Do I have to pay for my friends whole B-day dinner?

[Ariel 1]

My friend's birthday is coming up. She wants to go out to dinner on the big day. I think it will be just the two of us. Last year we did the same thing and boy did she go overboard. She ordered 4 appetizers, an entree, a desert for the restaurant and the kicker....a desert to take home. Now I was sooo embarrassed just by the sheer volume of the food but then what made it sooo much worse when the bill came she expected me to pay it. I was sooo mad!! I didn't want to make a big scene because it was her birthday so I paid it. I never mentioned it to her but now I am scared that I will be in the same situation.

So I was wondering do you all think it would be really rude of me to say at the start of the meal that I would be happy to contribute $20 towards her birthday meal. With that she would be able to buy an entree and split a dessert. I don't want to seem cheap but I'm still in college, I simply can't afford what she did last year. I also have a birthday gift for her.

So what do you all think?

[Cota129 0]

If she's your friend, she should understand if you say that money is tight and you can only contribute XX amount of money toward her meal as her gift from you. To expect anyone to pay for a meal without discussion beforehand is so rude. My best friend of 41 years and I decided a long time ago to stop doing gifts and we generally go dutch. It makes it easier, especially when one of us is going through a tough period. If she doesn't understand and gets pissy, thats not much of a friend.

[losingjusme 12]

OMG, thats just insane. FOUR appetizers? it was just you two? i dont know what i'd do... maybe offer to take her out for appetizers (since she's going to have 4 anyway )

[JamieNP 20]

How about getting her a gift certificate to that restaurant and take her out. You can make it for whatever you are willing to spend.

[Ariel 1]

Yes all that food for the 2 of us. It makes me sick now to think of it. I am so happy that I am banded.

I thought about doing the gift certificate thing but I am so worried that she will be like oh I'll save this for another day.

Cota I think I will have the conversation about no gifts with her around christmas. She already bought me a birthday gift this year so I want to play fair. But I think that is a great idea.

[MacMadame 81]

So I was wondering do you all think it would be really rude of me to say at the start of the meal that I would be happy to contribute $20 towards her birthday meal.

You need to say it beforehand, not when you get to the restaurant.

[juliegeraci 7]

Ariel, what she did to you is completely unfair. 4 appetizers, good grief! I would tell her you can only contribute $20 to her meal.

[Jachut 487]

Oooh, awkward. I dont think its reasonable for her to expect you to pay for all of that, I mean really if you were having a meal bought for you, you'd be sensible with what you ordered wouldnt you? But its a very hard thing to say on your part.

I think its more than fair though to suggest that you're happy to treat her but not for an unlimited amount. But I agree, do it before you go out, not when you're there.

Other things like this, like when you're all contributing a set amount to a group meal, I think as a bandster you'd just lump the fact that you eat less than everyone else, but in a one on one situation like this, she ought to be more mindful of the fact that its not her money and not order the entire menu.

[Ang1982 4]

Yes all that food for the 2 of us. It makes me sick now to think of it. I am so happy that I am banded.

I thought about doing the gift certificate thing but I am so worried that she will be like oh I'll save this for another day.

Cota I think I will have the conversation about no gifts with her around christmas. She already bought me a birthday gift this year so I want to play fair. But I think that is a great idea.

What about instead of an actual gift card - if you know where you are going - why don't you make up a cutesy little gift certificate yourself either on the computer or by hand and give it to her before you get in to the restaurant. And have it say something like:

This Gift Certificate entitles the bearer, my sweet friend [insert name here] to put [insert amount of money you are comfortable spending here] towards her Birthday dinner at [Name of restaurant here] on [insert day going out here].

And if you want to kind of make it less obvious, make a couple other silly ones like - entitles the bearer of this gift certificate to a fun filled day of fabulousness with me!

Unless that's a lame idea.... lol:tt2:

[Ariel 1]

Ang I love that idea!!!! Oh your so smart.

Thanks everyone for the advice!

[Ang1982 4]

Ang I love that idea!!!! Oh your so smart.

Thanks everyone for the advice!

Glad you liked it! Good luck

[plain 12]

When the topic came up, I'd hem & haw a little and then hit her with something like "money's pretty tight right now. I can't afford a repeat of last year....but I was able to get you a gift", or something along those lines.....and that's only if she is a really good friend. If not, I'd prolly laugh it off with something like "are you gonna pay this year? Because you can buy your own damn food"

[green 6]

Tell her that last year's birthday present destabilized the American economy and you can't afford to do this to your country again this year. Then present her with Ang's gift card.

[Laurinda 1]

You said you already have a gift for her. Tell her dinner is not good for you but maybe you can meet for coffee cause you have something for her and you want to give it to her then!

[Ariel 1]

So I made Ang's gift card. I got all Martha Stewart and used wrapping paper and special scissors to jazz it up. She thought it was the best thing she had ever seen. So it worked out really well. Thanks everyone for their input. =)