How do you feel about other people's weight loss?

[jjsmiles 3]

This is a really interesting thread. I have always been the heaviest person in my world (by far), so I never had anyone to compare to. As well, wls is relatively new and pretty uncommon where I live, so when I tell people I get more of a reaction of interest and curiosity. No one has ever told me that they thought I was taking the easy way out. I personally think this journey has been anything but easy - I have worked incredibly hard over the last year. I never think that I should have been able to do it without surgery, because I have 42 years of previous history that tells me that I wasn't capable or ready.

I don't know that I am jealous of other people losing without surgery, but I do find myself being not as "nice" as I used to be (at least in my inside voice). I am not sure what is happening, but I find myself less and less tolerant of others when I think they are being ignorant, mean or wrong (of course I am right all the time :sleep2:).

I "think" I keep it to myself, but I sometimes think that along with the weightloss, I am also shedding the skin of having to be the most likeable and nice person you would ever meet. In some ways that really upsets me, as my identity is really tied into everyone liking me. I don't like that "inside voice" that makes catty, snide and mean comments. I think that is something I really want to work on. For now, when I catch myself, I tell myself to knock it off and be the person I want to be. Not sure that it is working all the time :Banane37:

[areellady 1]

At the same time I was banded, my older brother decided to lose weight. He was between 335-350 at the time. I did not tell him I was being banded. He decided to do the Low carbs or I should say NO carbs. He lost fast and is now down to 180...He is 6'3". He is sooo skinny now.

I told him about six months into being banded that I was banded and he didn't really say much about it. A couple of weeks ago, we were talking about what I ate and I told him I was eating a Skinny Cow ice cream bar at the moment. He came unglues and wanted to know why I was eating that. I told him I can eat anything as long as I be careful and I stay away from rice, Pasta and some other things, most of the time....

He says to me, "Well, if I had that thing you have, I would be 120 by now!!".....wow, I was crushed.....I know it is because he has no idea what it is like to be banded. But, it hurt my feelings A LOT!!! I felt so demoralized and shameful, like I should weigh 120 pounds....

I hope he keeps his weight off forever, but, being the one who has dieted since age 11, I am not sure it will happen that way. Its like because he has lost 170 pounds, and I have only lost 110 pounds that he is working harder at it....I don't know....I don't think I am jealous of him for losing the weight, just don't act like you are so high and mighty because you did it without any help.....

[vegasgirl44 0]

JJSmiles,

I am reading the book right now, "Weight Loss Surgery with the Adjustable Gastric Band" by Robert Sewell. It is a good read for anyone thinking about having surgery or going through it right now. It's funny that just as I read your post, I was reading a section that stated how this woman had to work so hard before at being cute and fun. She was the best friend, the funny girl, had to worry about hygiene and dressing so much, shopping at fat stores, and all that just to be appealing. So much work just to be TOLERATED. Now, she finds herself saying NO more and people don't mind. The funny thing is that this describes me. I grew up with a big boobed, blonde, tan, cheerleader for a sister. She got all the guys. In order for me to fit in with her friends as we are similar in age, I had to be funny and vulgar. So I learned to swear. I'm still trying to break that habit to this day. But it just goes to show how thin people have to work so much less hard to make it in life sometimes. I'm not saying it's all the time in every circumstance, but we spend most of our lives being avoided due to some preconceived notion of how fat people are. At my highest weight, 330, I still showered every day, got manicures and pedicures, hair styles, spent tons of money on clothes, and took special care of the cracks and crevices associated with obesity. I even took special care of my feet because I wear open shoes all the time and I didn't want those nasty crusty feet. I joined a BBW group.

You wanna hear what this woman said to me when I was discussing career options with her? She is a professional peer and I work at one of her hospitals doing coding. I let it slip that I was getting banded, and she said, "But you won't be a BBW anymore. You had so much fun being a BBW!" Jealous Bitch. She is a few years older than me and a redhead, with a career more spectacular than mine at this point, and she felt compelled to bring me down. Jealousy!

[serenity55 15]

A friend of mine, whose weight is just about the same as mine, went to Curves for maybe a year. I don’t know how much she lost, but everybody kept telling me how great she looked. You bet I was jealous. But she stopped going to Curves and has now put the weight back on, and then some. By the way, she is pretty supportive of me getting banded.

Someone else I know has lost weight due to stress. She’s having a hard time right now, and has lost sixty-two pounds. Even though I know what she is doing is, 1. not intentional, and 2. not healthy, I’m still envious.

I was also envious of two friends who had their stomachs stapled. At that time, I joined OA and stopped eating sugar for two year. One of my friends said she wished she’d done what I had. I felt smug for a minute, until I began eating sugar again, and gained my weight back. There was a lesson in that for me.

[jjsmiles 3]

Being the largest person around (formerly) and having lost a lot of weight, I am now noticing that some of my friends and acquaintances seem to be having a bit of trouble with the new me. I think I have inspired some to take up diet and exercise - and not necessarily because they want to lose weight, but rather they are having issues with me being smaller than they are!! :biggrin:

I had to laugh the other day - I was visiting with a very old friend (we have been friends for 28 years). This friend has never had a significant weight problem, but has always said things like "your needing to lose 100 pounds is like my needing to lose 10 pounds" (she didn't honestly intend to be mean and condescending, but REALLY?)

For whatever reason, we ended up in her closet and I ended up trying on a shirt of hers that she said swam on her - and it fit!!!!!! She honestly wants to be supportive - she gave me the shirt, but you could really tell that it bothered her immensely that I could wear something out of her closet. She must have said 10 x how big the shirt had gotten to be on her!!

Probably the weirdest thing is though, that although I am probably within 10 pounds of her weight, I still don't see myself as being at an almost normal weight or being her size. I have never thought that she needed to lose weight, yet I still see myself as huge compared to her. In my head I know the truth, but I still don't really see it in the mirror.

I wonder if this ever changes?

Jacquie

[Bsides 0]

I think a really important thing to remember is that if you want to invite success into your life, then you need to embrace it wherever it occurs. If you see it in other people, do your best to Celebrate it! Be genuinely happy for them and be concious not to slide into jealousy or negative thinking. This way, success will more easily pass onto you as well.

The fact that you guys are even concious of these feelings though is a very big step up from someone who just emits negativity. Being concious of negativity is the first step towards positive change.

Its something that I think we are all guilty of though. It is very hard to keep these kinds of feelings in check, but if you just remember that they do you more harm than good it will help.

[SuzanneG 1]

I've had several experiences where I've been jealous, or the object of someone else's jealousy. My sister and I were both thin growing up, then I got married, had kids and got fat, she did the first 2, but stayed slim. Finally a few years ago she gained up to 183 and joined WW and the gym and lost it back off. She's a size 10 now (used to be a 2 or 4) and she's happy with her size. I got into size 10's last week. I weigh a whopping 3 pounds more than her!!! I'm so excited and she seems to be taking it well, but I know she hates it and is worried that I will "pass her up". I'll be curious to see how she handles it as she has been smaller than me since we were in our early 20's.

When I went to her office to tell her about the 10's (we work in the same building), she was chatting with a lady in her office. That lady is my mom's age and always been thin, but has been less and less friendly to me as I've lost the weight. When I told Lori that I was in a size 10, the friend said "what store did you buy it in?! In a very challenging tone. I said, Kohl's, she said "Well, I'm a size 6 now, even though I've gained 15 pounds since college and I was a size 10 then! So you can be any size you want if you shop in the right store!". She's so bitter and only seems to like people who are having a hard time with something in their life. :-(

My brother, who is trying to schedule his lap-band as we speak, was really cranky toward me this past weekend and after a while, he pulled me aside and hugged me and appologized and told me that it was killing him to watch me lose this weight while he had to wait until he got some settlement money to schedule his surgery. He's the one who originally got me to go to the seminar with him. He's miserable in his body. I never talk about my weight in front of him because of that I have tried to be so careful of his feelings, but he was still feeling angry toward me for no other reason than that I had lost weight and "left him behind". I really want this surgery for him, I hope he gets it soon, scheduling person isn't being cooperative.

Finally, I have an overweight friend. We've joined WW together, talked about diets, tried exercising together, you name it. I have tried to gently suggest she get the band and I cannot talk her into it. She's nice and supportive of me, but I can't imagine being in a perfect position to have it done (no hurdles for her approval, etc) and NOT wanting it. It's everything I can do not to shake her and scream in her face GET THE BAND, it'll change your life!

So for me, that's my biggest concern. I want to tell everyone and share with them how they can have success too and those that actually ask me about it and then shun the idea when I tell them about it, it floors me!

Edited August 20, 2008 by SuzanneG