I Miss Being 'Normal'...Am I alone in this?

[leahbNYC 0]

I've been 'banded' for 18 months now...I've lost 95lbs and I have never been happier in my life. Since my banding, everything else in my life has come together...I'm working in my dream job, have confidence in myself, look and feel fantastic, the list goes on...but find myself missing things from the past.

I hate pretending I have 'stomach problems' when people offer me a beer and I can't have it. I miss eating meat, spinach salads and all the other foods I gave up after my 3rd fill because digesting them became too hard...I miss not having to worry every time I eat a meal that I may throw up or get a stomach ache...again, the list goes on.

I'd never regret being banded and every day I tell myself that the sacrifice I made was the best choice I could have made for my health and my life...I take my GERD medication and I hide my productive burping and laugh that my friends know the 'she's going to be sick' face that joins us for dinners.

Does anyone else feel this way?

[shortgal 5]

Have you considered that you might need a slight unfill? If you've given up solid Protein then you might just be too tight and GERD or reflux is also a symptom of being too tight as well.

Not sure that I could eat spinach salad, but I can eat other salads, it's the greens with stems I can't take ( but I couldn;t eat them before I had a band either)

And if you can't have a beer, can't you just enjoy a glass of wine with your friends? Then they won't wonder anything, except that now you changed your drink of choice to wine.

Many people get an unfill once they hit maintenance, as they no longer need to lose and just maintain. Even if you haven't lost all your weight, your band will work better if you can eat solid food, like meat.

I would never allow myself to get so tight that I can't live like a normal person. Please consider making an appt with your surgeon and discuss this. You're too young to live like that.

[mediummike 0]

The rewards in paragraph 1 so outweigh the sacrifices in paragraph 2 (at least in my eyes) !! That aside, I think that this is something many of us have a concern about. I'm relatively new to all of this but I wonder how tough this will 1, 2, 5, 10+ years from now realizing I won't be able to tolerate some foods/drinks. I am (was) a beer drinker and I'm pretty much resolved to the fact that there is a possibility that I will be lucky to have a sip every now and then, if that. However, the benefits gained (see paragraph 1) are so much more enticing to me at this point, that I am willing to accept changes in my eating behavior/habits. I also agree with shortgal that maybe you are too tight ? Might want to discuss that with your doctor. Good luck to you.

[Leah Peets 0]

Hi Leah, My name is also leah. I was banded 2/22/08. I just had my 2 week appointment today. I was so excited to add some "normal" food. Now I can go out and not look abnormal. I am so excited about this journey. You have done awesome. Take care Leah

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I eat spinach salads all the time. I mix chicken breast in with it.

I agree that you could be too tight. We are supposed to eat meat/solid Protein.

[WendyLap 0]

I think for me that would have me so discouraged. I want to be able to eat most things but just in smaller portions. There is a thing of quality of life, and you are far too young to have to do this for the rest of you life. I am not banded so cant speak from experience, but hopefully you can do something eg unfill and have a better quality of life

good luck with it

[HarleyGirl 1]

Throughout our lives "normal" changes....

When I was single it was "normal" for me to go out party several nights a week, spend my money on *wonderful* frivolous things....then I met a great guy, got married, had a kid....and "normal" changed for me.

It used to be "normal" for me to call my Mom every day, chat with her in the morning and go have a cup of coffee with her in the afternoon....my Mom passed and "normal" changed.......

There are so many times and so many situations that cause us to find a new "normal".....lap band is one of those situations. We just have to come to know that "normal" has changed and we have to settle in to a new normal.

I'm not banded yet, so it's easy for me to spout words of wisdom.....but truly this is one of those times that I look forward to finding a "new normal".

[Jachut 487]

If you're happy with your weight now, I'd agree with considering a slight unfill, perhaps only VERY slight. That's if you feel you're just doing without too many healthy foods that you'd like to eat.

But the ability to just go out, eat whetever's put before you, well I miss that too and I have had a remarkably easy journey for a bandster. But you just never know when something's going to get stuck, when you're going to just have one bite too much and I really do miss this type of normality sometimes too. It can just be such a pain in the bum to have to think so carefully about it all the time - and I'm one who in general CAN eat everything and hardly EVER PB's, so I can imagine its worse for others.

The other thing I struggle with is feeding my family. Doug's asking what's for dinner, when are we going shopping (its Saturday afternoon here). I cant be bothered, I really dont CARE what we have for dinner, I really find my cooking mojo has gone. I'll just have a bit of whatever is lying around the house, which is not good, I tend to eat rubbish rather than making the effort to cook properly at times becuase its just not a joy to me to eat it like it used to be. I'm not hungry, I'll only eat a small amount so why bother.

I've thought about it and decided I want tandoori chicken tonight. But its taken me 3 hours to decide that. There's lots of things I do like and want to cook, but the kids wont eat it - I like my lentil burgers, or various pastas (with healthy vegies and Protein in them) etc and the kids jsut want kid food which kind of repulses me now. Bleurgh. I wish I could just stop cooking for kids!

[srvia 0]

I totally love Harleygirl's view on the evolution of "normal". I too hope to be able to eat "normal" foods but in reasonable quantities however, I so desperately want to make peace with my body after all these years that I am willing to accept some sacrifices that may come. I was banded on 2/7 and just had my first fill. I'm not sure it's tight enough. I am not starving but sometimes hungry. I may not be eating enough but I also fear eating too much. Not quite sure how this is supposed to feel yet.

[shortgal 5]

I think the issue is that this young person cannot eat meat or salad and has a constant worry about PB's or vomiting.

That would NOT be "normal" for me. I can eat chicken, beef, salad, apples, Cereal.

Many times that can be fixed with a small unfill, so why not do that?

Too many people get "overfilled" in an effort to lose weight faster. They lose faster becasue nothing goes down or everything that goes down, comes up. That's not "normal" to me. I'd rather lose a little slower and still eat regular food in smaller portions, than have a constant worry about vomiting when I'm out eating with friends.

Having an overtight band can also lead to big problems like reflux and band slippage, why risk that?

[juliegeraci 7]

I totally understand how you feel. I miss carbonation, a big fat steak, a big Subway sandwich, food in general. I miss vegetable because by the time I eat my Protein I don't have room. I don't miss seat belt extenders when I fly, my 24 jeans and stuff like that. You are not alone.

[Bergdorfblonde 3]

I think the sacrifices you've made are worth it. You are thin, have your dream job, have renewed confidence, look hot. The rest of the stuff goes along with the band. I don't think drinking a beer slowly or eating those foods well chewed will hurt you. You don't have to be so stringent with the rules. But I think all of the sacrifices youve made are totally worth it. You are living your dream life!!

I've been 'banded' for 18 months now...I've lost 95lbs and I have never been happier in my life. Since my banding, everything else in my life has come together...I'm working in my dream job, have confidence in myself, look and feel fantastic, the list goes on...but find myself missing things from the past.

I hate pretending I have 'stomach problems' when people offer me a beer and I can't have it. I miss eating meat, spinach salads and all the other foods I gave up after my 3rd fill because digesting them became too hard...I miss not having to worry every time I eat a meal that I may throw up or get a stomach ache...again, the list goes on.

I'd never regret being banded and every day I tell myself that the sacrifice I made was the best choice I could have made for my health and my life...I take my GERD medication and I hide my productive burping and laugh that my friends know the 'she's going to be sick' face that joins us for dinners.

Does anyone else feel this way?

[leahbNYC 0]

Thanks to you all for your replies - they made me feel a lot better about my current situation.

I'd never heard that banders had slight unfills once they reached maintenance. I'd still like to drop another 25-35 lbs, but I'm confident it would still come off with the slight unfill.

Based on your responses to this thread, I've made an appointment to see my surgeon this Friday and plan to address my concerns and complications with him. Hopefully this will be the first stp in feeling better.

Again, thanks for your support!

[Hazel-eyes 0]

Not sure about anyone else, but I am a little worried about my surgery now. I have no idea what my life will be like in one year but I would be devasted if I am regretful. Hopefully you will find that you need less resrtiction and your outlook will change.

[klkirk_2001 0]

I haven't been banded yet, but will be on Wednesday, the 11th, and I have been really worried about all the changes. I couldn't help but wonder if things will ever get back to "normal" again. When will food not be the central thing in my life? So, Harleygirl's words of wisdom really hit home with me. They were what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. I just need to develop a new "normal". What a great way to look at it. Thank you Harleygirl. I guess sometimes we are so focused on the loses that we overlook the gains. I am so thankful I found this site because the information and the encouragement you receive from people that are going through the same thing you are is absolutely priceless!!!!