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Losing control (sadness over major loss)



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I have really lost control over the past month. I’ve been snacking on junk and I find myself eating at night, Something so awful happened last month that made me very depressed and anxious. I had decided to do the surgery last summer because I was about to become a grandmother for the first time. Well my grand baby was born but he didn’t make it. Now my daughter is devastated and I feel so empty. I got to hold him before he passed away but I wanted to scream when he died but I just held it all in. I had to stay calm for my daughter. I’m scared of hurting myself with food but I have such a strong impulse to pick every few hours. I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry if this post is upsetting but I had to let this out.

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I'm so, so sorry for your loss. That has got to be really hard. People seem to really only think about what the mother of the child is going through. The rest of the family goes thought devastating greif & loss too.

Please find someone to talk to or a support group to help you get throught this.

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I'm very sorry for your loss. You've already made a huge first step in dealing with this horrible tragedy in a constructive way by sharing your emotions with us.

I don't want to overstep, but if you want to get some tools I learned from my treatment for uncontrolled binge eating, I'm happy to share either in this thread or through private message. Let me know if you do. It's completely understandable you're having a hard time.

Hugs!

Edited by OAGBPal
Clarification.

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This is my very first post on the forum so I'm not sure what I'm doing,

First, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your grandchild. What a devastating loss for your whole family.

In doing a quick search, I came across a website that looks reputable that helps people with miscarriages', stillbirth and early infant death. https://www.tommys.org/

You have taken the first step by reaching out for help. I would call my physician for help with the depression.

Do you have a clergy person who might help with grief support? Perhaps the hospital has a group? A close friend or family member?

Secondly, reach out to your surgeon's office for diet support. You have to take care of yourself in order to help your daughter.

I wish I had some words to take away your pain. Please be gentle and kind to yourself as you navigate through this.

HUGS

GreeneGal

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Sorry for the pain you are going thru. You need to focus on yourself health so you can be there for those who need you at these hard times. As a Parent I feel for you and can only suggest you stay healthy so you can be strong and there for you children.

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I am so very sorry!!! I lost a child at birth 14 years ago, and I put on a lot of weight from that point forward. I spent some time at Children's Hospital before and after his birth, and my husband and I would say that you could tell who the family members of patients were based on what they were eating in the cafeteria. The employees would eat salads and sandwiches, while the family member dove head first into comfort food - pizza, burgers, etc.

I spend a lot of time crying in bed with my head under the covers. I can say that with time, it does get easier. I can only imagine how much harder this was being around the holidays.

Try not to let your grief ruin your body with unhealthy eating. Let that be the one thing you take back control of. Yes you will still have your crying moments, and times of profound grief when suddenly it hits you even harder than it hit you just minutes earlier. Think of ways you can honor your grandchild's memory, and let your health be one of those way.

Sending a million hugs!! Feel free to private message me any time!!!

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Also, please remember this is not a question of willpower. That's a negative thought cycle people unfortunately project on each other ad nauseam.

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Thank you for your kind comments. It’s been a heck of a month. I’m Glad I verbalized what I was thinking because it seemed to open up a gate. After I posted, I downloaded a journal app and I made four huge entries. I’m seeing my surgeon tomorrow for follow up and I will address what happened with him and see if he has a therapist that specializes in both grief and Bariatric surgery follow up. I have been blocking my grief this past month because my daughter had become dangerously depressed and even expressed a desire to die. I was keeping myself from feeling everything fully in order to care for her. I will take care of myself from now on. I will also stay engaged here on the forum so I can stay focused on my own journey after surgery. I think it will help me a bunch. So appreciative for this place. Thank you all so much for the kindness.

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Great to hear. The journal is a very, very good idea. Smart thinking!

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandbaby. Your surgeon's office has a counselor on staff and you could talk to him/her about it and how it triggers your eating. They should be able to help.

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No words can describe how sorry I am for your family's loss. My heart goes out to you.

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I am glad you are taking steps to help yourself. I am sorry for your loss, and I know how much your heart aches for your daughter, she should go to counseling as well. If you need to vent on here please do that. If you need to cry I suggest the shower, or your car. You do need to grieve, that is very important to do that. I am sending a big virtual hug.

I could write a novel here on my own experience, both with a full term neonatal death and a granddaughter that died of SIDS at 18 months. If you want to message me please do.

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I wanted to say thank you again for the supportive comments. I did better yesterday and my appointment to follow up with the doctor is this morning. I’m definitely going to ask for help. In the meantime I went back a step to using the Premier Protein shakes and then a salad a day with a small Protein based meal at night. Until I get my head straight I want to reduce the amount of food choices I need to make. I realize that over the past month I have been failing to get adequate protein and eating a greater proportion of starches. My weight is exactly the same but I have been very lethargic during the day. I also journaled day and night yesterday. I was a bit amused by the fact that I had so much to say in my journal. I hardly realized how angry and upset I was. It wasn’t until I started that all the words came pouring out. I will say one thing... I probably would have binged on food if not for the fact that my stomach is still relatively small. In a way having the procedure is forcing me to deal with my emotions rather then eating them into oblivion.

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