Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Okay Men...need some advice



Recommended Posts

walk around in chap shorts and wear heavy red lipstick.

just kidding...

men are like parking spaces....all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

don't beat yourself up. all good things in time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish you lived in New York, cuz I would take you to my hairstylist, take you shopping for new clothes and give you dating tips! You are a beautiful girl. Sometimes, especially if you have never been thin ever, you still have the "fat girl mentality" that can prevent guys from seeing your beauty. There are girls who are 400 lbs who have men who drool over them and girls who are size 0 who act crazy and insecure and chase away the men. Just like dogs smell fear, men smell confidence. It is the key to being receptive to male attention and being able to flirt.

I say, go to the salon. Get a trendy haircut. Leave the length, guys love longer hair. Get some trampy highlights. Go shopping with a friend who knows how to dress well and buy some sexy clothes. Figure out what your best assets are (breasts, eyes, legs, whatever) and play them up and cover up the parts you are least proud of. Buy some self tanner and get a faux glow. Buy some jewlery that makes you feel pretty.

Next, practice flirting and talking with everyone you meet. I am not talking about throwing yourself at men. I am talking about making small talk with babies, dogs, old people, etc and smiling a lot. Then when your confidence in making small talk and flirting is up, move on to men. Work on your confidence level and know that you are no longer fat and that anyone would be lucky to be your friend/girlfriend. I hope this helps. Good luck babe:)

So preband/pre-weightloss I didn't receive much/if any male attention. Now that I have lost nearly 100lbs I have STILL NOT received much male attention. The only attention(flirting, compliments, etc.) I have gotten has been for males that are much older and not my type (one was 15 years older, divorced, had three kids, and lived with his mother..not my ideal guy).

I just don't really understand it. Preband, I chalked it up to being overweight. Now I don't have that excuse. Is it me? Am I not attractive enough? I know I still have some confidence issues, but I am so much more confident now than I was before. Am I not confident enough? Too confident? Intimidating?

Any tips/constructive comments would be great.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a guy, and proud of it. That said, the most attractive attire a woman can wear is a happy, confident smile. Nothing else matters, guys that are looking for quality will recognize a woman like that. What you wear of look like will not be a factor. Despite the media we are bombarded with there are fewer than 1/10 of 1 percent of the population that qualifies as 'supermodel'. Shallow is a good description of how they are for the most part, and of course there are exceptions to every rule. Concentrate on learning to adjust to your new self and being happy. You'll be surprised at how things change then.

Good Luck and CONGRATULATIONS on your accomplishment,

:rolleyes2:

gk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, how come Bergdorf gets to compare guys to dogs, but if *I* try that, I get called a bastard!!!

Although I can see no possible comparison ever between dudes and dogs, I thought that was a great post. Hey! I live in NYC! Take me to your hairstylist! I think I'd look great with trampy highlights!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey, you look great! You should feel fantastic about your progress. I know that the last few years I haven't exactly been attracting many ladies and I think that I've gotten myself into a negative self image. It's quite possible that you did the same thing and it takes effort to change that image. It is also a little tougher to meet people than anyone wants to admit. That's why there are so many dating sites on the internet. My advice to you, is relax, let yourself enjoy the new you and live life to the fullest. The next thing you know, you'll be such a happy person that some guy is going to notice that not only are you very pretty but you are happy and confident. They may be a little intimidated by you but it will happen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fenton, the trashy highlights....ok. Do not, however, take RAS' advice and put on red lipstick and chap shorts!! LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Haha!

Too late! And weirdly, today some crazy woman beat me up just because I was flirting with her baby and her father!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry, jfran, I shouldn't be joking in your thread.

But I'm not worried about you - you're a cutie. Give it some time, relax, and you'll get where you want to be....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fenton, I love men and love dogs! LOL Email me and we can go shopping and I will give you a head to toe makeover. I am on the Upper Eastside. I am in desparate need of some new trampy highlights so we can get coiffed together!! :wink2:

Hey, how come Bergdorf gets to compare guys to dogs, but if *I* try that, I get called a bastard!!!

Although I can see no possible comparison ever between dudes and dogs, I thought that was a great post. Hey! I live in NYC! Take me to your hairstylist! I think I'd look great with trampy highlights!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So preband/pre-weightloss I didn't receive much/if any male attention. Now that I have lost nearly 100lbs I have STILL NOT received much male attention. The only attention(flirting, compliments, etc.) I have gotten has been for males that are much older and not my type (one was 15 years older, divorced, had three kids, and lived with his mother..not my ideal guy).

I just don't really understand it. Preband, I chalked it up to being overweight. Now I don't have that excuse. Is it me? Am I not attractive enough? I know I still have some confidence issues, but I am so much more confident now than I was before. Am I not confident enough? Too confident? Intimidating?

Any tips/constructive comments would be great.

Hey girl, When I was at my highest weight everyone always told me you're so beautiful blah blah but I could never get a man and now that I've lost weight, it's still about the same. Guys will look all day long but never approach me. I guess it is the age thing. I have a lot of older men hit on me as well. But my age limit would have to be 33. My boyfriend is 31 and likes me for who I am. My confidence has definately gone up but I still need a little more. Just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one out there and it feels good for me to know that I'm not the only one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions regarding my original post.

I wanted to give you guys an update. I went out on a date today with a very sweet guy. We have a lot in common. He too has lost 100+lbs this past year (not through surgery) and is really into health and fitness. I am trying to take all of your suggestions and just be myself and be more confident. This past year losing all this weight has really led me on a journey of self discovery, and I am still working on really determining who I am and learning to be confident and comfortable with it.

Thanks again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's great! I hope you guys had a fantastic time.

Remember, it's early days still - your date may well turn out to be the love of your life, but however things turn out, you've taken your first step. Just relax and enjoy your new life. There's no hurry - you've got plenty of time to find the right guy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Evidence suggests there is a curve to learning the social skills that Normos have owned for decades while we Morbidly Obese have to construct our own newly discovered set of behaviors of all sudden.

Jack - You're a very smart man. This comment should be stickied and forced to be read by anyone even starting ANY kind of WL journey.

BTW jfran, you're a beautiful girl, enjoy life and work on finding YOU. The right guy is out there...I didn't find my right guy until age 30. The bad news is I spent most of my 20's married to the "wrong" guy. So please, take your time and make sure you love yourself first, it will make a world of difference.

Good luck :ohmy:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×