Husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. Now what?

[DoodlesMom 98]

4 hours ago, BigSue said:

I'm sorry your husband isn't being supportive. I live alone and I chose not to tell anyone about my surgery other than medical professionals, so a ride to and from the hospital was an issue for me as well. I just took a taxi to the hospital, but the hospital told me I wasn't allowed to take a taxi/Uber/Lyft home and I had to give them the name and contact info of the person picking me up. I contacted a local home health care agency and they picked me up. The fee wasn't much more than the taxi ride and included a 4-hour shift of home health care, which was nice because the person who picked me up helped me bring my stuff in the house and picked up my prescriptions for me.

Ok, so you managed to do it with a little help. A 4-hour shift after with help from an aide would be great. I didn't even think about prescrption pickup or bringing my stuff in. Ug.--Thanks for sharing that.

[DoodlesMom 98]

3 hours ago, Jaye W said:

Many hospitals will not allow discharge ride to be Uber or Lyft due to the anesthetic/ narcotics you have had in the day prior to dc. If your husband is displaying this passive aggressive behavior prior to surgery he may continue after surgery and actually try to sabotage you. You may want to seek a therapist now who can help you with this issue or your relationship. Good luck, it is hard enough with good support, I imagine even harder with no support.

You're right! I've been worried he would try to sabotage this whole process. He's done it in the past. I've been careful not to tell him when I have appointments scheduled or with who. I think he'd try to screw it up somehow. I wish he were on my side. It feels like he's never got my back. I've just started seeing a therapist but we've only had 2 sessions. I will bring this up at or next session. Thank you. 💗

[wlh75 19]

My husband thinks I should be able to lose the weight on my own without surgery. He thinks it's too drastic of a step to take. Your husband sounds so supportive. He's even doing the preop/liver shrink diet with you? That's love!! Thank you for your prayers.

I guess my guy is a 1 in a Billion these days. He is so super supportive & his only concern with this whole process is how hot I will look after a yearish. He is worried I will want to be with someone else & I keep reassuring him that is NOT the case. We have been together 24 years & Married 23. I am 46 & he is 51.
No way do I want to
start all over with
someone else.
HW: 312 March 2020
Gallbladder surgery weight: 287
CW: 266.4 been staying on 1000-1300 calorie since I had my surgery date of 7/17/2021 which got cancelled because of my Insurance saying I had more to do to qualify.... [emoji34][emoji43]
Still waiting for a Surgery date....

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[DoodlesMom 98]

5 hours ago, TinDE said:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Like the surgery isn't stressful enough! I wouldn't go uber either. Basically some stranger picking you up and dropping you off. I would rather swear a friend to secrecy before that. You could ask the facility what they do since solo adults are probably fairly common these days, they may offer a service or something, Another option is to hire a home care professional. Check Care.com I'll bet you'll find someone on there willing to help you out.

Also since you won't be getting help at home, have everything set up for yourself as much as possible before surgery...foods, drinks, meds, etc.

A LOT of us can lose the weight on our own. It's keeping it off that's the problem. We've all been yo-yo dieting for years or we wouldn't be here.

Thanks! I'm heading over to care.com right now. I've read a few posts about what I'll need after surgery. I'll get a list together and get myself set up. Luckily, we live in a world where everything can be delivered. At least I won't be stranded if I forget something. You've given me a lot to think about. Thanks again.

[DoodlesMom 98]

9 minutes ago, wlh75 said:

I guess my guy is a 1 in a Billion these days. He is so super supportive & his only concern with this whole process is how hot I will look after a yearish. He is worried I will want to be with someone else & I keep reassuring him that is NOT the case. We have been together 24 years & Married 23. I am 46 & he is 51.
No way do I want to
start all over with
someone else.
HW: 312 March 2020
Gallbladder surgery weight: 287
CW: 266.4 been staying on 1000-1300 calorie since I had my surgery date of 7/17/2021 which got cancelled because of my Insurance saying I had more to do to qualify....
Still waiting for a Surgery date....

Sent from my LM-Q730 using BariatricPal mobile app

--His only concern with this whole process is how hot I will look after a yearish. --Ha! I love it! You two sound so strong together. I'm sure you know this but, It's common for one person to feel insecure in a relationship when the other makes a big change. You've been together for a long time and it sounds like he's still crazy for you. That gives me hope! Good luck to you. I hope you get another surgery date soon and that your surgery moves forward as planned. 😄

[DoodlesMom 98]

4 hours ago, LaoDaBeirut said:

Where are you located? Maybe someone from here would be willing to help you out. We've all been through the process so understand how important this is. I'm sorry your husband can't see how selfish he is being.

I'm in Minnesota, Saint Paul suburb.

[wlh75 19]

--His only concern with this whole process is how hot I will look after a yearish. --Ha! I love it! You two sound so strong together. I'm sure you know this but, It's common for one person to feel insecure in a relationship when the other makes a big change. You've been together for a long time and it sounds like he's still crazy for you. That gives me hope! Good luck to you. I hope you get another surgery date soon and that your surgery moves forward as planned. [emoji1]

DoodlesMom, I wish there were more men like him out there. I wish more men & women making a change like we all are had a spouse/significant other as supportive as I have.

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[FutureSkyDiver 76]

Ask him if he remembers his wedding vows. Mine had a bit about in sickness and health. Obesity is a chronic disease. Medical professionals have provided you a treatment plan for your disease. Would he balk at supporting you in your chemo treatments if the disease you had was cancer?
If he doesn’t come around, I’d suggest part of your pre-op preparations should be therapy for you and consulting a divorce lawyer. You don’t even have to say anything to him, but at least prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.

[vikingbeast 985]

Are you close enough to your in-laws or his friends to be able to try and get them on your side? I know that when a friend's wife had surgery and he was against, we all kind of ganged up on him a little bit, intervention-style. ("It doesn't matter what you think about the surgery, she's your wife and you're being kind of a 🍆, bro.")

[Tony B - NJ 641]

15 hours ago, DoodlesMom said:

My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

I think your husband is being extremely selfish and has other reasons why he doesn't want you to get the surgery. Maybe he is self conscious and is afraid if you lose a lot of weight that he will lose you. Maybe bring that conversation up. If that is the reason, he needs to grow up, pull on his big boy pants and get over it. In ANY case he needs to grow up and get over it. It is his responsibility as a husband to take care of you regardless of his feelings. he can disagree but he MUST take care of you during and after the surgery or to be honest, he is not worth being with. Sorry for the bluntness, but it is really true.

[Ashley_vsg_2021 18]

I find it super annoying that people need to stress how supportive their spouses are obviously knowing yours is not. Literally no advice, just a boast on “my husbands better than yours” pretty much .. anyways .. understanding that your husband is unsupportive, I really stress to please try and find a support system! Even if paid, you will need support. Not to mention your hormones will be everywhere and that alone is a big one post surgery!

[ShoppGirl 3,340]

My heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine doing this without my husbands support. Not that you can’t or shouldn’t. I really hope he comes around at some point. I wish you both the best of luck with all this.I agree that without his help you will need to enlist a friend or a nurse or something. I’m sure you can find support. Older people living alone have surgery all the time.

Edited August 12, 2021 by ShoppGirl

[SummerTimeGirl 580]

I think SOMETIMES when a SO acts like this it's mostly out of insecurity. Not that they really are against the surgery or you getting healthy. They're just afraid of what changes it may bring in/for you and whether or not they'll still have a place in your life. Then of course there are just some SO's that are just a**holes and act like jerks. LOL Perhaps he'll come around and support you eventually once he realizes you're not gonna leave him in the dust. HA

[koyal89 3]

Umm screw him. Uber. Delivery service.. If you cant afford it get a friend that you trust.

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[Vanessa Kiro 4]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d recommend you take an Uber to the hospital and ask a neighbor or coworker to pick you up from. That way you only ask them for one service and they are more likely to say yes