we live in another city other then my surgery, but I don't really mind. I did have an OMG moment about an hour post recovery room with my husband, asking him why the hell I just cut out 85% of my stomach. But I laughed it off because I know exactly what I did, why I did, and that there is no going back, but that's ok cause I don't wanna go back anyway. It was just surreal it had actually just happened though. It all went fast after my one and only seminar meeting on Jan 5th, 2011, but I have been wanting this for years so it just kind of hit me in a good way that I had actually succeeded in this goal and journey. Now, I know the journey has just begun, but know I feel I have every tool I need to make. So, that being said, I cannot be more grateful for such an online community like this and all the support. I hope one day I can help support other's who are facing this challenge.
That's all before I start slurring my typing, and making even less sense then I normally do. It's almost 2am and I have my leak test around 8 or 9, so time to grab some needed shut eye. Congrats to all you March 16th sleevers today! I am excited for us!!
Oh, btw, I lost 12 pounds on my pre-op diet, and Doctor said my liver and all looked great! So all that worry for nothing!! But encouragement to any on there pre-op, stick to it!! You'll feel better that you did, results WILL occur and your surgeon will be happy!
March 15, 2011
So I spent my ENTIRE day at the hospital getting all the last minute things crossed off my list.
First I had a consult with my Surgeon. He was very nice and to my surprise I felt quite comfortable talking to him and asking my questions this time around. I was weighed, then brought to the exam room. He leafed through a binder on me and told me all my test results look normal. (EKG, Chest x-ray, endless bloodwork, etc) He very briefly described the surgery then had me lie down and lift my shirt so he could show me where the incision, camera, and stiches would go. I asked where the drain would be and he told me he doesn't insert one, and that its not medically neccessary! The man has an incredible reputation and I trust him completely but I was pretty surprised by this... every account I've ever heard involved a drain and a catheter. (Also not included in my surgery I was told!) The whole consult took about 20 minutes, with questions, and was pretty painless. I left feeling pretty good and went to another suite to wait for a nurses' educational seminar to begin.
The Nurses' class was basically just reading aloud of the booklets we received on whats going to happen when we arrive at the hospital, what we should expect when we wake up, a detailed diet plan for the first 6 months... all that good stuff. They said they implemented the class becuase people were taking the book, not reading it, and then not following directions or calling the office a million times. They actually made me a little scared to call with questions because they said it drives them crazy and they are just going to tell us to open our book to page...whatever... to find the answer. All told, I chose this office becuase its such a great program, but the customer service has a lot of room for improvement... The best part about the class was that I met two other women who are getting ready to get sleeved in the next few weeks, as well. Im sold on attending the support group at the hospital, the gals made it sound REALLY helpful.
After the class I had to scoot around to another building for my PAT - Pre-Admission Testing. A rep in the business office went over my paperwork, took my down payment, and filled out my financing application. She shared with me that her best friend (age 51) was a patient of my surgeon and got the sleeve 2 years ago and 'looks and feels like she's 16 again'. I took it as a good sign. Next I met a registration nurse who asked me a lot of questions about my medical history, went over my lab results again, drew blood for a type-cross-match (just in case I need an infusion) and had me sign some consent forms. It was a little creepy filling out advanced directives but I know its in the unlikely event I need it so... I put on my big girl pants and did it. She also shared that she was a former patient of my surgeon and had gotten the bypass 10 years ago. She showed me pictures of herself on her desk and I would NEVER have believed it was her! She also disproved my fear that people who've gone through WLS seem to age a lot in the face. She looked beautiful and I'd never have even known she had surgery. I guess I've just known a few who did...
Anywho, after that came the meeting of the surgical nurses and Anesthesiologist, more questions, more reviewing of lab tests. Make sure ALL your lab work is done before your pre-op consult because they will want to review every little thing 2-3 times atleast. I guess its good to be thorough though! The Anesthesiologist was in disbelief that I've never had surgery before and even made me show her my tonsils to prove they hadn't been taken out when I was a kid. She seemed a little worried that I have no history to suggest I will or won't have a bad reaction to the anesthesia... but everyone has to have a first surgery right? Im a little worried about that myself. All the consent forms listing all the terrible-things-that-could-happen-if-something-goes-wrong are a little overwhelming. I was at the hospital , in all, about 6 hours but now everything is done and the I have my booklets to read, items to go shopping for, and a time and date to show up for surgery!
6 days and counting!
I went to my Dr. appt. today. I lost 10 lbs. this month for a total of 40 lbs. Yeh! I also got 1/4 cc of a fill. Total fill of 5 1/4 cc in a 10 cc band. I don't feel any restriction yet though. That is really weird. I tried for the second time to get off of the Lyrica for my fibromyalgia since it causes wt. gain, but I had to get back on the med as the pain was just too unbearable. Why does life have to be so difficult some times? Oh well - I am happy about the lost wt. Have a wonderful day!
Well technically I do not have a black eye but it is more of way of saying I keep beating myself up. If you have read my blogs/post before, you know I have to maintain or gain (maybe 5lbs) to make BMI for insurance approval. My weight fluctuates on a daily basis, which is disheartening. Last night the insurance coordinator asked me my weight again and I felt so bad when she said you need to make BMI. I know ..Why is it that my whole life I have gained, gained, gained and now when I need to gain – it is so hard? I actually feel guilty about eating like there is no tomorrow. Ugh. Who would have thought gaining weight on purpose would suck so much?
The dark truth: I ate alone in a Wal-Greens parking lot last night. As I slurped up my noodles in fettuccini sauce, I felt this deep sense of embarrassment. I looked around for parking lot cameras. I hid every bite from cars that parked beside me in fear they would see this fat girl eating alone in her car. Here I am stuffing my face in private because I didn’t have time to go home and eat dinner before my seminar. I really felt like a loser… a lonely, fat loser. I could have gotten a child size meal and been full, but I had to get a full size meal with extra sauce. This is how I got here in the first place. This is a series of bad choices, bad eating habits and even worse eater’s remorse which ultimately leads to more pigging out. Food was my friend and is now quickly becoming my enemy.
I am starting to resent food. This might be great for when I finally get my surgery – but what if – oh that darn what if – what if I don’t get approved? I will have gained this weight for nothing? I so want to just drink one of my protein shakes and be done with lunch. Yet here I sit knowing if I drink it I will be full, eat nothing else and end up in the restroom losing 5 lbs LOL. Ok TMI .. sorry.
To make things worse, I look in the mirror and absolutely hate this new heavier me. Not that I am that much heavier than I was last week, but 5lbs really weighs on you. I feel like a monster. My clothes look ill-fitted, I see rolls I didn’t notice before and I just feel like poo. I suppose I should just suck it up and wait out the month to see if I am approved. I am not trying to gain anymore weight after today. I will rely on my current weight and clothing to make BMI. We shall see. I just can’t force down anymore crap food and expect to feel “good”. I hate this feeling – like dragging @ss… not cool.
Ok two black eyes… I know.
Week 7 was pretty good! I had a cold that ripped me off of my schedule for cardio but I got two days in before I left for a week in Toronto. I walked allot to see the sights and make it to the different restaraunts that were reserved for us. I still didnt make the greatest choices though! We ate out every night and had pastries and chinese buffets offered in the conference. I knew it wouldnt be good so Sparms Bestie and I picked up a few groceries for the hotel room to be prepared. We had oatmeal and blueberries with soymilk every morning and packed snacks of protien bars and cheese sticks for snacks. There was plenty of herbal tea available too. I did make some terrible dinner choices (not unlike these deepfried pickles) and did cave to a few of the snackies offered. I also discovered something that doesnt sit well with me anymore. POPCORN. I have never been sick at all since surgery. I have not had any reactions to any food or drink... nothing yet. I guess there is always a first. My stomach felt as though it was in knots. Something I dont intend to relive! Goodbye popcorn!
The Pickles = AMAZING! Snooki knows her deepfry!I
I did make SOME terrible dinner choices but ate at least half of what I normally would at almost all meals. We also did a ton of walking around the city to see the sights and took advantage of the pool a few nights too!
Then, the worst of it - the booze. The days were so stressful and the nights so amped by the excitement of being with all of the staff from accross Canada... that I did ingest copious amounts of liquor.
That being said - I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! I missed weigh in last week and was pleasantly surprised to discover a milestone in 200lbs on the scale this morning. I can live with that!
I am now in Newfoundland for a week. I am sitting in the warmest, welcoming home that I have ever been in and having my mind unreel from an exhausting and exciting work week in Toronto. I have no motivation. I think I left it in Toronto. I am exhausted but at the same time, feel that my time here is limited and I dont want to miss anything. Walking here is natural, not forced so I am optimistic that I will kick it up a notch or 4 tomorrow. Maybe a hike up signal hill!
I have to remind myself that it doesnt always have to be all or nothing! I struggle with this allot and find it easiest to explain in food terms. Sheesh, whoda thunk it!? lol/
If I am eating a bag of chips and get halfway through, I always say to myself, "you ate half of it already Jen, might as well finish the whole thing." In terms of getting off of my schedule, I tell myself, "you already missed 2 days this week Jen, just start again Monday."
This is the type of thinking that slid me so easily in to my 262lb body. Despite my faltering from the schedule, I am still doing just fine and it is only within myself that I will find the motivation to keep it all going.
Hoping that you all find your motivation,
I've decided to speak with someone regarding food addiction. Even though I am banded I notice something about myself. I still have cravings more so psychologically. I need to get that balanced. I will be going to AA meetings because (FA-Food Addicts) goes by the AA book. I have to get a better hold and control of my mental state. Sometimes it could be the slightest emotion than I wanna eat something for whatever reason. I'll keep you posted.
But on a brighter note: I was at the gym today and ladies imagine this 6'3, 245 solid. chocolate (R.Kelly look-a-like). and today he tells me his name. Ladies what to do. Will keep you posted. That definately brightened my day.
Here is a real interesting article about carbs:
http://www.marksdail...rate-continuum/
I was looking for a threshold of what constitutes "low carb". I am usually teetering around 100g. I was never scared of carbs, but I guess since it seems to work for others, maybe I should try it. But then, I just hate the thought of trying to figure out good carbs, bad carbs in my log. I mean, an orange has 20g of carbs, and I don't want to fear those - how do I split that in MFP.
Anyway, I found the below really interesting, here is part of the article that I'd like to share. From that, I will really try to stay between 50 and 100g:
300 or more grams/day - Danger Zone!
Easy to reach with the “normal” American diet (cereals, pasta, rice, bread, waffles, pancakes, muffins, soft drinks, packaged snacks, sweets, desserts). High risk of excess fat storage, inflammation, increased disease markers including Metabolic Syndrome or diabetes. Sharp reduction of grains and other processed carbs is critical unless you are on the “chronic cardio” treadmill (which has its own major drawbacks).
150-300 grams/day – Steady, Insidious Weight Gain
Continued higher insulin-stimulating effect prevents efficient fat burning and contributes to widespread chronic disease conditions. This range – irresponsibly recommended by the USDA and other diet authorities – can lead to the statistical US average gain of 1.5 pounds of fat per year for forty years.
100-150 grams/day – Primal Blueprint Maintenance Range
This range based on body weight and activity level. When combined with Primal exercises, allows for genetically optimal fat burning and muscle development. Range derived from Grok’s (ancestors’) example of enjoying abundant vegetables and fruits and avoiding grains and sugars.
50-100 grams/day – Primal Sweet Spot for Effortless Weight Loss
Minimizes insulin production and ramps up fat metabolism. By meeting average daily protein requirements (.7 – 1 gram per pound of lean bodyweight formula), eating nutritious vegetables and fruits (easy to stay in 50-100 gram range, even with generous servings), and staying satisfied with delicious high fat foods (meat, fish, eggs, nuts, seeds), you can lose one to two pounds of body fat per week and then keep it off forever by eating in the maintenance range.
0-50 grams/day – Ketosis and Accelerated Fat Burning
Acceptable for a day or two of Intermittent Fasting towards aggressive weight loss efforts, provided adequate protein, fat and supplements are consumed otherwise. May be ideal for many diabetics. Not necessarily recommended as a long-term practice for otherwise healthy people due to resultant deprivation of high nutrient value vegetables and fruits.
Source: How many carbs should I eat?
I got the bright idea to change my my work out and go the whole muscle confusion route. I am starting P90X today. I will probably be wheezing like Fatty McGee before it's all over but I'm gonna try my best to do it. I'm pretty sure it should be called 90 days of pure torture. lol Maybe that's what the X stand for!?!!?
Woke up sunday morning with a sore throat/head cold. Woke up this morning dry heaving and feeling like a bus ran me over. I called the surgeons office to let them know how I'm feeling and I was told to take some gravel and if the nausea doesn't go away that I need to come to the hospital. Im feeling alright now but still kinda scared. The last thing I need right now is a leak. Other than not feeling great I'm doing ok. I'm getting in most of my protein, I'm supposed to get 60-80g a day and I'm getting in at least 55g a day. My weight is steadily going down, today I weighed in at 258. Even with the complications I had, this was the best decision I've ever made.
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
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