Depressed before surgery

[MasonMoonGirl 42]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to vent how I am feeling and see if anyone else feels this way or did feel the same before surgery. I already started my preop diet so I am fully committed to doing things right so I can have a safe recovery.

Today was hard in that I got a lot of invitations for food related things that I'd usually be so excited about. My best friend called me and told me a new Cuban restaurant (my favorite food) was opening in San Diego and that we should try it as my "goodbye" meal before surgery. I know the intentions were good, but I politely declined and told her I already started my preop surgery since I am 3.5 weeks away from surgery.

Later this same day, my sister who has been on vacation in Puerto Rico the past two weeks called me and told me that she brought back some delicious food she discovered there and if my fiance and I to would like to come over and try it. Again, I declined.

The last straw for me today has been that a foodie club that I've been a part of and built friendships in has invited me to San Diego Comic Con this weekend to try out the new Sonic the Hedgehog popup Cafe. Food menu items are being paid for by the club so basically free food and meetup with some friends. This was the hardest for me to say no to, I even rsvped knowing damn well I can't go.

As you can see, food has been a major part of my social life and source of happiness for the past years that I guess I am the go to that people call when they want to eat 🤣🤣 All of these invitations happened today and I can't help but feel really depressed right now and like I'm missing out. I am so done with the health problems I have and the chronic pain I'm in because of my obesity

. I have been so excited that I've committed to this weight loss journey and my new diet for the past week talking nonstop about it and being hopeful and now this feeling of depression and feeling sorry for myself has hit me like a pile of bricks and I haven't even done the surgery yet which makes me feel hopeless like I've already failed just by feeling like this. Sorry for the long post, just feeling down and needed to vent

[GreenTealael 24,864]

3 minutes ago, MasonMoonGirl said:

Hey guys,

I just wanted to vent how I am feeling and see if anyone else feels this way or did feel the same before surgery. I already started my preop diet so I am fully committed to doing things right so I can have a safe recovery.

Today was hard in that I got a lot of invitations for food related things that I'd usually be so excited about. My best friend called me and told me a new Cuban restaurant (my favorite food) was opening in San Diego and that we should try it as my "goodbye" meal before surgery. I know the intentions were good, but I politely declined and told her I already started my preop surgery since I am 3.5 weeks away from surgery.

Later this same day, my sister who has been on vacation in Puerto Rico the past two weeks called me and told me that she brought back some delicious food she discovered there and if my fiance and I to would like to come over and try it. Again, I declined.

The last straw for me today has been that a foodie club that I've been a part of and built friendships in has invited me to San Diego Comic Con this weekend to try out the new Sonic the Hedgehog popup Cafe. Food menu items are being paid for by the club so basically free food and meetup with some friends. This was the hardest for me to say no to, I even rsvped knowing damn well I can't go.

As you can see, food has been a major part of my social life and source of happiness for the past years that I guess I am the go to that people call when they want to eat 🤣🤣 All of these invitations happened today and I can't help but feel really depressed right now and like I'm missing out. I am so done with the health problems I have and the chronic pain I'm in because of my obesity

. I have been so excited that I've committed to this weight loss journey and my new diet for the past week talking nonstop about it and being hopeful and now this feeling of depression and feeling sorry for myself has hit me like a pile of bricks and I haven't even done the surgery yet which makes me feel hopeless like I've already failed just by feeling like this. Sorry for the long post, just feeling down and needed to vent

Please go to Comic-Con ❤️ You don’t have to eat anything but try to enjoy the experience.

[Jonathan Carlson 59]

Social events with food can be difficult, but things get better!

[CarmenG 149]

I know exactly how you feel. I was on my pre-op diet during the last days of school when all of my coworkers and students were snacking and bringing me all kinds of goodies (that I didn't eat). My daughter's Sweet 16 happened 4 days after my surgery (no dinner, no cake). On my birthday (July 2nd), my sisters came over with Breakfast tacos, cake, and a birthday gift card, and all I could do was slowly try a scrambled egg, while they all ate around me at the table. All of those times, I felt sad because I thought I was missing out on all the goodies with family and friends. In reality, though, I wasn't missing out on the fun. My friends and family were/are very supportive. It was difficult, of course, but I stuck to my guns all while socializing with all the people that I love. It's actually something you will have to get used to for months and years to come anyway. After your surgery, you won't be able to eat or drink like others. But you WILL be able to hang out and be a part of all the gatherings. Just remember to be true to yourself first. Be true to your health. You don't have to shy away from family and friends. As long as they are understanding and accommodating, you can go hang out with anyone at anytime. Take your shakes/food with you. It's what I did and will have to keep doing for a very long time. But I do understand your frustration. It gets easier with practice. 💛

[Arabesque 6,487]

It is hardest in the beginning before surgery & then while you’re losing your weight but it does get easier as you start to look at food differently & you can eat more like you used to (not exactly the same again of course).

My friends & family enjoy socialising & eating & drinking too. Most family & friends do. But losing my weight didn’t stop me from enjoying time with them. I just made more careful choices. I still do. Doesn’t stop us getting together. Doesn’t stop us going out to eat. They don’t feel like they can’t eat or drink something because I don’t. We spend time together to be together. We don’t spend time together just to eat or drink.

At about 4 months out I went to a work reunion in a park. We all bought food to share so I bought something I could eat. Afterwards some of us went back to a friend’s house where Chinese takeaway was ordered. I ate the filling from inside steamed wontons & a little braised chicken. Nobody cared what I did or didn’t eat or that I didn’t drink & we had a great time together.

I agree, still go to Comicon the meal is such a small part of the experiences you’ll share. And ask your sister to visit to tell you about her holiday just not to bring the food. And tell your friend you’d love to try the Cuban restaurant with her but in a few months time.

[MasonMoonGirl 42]

Thank you guys so much you don't know how much it means to me to have this support and know that I'm not the only one feeling like this.

Going back and reading my post and your responses has made me realize how much food controls my supposed happiness when its just food!! There's no reason I can't go see my sister and enjoy her company or go to freaking comic con and see all the amazing things and take a rain check on the Cuban food! I clearly need to change my thinking and am happy that I just scheduled my first therapy session on my own to address my all or nothing thinking. I know I'm going to have a lot of experiences like all of you throughout this journey coming from a big Mexican family where there's always a quinceanera or a birthday with lots of food and friends that love to eat. And I'm also going to have to say no like 10 times before they get it 🤣🤣 taking my food with me is great advice and go to places for the company not the food! all of these tips are so helpful thanks again i feel a lot better🫂

[Caitlinhn 1]

I’m with you 100%. Lost 30lbs on my own, doing my own thing in the months leading up to surgery. I had been told by everyone at the office I have to eat “their” food for two weeks, no exception, everyone has to do it. I tried it and developed not only some extreme food aversions but a massive case of depression. I did call the office and they let me transition to whole foods like chicken, cottage cheese, salad for the remainder. Still had to be 800 cal/day which was fine. So I was still able to go out to eat and just get a salad. Lost 8lbs in that two weeks before surgery. They didn’t tell me I’d go into ketosis and ache all over or that I would have zero energy. I think my depression came really from not being able to move (priorly walked 4-5 miles/day). Well it all came crashing down the night before my scheduled surgery. Full blown panic attack knowing damn well I wasn’t coping with life as it was and there’s no way I could add in a major operation and not even be able to do simple things like drink Water. I ended up cancelling my surgery the morning of (May revisit in 6-12 months). Bottom line for me is that without good mental health, really nothing else matters. Even if I went through with the surgery I think my results may have been diminished with the level of depression I am/was experiencing

that whole time I lost my first 30 lbs my mantra was “food is fuel” and while that is true and helped immensely in guiding making good food choices… food is so much more than that, often central to social gatherings being the big one. I am not an emotional eater but it was hard to not get my usual takeout like I used to or enjoy a treat

[Caitlinhn 1]

I’m with you 100%. Lost 30lbs on my own, doing my own thing in the months leading up to surgery. I had been told by everyone at the office I have to eat “their” food for two weeks, no exception, everyone has to do it. I tried it and developed not only some extreme food aversions but a massive case of depression. I did call the office and they let me transition to whole foods like chicken, cottage cheese, salad for the remainder. Still had to be 800 cal/day which was fine. So I was still able to go out to eat and just get a salad. Lost 8lbs in that two weeks before surgery. They didn’t tell me I’d go into ketosis and ache all over or that I would have zero energy. I think my depression came really from not being able to move (priorly walked 4-5 miles/day). Well it all came crashing down the night before my scheduled surgery. Full blown panic attack knowing damn well I wasn’t coping with life as it was and there’s no way I could add in a major operation and not even be able to do simple things like drink Water. I ended up cancelling my surgery the morning of (May revisit in 6-12 months). Bottom line for me is that without good mental health, really nothing else matters. Even if I went through with the surgery I think my results may have been diminished with the level of depression I am/was experiencing

that whole time I lost my first 30 lbs my mantra was “food is fuel” and while that is true and helped immensely in guiding making good food choices… food is so much more than that, often central to social gatherings being the big one. I am not an emotional eater but it was hard to not get my usual takeout like I used to or enjoy a treat

[MasonMoonGirl 42]

Same here my original surgery was supposed to be on April 26th. I've lost 22 pounds since my heaviest from following the preop diet before. About 2 weeks before I freaked out and cancelled. Too many people were telling me not to do it, horror stories and I barely had any support. This time I have not told anyone I'm doing it yet except for my sister and best friend. My pre op isn't as restrictive, they didn't give me a set calorie count and liquid starts 2 days before surgery.

I did Keto diet on my own before this from 2019-2020 and lost 90 pounds naturally, but I gained it back when I met my significant other and went off that diet. I feel like i dont like to exercise so that worries me and haven't found the motivation to start. I keep telling myself it's not important for weight loss and I'll do that x amount of weeks before or after the surgery.

It doesn't help that my significant other isn't really supportive. They are worried for me and is the type that if I say I'm depressed and start crying about the surgery, instead of talking me thru it and saying it will pass, they will start crying too 🤣🤣, blame themself for not stopping me, say they dont want to see me suffer and convince me I'm not ready to do it and they won't be able to stand seeing me suffer after. Although I know it's good intentioned again, I need someone who's not as soft. I should be able to say I'm feeling depressed about it without them being the one that gets sad and emotional, I'm the one that should be sad lol.

Last time was the second time I cancelled the surgery after going thru all of the motions. Now I'm telling myself third time is the charm and the office is going to think I'm nuts if I keep freaking out and canceling then saying just kidding the next week 🤣🤣

[Shan0 13]

I feel for you, this sounds really hard. I am also preop but I know I am thinking about food with a sort of grieving perspective, even though I don’t always care about food that much.

It sounds way harder for you and having to do the emotional labor for yourself and for your significant other sounds extra hard. In the end only you know what is best for you, and I’m betting it is likely being healthy. So whatever “health” looks like for you is where you should go, right? And everyone else’s opinion does not matter even the slightest.The doctor’s office included.

Good luck to you!

[MasonMoonGirl 42]

Thank you for your response, I've realized through this whole preop process how addicted to food I really am. Thankfully, I am taking the right steps and joined Betterhelp for therapy. There is a group session for Bariatric patients where I met a therapist who is a bariatric patient and food addict herself and I felt a weight lifted off of me talking to her yesterday and am going to continue with her twice a week. I feel like this is going to be a huge key to my success.

I was having a breakdown when I posted that, but I feel much better now 😆 my fiance and I have decided to go to benihana that day as a date night,we've never done teppanyaki together and I'll get to have some yummy meat and vegetables and not cheat on my preop! I am feeling more hopeful now than ever and I'm sorry if that post came off as negative to anyone. My health is number one and I will be getting this surgery because we are all worth it!!

[Midwest Grateful 48]

@MasonMoonGirl... Congratulations on saying no and resisting the temptation to give in to food invitations! I respectfully disagree with the suggestion to go to Com Con. Not at this stage. I am on my pre-op liquid diet (day 5 of 14). It's doable. Day 3 was my hardest, especially emotionally. I have been seeing a therapist to help prepare me for a drastic lifestyle change (I'm also a counselor, so that was an easy choice). Good for you for making that choice as well.

The liquid diet isn't half as challenging as the mindset re food choices, etc. Hang tough. You're wise to begin this serious lifestyle change now. From all I've read - and I've researched this for eons, as well as know several people who have had WLS - the ones who get therapy or at least find a way to change their lifestyle and their mindset surrounding food are the ones who stay consistent and are less likely to return to old destructive thinking and gain weight later.

Keep those boundaries clear for you and others to see. Anyone who doesn't respect your boundaries and journey, put much space between you and them. This is too important.

All the best! 💟

[MasonMoonGirl 42]

Thank you!! Yes I did not go to that restaurant i was invited to at comic con, my fiance and I went to benihanas instead and I am so proud of myself for just eating steak and veggies and saying no to that rice! Yes I am now doing private therapy once a week and joined a binge eating support group and life after bariatric surgery support group. In the literal week I've been in therapy I've learned a lot about myself already and family patterns etc. It's amazing what a difference it makes!

I really haven't told anyone I'm getting WLS except for my sister and two close friends. We told my fiances family the first time I considered getting it and they were scaring my fiance and me telling us about this person who know this person who had complications and this lady who can "spiritually" heal me from overeating instead of surgery (Hispanic small town problems lol) and I didn't end up doing it. So now we will tell them when I'm out of surgery, I don't need any negative opinions, this is my journey and no one else's!

[maintenanceman 280]

One of the best things about WLS is that it releases you from the hold food has over you. I know it's hard to imagine now, but food becomes so much less important. It's weird. You find yourself eating less than most everyone around you... and not really wanting more. At times, other people seem positively gluttonous.

I'm 16 months post-op. I get hungry, but it's a controlled hunger that's based primarily on what my body needs, not social cues. I just don't have a taste for garbage food anymore, and I don't equate eating with having a good time. It's very liberating.

How you feel pre-op isn't a good indicator of how you will feel post-op. Trust the process. Soon you will be on the loser's bench and sharing your stories with others.

Edited July 26, 2023 by losinglosinglosing

[Jessi2023 6]

I just wanted to say, as depressing as it was, kudos to you for sticking to your guns and avoiding problematic situations during your pre-op diet! Social situations and peer pressure are on of the most difficult to deal with, pat yourself on the back for it!