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Husband overweight and jealous



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Has anyone had any problem with their marriage since losing weight? My husband likes the new me, but is so overly jealous and protective. He has even accused me of things that aren't happening. It has been very painful and is hurting our marriage. Any words of wisdom?

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Has anyone had any problem with their marriage since losing weight? My husband likes the new me, but is so overly jealous and protective. He has even accused me of things that aren't happening. It has been very painful and is hurting our marriage. Any words of wisdom?

It might be time to see a counselor. If he won't go with you, go alone. This might help to address why he is feeling insecure in your marriage. I have read on this and other forums about the changes in a marriage after one spouse loses weight.

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I am going through something similar. My hubby has been moody lately and is making comments about him feeling/being fat. He is very much apple shaped, where he has lean arms and legs and carries his weight in his belly. He is trying to lose weight, but not in a healthy way. He will eat only one meal a day sometimes, or spend a few hours a day in the gym. I keep trying to explain that he cant go about it that way, but he doesnt want to hear it. I have talked to my mom about it and she thinks he is just insecure. I asked him if hes up to going to counceling but he says no. So really, I dont have any good advice for you since I am in the same boat with no solutions, but I wanted to share so you know you are not alone. Good Luck!

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Maybe you should do some fun activities together. Walking, rollerblading, window shopping, golf.:) This will help him and you lose some weight and hopefully will make him feel that your really the same person that loves him even though your becoming a different person. Build up his confidence. Tell him you want him to be as healthy as your going to be and if the two of you work as a team you'll have the rest of your lives together.

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My DH is somewhat overweight, but has been benefitting from my banding. Although I have never commented on his weight (or he, mine) he has commented that maybe he too could stand to lose a few pounds. So, although he has little interest in increasing his physical activity, he has started to eat smaller portions, and his nighttime snacking is certainly reduced. Perhaps over time he will also want to do more things, but I don't advise/suggest he do anything (in relation to food or exercise). He is an adult. If he wants to join me in a morning swim at the Y, or a brisk walk at night, or anything else, he can, but I only ask once and I never comment one way or another.

It is somewhat disturbing to read the number of threads about troubled relationships, jealousy etc. as bandsters take charge of their health and change lifestyles. So far, DH and I have not encountered these issues...I hope this is not our experience!

Edited by tapshoes
Another blasted typo - I really must proof-read!

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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    • KimBaxleyWilson

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