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grief and food



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My favorite uncle just died this past Tuesday, he was in very good health and it was sudden. I was completely shocked to hear this news.

I've lost 3 lbs in 2 days and I don't feel like I can eat anything I think I have had some Soup. This is a complete shock to me when my father died 15 years ago when I was just 10 yo I gained a 70 LBS in 4 months because I just ate constantly.

Is it normal not to be hungry? I understand that this must be part of the "head work " that goes along with the band.

:think

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First of all, I'm so sorry about your loss. Death is such a tragic experience for the ones left behind. I recently experience losing my dear grandmother and I miss her everyday.

People deal with emotions in different way, a common one is not eating, your depressed and just don't feel like eating. Sometimes I think deep inside, you feel that if you eat that your "getting over it" so maybe there is some type of guilt assoiciated with it. Just my opinion.

Others turn to food, Its comforting. I seem to be one that turns to food, chocolate, or something of that sort. I tend to drown my sorrows in food. I've learned it only makes me feel worse, not only am I sad, but even more depressed because I eat even more.

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I don't eat when I'm depressed, and eat when I'm happy and being social eating out all the time with my friends. So, not eating is probably a pretty normal thing when something tragic happens.

Sorry about your Uncle passing... :cry

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I want to say how sorry I am that you lost someone so dear too you. It is not unusual to not want to eat and it is not unusual to grab a giant tub of chocolate and want to drown in it...we all deal with greif differently. For me I'm a "not eater" kind of person. When my grandmother and my 3 children passed I didn't eat for about a week after each of the funerals. It took all the energy that I had to just breath. I had to be reminded to eat and even when I did it wasn't that much.

I honestly don't think the band has anything to do with you not being about to eat...honey your still in shock..and that affects your entire body. Be kind to yourself..eat what you can whether its a Protein shake or a bowl of Soup. If you're not getting enough you're body will let you know. In the mean time I'm sending you a gentle :hug:

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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