Anybody dealing with "you don't need surgery"

[Tamika James 62]

I am tall and my weight is distributed pretty nicely. I'm 6'0 and almost 300 lbs. I've only told a few people that I'm getting surgery and I keep getting the "what you getting surgery for, stop being lazy and go to the gym" comments. But none of these people have my severe back issues or worsening asthma. How do you stop yourself from slapping people who talk about your surgery being the "easy way out"

[NickelChip 1,358]

I mean, I guess fear of prison is ultimately what keeps me from actually slapping stupid people... but the way the world is going, something's bound to make me break eventually. Honestly, why is it so hard for people to just be supportive and kind to other people?

[Saxons 71]

Maybe its too late, but I told no-one except my husband and 2 sons. And swore them to secrecy.

I was concerned about the lectures I might get from friends and family, and answering millions of questions, and people question my serving sizes and side effects etc.

You shouldn't have to explain your health decisions, and listen to opinions that criticise you.

The only thing I think you can do is state that your weight was causing health issues for you, and that although you have tried other methods, you think this surgery is the best for you. And leave it at that.

[summerseeker 2,398]

Easy answer, tell no one. I only discussed it with my husband and son. Even now I limit my answers to how I did it. I do tell obese people the truth though if they ask.

When you are the biggest person in a group, your 'friends' will always feel thinner by standing with you. Its human nature. Jealousy is an issue too.

Trust yourself. You will come to the right decision for you.

[The Greater Fool 2,071]

How is taking the easy way wrong? On almost anything else you would be harassed for NOT taking the easy way. Why is the hard way so much better? Because it will build character? Thanks but we have plenty of character from all the previous hard ways we've tried and failed. Over and over. WLS looks like the easy way because it works, and it works faster than most diets.

Having said this, it's a waste of time arguing with people about the easy or hard ways, or whether or not you need surgery. They don't care about how you lose weight, they care that you want to.

As I said in another thread recently and as others have pointed out already, you are changing the status quo. You are changing your relationships. Some may change for the better, others for the worse. Everyone is used to you as you are and WLS will change that. Things will change for better and worse.

Or not. Everyone is different.

Good luck,

Tek

[Lipman 47]

I was very open with people before my surgery (and I had 2 false starts over an 18m period, so I told a lot of people). I got some comments about not needing surgery, which I brushed aside because my weight was NOT distributed nicely , and I also got some people that were genuinely concerned about the downsides of the surgery. My mother was one of the biggest opponents until I talked her through all of the research I had done. I read multiple clinical studies and research papers that documented the long term effectiveness, watched tons of doctor videos talking about it (both pro and con), etc (like I said, I had 18m to research).

At the end of the day, you just have to realize that everybody has their own view of the world. Some of those people are probably making comments out of love or worry, some out of fear, and some are probably just petty people. Focus on what makes you happy and don't let other people change your mood, don't give them that power.

[AmberFL 1,077]

yep! I got it from my hubs and mom, but once I told them my "why" they are now super supportive!

Not many ppl know. Not even my kids. No one in my friend circle know and I told my husband to never ever tell them even when the weight starts falling off. Its no one business and I am doing this for me.

[Spinoza 1,521]

I also told only my partner and children and will never tell anyone else. I admire anyone who can be open and face the censure/answer the questions but I just feared exactly the negativity you're experiencing OP. I get admiration for taking 'the hard way' that I probably don't deserve but, let's face it, no way is the easy way when you're morbidly obese. People who aren't or haven't been don't have A CLUE. Get your support here.

Edited December 22, 2023 by Spinoza

[justmilarny 3]

I’m dealing with “you look fine; you’re not that big”

🙄
I politely tell them that this isn’t for them.. and that they’re not the ones having to carry the weight...

[Arabesque 7,601]

Easy? Ha! Weight loss surgery is not easy. People who say this are speaking from ignorance. The diet, the psychological work, working out a new way of eating that suits you & your needs, introducing more activity into your life, … And there is the life long work to maintain your weight loss - it’s much easier for an obese person to regain weight than it is for someone who was overweight or who lost a few pounds. Obesity is a disease for a reason & those demons that lead us down that path are still there. We just learn how to understand & manage them better & change our relationship with & dependence on food.

Many of the benefits of the surgery, which kick start our weight loss, fade over time. We are able to eat more, our restriction weakens, our appetite returns. That’s when the real work begins. To me the most important benefit of the surgery was that during the time of no appetite, strong restriction, etc, I had the time to do the head work about my relationship with food, eating behaviours, & work out a new way of eating,

I never worked as hard with losing weight & then maintaining my weight as I have since my surgery. It is so very much worth it though.

[Arabesque 7,601]

dupe post

Edited December 22, 2023 by Arabesque

[Arabesque 7,601]

dupe post

Edited December 22, 2023 by Arabesque

[Arabesque 7,601]

Dupe post.

Edited December 22, 2023 by Arabesque

[BlondePatriotInCDA 594]

On 12/20/2023 at 6:07 PM, Tamika James said:

I am tall and my weight is distributed pretty nicely. I'm 6'0 and almost 300 lbs. I've only told a few people that I'm getting surgery and I keep getting the "what you getting surgery for, stop being lazy and go to the gym" comments. But none of these people have my severe back issues or worsening asthma. How do you stop yourself from slapping people who talk about your surgery being the "easy way out"

Your comment about slapping stupid people made me laugh! My answer is this: If I went around slapping stupid people making stupid comments I'd be slapping people 24/7! Although, all the swinging my arms back and letting go would be good exercise and probably therapeutic

Just a fair warning, I'm a major smart A** so my response is my personality... Good or bad.

Just do as I do; ask to see their medical license. Explain your doctor, who has the experience, knowledge and an actual medical degree in their medical opinion feels its a necessary medical procedure, then tell them you appreciate their bedside manner, "medical expertise" and judgement! I also like to add that insurance companies don't like to pay for "the easy way out" and unnecessary procedures, they don't go around approving surgery unless its necessary!

If that doesn't stop them ask them why they think its "the easy way out"? Then shoot down their preconceived stupid concepts with facts and how its the furthest from easy to lose weight. Last option, ignore them and do what you need to do for you! After all, you can lose weight and get healthy, they'll always be stupid!

Lastly, it always amazes me that people question or make comments about a medically approved procedure. Do they question a vasectomy ... or a cesarean birth, how about rhinoplasty for a deviated septum to stop nasal issues...how about a root canal..after all they could take the easy way out for these procedures...

Edited December 23, 2023 by BlondePatriotinCDA

[tantakatie 7]

I didn’t tell anyone other than my sister before surgery, because I did the research and wasted years trying to do various diets that worked for a minute and then nothing! Trust me everyone else’s arguments had already been in my heads and I made my decision! They don’t realize living life at a high weight is just existing and taking up a lot of space! I am at the point in life that I don’t care what other people think or want for me! It’s me and God ! And now that I am 50# down and do go to the gym, don’t drink ANY soda or fast food (a weekly dessert is earned at gym) no one says “ you shouldn’t have done it”! Do it for you, your health and your chances to live a healthy vibrant life! It’s your journey and you have to deal with the consequences good, bad and otherwise! Love and joy to you!