Unsupportive friend, fear of dying & leaving motherless child-how do I handle?

[NewYearNewMe2025 0]

I told my son about the surgery last night - things went much better than I could have ever expected. :whoo::clap2:He knew a family friend that has had the band - he saw him after not seeing him for a while and my niece had told my son that the man had gotten "the band". So my son was already familiar with the results of it - he said that this guy has lost a lot of weight (I've only seen him before, haven't seen him since his surgery).

My son did express concern that he would be out of town - he wants to be in the waiting room. I assured him that Nana was going to be there with me and woud take care of me.

I did tell him it was very low risk, but just in case something did happen, that my father would take care of him. But I told him that I could be in accident, so its always best just to be prepared. That if I thought that it wasn't safe, I wouldn't take the risk of leaving him. He asked how many people had died of it - I told him only 1 that I had been able to find on the internet.

I also discussed my reasons for it - let him know it wasn't just to lose weight, although I do want to lose weight and look better. That you can only get the surgery if there is a health problem, and that it would help prevent future problems such as diabetes.

Anyway, I feel much better now that I've told him. He knows that I start my pre-op diet Friday and that for the month after surgery, I will eat much differently (i.e. not much) and that the band will help me to not feel as hungry and won't allow me to overeat or I'll get sick.

I always worry so much - I worried a lot about telling my father, and he turned out to be very supportive.

Thanks to everyone for your wise advice - especially for advising me to sit down and talk with my son.:clap2:

[Kat817 19]

((((big old giant hugs)))) for you!!! You have helped your son see you in a new light. You have forged a whole new bond with him, and showed him, you have begun thinking of him as a man.

I am willing to bet he will be one of your biggest supporters! Glad Dad come through too---and I like that you eased sons mind, should something ever happen to you from whatever cause.

Sounds like you are on your way---------good Luck----it has been such an awesome change with my band, I love it, only wish I had discovered it sooner!

Congrats on taking charge of your new life!!

Kat

[coolcrystal 1]

I'm curious how your obese friend who couldn't get the surgery felt knowing that you will get it and she can't? Was she supportive? Jealous? is she going to pay for one herself?

The reason I ask is because I'm in a situation right now where me and two other friends are all obese and me and one of them are going for the lap band, but the third one can't. I'm not sure how the third one will feel when/if we get ours and start losing. It's always been us three chubbies everywhere, going out to eat, etc, and now she might feel left out or something....

[Kat817 19]

Good point! It would be terribly difficult to be the left out one, whether intentional or not. You want what is best for your friends, but you want it for you too! Difficult situation.

Kat

[NewYearNewMe2025 0]

She has been very supportive. I did feel really bad that I am getting it done, when I went to the seminar to support her because I knew she wouldn't go along. So I credit her for bringing me there, where I got accurate information and was able to make this choice. At first, I felt very guilty any time I would brint it up.

I did talk to her, and I asked her if it bothered her for me to talk about it - that I did not want to be insensitive to her. I asked her to be honest, that I wouldn't be offended and I would totally understand.

But she is glad one of us can get it, and she says I am her "guinea pig" for the surgery. Both her and her husband plan to change jobs within the next year, so she's hoping that they will get new insurance coverage.

She has been a great friend and has supported me so much in this. I think it may be harder once I lose a lot of weight, but I think we will make it through that. After 26 years, we've made it thru worst!

[wendy100 1]

I told my Dad and step-mom the other night that I was getting the band...the first thing out of both their mouths was "OMG you aren't really going to do something that risky??" I immediately told them that I didn't want to hear any negativity about this and they could either support me or not say anything at all. Why are people so afraid of change? Now if something goes wrong all I will hear is "We told you not to do this". If everything goes well, I won't get an apology for their negativity!! And unfortunately, my whole family except my grown children are like that! But I don't care what they think! I am doing this to live longer and be healthier. Hang in there.