female only why is he doing this to me?? WHY??? what did i do?

ksill18 · December 8, 2008

your husband is insecure and feels that when you lose all the weight you are going to want to move on and get someone else. you need to reassure him that you love him whether you are fat or skinny. If he still feels he needs to sabatoge you then i feel a divorce is in your future. Sad to say. You should go see a psychologist or a marriage councelor about this.

HeatherO · December 8, 2008

Sometimes they just don't know how to react. I know there were times in the past that if I was feeling down and my hubby made me an ice cream sundae . . . I would have been happy about how thoughtful he was. They just have to get used to how things have changed, and they have to adjust just like the banded person does to the whole change in the concept of food. You just have to talk to him until he learns . . . and if he is anything like most men, you may have to talk about it a few times and subtle and even not-so-subtle hints often do nothing.

My husband is the opposite now. I couldn't get him to get me a piece of pizza or ice cream cone now if I threatened his life. I think I must have trained him well, lol. He is even strong when I am weak and hungry.

Lshelley21 · December 8, 2008

gee...perhaps you can come and train my husband!! Last night he asked me if i wanted Pasta (which definilty doesn't work with me) ...i am ready to kill. I think we are going to start counciling though, there are a lot of things, and i feel like he can't do anything right...and if he does do it, he always does it wrong or i have to redo it...

Lshelley21 · December 9, 2008

ChILDISH..that is it exactly...that is exactly how he acts around me...never elsewhere though...That is very interesting because that is him exactly

Boo Boo Kitty · December 9, 2008

I am there with you, mine does the same things. But yet still wants me skinnier. It has become a HUGE problem.

I think it is insecurity and fear in mine. He is pushing me so far away....

Why can't men express feelings properly?

Lshelley21 · December 9, 2008

He is pushing me away! I find that i just don't want to do anything with him, i find that i am irritated more than ever all the time and i seem to always start fights. I would like to loose the weight, and he says he does too...(as he is shoving a donut down his throat, and telling me he can't have coffee because there is sugar in it...)

Carrie_C · December 9, 2008

My husband doesn't want me to be skinny. He says I look fine just the way I am. I say that's sweet, but I still want to be skinny!

Boo Boo Kitty · December 10, 2008

He is pushing me away! I find that i just don't want to do anything with him, i find that i am irritated more than ever all the time and i seem to always start fights. I would like to loose the weight, and he says he does too...(as he is shoving a donut down his throat, and telling me he can't have coffee because there is sugar in it...)

I am there 100%. But yet yesterday he told me to loose more weight....

PM me Shelley so we can talk!

HUGS!

Lshelley21 · December 10, 2008

the hardest thing is that i was just banded in october...i just don't understand....i am at a loss....i asked him last night before bed what the deal was and he said he doesn't have one. I continued to push and push and he said that i have changed and i am always angry at him. (DUH) SO...we talked about it. I hate how he is using excuses and then saying it isn't an excuse....i truely was not born yesterday.

Telecia · December 16, 2008

He is pushing me away! I find that i just don't want to do anything with him, i find that i am irritated more than ever all the time and i seem to always start fights. I would like to loose the weight, and he says he does too...(as he is shoving a donut down his throat, and telling me he can't have coffee because there is sugar in it...)

Thing is he may actually want to lose weight. But doesn't want to put the actual effort into doing it. Which is why the shoveling of food in his mouth but avoiding sugar thing. As long as he is avoiding something he has himself fooled into thinking he is doing something constructive without actually giving up enough to actually lose weight.

I think its actually a form of denial.

Reason I say this is, I go through the same thing with my boyfriend, but only not for weight loss. For diabetes. But honestly it could be either. lol

He went to the nutrition classes with me he is also diabetic. But he REFUSES to monitor his sugar levels, or avoid the foods he is suposed to. I am forever finding wrappers/packages etc. or hes forever bring home a small bag of Cookies, crackers etc. always high carb items.

But yet if I bring it up he tends to point out the fact that he is allowed 1 carb more two meals of the day then I am allowed to have. But yet complains about his nerve pain and other side effects of his uncontroled diabetes.

He will take his daily meds but that is as far as he is willing to go to control the disease. Doc says its denial.

But man If my boyfriend only spent 10 minutes with me at the hosptial after I had surgery and it wasn't because he had to work. I'd be kicking his ass all over the neighborhood.

Definatly time for councling

HeatherO · December 16, 2008

He is pushing me away! I find that i just don't want to do anything with him, i find that i am irritated more than ever all the time and i seem to always start fights. I would like to loose the weight, and he says he does too...(as he is shoving a donut down his throat, and telling me he can't have coffee because there is sugar in it...)

Irritation can be caused by more than just him . . . you had to say goodbye to food as you know it, you went through surgery, rapid weightloss is flooding your system with extra hormones (none of us are at our cheeriest while having super PMS). This time is going to be a pain in your a** regardless of what is happening at home. Even if he was 110% supportive, you would probably find him annoying at best (I found my husband annoying at this stage and he was falling all over himself to give me a massage, and cook for me, lol). Just keep in mind that you are not your usual self right now.

Also keep in mind that he may not be his usual self as well. He may not know how to be supportive right now . . . or he could be feeling the pangs of jealousy if you are going to lose the weight and he is not . . . there are so many things that could be going on.

The best thing you can do is to talk with him about how your feeling and make sure he understands your needs and expectations while at the same time making sure you understand his as well. I had to do this with my husband because I was hurting his feelings and he couldn't understand what he was doing wrong . . . he wasnt doing anything wrong, I just needed to adjust.

As far as the coffee and donuts thing . . . I am guilty as well. Before banding I would drink diet everything but I wasn't passing up on a donut if one was offerred. This had nothing to do with anyone but myself.