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How do you handle comments about your looks?



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I haven’t been very public about my surgery journey, but I’m not very public about any of my health stuff. 


If people ask, I’ll ease in slowly and gauge interest, but usually keep things short.
[[I’m okay- aka I’m still not great but not is particularly bad.
We’re working on it- meaning my doctors and I
Ah, it’s going, meaning it’s pretty bad but you don’t really care about it. ]]

For my weight loss- I did it primary as a potential benefit to help my health issues, not particularly for looks.
There were two people who pretty much immediately started commenting as soon as I lost like 10 pounds. 

Other than that it was only in the past 1-2 months that I have started getting regular comments. 

And I am struggling to figure out how I want to deal with them. 

If it is strictly compliments, I’ll just say thanks and move on. [I’m still supperrrr awkward about it, but 🤷🏻‍♀️] [I also don’t particularly like the attention, and it makes me want to dress to hide the changes.]

But when people continue and ask what are you doing or what’s your motivation or anything like that that’s where I am struggling a little bit more.

My goal for the surgery was focused on my health. It also is a little difficult because my health issues are caused my genetic issues, and while weight loss likely will help in the long term, I haven’t really seen any improvements since losing weight. 
So it can be awkward for those conversations if other women ask how I have lost weight or if I’m feeling better. 

I don’t wanna tell anyone, yeah I don’t really feel better, because I know that for most people it would. 

So for those of you who aren’t really sharing about your surgery, what do you say if people ask about how you lost weight? How do you respond when people compliment you? All of that…

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I am not open about my surgery. Very few choice people know that I have gotten done. When they ask how I lost weight I say, I am sticking to a lower carb diet, cut out alcohol and am walking for 30min 5x a week. This is all true so technically I am not lying lol If they ask why I have lost so much, I just tell them well because my family all have health issues so I want to take control before that happens to me. Usually works.

I get compliments and when people ask "Have you lost weight?" I just smile and say ya a little. I just make it light and don't make a big deal about it. This is my journey no one elses.

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I just used the "diet and exercise, working with a dietitian" spiel with normal-sized people. Most of them believe that anyway. For other obese people, I was more honest since they know "diet and exercise" doesn't really work.

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I am having the same struggle that you are having.. lately when people have been asking how am I losing the weight I just tell me.. working out 5-6 days a week, high Protein, low carb and fat diet. That seems to do the trick. If they want to know more then I will tell them about the flavored waters that I am drinking and some of the high protein food that I am eating.

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I don't understand *all* of your post but I do get the thrust I think.

I told 3 people about my surgery - my immediate family. I won't tell anyone else ever I think.

You need to decide who has the right to the full facts and then decide what to tell others no matter how invested or interested or just gosh darn nosey they decide to be.

Everyone else I told I was sticking to a strict low calorie diet. Which is absolutely true (I couldn't have told lies).

Could you just adapt this or something like it as a response to all the enquiries OP? Completely factually accurate but just not sharing your private stuff?

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I had surgery during the Keto/intermittent fasting boom and I relied heavily on that excuse. Was I really fooling anyone? In retrospect, I doubt it.

Now with the rise of highly effective weight loss medication and it’s media coverage, people will think whatever they want anyway, despite your well thought out excuse.

You can always remain vague and say your health is improving and then immediately switch the conversation to focus on something else. I absolutely love the “enough about me, what about you?” pivot.

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I had surgery during the Keto/intermittent fasting boom and I relied heavily on that excuse. Was I really fooling anyone? In retrospect, I doubt it.

Now with the rise of highly effective weight loss medication and it’s media coverage, people will think whatever they want anyway, despite your well thought out excuse.

You can always remain vague and say your health is improving and then immediately switch the conversation to focus on something else. I absolutely love the “enough about me, what about you?” pivot.

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I don’t tell a lot of people either. Just stick to the facts like many others: saw a dietician, did a lot of research, changed the way I ate & had my doctor’s support. If they ask what diet (still get asked occasionally) I say Keto to kick start (was my pre surgery diet so true too) but then no diet just made changes that are good for me. I don’t tell them I exercised because I didn’t & anyone who knows me would know I was lying if I said I did. LOL!

I agree with @GreenTealael. The quick turn about to redirect them to themselves or a new topic is a good tactic:

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On 3/5/2024 at 2:08 AM, GreenTealael said:

I absolutely love the “enough about me, what about you?” pivot.

This is all great advice. Apart from family, In the 2 + years since surgery, I have told the 3 obese people who asked, the real truth. The rest are just nosey and want gossip. I live in a small town where people know everybody and everyone. Gossip is like gold dust.

People love to talk about themselves, I go with - nice nails, hair, dress etc. Where did you get them ? By the end of that conversation you can say, great to see you, I am running late, lets meet at a later date blah blah.

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8 hours ago, summerseeker said:

People love to talk about themselves

Yes they (we) do! Its even more effective if you let them give you tips on how to be more like them. This is where people really shine. 😂

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On 3/4/2024 at 6:17 AM, BKJ said:

I haven’t been very public about my surgery journey, but I’m not very public about any of my health stuff.


If people ask, I’ll ease in slowly and gauge interest, but usually keep things short.
[[I’m okay- aka I’m still not great but not is particularly bad.
We’re working on it- meaning my doctors and I
Ah, it’s going, meaning it’s pretty bad but you don’t really care about it. ]]

For my weight loss- I did it primary as a potential benefit to help my health issues, not particularly for looks.
There were two people who pretty much immediately started commenting as soon as I lost like 10 pounds.

Other than that it was only in the past 1-2 months that I have started getting regular comments.

And I am struggling to figure out how I want to deal with them.

If it is strictly compliments, I’ll just say thanks and move on. [I’m still supperrrr awkward about it, but 🤷🏻‍♀️] [I also don’t particularly like the attention, and it makes me want to dress to hide the changes.]

But when people continue and ask what are you doing or what’s your motivation or anything like that that’s where I am struggling a little bit more.

My goal for the surgery was focused on my health. It also is a little difficult because my health issues are caused my genetic issues, and while weight loss likely will help in the long term, I haven’t really seen any improvements since losing weight.
So it can be awkward for those conversations if other women ask how I have lost weight or if I’m feeling better.

I don’t wanna tell anyone, yeah I don’t really feel better, because I know that for most people it would.

So for those of you who aren’t really sharing about your surgery, what do you say if people ask about how you lost weight? How do you respond when people compliment you? All of that…

I'm fairly anti-social and shy and as such I've learned people love to talk about themselves (normally) to the point they forget about involving me. Knowing this I just say thank you I'm working on eating healthier, but...you're looking good...how are you doing....what have you been up too etc., normally people will run with it and be more than glad to talk about themselves and take the spotlight off you.

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I'm so happy to find this thread, because I've been anticipating these questions and am so nervous about them. My immediate family and a couple of close friends know, but I don't intend to share beyond that. Currently, my plan is to simply say that I've been addressing some health challenges and leave it at that.

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