Really Need Some Help

[Thunder7 11]

Hi everyone. I have been following this forum since 2018 when I got sleeved but never had the courage to make an account and post. Well, I got the courage today because I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I will try and keep this as short as possible for brevity but I really need some support and encouragement.

I am a male, early 40's who got VSG in 2018. I lost approximately 125 lbs. I was happy, my life changed. I was motivated, more social and felt like I was on top of the world. I got down to 170-175 and felt great. Then, the pandemic hit. Before it hit, my family left my state and moved. Then my father passed during the pandemic and I ended up moving out of state and trying to start my life over. My remaining family lives about 3 hours from me.

I never really had a problem with alcohol until the pandemic and the loss of my dad. I put on about 40 lbs in a year between drinking and eating horribly. I don't think I stretched my sleeve because I can feel restrictions, but the carbs from beer are what's doing it. I just joined a gym, and I stopped drinking a few days ago. I also have an appointment with a therapist.

People say that it's hardest to lose weight after initial weight gain from VSG. I don't really know anyone in my state or town where I moved, so I need to keep myself accountable. I got the courage to sign up. I also am going to do high Protein low carb and see if I have results. I am about 215 right now and I dread seeing people, I am even avoiding seeing my family because of the weight gain.

[lizonaplane 1,613]

I'm sorry you've had so many difficulties! A lot of people gained weight with the pandemic; you're by no means alone in that. I know there are many people who have successfully lost regain, and you're doing all the right things to be among them! Keep working at it and it sounds like you know just what you need to do... which we knew all along was the easy part! I think working with the therapist is going to be a great help. Hopefully you will be able to make some friends who like healthy, active pursuits, but we all know it's hard to make new friends as we get older. I am worried because many of my friends have horrible eating habits and are sedentary and I am working to improve that as I go through this process.

Best of luck to you! Keep us posted.

[SummerTimeGirl 582]

First, sorry for the loss of your Father. I know how hard that can be especially being in an area where you have no support from family or friends.

I've heard that people who have the surgery often pick up other vices that can be bad for them. But IMO, sounds like you're already taking the steps you need to in order to turn things around. You recognized you have a problem, stopped the drinking, joined a gym, eating better and more importantly are seeking help from a therapist. I think those are all things most people here would suggest.

I personally don't think 215 is so far away/too far from your previous weight/goal. I'm confidant you will get down to that again and most likely in not much time at all.

I really don't have anything else to offer in way of advice but I do wish you luck in getting yourself back on track.

[Thunder7 11]

6 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

I'm sorry you've had so many difficulties! A lot of people gained weight with the pandemic; you're by no means alone in that. I know there are many people who have successfully lost regain, and you're doing all the right things to be among them! Keep working at it and it sounds like you know just what you need to do... which we knew all along was the easy part! I think working with the therapist is going to be a great help. Hopefully you will be able to make some friends who like healthy, active pursuits, but we all know it's hard to make new friends as we get older. I am worried because many of my friends have horrible eating habits and are sedentary and I am working to improve that as I go through this process.

Best of luck to you! Keep us posted.

Thank you so much for the kind words and support. I will definitely keep everyone posted.

[Thunder7 11]

4 minutes ago, SummerTimeGirl said:

First, sorry for the loss of your Father. I know how hard that can be especially being in an area where you have no support from family or friends.

I've heard that people who have the surgery often pick up other vices that can be bad for them. But IMO, sounds like you're already taking the steps you need to in order to turn things around. You recognized you have a problem, stopped the drinking, joined a gym, eating better and more importantly are seeking help from a therapist. I think those are all things most people here would suggest.

I personally don't think 215 is so far away/too far from your previous weight/goal. I'm confidant you will get down to that again and most likely in not much time at all.

I really don't have anything else to offer in way of advice but I do wish you luck in getting yourself back on track.

Thank you for replying. I don't really know anyone in my new state. I meet people at bars/restaurants but nothing amounts to a friendship. I was told pre op that drinking is common post surgery, I guess I never took it seriously. It helps me sleep, I hate the taste.

I was really happy in the 170-175 lb range, even at 190 I was ok. Just by you responding is support. Likeminded people who had the surgery or are going to have the surgery maybe can offer their insight like you. Thank you.

[ShoppGirl 5,073]

Well like you said the restriction is still there so your “tool” is still working you just have to use it properly. And it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I honestly think you will be okay. I think you did well to post here. I have found tons of advice and support from people here.

[Thunder7 11]

Just now, ShoppGirl said:

Well like you said the restriction is still there so your “tool” is still working you just have to use it properly. And it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I honestly think you will be okay. I think you did well to post here. I have found tons of advice and support from people here.

I had an endoscopy May 2020 and my sleeve was good. I mean in the beginning I could only eat 4 ounces, but some things I can eat, I cannot eat a full sandwich, it's weird. I have to train myself to try and maybe limit myself and go back to my 3 meals and two Snacks a day.

[Candace76 212]

I'm sorry for the loss of your father, and challenging times you have gone through. You should be proud of yourself for taking the steps you already have to get back to where you want to be. You achieved your weight loss goal before, and can do it again! Wishing you luck in getting where you want to be.😊

[Thunder7 11]

6 minutes ago, Candace76 said:

I'm sorry for the loss of your father, and challenging times you have gone through. You should be proud of yourself for taking the steps you already have to get back to where you want to be. You achieved your weight loss goal before, and can do it again! Wishing you luck in getting where you want to be.😊

Thank you so much. I hope I have the strength I had in the past.

[JDLane 140]

I'm sorry for your loss. You went through a lot of trauma in the past 2 years, many people would have struggled with that too but you should be proud of yourself that you've already taken some steps to turning things around. While weight loss is harder after the first year of surgery its absolutely still possible. Your restriction is still working which is great and you have a plan to start exercising. Therapy will be a big help as well to keep you on track. It sounds like you've taken the steps needed and you're reaching out here for support and accountability. Give it some time and I'm sure you'll see the weight start to drop off again soon. Good luck!

[Thunder7 11]

3 minutes ago, JDLane said:

I'm sorry for your loss. You went through a lot of trauma in the past 2 years, many people would have struggled with that too but you should be proud of yourself that you've already taken some steps to turning things around. While weight loss is harder after the first year of surgery its absolutely still possible. Your restriction is still working which is great and you have a plan to start exercising. Therapy will be a big help as well to keep you on track. It sounds like you've taken the steps needed and you're reaching out here for support and accountability. Give it some time and I'm sure you'll see the weight start to drop off again soon. Good luck!

Thank you so much. Yeah, it was very traumatic. But I can't use that as an excuse for bad behavior. A plan sounds good, now sticking to it and actually losing the weight is going to be a challenge. I think it's 90% mental.

[vikingbeast 987]

I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my mother during the pandemic and I know exactly the mental state.

But give yourself some grace. The weight gain isn't who you are, it's something that happened in response to some insanely tough stressors. Anyone who judges you doesn't deserve your company—people who truly love you just go, "That's my friend Thunder7, he's awesome," not some Mean Girls "zomg did you see Thunder7?".

You know what you need to do to lose it, because you did it once before, and you've already started. Just know it isn't going to happen in two months, and it's gonna take work. Get the beer out the house right now, and don't go to bars. (Probably sage advice anyway in much of the country given the spread of the virus...)

As for the loneliness factor... I get that too. I joined a small gym where everyone is very friendly and made friends there. Or if you're into singing (or anything else), just join activities and friendships will follow.

[learn2cook 632]

I’m so sorry about your dad. Covid knocked everyone for a loop, and it’s still going. You also lost your support system, that would derail anyone. We’re all cheering for you! You might want to try AA, or OA?

[Thunder7 11]

1 hour ago, vikingbeast said:

I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my mother during the pandemic and I know exactly the mental state.

But give yourself some grace. The weight gain isn't who you are, it's something that happened in response to some insanely tough stressors. Anyone who judges you doesn't deserve your company—people who truly love you just go, "That's my friend Thunder7, he's awesome," not some Mean Girls "zomg did you see Thunder7?".

You know what you need to do to lose it, because you did it once before, and you've already started. Just know it isn't going to happen in two months, and it's gonna take work. Get the beer out the house right now, and don't go to bars. (Probably sage advice anyway in much of the country given the spread of the virus...)

As for the loneliness factor... I get that too. I joined a small gym where everyone is very friendly and made friends there. Or if you're into singing (or anything else), just join activities and friendships will follow.

I really appreciate the time to write such a heartfelt response. I don't drink at bars. I just eat at them. Restaurants too. I am mindful of drinking and driving. But yeah, I got the beer out. I want to give myself 3-4 months to lose 40 lbs.

I lost weight like crazy when I tried. Hopefully it works again.

[Thunder7 11]

1 hour ago, learn2cook said:

I’m so sorry about your dad. Covid knocked everyone for a loop, and it’s still going. You also lost your support system, that would derail anyone. We’re all cheering for you! You might want to try AA, or OA?

I thought about it, but I think I can handle it. I really don't think I am an over eater, I just eat the wrong things. I can't really over eat with a restriction.