Help! I need advice!

[MommaJo1969 25]

I'm having my gastric bypass surgery on June 4th. I currently watch my daughter's children ages 11 9 and 3. I told my daughter when I started this journey, that after my surgery, I wouldn't be able to babysit for quite some time. My thought process behind that was that I would need time to get acclimated to my new normal. So I wouldn't have to worry about cooking meals, or having foods in the house that I shouldn't have. It's bad enough, that I'm going to have them during my two week liquid pre-op diet. I thought this was all ironed out, but today she said to me that the baby was going to be in daycare and possibly the 9-year-old, but the 11-year-old would be staying with me in case I needed help. I love my grandchildren, but this really concerns me. I feel that it'll be more stressful than helpful and I'm really stressed out about telling her again that that's not a good idea. Any input that you can give me would be amazing! I've come too far to let anyone sabotage my journey.

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[liveaboard15 1,294]

I mean its your house right? No is no if you dont want the older one there. Now if you are alone. Having someone does help a ton. because after surgery, bending over, getting out of a chair is gonna be difficult. Dropping something on the floor is nearly impossible to get on your own for a little bit. So idk how the 11 year old behaves but if they are well behaved, The kid may come in handy. You could try it out for a day or 2 and see. If the 11 year old is too much then call your daughter to get them and say no more

[ShoppGirl 5,073]

It sounds like one of your your biggest fears is the food aspect. If that’s the case you may want to play that by ear because a lot of people post surgery do not care about food for a while so that part may not really be an issue. I would have mom pack a lunch and Snacks in the beginning because you probably won’t want to have to cook though. If the 11 year old would stress you out otherwise having to entertain her or whatever then I’m afraid you may just have to be honest with your daughter. I’d like to think she would understand if you tell her just as you told us. That you love your grandkids but you feel like while you are recovering it will be too much stress and you can’t risk anything jeopardizing your success. I’m guessing those kids are one of the biggest reasons you are even doing this surgery in the first place and you want to be successful so that you are around for them. Maybe remind her of that.

Edited May 10, 2022 by ShoppGirl

[Tomo 1,196]

Could it be that your daughter is worried about you and wants the 11 year old to watch over you instead of vice versa just in case of an emergency? If that is the case, just tell her no but thank you so much, but it's not necessary and that the surgeon says that it's important for you to rest quietly with no distractions and that you will be sleeping for a few days after the surgery.

[MommaJo1969 25]

It sounds like one of your your biggest fears is the food aspect. If that’s the case you may want to play that by ear because a lot of people post surgery do not care about food for a while so that part may not really be an issue. I would have mom pack a lunch and Snacks in the beginning because you probably won’t want to have to cook though. If the 11 year old would stress you out otherwise having to entertain her or whatever then I’m afraid you may just have to be honest with your daughter. I’d like to think she would understand if you tell her just as you told us. That you love your grandkids but you feel like while you are recovering it will be too much stress and you can’t risk anything jeopardizing your success. I’m guessing those kids are one of the biggest reasons you are even doing this surgery in the first place and you want to be successful so that you are around for them. Maybe remind her of that.

Yes they are. Thank you so much. You made some excellent points.

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[MommaJo1969 25]

Could it be that your daughter is worried about you and wants the 11 year old to watch over you instead of vice versa just in case of an emergency? If that is the case, just tell her no but thank you so much, but it's not necessary and that the surgeon says that it's important for you to rest quietly with no distractions and that you will be sleeping for a few days after the surgery.

It may be that she's worried about me, but she also has a very long track record of not hearing me. I guess I'm just very nervous about my upcoming surgery and until I know how I am and how I feel afterwards, I don't want to commit to having any one of my home. I do like your advice though. I can feel out the situation a little more and see if that's the case. Thank you so much

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[MommaJo1969 25]

I mean its your house right? No is no if you dont want the older one there. Now if you are alone. Having someone does help a ton. because after surgery, bending over, getting out of a chair is gonna be difficult. Dropping something on the floor is nearly impossible to get on your own for a little bit. So idk how the 11 year old behaves but if they are well behaved, The kid may come in handy. You could try it out for a day or 2 and see. If the 11 year old is too much then call your daughter to get them and say no more

I am alone, but I don't rest well when the kids are here. I'm too much of a Mama Bear. Lol. But, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. He's a good boy and very helpful at times. I didn't looking at it that way. Thank you.

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[MommaJo1969 25]

Yes they are. Thank you so much. You made some excellent points.

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Aiden is a sweet boy. He he is on the autism spectrum. I know that his intentions would be to be very helpful, and he may be, but I worry about how he will handle things if he sees me in pain or if he sees me throw up or any of the other myriad of side effects that I can have early on after the surgery. I had to take a few minutes before giving you a full reply because your message really touched me. My grandkids are a huge reason that I'm doing this. I need to be healthy so that I can watch them grow up.

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[Tony B - NJ 644]

I just think you are thinking that you are going to be incapacitated after the surgery which is most likely not going to be the case. Most people need a week or two at the most and are up and around. Should you be picking up small children? NO. But you are not going to be bed ridden and not be able to do most of the things you do now after a week or so.

[colocoral 6]

I missing my grandson's, because I cannot be around food like that. I know it upsets my daughter cuz it's the first grandchild that is graduated high school but you have to take care of yourself. Be number one in your life even if it makes people upset

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