Fear of eating

[SAS11 54]

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced fear of eating once transitioning back to purées and soft foods. I’m starting to become very anxious about everything that I’m putting in my mouth. I think part of what triggered this was my hitting a bit of a stall, which was pointed out to me on another thread. So far, it seems that my stall lasted only a couple of days- but that might be because I’ve not been eating enough. I’m panicking and obsessing if I go over 300-400 calories a day. Right now, I’m full of anxiety because today I ate PB2, hummus, mashed banana, yogurt, and crushed Protein Cereal, and all of that totals 425 calories. I don’t want to add more. I’m certain that capacity-wise, I *could* add more. This whole time, I haven’t felt a sense of restricted capacity. I’ve not felt full early into eating something, but maybe that’s because I’m only eating one thing at a time. I got down an entire medium sized mashed banana today within just a few minutes, and I didn’t feel overly full at all. I’ve yet to experience feeling overly full, which has surprised me. Because of what I’d been told by others, I expected to become full after 2-4 bites of something and that has never happened. Maybe that’s why I’m so afraid of eating: I haven’t yet sensed what my capacity is because I’ve not hit it yet. Anyway... anyone else experience fear and anxiety about eating during this stage?

[summerset 5,265]

7 hours ago, SAS11 said:

Right now, I’m full of anxiety because today I ate PB2, hummus, mashed banana, yogurt, and crushed Protein Cereal, and all of that totals 425 calories. I don’t want to add more.

Take a step back and re-evaluate the whole situation from a different point of view. When you think about what you've learnt about weight loss, nutrition etc. - do you make any sense right now? What would you tell a close friend if he/she would tell you this?

Quote

I’m certain that capacity-wise, I *could* add more. This whole time, I haven’t felt a sense of restricted capacity.

What I experienced after my surgeries for the first few weeks was a feeling of pressure in the region directly under the xiphoid before my brain switched back to a "normal kind of feeling full". Do you experience this bit of pressure in a pretty located area in the epigastric area? Take your time to feel it. You might only be able to feel it in a standing position.

Quote

Because of what I’d been told by others, I expected to become full after 2-4 bites of something and that has never happened.

Don't give too much about what you're reading on the interwebz or what other people might have told you. Many things have to be taken with a grain of salt or at least with a bit of caution. Comparing yourself (or your own experiences) to others only contributes to raising your anxiety levels as you've already noticed. In the end you are you and not someone else.

If it's any solace to you: I never experienced this "being full after 2-4 bites" as well and I'm a normal weight since a whole while now.

Quote

Anyway... anyone else experience fear and anxiety about eating during this stage?

A certain level of anxiety ist pretty normal. After all we don't want to do anything "wrong". "Last chance", "if this doesn't work out I'm doomed to be fat", "end of the road" and blahblahblah...

Depending on how strong your fear is you might benefit from talking to your dietician.

Quote

Maybe that’s why I’m so afraid of eating: I haven’t yet sensed what my capacity is because I’ve not hit it yet.

I think part of what triggered this was my hitting a bit of a stall, which was pointed out to me on another thread.

Reason should tell you that eating an amount of 3 bites a meal and 425 kcal a day is non-sustainable starvation for any human being on this planet and that weight loss isn't linear and yet you're experiencing fear and pressure that you might be eating too much.

If nobody ever told you about this "feeling overly full after 4 bites" or "even having trouble hitting 600 cals a day" or how much weight other patients lost within the first few months or something like that - would you still feeling afraid and experience this level of anxiety? Or would you be happy with your results and restriction level?

You're most likely being afraid because you're comparing yourself to others and therefore expecting certain things, not because of hard facts. It almost always boils down to comparing yourself with others.

[catwoman7 11,284]

most of us don't feel the restriction until we start eating solid foods again. In the mean time, just follow your clinic's guidelines.

[dal101 62]

I am in the puree stage but have experiemented with some solids foods . I dont feel restriction either but definitely there has been times where it felt like something got stuck .

I am sticking with 1/4 of a cup at the moment in terms of amount to eat. When I hit solid foods I will increase to 600 cals a day and so on. Increasing food amount is a given , gotta think about overall health and how it impacts your body.

[Guest]

I never really felt restriction either but I seldom ate more than what I was supposed to. I followed my plan so when it said 3 oz, I ate 3 oz. Follow your plan and you will be successful. Also, stop comparing yourself to others. It will only make you crazy. Be patient and the weight will come off, be it slow or fast!

[BigSue 1,430]

I was afraid to start eating solid foods because I was afraid of getting sick. I really hate vomiting, so I am super careful about what I eat. I stayed on purees for a few weeks longer than I had to because I didn't want to try solid foods too soon. I haven't had any issues so far except for occasionally having a bite of meat getting stuck on the way down. I haven't really felt restriction kick in -- I haven't gotten to the point of thinking I couldn't eat any more. I measure out my food and don't eat any more than about 1/2 cup at a time. I have gotten full a few times, and even to the point that I wish I had stopped a bite or two earlier, but only with solid foods, not purees. And I haven't experienced any of the new feelings of fullness that other people have described; it feels pretty much the same as before surgery to me (just takes much, much less food to get there). I have a few go-to meals that I repeat a lot, so I've learned to adjust the portions.

The dietitian in my surgeon's practice told me I should be eating 800-1000 calories per day, and I don't get anywhere close to that. I have only gone over 600 a few times. And when I do, it kind of makes me nervous because I'm worried it will get out of control, and I feel like I need to stay lower in calories the next day. I'm very strict with myself about only eating 3 meals per day and no Snacks other than Protein Drinks. Right now, it's easy because I don't ever really feel hungry, and I want to take advantage of that to cut my calories while it's still easy.

[Mr Alley Gator 263]

Yes i have during the whole journey mixed up food days and smoothie Days. I actually prefer smoothies over food. So no you are not weird or unusual - I can make a smoothie that is like 5 large meals in terms of Protean and vits and minerals. MRE powder is my go to even now

[GradyCat 3,697]

Oh sure it's scary wondering if you're going to overdo it or stretch something or tolerate certain foods. Just take your time.

[AZhiker 2,253]

This is a new territory for you and it's normal to feel a bit anxious about how you are doing. Many people don't feel restriction until the solid food stage, but even then, don't chase the restriction. Eat what your plan says to eat, unless you feel too full or feel sick, but don't ever just eat until you feel a restriction. This is how people can get into trouble down the road with increased volume becomes easier. You also have to listen to your body. Even if you plan says you should be eating 800-1000 calories, and you can only eat half that much, that's OK for the time being. A "plan" is for the average patient, which means half will be able to eat more and half will not be able to eat that much. Just focus on your fluids and Protein and gradually add the rest. You are NOT going to gain weight where you are now. And 2 days without weight loss is not a stall. Stalls of several weeks without weight loss are very common at certain places, like the 3-4 month time frame. And that will pass, as your body adjusts and you stick with the plan. You are doing fine and you don't have to worry about eating too much if you are following your plan. Once you reach maintenance, that will be more of a concern as you learn to regulate your weight with your eating and activity. Don't sweat it now. Relax and enjoy the food you are eating and look forward to the new foods that will soon come.

[SAS11 54]

Thanks for all of the input so far.

I can’t quote summerset’s post for some reason, but to answer your question: yes. I think if I hadn’t talked to friends who have had this surgery or seen anything online about other people’s experiences, I’d still have this fear and anxiety. I don’t want to be able to eat as much as I can eat right now. I don’t like that I can eat a whole medium potato and tolerate it perfectly well. I don’t like that tonight I tolerated a full serving of Shirataki noodles in a Soup with a full serving of canned chicken. I *wish* that I could tolerate only 2-4 bites of food.

I know that my fear of eating is irrational, and because it’s irrational facts don’t counter it in my head right now.

I’ll also say that the rapid weight loss is addictive. It’s very addictive, and my feeling that way about it is probably fueling my desire to keep it going as rapidly as possible for as long as possible.

I know that you all are going to tell me that something in what I’ve said is messed up. And you would be right.

[summerset 5,265]

2 hours ago, SAS11 said:

I *wish* that I could tolerate only 2-4 bites of food.

And you wish you would dump every time after having eaten carbohydrates.

You're a bypass, right? Don't compare yourself to sleevers.

Quote

I know that my fear of eating is irrational, and because it’s irrational facts don’t counter it in my head right now.

You can still try to tell your anxious brain the facts. I don't know how bad your anxiety is though but most likely too many pressure inducing and anxiety provoking thoughts took hold in your mind over the last time.

Btw, if you've ever heard something about the "window of weight loss closing after some months" (and I'm 1000% sure you have, most likely more than one time) - ditch the thought. It's bull crap. You will always lose weight when eating less calories than your body burns.

Assuming that there's a "window of opportunity" only contributes to your anxiety by creating pressure to lose weight fast "before it's too late".

Quote

I’ll also say that the rapid weight loss is addictive. It’s very addictive, and my feeling that way about it is probably fueling my desire to keep it going as rapidly as possible for as long as possible.

It definitely is addictive. That raises the question: what will you do once weight loss slows down or when you've reached goal weight and the rush is gone?

I've read something about overeaters not only being addicted to the rush of hyper palatable foods but also to the rush of strict dieting. I feel this is true.

[SAS11 54]

Yes, I had the bypass.

Honestly, if I’m still feeling like I am now at the time when things slow down, I could see myself panicking. I’ve never really had a specific goal for this in mind numbers-wise except to get as small as possible. My own goals (pre-op, anyway) had been more about quality of life issues.

It’s relevant that I do have an addiction history, including highly restrictive eating. I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever felt addicted, though, to hyper palatable foods. I gained nearly all of my weight a few years ago while I was dealing with a chronic illness and wasn’t able to be active, and the rest of it when I was studying for a clinical doctoral degree and had wild hours of nonstop work and no time to cook. My own history hasn’t included very much, “I’m overeating this food because it’s tasty.” Its been much more of, “I’m eating Chinese takeout because it’s 11:30pm and I just now stopped working,” and, “I’m sick, stuck in bed/on the couch and depressed, and there’s nothing to do except eat.”

[summerset 5,265]

5 hours ago, SAS11 said:

Honestly, if I’m still feeling like I am now at the time when things slow down, I could see myself panicking.

Eek, so maybe you should seek advice from your treatment team regarding your high anxiety levels or - if they dismiss your concerns or don't seem competent regarding this issue - get help elsewhere, e. g. support groups both online or IRL, books or - if you're lucky enough to have access to - professionals specializing in eating issues.

Quote

It’s relevant that I do have an addiction history, including highly restrictive eating.

I think a lot of us show signs of highly restrictive eating, both in our history and after WLS. Disordered eating can hide behind many faces.

I guess I'm living out my own disordered eating in IF and by restricting more foods than necessary (I can't have dairy, meats and most other animal products would be tolerable but I choose not to eat them).