my other half is displeased /nervous

[nick 0]

Hi everone, thanks for the strong support. My other half of 24 years has been moping around like someone has died. he keeps asking me not to go through with it,that I am perfect the way I am. I know in my heart that this is a wonderful opportunity to get myself back to a healthy weight , raise my self esteem and in general my overall quailty of life. He has told me that this will affect our ability to eat in fine resturants and to enjoy the eating experiances of life. he is sad and uncomfortable with the change. I.m personaly a little nervous but excited buy all the possibilties. My surgery is secduled for monday may 2nd. and things are a little tense around here. I know that ultimatly it will be O.K. but right now being on liquids and the last min. pleading is a little stessful. Has enyone gone through similar experiances .!! I appreciate any feedback I feel like I've Had to carry this alone!

[La_madam 20]

He has told me that this will affect our ability to eat in fine resturants and to enjoy the eating experiances of life.

Nick,

please tell your other half that you will still be able to go out and enjoy fine dining and eat the same foods you do now but in much smaller portions.

This has not changed for my husband and I , we still go out to nice restraunts, I still order what I want, I just eat less and I have lost 90 lbs doing it in 1 year!

Being afraid of the changes it may bring is also normal, but later on down the road your other half will love the new you and will reap the benefits of a new healthier you. Trust me!

If it will make your other half feel better have him call my husband and he can shed a little light and offer some peace of mind to your other half. My husband loves the new me, we do so many more things together now, we go out more, we do things we have never done before in 13yrs of marriage. My kids are also loving their " new mom"

Best of Luck to you

[Marimaru 7]

I think that if it were me (based on not knowing what you've already tried to do), I would print out a bunch of literature on the band and have him look at it so that he can better understand that for the most part, you'll be able to eat like a normal person, maybe no bread, etc, but still you can go out, etc.

Anyhow, I don't know what you could say to a thinner person who doesn't really understand what you are trying to do for yourself, since they don't understand what we have to live with. I just hope that after your surgery when you start trimmin' down and having NSV's he'll see how happy it makes you.

[Iluvharleys 15]

Michelle - I was going to say the same thing you did! so I will just second what you said!

[babsyintx 0]

NIck,

I go out to eat at least 3 times per week. I either share with my husband (a main course and appetizer) or I order something on my own and take some home with me. The only thing that has changed is that now that I eat slower and chew more, my husband also eats slower so I am not last to finish. Sometimes its hard (cause I have small kids that wolf down their food) but if two are dining together or with friends, you would be surprised how satisfying it is to be able to eat less and taste your food. Have your husband read some of these posts. Most partners are just afraid of the unknown. He might be just using this as an excuse because he is worried that you will change or that something might happen to you because of the surgery. YOu can always come here for support!!!

Babs in TX

334/180/170

-154

[vinesqueen 2]

Hey Nick! My DH has been banded for two years and it really hasn't affected our dining experience much. (occasionally he will have a BP and will need to make a hastie retreat to the rest room...)

It will give you the perfect excuse to linger over a dinner now.

Change is hard for many people, fear of the unknown... There are several people here who have had discussions with their SO about this.

[DeniseG 3]

I rarely go out to eat, but, that is because I am broke lol

But seriously, I order the normal portion, eat some and take most of it home and have leftovers for awhile.

Not to be a psychologist, but, it sounds like your better half is more worried about what your weightloss will do to your relationship. Do they have abandonment issues?? Maybe they are afraid that once you lose weight you will leave them and find someone else. Or what happens if something goes terribly wrong in surgery and you don't make it through or are changed forever. It sounds like a fear anxiety to me.

[KarenB 0]

Me too, Denise. It's very common when a spouse loses weight, quits drugs, quits smoking, etc. They get scared & insecure, especially men. (sorry guys) I love to eat out, only now I don't choose my restuarants by what Desserts they serve!

[nick 0]

WOW thanks again for the support.Anytime we make a major changes in life there is either pain or just reajustment attached. Ive made lots of major changes, some being forced apon me, others out of self betterment. I'm really happy to hear that I'll still be able to enjoy a meal out especially when I'll be able to sit comfortly without this darn big o'll belly in my way!!! I already have a repretation as the slowest eater at the table.I guess there are gifts in even the smallest of things.As for my other half, he'll just have to give it a chance, cauz as I see it only good can come out of this.Well this has perked up my motivation a bit Thanks again Nick

[Kendra 0]

This sounds like myself and my partner Dawn. When she was going to get the band, I freaked out. I cried and cried, and seriously thought she was going to die. I thought our lives would be completely different after this, and that she would change more than her outside appearance. My partner was very caring, but basically said she was going through with the proceedure no matter what. I decided I loved her enough to put aside my feelings and be openminded while being there for her. It did wonders..I actually accompanied her through every step of her surgery and weight loss. We did it together..and it was enough to help me get over my fears.

Honestly, you need to do whats right for you..your partner will understand. Just try and keep him involved in the process. I would honestly sit down, and try and figure out what the real issues are.

Oh, and you can still get away with the fine dining, just not right away. Im 3 weeks banded, and I can still find something to order at a restaraunt. Remember, you can still eat whatever you want..you just need to make good food choices..but your portions are significantly smaller.

It will be fine. Let us know how your doing!

=-)

-Kendra

[Zoe 6]

Hi Nick -- I second what Kendra said. And I'm wondering: Is your other half a thin guy? Has he ever had any weight issues? Some people who haven't ever had to count a calorie just don't get what it's like for the rest of us, even if they've been happily paired with a big person for years.

It sounds as if you're making the right decision for you. Now if the other half can just see all the good that will come from the band... including the ability to go to more great restaurants, because your bills will be smaller than pre-band!

[Esmeralda 2]

I had the same problem with my boyfriend of 2 years, I am 30 years old and was at 253 when he meet me, I lost some weight (to 204) and gained it back (to 243.5), he is 24 and at 195 lbs. the day that I was leaving (my sister went with me to TJ) he looked at me and cried and told me he didnt want me to have it done, so I told him this was a personal choice and he could either support me or leave me. The next day I talked to him and he told me that he was afraid of what I could FIND when I lost weight, so I think it is definitely an insecurity issue, but if they trully love you they will support your decision. What's funny is that being that I am older I would think he would leave me but it's the other way around!!

[DeLarla 22]

Maybe your spouse has deeper fears. I recently told my husband I need to lose 70 more pounds, but he doesn't want me losing any more than the 70 I already lost. Some spouses feel better with heavy husbands/wives because they don't like other people hitting on us. My husband was at least man enough to admit that he doesn't like other guys checking me out, but I won't let his fears get in the way of my dreams. Make sure your spouse knows that you are doing this for you, not for them. Tell spouse, "there's one person I love more than you - and that's me." As far as eating in restaurants, I have a problem because my husband eats so much faster than me, so I end up eating alone. Now I just nibble on what I can and take the rest home for later. It doesn't have to affect your good time though.

[Staci 2]

Just tell him the sex gets much better!

Staci

Orlando FL

banded in Mexico 12/14/04

[dixie 0]

NIck,

I go out to eat at least 3 times per week. I either share with my husband (a main course and appetizer) or I order something on my own and take some home with me. The only thing that has changed is that now that I eat slower and chew more, my husband also eats slower so I am not last to finish. Sometimes its hard (cause I have small kids that wolf down their food) but if two are dining together or with friends, you would be surprised how satisfying it is to be able to eat less and taste your food. Have your husband read some of these posts. Most partners are just afraid of the unknown. He might be just using this as an excuse because he is worried that you will change or that something might happen to you because of the surgery. YOu can always come here for support!!!

Babs in TX

334/180/170-154

Babs, did I read your stats correctly??? You've lost 154 Lbs?? How long?? How do you feel, besides elated! I'm looking at having the surgery done in Dallas, where did you have yours done?

You go girl!

Dixie in Texas