female only Hurt not sure what to do

[mongiethegreat 0]

I have not had the lapband looking into it. Married to a man that has never had a weight loose issue if he wants to loose it just falls off him

I have had 4 kids the youngest one is 20. The weight just never left after him. Well to the point my husband and i are going to dinner on saterday after working in the yard all day and he say i need to do something about my weight now. I have never had support from him. The only place we go together anymore is dinner. I feel hurt lost down. I have cried for three days now. He thinks you just go do it and your thin doesn't see the problem with getting it done tomorrow. i just don't know where to start.Is this something that stays in for life? even after you get to your goal? Do you ever get to eat normal foods?

[gone 4 ever 6]

Welcome Mongie.... So sorry your hubby isn't supportive and very insensitive. The band is a permanent fixture. It is a tool that helps you eat less. It is not a fix right away. You loose some pre-op and post-op. But until you get your fills and hit your "sweet spot" for restriction it is up to you to eat right. Will you get to eat normal again... it depends on the person. There are some foods people have trouble with after banding. But not everyone has trouble with these foods. Rice, bread, and Pasta seem to be the most common. I can't eat rice, I can eat bread and Pasta. But don't like bread anymore. My taste has changed some since getting the band. I am really happy with the band. I think it is the best money I have ever spent. (other then my home). When you get to goal you maintaine. If you start to gain you go back and get a fill. Just check out the many threads on this site. It explains a lot. good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[HeatherO 7]

I can understand why you feel hurt. Perhaps your husband doesnt understand how hard it is to take it off. However, not all men know how to say things in the right way.

My husband told me that he wants me to be healthy so we can spend a long happy life together. This is after I told him the same thing before we were married and he stopped smoking cigarettes on our wedding day. I know he loves me at any size and just wants me to be happy and healthy.

So basically, our husbands said the same thing but just had different ways of saying it. Your husband might also have your health and happiness as the primary motivators for saying something. Try to focus on the positive, there are definitely many things to gain from living life at a more normal weight.

The band is definitely one way to help you get there. I eat normal foods, only a lot less of them and I am more satisfied then ever before. It is a lifetime commitment for me and I make sure that I follow the rules to make my band last. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

[juliegeraci 7]

I feel for you. Lapband is definitely a journey. I've been banded 2 years and am 20-25 lbs from goal. I eat pretty healthy portions. The hunger gets better when you eat solid Proteins that last longer. Fills and restriction can take some time to get. Your band is typically placed empty so some people complain about normal portions and hunger rampid after they are banded prefill. Good luck to you. I hope things improve with your hubby.

[gdf18 2]

For those who need it (you didn't mention your weight), the band is not a magic wand, but a very, very effective tool for changing your life. And it is life-changing. No doubt about it. But it is a journey, full of good days and some discomfort and issues along the way. You can read about a million large or small complications and complaints here as well as the good news. But when I looked into this and read many posts, I found that no one was sorry they did this, even if there were difficult moments and even issues along the way. I'm thrilled I did this for myself (oh, and that's important- you need to be doing this for you!)

Now let me tell you what the band is not.....it's not a panacea that will transform the issues in your life or marriage into fairy dust. You will be hopefully healthier, fit into clothes better, and start to feel good about yourself- giving you the strength to meet life's challenges better. But the band doesn't make your life change. You do. Your marriage, kids and all the other blessings or stresses of your life will still be there.

My advise....take your husband along to any seminar you attend, to your initial dr. consultation, etc. If he is not supportive of this, it will make it very difficult for you- not impossible, but more difficult. You need a support system in place for the weeks immediately after surgery, for example. You may find that he will become more supportive when he actually learns what you will face along the way. And if your internist or surgeon is really good....they will do what mine did for my husband....they explained to him very thoroughly that my weight was in great part not within my control, and that even if I lost all the weight, I would most likely gain it all back and more as that's what happens to over 80% of people who lose weight on their own. He has to understand that your own body works against you in this, and that the band helps to override our DNA, hormones, etc. If he begins to understand this, you may find a true partner in the process. I hope so.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

[To be free 1]

First things first, If you do the band do it for you. It could be that he really just wants you to be healthy and be there with him in the golden years and not being insensitive and an A--. We all know that men don't always say things the way they mean it.

I decided to do it for me, yes I don't want my two son's to be embarassed by my weight, yes I want to be attractive to my husband again, yes in my mind I think I will make more money if thin (in sales) but in reality things may not change, in fact loosing weight could make things worse.

You have no control over what others say or do, my husband is an enabler.... I know he doesn't like the weight or find me as attractive anymore but yet he continued to bring me home ice cream, pizza, candy or something not so good for weight control. Or is it that I don't find myself attractive anymore?

Do it for you, and only if you want to because it will take alot of hard work......you have to be happy with you.

[vkodaniel 0]

Most men don't use pretty words, plain and simple. They just say what they think because it is much easier than beating around the bush. Now, what he said sounded very hurtful and would have upset me too, but if you are any thing like I was before my band, working out in the yard for even 15 minutes would have had me red in the face and panting out loud. Could it be that you were wore out after working outside in the yard all day, and he was worried about you?

Perhaps you have mentioned your weight to him before and he did not see anything to worry about, until you spent a whole day doing yard work. The best thing to do is not to hold it in. Talk to him about it and ask him straight up what made him decide to say that to you.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I am at goal and I eat anything I want to eat. I just eat small portions. I don't throw up or slime or anything like that anymore. I have been banded a year and a half. It wasn't easy in the beginning, but it sure is now! I hope my bands stays in for life.