I am having a hard time not blaming myself for being 100 pounds overweight and having high cholesterol, high blood sugar, fatty liver, and other health problems.

How did I get here, I've been asking myself.

• I was under the most extreme stress of my life for the past several years. I lost track of the fact that stress can affect the heart and cholesterol, etc. or I would have handled things differently. Now I might be having heart problems, which I NEVER though would happen...I'm very careful not to eat foods that are high in saturated fat.
• Genetics are working against me. My father and brother were about 100 pounds overweight when they had sleeve surgery, and a few cousins had gastric bypass surgery.
• I've taken medications that affect the metabolic system, so I think that system is totally dysfunctional now.

I feel like I've failed my body by not taking care of it. It makes me very sad. On the other hand, I feel like this body isn't really mine. The real me is hidden in this body. But I swear to you I've had the best of intentions. I have done some things right, like eating lots of vegetables and fruits and drinking tons of water.

I'm making an appointment with a bariatric surgeon to discuss gastric bypass surgery. That day can't come soon enough. I'm looking forward to being on the path that you all have bravely taken.

Has anyone else had feelings like these? I seem to be overcome by them lately.

Wow, you sound just like me about six months ago. It’s like I was living in denial about my weight for years until one day I finally realized “enough” and accepted that I had become obese. We all have that breaking point or lowest point that brings us to the decision to have WLS. I was angry at myself, embarrassed, ashamed and felt like a failure. I felt like I let my family down and set such a bad example for my two adult sons. Once I scheduled the consultation, I felt totally refocused and determined to make positive changes to my health. I even scheduled a mammogram (long overdue) and a colonoscopy that I was supposed to do last year. I made a promise to myself that this year was going to be a year of taking care of ME. I had sleeve surgery on 4/12/22 and things are going well. It was the best decision I ever made. I’m glad you are taking the first step towards a better YOU. You are worth it!

My golden rule is: Don't beat yourself up, but do take accountability and work to change it. I ate myself into 130kg. There were certainly external factors that influenced it - I used to turn to cigarettes in times of stress, and in the long process of quitting, turned to food instead. Got addicted to sugar. I have an addictive personality, so I'm prone to it.

I regret getting myself there. I felt horrible, and hit really low points in the year before my surgery. It's not a nice place to be. BUT - I did take charge, I did make the steps towards my last option to fix it with getting my bypass. I'm responsible for my obesity, but I won't beat myself up about it. We're human, we make mistakes, some of them affect our health, but there's nothing that self-flagellation can fix. Instead, embrace the steps to change, and cheer yourself on.

Your first appointment towards fixing yourself is a big step in taking yourself back - be happy with yourself for taking it! xx

Edited May 30, 20224 yr by Smanky

I ate myself to disability, I just got the news that I was diabetic on top of everything else I had. My moment had come, I decided pretty quickly that being so disabled, dieting again was not an option. Surgery it was. Now I am 90 pounds down and can walk again. I have my independence back

I 100% blame myself for eating my way to morbid obesity, but even though I was ashamed of myself I still felt that I deserved to feel better, and WLS was the solution for me. I still remember the excitement of making my first appointment, and then the excitement of telling my husband about it. It truly was a whirlwind, and I can't believe it was 2 1/2 years ago. Best thing I ever did!!!!

@suzannethemom, year of ME...I love it!! I lost myself in my family and work problems for years. It's time for me to take my life back!

Edited May 30, 20224 yr by imaginegirl

16 hours ago, Smanky said:

My golden rule is: Don't beat yourself up, but do take accountability and work to change it. I ate myself into 130kg. There were certainly external factors that influenced it - I used to turn to cigarettes in times of stress, and in the long process of quitting, turned to food instead. Got addicted to sugar. I have an addictive personality, so I'm prone to it.

I regret getting myself there. I felt horrible, and hit really low points in the year before my surgery. It's not a nice place to be. BUT - I did take charge, I did make the steps towards my last option to fix it with getting my bypass. I'm responsible for my obesity, but I won't beat myself up about it. We're human, we make mistakes, some of them affect our health, but there's nothing that self-flagellation can fix. Instead, embrace the steps to change, and cheer yourself on.

Your first appointment towards fixing yourself is a big step in taking yourself back - be happy with yourself for taking it! xx

@Smanky, how did you deal with sugar addiction post surgery? I have a bit of a problem there :).

Edited May 30, 20224 yr by imaginegirl

5 hours ago, summerseeker said:

I ate myself to disability, I just got the news that I was diabetic on top of everything else I had. My moment had come, I decided pretty quickly that being so disabled, dieting again was not an option. Surgery it was. Now I am 90 pounds down and can walk again. I have my independence back

.

@summerseeker congratulations on being able to walk again! I hate walking, even while listening top podcasts or Audible books. But I guess I'll have to get used to it. From everything I've read, I'll need to walk a few times a day post-op. Ugh.

Edited May 30, 20224 yr by imaginegirl

5 hours ago, ChubRub said:

I 100% blame myself for eating my way to morbid obesity, but even though I was ashamed of myself I still felt that I deserved to feel better, and WLS was the solution for me. I still remember the excitement of making my first appointment, and then the excitement of telling my husband about it. It truly was a whirlwind, and I can't believe it was 2 1/2 years ago. Best thing I ever did!!!!

@ChubRub, I know what you mean about the excitement. I've already told family and a few friends because I can't hold back the excitement.

Just now, imaginegirl said:

Smanky, how did you deal with sugar addiction post surgery? I have a bit of a problem there :).

It only takes a couple of weeks to break sugar's hold (unlike nicotine!), so after two weeks of pre-op diet and the first 3 weeks post surgery I'd broken its hold. Right after surgery, my taste for sugar was gone and it still isn't really back 8 months on. Sweet things were suddenly horrid, it was like a switch had been flicked. This happens to quite a lot of us, so hopefully you'll get that add-on bonus too!

The only sweet things I like now are fruit (apples, grapes and berries, mainly). Anything that contains processed sugar makes me feel sick if I have more than a small taste. Quite the change from someone who could make a batch of hokey pokey and then proceed to eat it over the course of a single day!

@Smanky, you give me hope :).

19 hours ago, Smanky said:

Quite the change from someone who could make a batch of hokey pokey and then proceed to eat it over the course of a single day!

I had to Google HOKEY POKEY since I have never heard of it. It’s ice cream! What a cute and funny name.

9 hours ago, suzannethemom said:

I had to Google HOKEY POKEY since I have never heard of it. It’s ice cream! What a cute and funny name.

Almost! It's a NZ aerated toffee candy, also called Honeycomb in Australia. I believe the closest US equivalent is sponge-toffee, or cinder toffee? Basically a mix of sugar and golden-syrup, boiled and then "fluffed up" with the addition of bicarbonate of soda/baking soda. Utterly nutritionally dead, but when you're in the grip of sugar addiction and have a thing for texture, it's dangerous! No wonder I was as big as I was. ?‍♀️

On 5/30/2022 at 2:20 PM, ChubRub said:

I 100% blame myself for eating my way to morbid obesity, but even though I was ashamed of myself I still felt that I deserved to feel better, and WLS was the solution for me. I still remember the excitement of making my first appointment, and then the excitement of telling my husband about it. It truly was a whirlwind, and I can't believe it was 2 1/2 years ago. Best thing I ever did!!!!

Yes! I was so excited to finally decide to have surgery that I told everyone. I got almost totally positive responses. My friends and family had all seen me lose and gain tons of weight. I beat myself up a lot, but that didn't work, and I needed to find something that did.

On 5/31/2022 at 11:17 PM, Smanky said:

Almost! It's a NZ aerated toffee candy, also called Honeycomb in Australia. I believe the closest US equivalent is sponge-toffee, or cinder toffee? Basically a mix of sugar and golden-syrup, boiled and then "fluffed up" with the addition of bicarbonate of soda/baking soda. Utterly nutritionally dead, but when you're in the grip of sugar addiction and have a thing for texture, it's dangerous! No wonder I was as big as I was. ?‍♀️

In my part of the US we call that angel food, not to be confused the with cake by the same name. Used to be my favorite Christmas treat.

You’re not alone in your thinking. I’d say everyone of us looked in the mirror one day & wondered how we got to the point of obesity & felt we had lost some of ourselves. Whether it was through choices we made or didn’t make, genetic predisposition, medications, health issues, psychological issues or just life we all ended up obese. Some things were totally out of our control & others were things we could have controlled or changed. Just like you all of us wanted to do something about it. To take some of that control back. To get our lives & ourselves back.

Don't be hard on yourself. It’s not going to change the past & your obesity but the surgery can help you change your future. Celebrate you making the decision to have the surgery, the changes you’re already starting to make & the potential for your future.

Remember the serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Grab this opportunity with both hands and embrace every opportunity it offers.

All the best.