Ugh....

[mcczac 6]

Maybe not appropriate for this group but last night my wife and I suffered our second miscarriage. Not to mention they had to remove her left tube, so now conception might be harder. We have an amazing 1 yr old rainbow baby inbetween, but this still sucks. Everyone is saying to be grateful for what we already have, and we afe, but we still have lost two other children. Plus her 15 month old died in Oct of 2016. Plus everyone doesn't realize that their passings effect me to. Im not showing it and being her rock but it really is crappy. Just needed somewhere to vent a little. If this shouldn't be here then I apologize and will totally it down. Plus Im scheduled for a Sleeve Surgery on 11/12, so I start my Clear Liquids tomorrow. Stress eating has always been an issue for me so im not sure how this'll go. Plus i get cranky when im hungry which is the last thing anyone in my house needs..... ugh i hate this yr

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[PollyAnna3483 14]

I am truly sorry for your loss. I admire you for trying to be a rock for your wife but I hope that you can both lean on each other to get through your grief. You will definitely need to lean on each other during your recovery as well. Just remember you need to get healthy to continue to be supportive.

[Deb9386 110]

I'm very sorry for your loss: life truly sucks sometimes. The best thing you can do is to support each other through this as only you two know what you're going through. When our child died, my husband tried to carry on and support me when I went to pieces, without showing his own deep grief. It made me feel better when we talked about how it affected him, because I didn't feel so alone. So whilst you are your wife's "rock" it may help her if you show your own grief. But I'm not a counsellor so can't give professional advice.

People who haven't been through the loss of a child say all sorts of things they mean to be helpful, but which are quite hurtful - like "be happy that you have another child" or "concentrate on your surviving child" or "time heals". [Actually it doesn't in the case of a child.] Maybe have a think about whether it would be a good idea to postpone your surgery for a few weeks until you feel able to cope with it all? x

Edited November 8, 2020 by Deb9386
sp

[K Be Good! 63]

This is more than a single person should have to handle. Please talk to someone more than us. A counselor, a priest, a preacher, a therapist. Someone to help guide you through your grief. A rock will crumble under the weight of a mountain. Don’t do this alone.

[minimamaz00m 61]

I lost my 18 month old many years ago. My husband was all stoic, and it hurt me to see him like that. I needed to feel him grieve with me, to talk to me. We almost divorced because of it. Please talk to her, be with her, go to counseling. My heart is with you. You are not alone.

[billho 243]

We have four great kids now, but along the way, there were three miscarriages (miscarriage 1 > kid 1 > Kid 2 > miscarriage 2 > miscarriage 3 > kid 3 > 5 years later *surprise kid 4). Nobody seems to talk about them until you go through it yourself and it is more common than you realize. It was really hard on my wife and I wish had been able to show the loss and grieve better with her. I was the stoic and strong one and that was exactly what she didn't need. I think it would have been much better for her and our relationship if I was able to show more emotion while we were going through it. Those were really tough years.

Edited January 5, 2021 by billho