Help! how do I deal with this?

[Nat271980 0]

Hi ,

Ok here is my problem, I have had my band for 3 months and for 3 months I have had one very nasty work colleague constantly tell me that she hates fat people and that all fat people do is sit around eating and doing nothing. Every single week she has another comment for me in front of most of my other work mates - today it was that fat people are never healthy , don't exercise or eat properly, I have shrugged it off as ignorance but now I am beginning to feel like I am being discriminated / harassed and I don't really know what I can do about it as my boss will just tell me to sort it out myself. I am almost at my wits end and for the first time in my life am feeling like I could be pushed into a physical reaction.

Please if you can help me!!!!

[Chickie 15]

Take it to HR. It is harassment. They should do something if she is making your work place uncomfortable.

Failing that, the only thing you can do is ignore the self righteous bitch.

[soriminah 0]

It really depends on how far you want to take it. You can have a word to your co-worker and tell them that this is bullying behaviour and to stop it. If you tell your employer and they fail to stop the harassing behaviour, you are well within your rights to pursue legal action against them and the person who is harassing you.

It also depends on what kind of workplace you are in. For government employees they are very strict on this behaviour as they don't want legal action against them. Small business is different as they may not do anything and may even end up trying to sack you for complaining.

I'd have a word to the person making the comments first and see what comes of it.

[Nat271980 0]

Hi thank you guys for your advice - I feel a bit better having just got it off my chest , I think that I am going to have to pluck up the courage to have a word to her- I just hate the fact that she makes me feel like a 2nd class citizen! this woman actually thinks that she is being nice and tactful and doesn't realize that she is actually very nasty.

The funny thing is I work for a legal firm and there is no HR department or anyone else to talk to !!!

:Dancing_angry:man she makes me so angry!!!:mad:

[Sades 4]

Do you know you don't have to take it to your employer if you think he won't do anything? Give the antidiscrimination board a call and seek their advice or make a complaint.

[nat36 2]

Holy crap how have you not decked her by now???? I know you should be the bigger person and all that but how dare someone make so many assumptions. That is just straight out insensitive rude and ignorant. Dont let it go she needs to learn that its not acceptable at all. We all have our own stories we are not just a bunch of food loving cows. What an idiot.

[Nat271980 0]

thank you - you are right Nat , she has a very warped view - I tell you what when she stood there right in front of me and my other overweight work mate and said point blank to my face that she HATES fat people cause " we are disgusting with no self pride " I almost snapped.

I have lost nearly 20kgs now and am quite proud of myself , but when someone stands there and says " the only way you can lose weight is to eat good and exercise - which fat people don't do " knowing full well that I have had this surgery I nearly beat the crap out of her!!

And shes not skinny either!!!

I'm sorry to bore everyone with this but I don't think that I have felt rage like this ever!!!

[thistledo 0]

you could ask her why she is so unhappy...

or say to her..."well dont hold back, tell us how you REALLY feel"

you deserve better in the workplace, it is discrimination and this is one very sad person that she has to make herself feel better by putting everyone else down.

hang in there, nat271980... and promise yourself you'll never be as judgemental as her.

t

[striver 0]

why don"t u take her aside and have a wee talk with her.

Sometimes, people are really insensitive - and they really dont get it unless u take them aside and tell them that it is not the appropriate thing to do.

And then if she still doesnt get it - threaten to kidnap her and feed her macdonalds for a month and see how she feels (joking) Of course we fat people don't do that kind of think right (wink)

Either that or u could pray for her to blow up like a balloon...

I agree it is harassment. but then again u wont be in the fat club for much longer - u are doing so well.

Dont worry about it - she will get hers. Sounds like she needs a reality check big time!!

regards M

[-acl- 0]

I have lost nearly 20kgs now and am quite proud of myself , but when someone stands there and says " the only way you can lose weight is to eat good and exercise - which fat people don't do " knowing full well that I have had this surgery I nearly beat the crap out of her!!

And shes not skinny either!!!

You should be proud of yourself!

As for the b**ch you work with, next time she makes the nasty comments ask her for her detailed eating plan and exercise regime - if she obliges I'd state that now you know what NOT to do, since it's obviously not working for her!

Amy

P.S - Thought I'd better just add that this isn't a serious suggestion :mad:

[Mrs.M 0]

I think you should respond something like this. When she next makes one of her comments say, "Yes, you have already said that before. I'm actually getting concerned with how obsessed you are with people who are overweight. I looked up your problem and discovered that psychiatrists say that people who are obsessed with a topic are usually suffering from a disorder. Maybe you should get some help."

Or how about, "Yes, you're probably right, but at least I can lose weight. I don't think doctors have yet perfected a personality overhaul so you might be stuck with your insensitivity problem for a while yet." And then of course, you must strut away, hair flinging and a big smile!

On a more serious note, her behaviour really does amount to harrassment and I agree with Sades that you should phone the anti-discrimination board. However, I think you should approach your employer first and get his / her reaction to the situation. Good luck with it all.

[aquasky13 0]

thank you - you are right Nat , she has a very warped view - I tell you what when she stood there right in front of me and my other overweight work mate and said point blank to my face that she HATES fat people cause " we are disgusting with no self pride " I almost snapped.

I have lost nearly 20kgs now and am quite proud of myself , but when someone stands there and says " the only way you can lose weight is to eat good and exercise - which fat people don't do " knowing full well that I have had this surgery I nearly beat the crap out of her!!

And shes not skinny either!!!

I'm sorry to bore everyone with this but I don't think that I have felt rage like this ever!!!

get your work mate to come with you for a littlle chat.. make her feel like you do... 2 against 1 should work but be carefull as she may turn it around onto you if it gets outta hand....

[Sunwyse 1]

She stands in front of you and makes those comments point blank? She's not naive. She knows exactly what she's doing. She is nasty, end of story.

You can take one of Mrs. M's excellent suggestions (I especially like #2) or the next time she does this, simply look her squarely in the eyes and in a voice loud enough for everyone else to hear, tell her you pity her. That you pity anyone who is so shallow they can't accept people for who they are. I'd also tell her I'm so sorry she grew up in a home where she felt she had to be skinny to be accepted. Might not be true, but I'd wager it is.

Don't just let it slide. You don't have to take this and you shouldn't.

[soriminah 0]

Well, considering you work in a legal firm she should know better. She should know the legal ramifications of harassment and know that you can sue her for harassing behaviour.

When you mentioned that she's not skinny, I'm wondering if this behaviour is because you've got the band and will be losing weight and it's making her think about herself. Basically, I'm wondering if it's screwing with her head that you've taken steps to lose weight and she's not so it's a reaction based on jealousy. She might be worried that shortly she's be the fat one in the workplace.

I've noticed over the years that people who are really anti-fat-people are usually overweight themselves. It's more about them then it is about you.

Maybe print off the law regards to harassement and give it to her and say if she doesn't stop her behaviour, this is what she can expect to happen.

[SharynP 0]

I had a similar problem with a colleague. She is very overweight and would make comments about the size of my lunchbox etc etc. She watched me like a hawk when I was eating. I would smile nicely back at her with every comment. Finally when we were alone, she broke down and told me how unhappy she was being fat. Anyway, six months later.... she got a lapband too :-) I have found the worst people are the overweight ones...