Seeing the Light

[MelHeath 0]

Hey y'all,

I am a transplant Southern Belle that fell in love with all Southern food. I came here to the South when I was 10 and by the time I was 11 I was quite the round one with few friends. My parents divorced, my mother remarried, sexual abuse occured but I didn't mind because my friend was always there for me, whether it be deep fried, slather, and dripping in a creamy sauce. My friend pushed all the "bad" things away and in my bubble I had the perfect life. This behavior continued until I hit high school but by then it was too late. I was no longer the cute "chubby" girl but the fattest girl, I beter make that, the fattest person in the high school. Fast forward three years, I realize I am FAT! My body could no longer keep up with my heart. I had become a spectator in my own life. That was a hard pill to swallow but I knew it was time to say good bye to my friend and see what I could do to be healthier. I soon discovered I was a emotional eater, which is a good thing as my celebrates and grieves with food but this behavior has taken a toll on me. I would begin traveling my yo-yo dieting path and for some unknown reason, I stayed on this path for 3 more years. At this time, I started dating my very best friend, soon-to-be husband. He loved me no matter how big I was or am. So I let myself go, telling myself why fight this battle over and over when I got a man :thumbup: so I cooked and baked my way to a very tight size 30 then we got pregnant after being told there are no babies in my future. Wow!! I can't even tell y'all the joy in discovering I was pregnant. My OB doctor was very serious with me and let me know i would have a difficult pregnancy because I am "morbidly obese". I remember laughing at that term, telling the doctor I am just fat. I got a quick and fast education on just what morbidly obese women can look forward to during pregnancy. Thank God, they never happened, in fact I didn't gain a pound until I was 7 1/2 month along then I ballooned to my highest weight ever, 397 pounds. Talk about my jaw hitting the floor! So after a c-section, I had a beautiful red-headed baby boy weighing in at 10.8 pounds. We were both healthy but God, I was huge. Afterwards, between breastfeeding and walking I lost all the baby weight, yeah for me but the scales still trembled at the sight of me. I was a "slim" 387. I have never looked as much as I weigh. I would tell myself that was great because then I "really" wasn't as fast as i thought I "might" be. Joke on me! I soon discovered I could not participate in my son's life like I would because of my weight. I could not bath him in the tub because my knees hurt, I could only play on the floor for a bit because the process of getting down and back up again was horrid, and rockivg my baby was a joke cause there was no room on my lap for him. So I thought about what I could do to get smaller and healthier. I thought about the surgery my mother had several years ago, gastric bypass but I had seen the nasty complications from that surgery and what it did to her ( that story is another story) so I wasn't abroad for that one. I went to a infomation meeting, saw my options and contacted my insurance company and soon was hit with the knowledge that nope WLS was not covered. Well, fudge popsicles! With the support of my husband, I started cooking healthier and taking what I have learned and eating small bites, chewing a gallizon times, drink more but never at meal time, Protein first, veggies second, carbs last and I lost some weight by nothing worth mentioning. In October of 2008, we found out that WLS WOULD be covered. Hurray! Imagine Fat Girl Dance Here!! So I went back to the support meetings, got glasses and an IUD, I set up a monthly visit with my primary doctor and keep my fingers crossed. In October of this year, I had completed all the requirements for surgery, off the information went to the insurance company... would they approve it!, would I finally get the tool I so desperatly needed? They did approve only one day later. So on november 30th, I started my 2-week liquid diet but something was missing. I struggled with the diet, was amazed that everyone was so excited for me. ( I have a support team that simply ROCKS!!) so what was wrong? Yesterday, it became REAL for me. I sat at the hospital and signed tons of paperwork but it wasn't until they took my blood it was real. With one little prick, the floodgates of emotion opened and overwhelmed me. I am getting the surgery, I have dreamed about. It is completely covered by my insurance and in 12 days I will be sitting in the hospital with 5 little wounds and a whole new LIFE in front of me. I will begin a new BATTLE in 12 days but the reward of this upcoming fight is so worth it to me.

Wow, I didn't mean to blather on but I guess it was all bottled up. Thank you for spevding the time to read this and get to know me a bit.

[waynooo 1]

Congratulations! I dont know about you but I have discovered that I actualy give my self permision to over eat. My permision statement sounds like this "Its O.K. to eat that/all that i will start tomorrow" Even if i have no intentions on starting a diet! I am just begining the 6 month supervised diet so have a bit of time to go befor bandland.

Good luck to you and keep us posted on your journey.:thumbup: