Failing miserably

[RainbowBrite57 153]

Hello everyone! It's been a hot minute since I've posted or even visited this page. I need to rant about myself & I know this is a safe, non-judgemental place to do so. I had my surgery on 9/13/20. When I got home from the hospital after a 2 night stay, I was SO HUNGRY. I told myself I wouldn't be a casualty of going off the rails, especially right away but that's what happened.

I hold myself fully accountable. I've most definitely stretched out my stomach although I know it's no where near what it was. My surgeon made my follow-ups for a month out then six months out. The surgeon's office had just switched from doing a month, three months, then six month follow-ups, although I've been told I can make an appointment anytime I want to, free of charge for the rest of my life. I wish I would've made an appointment right away for guidance, instead I listened to the lies my mind was telling me. Now I'm almost 7 months out. I'm down 40 pounds which I'm very happy about but I don't feel like I've "earned" that loss at all.

I know all the things I should be doing. I read & read & read before surgery- on this forum, books, other online resources, etc. I felt so ready. Silly me. I know I can get back on track right this minute & stop any more harm to my health and to my stomach size. I have a book sitting at home that I know will be fantastic at helping me. I ordered an adult tricycle that should be getting put together today or tomorrow. I even bought a $1,400 elliptical trainer I've used maybe 5 times.

I'm just so very disappointed in myself. I'm hoping this confession to y'all will relieve me of some of this guilt I'm carrying around. I feel like crying & if I could kick my own booty. Thanks for listening y'all.

[summerset 5,261]

50 minutes ago, RainbowBrite57 said:

I've most definitely stretched out my stomach although I know it's no where near what it was.

How do you know that you've "stretched your stomach"? Because most likely you didn't. You got used to larger portions and that's normal up to a certain degree. Dr. Matthew Weiner has interesting videos on this on YouTube.

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My surgeon made my follow-ups for a month out then six months out.

But you did go to the planned appointments?

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I wish I would've made an appointment right away for guidance, instead I listened to the lies my mind was telling me. Now I'm almost 7 months out. I'm down 40 pounds which I'm very happy about but I don't feel like I've "earned" that loss at all.

What "lies" did you tell yourself and why do you feel that you "didn't earn" your weight loss? Weight loss after surgery is nothing that needs to be "earned". WLS is a surgical therapy that is supposed to work for the patient like coronary bypass surgery is supposed to work for the patient. You don't need to earn anything here!

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I know all the things I should be doing. I read & read & read before surgery- on this forum, books, other online resources, etc. I felt so ready.

Having WLS is like learning to swim. You can read everything about swimming that's available, you can get lessons on how to learn the best technique, you can talk to people who have learnt to swim until you're blue in the face - but you know what? Most of this stuff means diddly squat the moment you hit the Water for the first time!

Quote

I have a book sitting at home that I know will be fantastic at helping me. I

I'm curious about the title. Tell us!

Quote

ordered an adult tricycle that should be getting put together today or tomorrow. I even bought a $1,400 elliptical trainer I've used maybe 5 times.

There are people who lost weight without exercising. Yes, there are many benefits to exercising like cardiovascular health, bone strength, uplifting your mood etc but if you hate it - you don't need to.

Quote

I'm hoping this confession to y'all will relieve me of some of this guilt I'm carrying around. I feel like crying & if I could kick my own booty.

Stop acting like a sinner that needs to do penance, it's so damn destructive and will get you nowhere in the end. There's nothing to confess. We all screwed up with quite a few things in life.

Be kind to yourself, as hard as it might be right now.

[KeeVSG4life 7]

Don't be so hard on yourself. This wasn't a temporary change it's a lifelong change so there is always time to re direct yourself. Before surgery were you able to pinpoint what exactly causes you to make bad food choices rather it be boredom, emotions or ect.. The first step to addressing the issue is to finding out the issue. From your rant I appreciate the accountability you take and challenge you to use that same accountability to make different choices going forward!

[GreenTealael 24,850]

4 hours ago, RainbowBrite57 said:

Hello everyone! It's been a hot minute since I've posted or even visited this page. I need to rant about myself & I know this is a safe, non-judgemental place to do so. I had my surgery on 9/13/20. When I got home from the hospital after a 2 night stay, I was SO HUNGRY. I told myself I wouldn't be a casualty of going off the rails, especially right away but that's what happened.

I hold myself fully accountable. I've most definitely stretched out my stomach although I know it's no where near what it was. My surgeon made my follow-ups for a month out then six months out. The surgeon's office had just switched from doing a month, three months, then six month follow-ups, although I've been told I can make an appointment anytime I want to, free of charge for the rest of my life. I wish I would've made an appointment right away for guidance, instead I listened to the lies my mind was telling me. Now I'm almost 7 months out. I'm down 40 pounds which I'm very happy about but I don't feel like I've "earned" that loss at all.

I know all the things I should be doing. I read & read & read before surgery- on this forum, books, other online resources, etc. I felt so ready. Silly me. I know I can get back on track right this minute & stop any more harm to my health and to my stomach size. I have a book sitting at home that I know will be fantastic at helping me. I ordered an adult tricycle that should be getting put together today or tomorrow. I even bought a $1,400 elliptical trainer I've used maybe 5 times.

I'm just so very disappointed in myself. I'm hoping this confession to y'all will relieve me of some of this guilt I'm carrying around. I feel like crying & if I could kick my own booty. Thanks for listening y'all.

Unless testing has confirmed it, don’t assume you’ve stretched your stomach.

[B-side rant]
My view (although no asked 😂) :

If it were any other surgery like knee, hip or even a heart valve replacement no one would bat an eyelash if you needed extra time to adjust or if it needed to be repaired again.

There would be no guilt or shame associated because it would be understood that you can’t stop yourself from using it or the wear associated with its use.

But when it comes to weight loss surgery it seems like you get one chance to have it go perfect and then everything is your fault if it doesn’t.

I have no clue where this ideas come from but I don’t think it helps us at all especially because it doesn’t seem to work like that with almost anything else in life.

Please be kind to yourself ❤️

[It's time. 145]

I was told to remind myself that it took years to gain all that weight, so why did I think it was going to go away with a surgery and a few months. It's going to take time and work to learn and change things. Not just what I'm eating but why I ate the way I did.

[RainbowBrite57 153]

20 hours ago, summerset said:

How do you know that you've "stretched your stomach"? Because most likely you didn't. You got used to larger portions and that's normal up to a certain degree. Dr. Matthew Weiner has interesting videos on this on YouTube.

Honestly, I had heard about how the sleeve can stretch if you overeat day after day for a long period. Thank you for mentioning Dr. Weiner. I've already watched a couple videos & subscribed to his channel on YouTube. I feel a whole lot better after watching the videos.

But you did go to the planned appointments?

I did go to my first appointment & my second one is next Friday. The 6 month appt was originally in March but I had to reschedule.

What "lies" did you tell yourself and why do you feel that you "didn't earn" your weight loss? Weight loss after surgery is nothing that needs to be "earned". WLS is a surgical therapy that is supposed to work for the patient like coronary bypass surgery is supposed to work for the patient. You don't need to earn anything here!

I would tell myself the lies I would tell myself before surgery, such as "oh well, I've ruined the whole day by eating this one doughnut, I'll start fresh tomorrow" and the like. It just feels like I've cheated my way through the weight loss so far since I haven't done what I'm supposed to be doing. I appreciate your analogy, makes perfect sense.

Having WLS is like learning to swim. You can read everything about swimming that's available, you can get lessons on how to learn the best technique, you can talk to people who have learnt to swim until you're blue in the face - but you know what? Most of this stuff means diddly squat the moment you hit the Water for the first time!

Oh, how true this is!

I'm curious about the title. Tell us!

It's called The Emotional First+Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery by Cynthia L. Alexander. My bariatric center recommended it. It really is fantastic but I stopped reading it after I had my surgery which was a mistake.

There are people who lost weight without exercising. Yes, there are many benefits to exercising like cardiovascular health, bone strength, uplifting your mood etc but if you hate it - you don't need to.

I don't hate exercising, it's just been hard getting motivated. I'm so excited to ride my bike & I'm hoping I'll be more apt to hopping on the elliptical after I start biking.

Stop acting like a sinner that needs to do penance, it's so damn destructive and will get you nowhere in the end. There's nothing to confess. We all screwed up with quite a few things in life.

Be kind to yourself, as hard as it might be right now.

Thank you so much for your responses. I really appreciate you taking your time to offer me great advice. 🐵

[RainbowBrite57 153]

20 hours ago, KeeVSG4life said:

Thank you! I'm definitely an emotional & boredom eater. I went into the surgery thinking I would overcome that when I didn't have an appetite. My mistake. I'm going to start working on changing those habits & move forward! 😁

Don't be so hard on yourself. This wasn't a temporary change it's a lifelong change so there is always time to re direct yourself. Before surgery were you able to pinpoint what exactly causes you to make bad food choices rather it be boredom, emotions or ect.. The first step to addressing the issue is to finding out the issue. From your rant I appreciate the accountability you take and challenge you to use that same accountability to make different choices going forward!

[RainbowBrite57 153]

16 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Hey, I appreciate that rant! It is so true & that's also a big reason I've been beating myself up over not doing what I should be doing. I will try to let some of this guilt go & just move forward from here! Thank you! 😀

Unless testing has confirmed it, don’t assume you’ve stretched your stomach.

[B-side rant]
My view (although no asked 😂) :

If it were any other surgery like knee, hip or even a heart valve replacement no one would bat an eyelash if you needed extra time to adjust or if it needed to be repaired again.

There would be no guilt or shame associated because it would be understood that you can’t stop yourself from using it or the wear associated with its use.

But when it comes to weight loss surgery it seems like you get one chance to have it go perfect and then everything is your fault if it doesn’t.

I have no clue where this ideas come from but I don’t think it helps us at all especially because it doesn’t seem to work like that with almost anything else in life.

Please be kind to yourself ❤️

[RainbowBrite57 153]

15 hours ago, It's time. said:

Great way to look at it, thanks so much! ☺️

I was told to remind myself that it took years to gain all that weight, so why did I think it was going to go away with a surgery and a few months. It's going to take time and work to learn and change things. Not just what I'm eating but why I ate the way I did.

Great way to look at it

[fitgal2021 11]

Something my doctor has said to me repeatedly - if you need help, ask for it. Don't do it alone. In the clinic I had my surgery, we had a therapy session with a psychologist who begged us to ask for help when it's needed. You're losing weight which is wonderful, but if you feel like something isn't right - ask for help. You've came so far it would be silly to let it go and not continue on your wonderful journey. You can do it, I can do it. Ups and downs, through it all, know that you are on a journey to a better life and better health. Sending hugs and love ❤️

[RainbowBrite57 153]

On 4/7/2021 at 12:10 PM, fitgal2021 said:

Thank you so much. I shouldn’t have waited to go back to my clinic but I’m really glad my appointment is coming up this Friday so I can talk to the doctor & nutritionist. You’re 100% correct, we can do it!

Something my doctor has said to me repeatedly - if you need help, ask for it. Don't do it alone. In the clinic I had my surgery, we had a therapy session with a psychologist who begged us to ask for help when it's needed. You're losing weight which is wonderful, but if you feel like something isn't right - ask for help. You've came so far it would be silly to let it go and not continue on your wonderful journey. You can do it, I can do it. Ups and downs, through it all, know that you are on a journey to a better life and better health. Sending hugs and love ❤️

[qianmij 31]

My surgery was (4) days after yours. Do you feel you have a strong support circle? We really need it with this! People who love us and want to help us be successful. That includes your PCP and surgical team. For me, it even includes these forums and reading people’s experiences.

I like that you say you hold yourself accountable because that is you recognizing you can control this situation - that’s a great thing to self-acknowledge! Although the weight loss has slowed for me, coming up on (7) months, too, I’m still logging my food and always working on a better relationship with food (I currently hate it). I’ve become better at listening to my body, but I keep working on it. I disappoint myself but I just gotta get back up each time. I’m not letting “old” me win - she’s what got me here in the first place 😆.

You have invested in a lot of tools that you think should be helping your journey. I’d say re-evaluate and stick to one thing for a time range, and eventually add more tools. “Track food for one day” can eventually go to one week, one month, etc. “Stare at elliptical for five minutes” can go to “stand on elliptical” to pressing ON, haha. Make the goals tiny and attainable!

[meathead 5]

I feel the same way and I haven't had surgery yet. Thank you for your openness and honesty.

Semi-related: you girls making only those delicious looking, healthy meals. Write a cookbook, including the pictures. It will be a bestseller overnight.

[summerset 5,261]

22 hours ago, meathead said:

Semi-related: you girls making only those delicious looking, healthy meals. Write a cookbook, including the pictures. It will be a bestseller overnight.

People will whine about though how 98% of the recipes are not "bariatric friendly", lol. 😂

[meathead 5]

Let them whine as you take all the proceeds to the bank. Those recipes with the pictures are a gold mine. Guaranteed. No fooling. I was in marketing/advertising and done right, that book will rock the pants off the publishing industry.