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just because
 

only 7 days to go!

Went to my pcp and got my physical and all is well, i see dr. hung on Wednesday and then surgery on the 1st. Since being on this website i have learned that one thing is for sure, we all are different and each doctor has his own set of rules....some of the things that are in here my doctor is against, acutally most of it is, when i tell him i was on here when i see him wednesday he will probably mess his pants, i have alot of ?'s (thanks to all of you!) and maybe we can sit and discuss these. I am not nervous, I am excited, I am willing to do this to my body to save my life and hopefully live with less pain. Onwards and upwards!
Lori Jo

Lori Jo

4
DebDUtah's Blog
 

Hurry up and wait!

Well here I am in that perverbal holding pattern with nothing to do but wait. I have sent all my medical records to my surgeon, which the financial person has gotten, but has not reviewed. I have requested my clearance letter from my primary care physician, but they have not sent it yet. Ok so I have done all I can do and now I have to wait. I am not a good person when it comes to waiting. I get antsy, nervous and downright aggrivated when it comes to waiting. So I try to occupy my time otherwise, but everything comes back to me and wanting and more importantly needing this tool to get my life back on track.   I have even gone as far as cleaning out my closet of the clothes that I refuse to wear again. I have researched vitamins, gyms, protein and even the adverse side effects of the surgery. I do not know what to do with my time. Luckily I have my work and my family which keeps me busy but I keep thinking about all the things I want to do.   I am going to say, I have run across a lot of people who seem to think that this surgery is the magical solution to their weight loss. Those that sabotage their surgery by eating sold foods as soon as a week out of surgery. The ones who are upset that they are not losing more than 5-6 lbs a week. I don't know about you but that is amazing that is over 100 lbs in a year, it is almost unheard of outside of weight loss surgery or extreme exercise like Biggest Loser. I am trying not to lose touch with reality and know that I may not lose fast, or I may be slower than the biggest success story, but know I want it to be me who is the one who excels losing, like everyone else.   I am afraid and I worry, the more I wait the more this worry and fear compounds. So I have to make myself focus, I have to not lose sight in the fact that it is a long road I have ahead of me and there will be waiting along the way. I want this surgery to happen now, and yes I am having a temper tantrum in case you were wondering.   I want this part of my journey to start but since I cannot determine the pace or the way in which it happens, then I will wait, I will try and be patient, They say patience is a virtue......well it happens to be a virtue I do not possess.
DebDUtah

DebDUtah

1
atPeace55's Blog
 

Kick Ass April - Fitness Challenge! Who's In?

I've been doing these challenges with friends on FB since the new year and I gotta say it's been a blast and so much fun to do with folks in your area or on social networks we encourage each other and keep each other accountable! Who's interested is joining in on the fun with me?!
atPeace55

atPeace55

23
ladybabie3's Blog
 

Omg it's that time again.

Well it's that time again and today I'm really not felling it. I'm tired and sluggish and I have to see my personal trainer today. I really need motivation to see him today cause what I really want to do is go home and go to bed. So what to do. Today Is not a good day.
ladybabie3

ladybabie3

1
Magic Mini Mushroom
 

Reality Check

I really need to learn to do these often. I am the Queen of Unrealistic Expectations. I'm a smart girl, so I know and understand that 1-2 lbs per weeks is the average and is considered by my doctor and the entire bariatric surgery community to be good weight loss, but that somehow does not stop me from being disappointed when I don't lose more. So what do I do? I need to give myself a reality check.   While I was moping about "only" losing 1.6 lbs this week after entering my progress into MFP, my eye caught on the list at the bottom of the screen of previous losses. That told the tale of how I lost weight during the first few months after surgery, before I got frustrated at not finding the green zone and gave up on my band. Before I regained about half of what I lost. And what did I see there? I had lost 25 lbs in less than 3 months. That was FANTASTIC! Maybe if I had focused on that accomplishment instead of becoming impatient and whiney over what I wanted to lose, I wouldn't have cheated myself out of all those months of real progress.   Lesson learned. From now on, when I start to get impatient and frustrated and to compare myself to others who seem to be losing soooooo much faster, I'm going to remember to give myself a reality check. I'm not running a race, I'm changing my life. It WILL happen, as long as I keep working. So that is exactly what I will do.
morelgirl

morelgirl

2
atPeace55's Blog
 

Dietary Guidelines After Bariatric Surgery

I found this information and I thought it was good to post for "New Post-OP Sleevers" and/or if some "Veteran Sleevers" out there would like to review or restart their Post-OP phase because maybe the hit a stall:            Dietary Guidelines After Bariatric Surgery       General Guidelines   Eat balanced meals with smaill portions.Keep a daily record of your food portions and of your calorie and protein intake.Eat slowly and chew small bites of food thoroughly.Avoid rice, bread, raw vegetables and fresh fruits, as well as meats that are not easily chewed, such as pork and steak. Ground meats are usually better tolerated.Do not use straws, drink carbonated beverages or chew ice. They can introduce air into your pouch and cause discomfort.Avoid sugar, sugar-containing foods and beverages, concentrated sweets and fruit juices.For the first two months following surgery, your calorie intake should be between 300 and 600 calories a day, with a focus on thin and thicker liquids.Daily caloric intake should not exceed 1,000 calories.                      Fluids   Drink extra water and low-calorie or calorie-free fluids between meals to avoid dehydration. All liquids should be caffeine-free. Sip about 1 cup of fluid between each small meal, six to eight times a day. We recommend drinking at least 2 liters (64 ounces or 8 cups) of fluids a day. You will gradually be able to meet this target. We strongly warn against drinking any alcoholic beverages. After surgery, alcohol is absorbed into your system much more quickly than before, making its sedative and mood-altering effects more difficult to predict and control.                       Protein Preserve muscle tissue by eating foods rich in protein. High-protein foods include eggs, meats, fish, seafood, tuna, poultry, soy milk, tofu, cottage cheese, yogurt and other milk products. Your goal should be a minimum of 65 to 75 grams of protein a day. Don't worry if you can't reach this goal in the first few months after surgery.                      Supplements You must take the following supplements on a daily basis to prevent nutrient deficiencies. Please remember that all pills must be crushed or cut into six to eight small pieces. You are not able to absorb whole pills as well as before surgery, and it can be difficult for the pills to pass through your new anatomy.                      Multivitamins Take a high-potency daily chewable multivitamin and mineral supplement that contains a minimum of 18 mg of iron, 400 mcg of folic acid, selenium, copper and zinc. Brands that contain this formula include Trader Joe’s and Centrum Adult chewable multivitamins. Take two tablets daily for at least three months after your surgery, and then one tablet daily for life.                      Calcium Supplement Take 1,200 to 2,000 mg of calcium daily to prevent calcium deficiency and bone disease. To enhance absorption, take the calcium in two to three divided doses throughout the day - for example, a 500 to 600 mg supplement taken three times a day. Calcium citrate is the preferred form of calcium.                      Vitamin D Supplement Take a total of 800 to 1,000 International Units (IUs) of vitamin D each day. This total amount should be taken in divided doses of 400 to 500 IUs twice a day. Vitamin D should be taken with your calcium supplement. If you prefer, you can take a combination calcium-vitamin D supplement to avoid taking multiple pills, so long as it contains the proper dosages.                      Vitamin B12 Supplement Take 500 mcg of vitamin B daily. It can be taken as a tablet, or in sublingual forms placed under the tongue.                      Other Supplements Some patients need additional folic acid or iron supplements, particularly women who are still menstruating. Your dietitian will discuss this with you.                      Diet Progression After Bariatric Surgery Immediately following surgery, you will begin with a clear liquid diet. You may gradually start adding thicker liquids to your diet after you are discharged from the hospital. Two weeks following surgery, you may progress to blended and puréed foods. You may use high-protein (more than 20 grams protein), low-calorie (less than 200 calories) liquid supplement drinks or powders to meet your protein requirements during this period. It is important to know that following surgery, your stomach size is very small - less than 1/4 cup, or about the size of an egg. The opening that allows food to pass out of your stomach is also very narrow. For this reason, it is important to take only two to three sips or bites at a time of any new food and then wait 10 minutes before taking more. This will help you learn your limits and tolerance. Liquids will empty faster from your stomach than soft solids. If you overeat or eat too quickly, you may experience nausea or pain. You should avoid rich, creamy liquids such as gravies, sauces and ice creams.                                        Diet for the First Two Weeks Post-Surgery You will begin adding thicker liquids that are high in protein and low in fat and sugar. (For examples, see the list below.) You may use high-protein, low-calorie liquid supplement drinks or powders to meet your protein requirements during this period. The goal is to consume small portions that will empty easily from your pouch. Begin with 1 tablespoon portion sizes and increase to 2 tablespoons as tolerated. Begin drinking 1/4 cup of liquid at a time and increase to a 1/2 cup as tolerated. Your daily caloric intake should not exceed 400 calories. It is also very important to stay well hydrated. Drink 1 to 1.5 liters of water or other non-caloric liquids per day.     Recommended thicker liquids:   Nonfat or 1% milk, if you can tolerate milk Lactose-free or soy-based low-calorie drinks Sugar-free pudding Sugar-free, nonfat yogurt Low-fat cottage cheese Blended broth-based soup or other low-fat soups Refined hot cereals that are low in fiber, such as cream of rice or cream of wheat. Make them with extra liquid to create a soup-like consistency. Do not eat oatmeal. Optional high-protein, low-calorie liquid supplement drinks (drinks containing less than 200 calories and more than 20 grams of protein in an 8- to 11-ounce serving).   To increase your protein intake, add 2 tablespoons non-fat dry milk powder, egg substitute or powered egg, or other protein powder to each 1/2 cup of nonfat or low-fat milk. You can also add these to soups, hot cereal and other thick liquids. Remember to drink 1 cup of water or other non-caloric fluids between meals. Take a multivitamin supplement every day.                     Diet for Weeks Two to Four Post-Surgery Begin adding very small portions of puréed and soft foods as tolerated. Take very small bites and chew everything very well. Do not take more than two bites every 20 minutes when adding a new food. Recommended puréed and soft foods:   Applesauce Yogurt Cottage cheese Well-cooked, puréed vegetables Hot cereals Mashed potatoes Noodles Scrambled egg whites or egg substitute Canned fruits Canned tuna fish Lean fish Tofu Lean ground meats or poultry   Avoid all bread and meats that are not easily chewed.                     Recommended Meal Plan For Weeks Two to Eight Until Two Months Post-Surgery At this time, your caloric intake will probably be no more than 500 calories a day, divided into six to eight small meals. Recommended portion sizes are 1/4 cup for solids and 1/2 cup for liquids. Sample Menu This sample menu includes different foods that are safe for you to eat. You may adjust the menu to fit your tastes and tolerance. Breakfast 1/4 cup hot cereal made with non-fat milk Mid-Morning 1/2 cup nonfat milk* Late Morning Two scrambled egg whites Lunch 1/2 cup low-fat chicken noodle soup Mid-Afternoon 1/4 cup low-fat cottage cheese Late Afternoon 1/4 cup sugar-free, nonfat yogurt Dinner 2 ounces lean ground meat 1/4 cup puréed or well-cooked vegetables Bedtime Snack 1/4 cup non-fat milk * Add 1 tablespoon non-fat dry milk powder to each 1/4 cup nonfat milk for additional protein. Remember to drink 1 cup of water or other non-caloric fluids between meals. It is important to take a multivitamin and mineral supplement every day, plus additional iron if required, and calcium and vitamin D supplements two to three times per day.                     Recommended Meal Plan for Two to Six Months Post-Surgery Consume 900 to 1,000 calories and at least 65 to 75 grams of protein a day. For balanced nutrient intake, your daily servings should include:   3 servings milk and dairy products (nonfat and low-fat) 3 servings meat or meat alternative (lean and low-fat) 3 servings starch (limit bread and rice) 1 serving fruit (avoid dried fruits and fruits with skin) 2 servings vegetable (well-cooked only)   Recommended portion sizes are 1/4 cup for solids and 1/2 cup for liquids. Discontinue taking high-protein liquid supplement drinks or powders if possible. We recommend meeting your protein needs with food. Sample Menu This sample menu includes different foods that are safe for you to eat. You may adjust the menu to fit your tastes and tolerance. Breakfast 1 egg or 1/4 cup egg substitute 1/2 cup hot cereal Mid-Morning 1/2 cup nonfat milk Late Morning 1/2 cup chopped melon Lunch 1/2 cup low-fat chicken noodle soup Two Saltine crackers Mid-Afternoon 1/4 cup low-fat cottage cheese 1/4 cup canned fruit packed in water or juice Late Afternoon 1/2 cup sugar-free, nonfat yogurt Dinner 2 ounces lean meat or fish 1/4 cup mashed potatoes 1/4 cup pureed or well-cooked vegetables Bedtime Snack 1/2 cup nonfat milk The sample menu offers eight small meals per day. You may wish to eat more or less often, but be sure to eat at least six times each day. Remember to drink 1 cup of water or other non-caloric fluid between meals. It is important to take a multivitamin and mineral supplement daily, plus additional iron if required. In addition, you must take calcium and vitamin D supplements two to three times per day.                     Recommended Meal Plan for Six Months Post-Surgery and Beyond Continue consuming 900 to 1,000 calories per day Decrease to three meals and only one to two snacks per day Discontinue taking high-protein liquid supplement drinks Increase the variety of low-fat, low-sugar and low-calorie foods, as tolerated Avoid raw vegetables, fresh fruits with skins, dried fruits, breads, popcorn, nuts and red meats only if poorly tolerated                     Long-term Dietary Guidelines Over time, you will be able to increase the variety and consistency of foods in your diet. Some foods may continue to be poorly tolerated, including red meats, chicken, breads, and high-fiber fruits and vegetables. Focus on low-fat, low-sugar and low-calorie foods and continue to count your calories every day. Try to meet your serving goals for all food groups based on the 900 to 1,000 calories diet plan described above. To stay well hydrated, drink at least 2 liters of water or non-caloric fluids daily, unless this is contraindicated due to a medical condition.              
atPeace55

atPeace55

0
Kime-lou's Blog
 

190's

Last Friday was my 9 month anniversary with my band. My journey began last year about this time with the seminar and me trying to figure out if I was ready to make this step. I quickly decided that the band was best for me and began jumping through all the hoops to make it happen.   June 22,2012 was surgery day at 244 lbs!! The surgery went great and the following months were great. It seemed I was loosing between 5-7 lbs a month. In Dec. 2012 I was finally below the 200lb mark, my first big goal hit in 6 months.   3 months later and I am still sitting in the 190's and getting frustrated. I have toned some, which has gotten me in a size 14 summer clothes, which feels nice. Yet, I still keep jumping around in the 190's. Two weeks ago I saw the 190's for the first time, then it bounced right back up to 194. I saw it again last weekend, then boom back up to 193's where I was last week, yesterday 191, today back up 192.5.   My doctor says all this is normal. Plateaus are expected and we just have to keep moving to break them, it will just take time.   The only health issue that had begun to creep up on me before surgery was my blood pressure. Which has nicely come down and is now perfect. All other labs are perfect. I wear a size 14. Yet, I still want more.   I slide on my 14 shorts and my large T-shirt and I still see the big girl in the mirror. I know I am smaller, but I want more. My BMI still has me well into the obese range. I have to lose 30 more lbs to be in "just" the over weight zone. While the 1st 50 lbs came off realively easy, apparently the next 50 are going to come only by a tooth and nail fight.   I have spend the weekend being introspective, looking at myself and what I do and don't do. I must find a balance in my life that will get me to my goal and keep me there. I am not a lover of exercise, I'm just not. But, I do need to find more ways in my life to move more, which I have, but now I need to step it up even more.   I had been pretty much eating much of the same things as pre surgery (I was never as much an unhealthy eater as I was a big eater). Now, I think I must start looking at things that I can cut from my diet, such as cutting, at least, back on carbs. I do try and stick with healthy carbs, but hopefully my triming even those down I can get these next few lbs off.   This coming week will be a big test for me. The hubs and I are headed of to Disney for a week vacation. We both need a break from our jobs and in general life. While I am looking forward to the experience I know there will be a lot of food challenges. My doctor told me to try and not stress to much about it, that I would be burning a lot of calories moving around the parks and I would need more calories than normal. She said to remember to keep portion sizes low, make good choices and have fun.   I am hoping that the extra movement, the destressing and the trying to eat healthy will help slide me out of the 190's. I've spend 3 month's here and I am ready to leave.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
Rena's Ragdolls' Blog
 

Start of the journey

This week I'll have my first consultation with my weight loss surgeon, Dr. Wes Turton. Like most of us, I've struggled with weight for most of my life. The older I get it seems the faster the weight comes on, probably due to the fact that I'm exercising less and less. When I hit menopause, the gains seemed to go into overdrive. I don't recognize myself.   I haven't always been morbidly obese. In fact, I was in the Army and most of the time I was within body fat limits. I was never able to meet the limits just by weight only, but always had to do the "Pinch Test" with calipers. In my minds eye, I still weigh around 150, and although I'm around 235 now at 5'4" tall, I still see myself as not that fat.   I feel guilty about the fact that I can't lose this weight on my own. I've tried Nutrasystem, Weight Watchers, Adkins, and even used medically supervised prescriptions such as pentermine and Ionamine. All the results were short lived, and I quickly put back on the weight plus more. Still, I feel that weight loss surgery must be for people much heavier than me. Of course, that doesn't make sense at all.   At this point, I look forward to getting this "tool" to help me with my weight loss. Even though I feel embarrassed at having to resort to this, I need to do it for my health. I'm pre-diabetic, have high cholesterol, low thyroid, and my knees are giving out. Diabetes runs heavily in my family and it is only a matter of time before I develop this devastating disease.   Wish me luck...I'm just getting started!
Rena's got this

Rena's got this

6
LovetheNewMe's Blog
 

The Obstacles of Life

I wish I could take credit for these words but I can't... I found them deep and thought provoking as I deal with life and try to remain positive. I hope you enjoy!     The Obstacles of Life by Bill Nelson   Life presents us with a wide array of opportunities. Life provides a great deal of enjoyment and happiness. Life teaches a variety of lessons And life brings its own set of challenges. There is probably nothing here you don't already know. But what about those days when everything that can possibly go wrong does. Those days when things just go that little bit left of center to the point of annoying the daylights out of you. Hopefully these types of days are very few and far between, but the reality is we have to deal with a day like this every now and then. What are some of the key obstacles of life and how do they have an ability to influence each other? Rather than try and cover every possible scenario and situation that could cause these days of frustration to come about, and then to grow and get worse, we are just going to focus on four areas: Four areas that as single entities can slow you down; and four areas that also have the ability to flow from one to another to create a decrease in momentum of quite significant proportions. These four obstacles of life are: o Fear o Worry o Anger o Doubt Let's first take a look at each one individually and then also see how they can lead from one to the other. 1. Fear Most of the time fear comes about because we believe that we are about to suffer, in some way or another, from what the future will bring The fear can sometimes be generated by fact, and at other times, by perception. But the bottom line is, we know how we feel when we are fearful. But how do we overcome this fear? Face your fears and overcome those fears. Sounds great in theory but is a lot harder in practical reality. Nevertheless, the concept is probably not far from the truth. A word of caution: if you are going to face your fears, just take your time and do it slowly and methodically. 2. Worry Life can somehow get us to worry about many different things. Some of us worry a lot and some of us have the ability not to get to worried about anything. But what is it that causes us to worry the most? Well we all know that there are a million answers to this question, but let me share this with you: our fear, or what has generated that fear, also can get us to worry. So the cycle gains momentum from one obstacle to the next. Fear can make us start to worry. 3. Anger Not sure about you, but I can get angry about some things that would not affect anyone else; while on the other hand, I don't get angered by things that I know drive others into uncontrollable tirades. A great many things can generate anger, such as situations, thoughts, people, failure and frustration. But sometimes anger is generated as a defense mechanism: a mechanism that is supposedly trying to help when we sometimes get spooked by other emotions, such as fear and worry. So now our cycle has three stages to it: Fear triggers worry Fear and worry can generate anger 4. Doubt Life continues to roll on, and as it does there can be many reasons why the element of doubt could be generated. o Doubt about our ability to be successful o Doubt about our ability to get the job done o Doubt about our ability to reach the levels to which we aspire o Doubt about what the future holds o Doubt about whether you can be a great Partner/Parent/Friend Once again, my doubts are (no doubt) different to your doubts. And our friend's doubts would be different again. So doubts can be generated by many different reasons, which are not necessarily right or wrong. But what about when our doubt is generated by our fear, worry, and anger? What happens then? Well what happens is we continue to add another negative element into our cycle of obstacles of life. Individually theses emotions can slow our progress through life. But start to see them together and they have the ability to apply the brakes to life and apply them hard. My message through all of this is to make sure that you are not your own worst enemy in this. Take care that you are not generating and perpetuating a cycle of emotions that will see your obstacles of life become stronger and longer. The Journey Continues     Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/584787
♥LovetheNewMe♥

♥LovetheNewMe♥

0
2BMeAgain007's Blog
 

not sure

posting a little late today.. today was interesting...it was the oddest feeling I couldn't tell if I was hungry or full? although I was able to eat a cup of applesauce and pudding..I also had a popsicle and a 1/4 cup of soup!.....Also I had pressure in my chest again hopefully tomorrow it will be better/ Other than I have ben feeling pretty great I'm excited about what is to come
2BMeAgain007

2BMeAgain007

0
just because
 

pre-op diet

I have alot on my plate...literally! My husband is in the end stage of CML (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia), my daughter is graduating in May, I have 2 sisters who are being investigated for perjury and oh yes, did i mention???? I am having the lap-band procedure on April 1, 2014. I am excited and have learned new things on this site, it sure is true that each situation is unique and not everyone is successful. I have been overweight all my life and i know that this is something that God has chosen for me. Have you ever had a friend that is overweight and you both decide to be weight loss buddies? Well, that happened to me last summer. Linda has been my childhood friend since I was 3. We did the Weight Watchers plan, we both were doing pretty well and then people noticed my weight loss but no one noticed hers, we were built different, me an upside down pear, her an apple. This brought great divide in our friendship, can you believe that this happened? Well I didnt either, it still amazes me and let me tell you what i did, i regained all my weight and let her get her get ahead of me in the pounds lost, it still didnt make any difference, afterall, I have a wonderful and loving husband, she had none, i have a beautiful daughter, she is childless, we have a new home and are blessed, she struggles, so the least i can do is throw her the weight loss bone,,,right? I have decided to get this surgery and Linda is no longer in my life, she married a man that wouldnt marry her while i was in her life, so i am heading into this alone. I come from a family of 8 girls and i am the next to the youngest. I can tell you that 7 of 8 of us are overweight to morbidly obese. It is funny that when one of us loses weight the other always tries to get us to eat, this will be different, and if any of you think it wont, please dont tell me, i will find out on my own, i will take your advice and run with it, i dont like negative thoughts...however i am in week 1 of my pre-op diet, i am down 9# but in the last two days the scale has been stuck, it is gonna be hard, but i hope this next 7 days will be finding me at least 5 pounds down, my surgery is on April 1 and it is just a lap band, no plication....i dont know what type of band it will be and i see that you all know and i will too. I am seeking friends who wont be jealous of my weight loss and i know that my sisters will see that i can no longer gorge myself like they can, i am gonna be honest, i looovveeee food, but now i need to care about my body so i can be there for my hubby. If you like this blog....stay tuned, if you want to encourage and lift me up....add me as your friend. Thanks for listening!!
Lori Jo

Lori Jo

2
Looking Forward
 

Detour from Weight Loss

It has been quite awhile since I checked in here. About three weeks after my WLS I started a bout of cluster headaches. I had not had cluster headaches for 18 years and not sure why they started up again. I did some research and my two best guesses are that the weight loss released a large amount of hormones stored in the fat the somehow triggered the headaches or they were caused by using morphine in the hospital. Cluster headaches are headaches that hit in a cluster, mine were hitting about four to five time a day and they are extremely painful, The nickname for cluster headaches is suicide headaches. Anyway i worked with my doctor and used different medications and Oxygen therapy and now they are much better but the strange thing was that during the whole headache ordeal I did not lose any weight. I was not eating much at all and trying to stay on my program although was not exercising at all. Now I feel like I am so far behind were I should be and were everyone else is, I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but s is hard not to. I even stayed away from VST because I was feeling like such a failure. I have lost a couple more pounds since the headaches lessened so trying to take that as a positive sign. Now if I can start exercising I can make up some lost ground.
kristikay

kristikay

2
cul8r's Blog
 

How I got here

I was always the "big kid" - 100 pounds in kindergarten; 140's by 3rd grade. Food was my comfort. Grandma equated love with feeding you and she loves me a lot! Lots of carbs. Moved with mom & step-dad in 3rd grade away from grandma and her goodies. Through necessity I walked over a mile each day to the bus stop and back from 3rd grade through senior year. Stayed 140 from all the exercise and swim team. Teased a lot in elementary school - "MacTruck" haunts me to this day. I remember retreating inward and closed myself off. I always had boyfriends but I let them control me. Didn't think I was worthy of being treated well. Abandonment issues with biological father I found out years later in therapy.   Never made solid friendships. I was popular and involved at school but I never went to parties. Never hung out with crowds. Never ever ate lunch at school, but would stuff my face every afternoon while watching Oprah. She was my hero. She was fat and successful.   The one girl I thought of as my best friend betrayed me by sleeping with my boyfriends. Learned to not be vulnerable.   Moved in with grandparents in college. Grandma's home cooking again. She plans lunch while you're still eating dinner! Gained 40 pounds. Didn't make 1 friend in college, but graduated with honors. Graduated and started teaching. Late night planning = cereal. 20 more pounds.   Age 24, 200 pounds at wedding. Miserable. What I remember most is hiding behind a huge flower bouquet. Never thought I was pretty. Married a man who doesn't treat me well. He went out every weekend like a single guy while I worked 2 jobs to support us. Constantly being told no one else will want you because of how you look screws with your head big time!   At 29, joined WW with a fellow teacher. I loved the meetings. I felt like these were "my people" - I excelled. I lost 80 pounds and was HOT. Problem was I didn't think I was. I saw the fat girl still in the mirror. After all, my husband was still gone every weekend and still telling me he drank all weekend because of things I did. I was so messed up in the head that I believed him! When he told me he would change if I had a child, I stupidly believed him. Duh, he was afraid I would leave him and he knows my abandonment issues so he knew I would never divorce him and leave my kid without a dad! Hindsight ....   I remember being so sad when pregnant. I started eating carbs - hello, old friend. I forgot how much I need you all day long to deal with the dull ache in my heart. I was on the table pushing my son out of me and pleading with my husband to do right by us the entire labor. Pathetic. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. Spent the last 7 years working through that.   Stayed with him through jail and rehab for drinking because I wanted him to wake up and realize I'm worth it. Hell, if I stayed with him, he should kiss the ground I walk on. All it did was make him think of me as more pathetic and a door mat. Even after I let him back home with no license and no job, he cheats on me with his old girlfriend he found on Facebook who is also married and lives far away. Instead of kicking his ass out, I cry alone and eat my feelings. In the two years since finding out, I've eaten myself up to 255 pounds.   I'm ashamed of myself. I hate having to take my son to sports because I'm that fat mom in the baggy sweatshirt surrounded my the skinny moms in skinny jeans. I am dead inside. Every day is a struggle. I feel physically uncomfortable in this fat body. I don't make eye contact with people. I look down all the time and can't find one picture of myself with my son since he was one because I'm so horrified by the way I look.   I know being thin will not make my husband love me. I know being thin won't erase the past. I do know I need this surgery to gain a piece of myself back a little bit every day. Right now I'm a hollow shell. Empty. Tired. Defeated. I know I don't have the fortitude to divorce in my present mental state. As I lose pounds, I'm hoping to get my desire for life back and with that the strength I need to make life changes.   I am having this surgery to get back to me... Because I'm worthy and worth it.  
cul8r

cul8r

4
Vicki0618's Blog
 

Challenges

Well I made it through both weeks of liquids and got to move on to soft foods. But the added wrinkle to my week is that I am traveling from CA to CO for my sisters wedding. So I am not in my home environment. My sister was very helpful and had my protein drinks, yogurt and cottage cheese at her house when I got here so that has helped.   So far I am doing fine with soft foods. However, I have discovered that I am sensitive to sugars. I have had two bouts of diahrrea, both of which came after I had a bit too much sugar. (One I had blended some peanut butter into a shake, and the second one was just eating a normal yogurt) So neither time was I over doing it, but I have decided that I am really watching the sugar content in anything I eat. It has been a challenge to be with my whole family, and not be eating. I haven't really had an issue with it, I'm not hungry and I just eat what I can. But I think other people get nervous if I don't eat. But so far, I've been doing good. My other challenge is to drink my water. We spent the past 2 days running around, setting up for the wedding, the wedding itself, and then running around cleaning up. I have been really really tired and I noticed that the creases in my skin are staying much longer than they should (like creases on my shin from tucking my jeans into my boots stayed there for over 8 hours)...so I'm a little dehydrated. But I'm going better today and just hauling my water bottle around with me.   My weigh day was Wednesday and I did weigh just before I got on the plane. I did win the bet with my husband ...he thought I would lose close to 20# between surgery and our trip (2 weeks) I didn't think I'd lose that quick. I was right, but I still feel good about what I have lost.   Heaviest Weight: 281 3/6/13 Surgery: 257 (-24) 3/13/13: 251 (-6) 3/20/13: 245 (-6)   I will be flying home on Wednesday so I'll have to weigh on Thursday after I'm back at home with my own scale!!
Vicki0618

Vicki0618

1
ladybabie3's Blog
 

Can't tell the difference

Like the title says I can't tell the difference if I'm tight because my cycle is getting ready to come on or if my second fill is really working either way I'm not complaining. Can anyone can help me with this.
ladybabie3

ladybabie3

0
Eleanor4800's Blog
 

Scared

Wow! Just a few days away and feel very much unsure of what I am doing. I know I need this tool. I know I need to do this if I want to move forward but the idea of it all still is overwhelming. I am sure I preach to the choir but I feel like I am saying good bye to someone I have known my whole life. Food. My companion, my enemy, my comfort, my nemesis. So many feelings. I am glad I found this spot to talk about my feelings. Not sure anyone really understands how I feel but those who are making this choice too. Thanks for the listen.
Eleanor4800

Eleanor4800

3
CherylA's Blog
 

Insurance needing more info! Denied for now!

My insurance company stated that they needed more information in order to approve or deny my surgery. My PCP did not have a weight for 2009 and they needed that. Thank God my OB doctor had it! My insurnace is also required 2 more worksheets for the Phych eval, so I guess I will have to go see him again! The insurance also need to see the comorbidities, we sent them the first time!     The one thing that really worries me is the fact that I have not lost 10% of my body weight. I have lost 19 lbs though, go me! I am not sure that elevated bp, elevated lipid panels, sleep apnea and shot knees are going to be enough to get around that. I need a prayer yall. My surgery is suppose to be April 9th and if we don't get all these things in and get them to look at it stat I will have to reschedule. I am trying to put this in the Lord's hands, but I am a worry wart! My insurance said with the first one that they have 7-14 days to give an answer. It took 7 days. I am running out of days. I am almost 2 weeks out from my surgery date.
CherylA

CherylA

0
Magic Mini Mushroom
 

Not So Scary

Today, my housemate very sheepishly asked me for a favor. She asked if it would freak me out or upset me if I made a batch of Mac n' cheese. I am famous across several states for my baked Mac n' cheese. No soupy sauces, just a cheese-laden bowl of goodness so dense that you could cut it into squares to serve it and each square would hold its shape until attacked with a fork. Oh, how I love the stuff.   My first reaction was to think that I couldn't do it, because I couldn't face the temptation of having such a yummy, calorie laden treat around the house and me not be able to eat it. Then I stopped and thought. Yes, I have a band now, which means I have to make better choices with food, but I will be making those choices for the rest of my life if I want to be successful. Can I really contemplate an eternity without ever eating Mac n'cheese? Would I even want to? So I came up with a plan, and I have to say, I'm pretty brilliant.   I made my housemate my old fashioned Mac n'cheese the way I always do. No weighing, no measuring, just put the stuff in til it looks right, then stick it in the over and let the magic happen. But at the same time, I made a second, much smaller batch just for me. For MY batch, I used whole wheat pasta to eliminate the white flour and raise the fiber content. Then I weighed and measured the exact amount of cheese that would go into the bowl. I measured each additional ingredient carefully and programmed the whole thing into My Fitness Pal so that it would calculate exactly how many calories are in each serving. And you know what? It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Not only did it taste just as good as the orginial version, but my 1/4 cup serving had a good amount of protein between the pasta, cheese, egg and milk in the recipe. It also had an amount of calories that easily fit into my daily meal plan alongside a serving of lean meat. I found that 1/4 c just as satisfying as the bowl I would have eaten previously and it felt like a huge NSV to reshape the recipe and eat a healthy amount of a "normal" food.   Go me!   Now, that isn't to say that the lingering traces of the old me didn't think briefly about eating the entire batch in one sitting, but with my latest fill, I know that I honestly couldn't do it without getting sick. My band would stop me. Finally. But even more than that, I know I'll enjoy each small serving more knowing that I'm still living as a compliant bandster and that I'm still on track to meet my goals.   So, I'll say it again: Go me!!!  
morelgirl

morelgirl

3
LifetimeLoser's Blog
 

Nsv's, progress, stalls, and awareness

I haven't blogged for awhile because well...I've been more active and living my life more than I have in the past couple of years.   First off I will start with my nsv's. My clothes are way too big now. I had to buy some newer clothes because they were starting to fall off. I also haven't taken a nap in the middle of the day for weeks now. I used to take a nap daily because I was so tired and worn out from just daily life. My weight loss has given me more energy where I can actually make it the full day without taking a nap. I went to the zoo today with my daughter and hubby and I made it around the entire zoo without having to sit down or leave. Before I had surgery, I would make it most of the way through the zoo, but I would be dead tired and my feet would be aching and I would literally have to lie down and take a nap.   I have some personal triumphs to share. I have finally succeeded in mastering the no drinking/eating rule half hour before and after. I started setting a timer after my last bite. Only when the timer goes off do I start to drink again. This is huge for me because I was struggling. I also noticed (I've mentioned this before) that I eat less when I am not eating and drinking together.   For some reason, the past week I have been even less hungry than I ever was. To give you a rundown, I started eating around 300 calories a day and then when I started exercising it jumped to 800-1000 calories a day. I was more hungry and eating more during this time. Lately, I can barely finish my protein shakes in the morning and I don't feel my hunger at all. My calories have dropped back down to about 500 calories. Does anyone have any ideas about why this is happening? My portions have been unusually small lately, and the only reason my calories have jumped is because I had a few "naughty" things in the past couple of days.     I am almost 8 weeks post op...this coming wednesday I will be 8 weeks post op. I have hit quite a few stalls as some will call it...well on the scale anyways. I have taken measurements and I have lost inches. I have also went from a size 28 to 24w. I started at 298 (day of surgery) and today I am 270lbs. I have been working out at least 4 days a week, getting my water, and protein in. I have only had things I'm not supposed to twice since surgery. I am hoping that I actually gained muscle during my workouts because I have been lifting a lot. So I am not complaining just yet...I will wait until I see my fitness trainer and get my fat % measured.   On another note...about the naughty foods I had. I had maybe about a tablespoon of frosting off of my daughter's frosting today (I feel really gross and wish I didn't eat it...actually regretting it now and I had some a few weeks back and said I would never eat it again...I thought it would be okay because everything else I eat doesn't make me feel yucky) and I immediately felt sick. I had homemade frosting about 4 weeks ago and I also felt really yucky afterwards. Do you think it is the high sugar or high fat that is making me feel crappy afterwards??? I don't eat naughty things often. I think I have had sugar 3 times since surgery. When I say 3 times...it was literally a spoonful of something sweet. Besides those three days my carbs are usually below 50grams. I like them lower, but my NUT does not agree and wants me to get less than 100g a day and wants me to add more fiber etc. I haven't had any fried food yet. Does anyone have recommendations for recipes if I do get a sweet tooth? I get them every so often and usually have the motivation to stay away. I am literally surrounded by it because I have to take care of my 3 year old. Any suggestions would be great!
LifetimeLoser

LifetimeLoser

4
TD41's Blog
 

Adult or child size silverware

Hi, Just curious how everyone eats their meals.... Are you using adult or children utensils... I find myself at times eating to fast or too much im not sure if I should use a smaller utensil so that I am eating less food and filling up faster.... Any advice would be appreciated. Thx   TD41
TD41

TD41

6
Jenhort's Blog
 

I miss my friend "food'

It so funny that after a year, I still want to gravitate back to my old ways..at least I am strong now to recognize and not go there. I have to figure out what it is that I am actually wanting or missing...food was my friend for so long. I have been exercising more and I feel better about that. Soon the weather will be better and things will be easier I think.. I think I have been dealing with the winter blues and it is time for the sun to come out so I wont be in the house so much! One day at a time...
Jenhort

Jenhort

1

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