Struggling with keeping my head in the game

[mil_unloaded 80]

My bariatric surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 pounds before the surgery. I remember at the time thinking “I’ll smash that, I’ll lose 25.” Here I am now, halfway through the 6 month period before my final consult, and I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’m stressing out a little bit because I wanted to lose at least the 20, but now it’s practically logistically impossible. Every day I keep logging my food and getting exercise, but I’m still having 2000-2300 calories a day on average. I talked to my primary care doctor and she said that generally all they want is a show of good faith that you can lose weight and stay focused most of the time.

I think a lot of my struggles are stemmed from depression. I’m not generally very depressed, or I can usually pull myself out of my “funks” pretty quickly...however right now with COVID happening, now forest fires only 40 miles from my home (I live in Central California, near Fresno), plus basically becoming a homeschool teacher because of COVID (and my kids are special needs, did I mention that?)...on top of that I’m trying to keep my home business afloat (I make jam and bread). So it’s a lot to deal with all at once, and trying to lose weight is just one more piece of fuel to chuck onto the fire.

I guess I’m just looking for some kind words from people that have been there. I know that losing weight in general is hard, that’s why we’re all here, we need this tool to help us lose that weight. But why can’t I just keep my head in the game? I know a lot is going on, and past me has just let things go and gained 30 pounds. So at least there’s that. I’m still down about 5 pounds.

Edited September 20, 2020 by mil_unloaded

[loridee11 523]

Hi -

That's a ton to be dealing with all at once, so I can definitely understand how losing weight on top of all of it can be hard.

I think the key for me when I was losing the weight before I was approved was to really focus on this has to be a lifestyle change - so what changes could I make that didn't require a lot of extra work or thought and could be incorporated for life. For me it was things like ground chicken instead of ground beef. Veggie noodles instead of noodle noodles, etc.....I also had a few key recipes I would make (I don't have kids at home to feed so not sure how well that would work for you --- but worth a thought). Some of the things I did were:
- Ground chicken taco's, I just didn't do the tortilla and ate it on lettuce

- Thai chicken salad, you can find the recipe online. Easy and low calorie

- pumpkin chili with ground chicken or turkey

Good luck - you can do this!

Lori

[WishMeSmaller 1,274]

1 hour ago, mil_unloaded said:

My bariatric surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 pounds before the surgery. I remember at the time thinking “I’ll smash that, I’ll lose 25.” Here I am now, halfway through the 6 month period before my final consult, and I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’m stressing out a little bit because I wanted to lose at least the 20, but now it’s practically logistically impossible. Every day I keep logging my food and getting exercise, but I’m still having 2000-2300 calories a day on average. I talked to my primary care doctor and she said that generally all they want is a show of good faith that you can lose weight and stay focused most of the time.

I think a lot of my struggles are stemmed from depression. I’m not generally very depressed, or I can usually pull myself out of my “funks” pretty quickly...however right now with COVID happening, now forest fires only 40 miles from my home (I live in Central California, near Fresno), plus basically becoming a homeschool teacher because of COVID (and my kids are special needs, did I mention that?)...on top of that I’m trying to keep my home business afloat (I make jam and bread). So it’s a lot to deal with all at once, and trying to lose weight is just one more piece of fuel to chuck onto the fire.

I guess I’m just looking for some kind words from people that have been there. I know that losing weight in general is hard, that’s why we’re all here, we need this tool to help us lose that weight. But why can’t I just keep my head in the game? I know a lot is going on, and past me has just let things go and gained 30 pounds. So at least there’s that. I’m still down about 5 pounds.

Good job on losing instead of gaining! Your PCP is right. Call your surgeon’s office and see where they are at with what you have already lost. I gained weight from my first visit with the surgeon and my pre-op visit for many of the same reasons you have been struggling...stress and some depression. Then I lost 15 pounds on my two week liquid pre-op diet and was right where they wanted me. I had three Bariatric Advantage shakes per day. I was also allowed non-starchy veggies prepared with no fat or sugars. I am a nurse in Nevada. While we have not had fires nearby recently, our air quality has been horrendous with smoke blowing in from California.
Hang in there!

[tarotcardreader 196]

3 hours ago, mil_unloaded said:

My bariatric surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 pounds before the surgery. I remember at the time thinking “I’ll smash that, I’ll lose 25.” Here I am now, halfway through the 6 month period before my final consult, and I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’m stressing out a little bit because I wanted to lose at least the 20, but now it’s practically logistically impossible. Every day I keep logging my food and getting exercise, but I’m still having 2000-2300 calories a day on average. I talked to my primary care doctor and she said that generally all they want is a show of good faith that you can lose weight and stay focused most of the time.

I think a lot of my struggles are stemmed from depression. I’m not generally very depressed, or I can usually pull myself out of my “funks” pretty quickly...however right now with COVID happening, now forest fires only 40 miles from my home (I live in Central California, near Fresno), plus basically becoming a homeschool teacher because of COVID (and my kids are special needs, did I mention that?)...on top of that I’m trying to keep my home business afloat (I make jam and bread). So it’s a lot to deal with all at once, and trying to lose weight is just one more piece of fuel to chuck onto the fire.

I guess I’m just looking for some kind words from people that have been there. I know that losing weight in general is hard, that’s why we’re all here, we need this tool to help us lose that weight. But why can’t I just keep my head in the game? I know a lot is going on, and past me has just let things go and gained 30 pounds. So at least there’s that. I’m still down about 5 pounds.

Id switch to another surgeon you really dont need that on top of already being fat. The preop diet is good because it shows you how to eat after surgery when u get past soft foods. If you could lose that much weight you wouldnt need surgery there are planty of programs out there if that surgeon is giving you flack dump them

[CakeyChanPlays 3]

1 hour ago, WishMeSmaller said:

Good job on losing instead of gaining! Your PCP is right. Call your surgeon’s office and see where they are at with what you have already lost. I gained weight from my first visit with the surgeon and my pre-op visit for many of the same reasons you have been struggling...stress and some depression. Then I lost 15 pounds on my two week liquid pre-op diet and was right where they wanted me. I had three Bariatric Advantage shakes per day. I was also allowed non-starchy veggies prepared with no fat or sugars. I am a nurse in Nevada. While we have not had fires nearby recently, our air quality has been horrendous with smoke blowing in from California.
Hang in there!

3 minutes ago, tarotcardreader said:

Id switch to another surgeon you really dont need that on top of already being fat. The preop diet is good because it shows you how to eat after surgery when u get past soft foods. If you could lose that much weight you wouldnt need surgery there are planty of programs out there if that surgeon is giving you flack dump them

Yes my surgeon didn't not have any requirements on how much weight I had to lose prior to having my gastric sleeve. The only requirements was that I had to be on a liquid diet prior to my surgery in order to lose fat around my liver. This would make it easier for the surgery to take place as the liver since its so close to the stomach. The other requirement is that two days prior to surgery only Clear Liquids and no red, blue, or purle dyes in the clear liquids for the day right before the surgery date.

[BigSue 1,428]

There is a lot going on right now, and many, many people have gained weight during the pandemic, so for you to lose even a little weight and not gain any is a victory!

If you're looking for someone who has been there, I have! Check out this post I made 7 months ago at the beginning of my journey:

My surgeon wanted me to lose 20 pounds before surgery and I had NO IDEA where to begin! My PCP was no help at all. Guess what? I've lost over 100 pounds since then, 70 before surgery. When I went in for my last pre-op appointment 2 weeks before surgery, the nurse questioned whether my initial weight was recorded correctly.

I did two things to lose weight before surgery. The first thing is what you are already doing: logging everything I ate. So you have already made a good start. The second thing I did was intermittent fasting. This can be a little controversial, and some doctors don't like it, but it worked for me. I did a 16-hour fast every day with an 8-hour eating period. That meant I ate lunch and dinner (and I allowed myself to eat Snacks in between), and then fasted until lunch the next day. It was hard at first but got easier. This helped me because in addition to cutting out Breakfast, I cut out all the snacks I would have had during that time period, and when I got used to going 16 hours without eating, I ended up cutting down on snacks between lunch and dinner, even during the time I was allowed to eat.

I also think it made me feel less deprived. Let's say I wanted pancakes at breakfast time. I would just tell myself I can have pancakes, but I would just have to wait until my fast was over. And splitting my calories between two meals instead of three meant I could eat bigger, more satisfying meals. If I really wanted to eat 4 slices of pizza, I could, as long as I didn't have a big lunch. Speaking of calories, MyFitnessPal gave me a calorie goal of 2190 calories per day. The first week, it was a challenge just to stay under that, but I gradually reduced it down to an average of 1500 calories per day. I would suggest you challenge yourself to reduce your calories a little bit, let's say just by 100 calories per day for a week. Try some lower-calories substitutions, like light Salad Dressing. Measure out slightly smaller portions.

By recording everything I ate and staying within a calorie limit, I had to be strategic about what I ate. I wasn't ready to give up all the foods I loved, so I looked at what I was eating and found the healthiest things that I already liked. I used those to fill me up so I could also afford to indulge sometimes. A big thing for me was eating salad for lunch every day. I discovered I could make a generous salad with lots of grilled chicken for about 300 calories. Then I found a light salad dressing I like and that put it under 250 calories. popcorn was one of my favorite snacks because, while not the healthiest choice, it really filled me up for not a huge number of calories (BTW, I still ate the blast-o-butter kind, but a whole mini bag is just 210 calories). A big side of green Beans sauteed with 1/2 tsp of butter is less than 100 calories. I discovered Built Bars, which are these amazing Protein Bars that taste like candy bars -- honestly, I think some are even better than candy bars -- and they became my daily treat.

Maybe I didn't HAVE to lose 70 pounds before surgery, but I think it was good to start changing my habits for a while before surgery so that surgery wouldn't be such a shock to the system. Only time will tell whether or not this will all lead to long-term success, but I am glad to be down over 100 pounds from my highest weight, just two months after surgery. You can do this!

[mil_unloaded 80]

@loridee11 I’ve been able to hang with the concept that it’s a lifestyle change, and overall I do well. I’ve been getting exercise most days (I set a goal for September to just get a minimum of a minute of exercise most days. In the last week I’ve been smashing that and getting 30-50 minutes a day. I honestly really enjoy dancing and found that Just Dance (video games) is a lot of fun! It gets me up and moving around and I love it! I don’t drink soda (I drink soda so sparingly it’s easier to say I don’t drink it. I’ve haven’t had a soda in over a month, and before that it was likely 3-4 months since the last one). I don’t drink alcohol. My vice is sweets (which is why Gastric Bypass will be good for me, because I won’t be able to overindulge anymore!). I did a baking swap with a neighbor recently, bread for Cookies. I shouldn’t have done it. One day I ate 4 cookies, but I countered it by getting more than 40 minutes of exercise. I’m not thinking about exercise as punishment though, because I’m really enjoying the dancing! The food swaps you suggest are great, however I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat heavy red meats anyway (though it’s something I miss on occasion). I get my Protein requirements daily so far, in that I eat a lot of eggs, Beans, and nuts. I’ve stopped eating things like chips and most snack foods—but like I said, I like sweets. If I just keep them out of the house it will be ok (I’ve been able to meter myself with those cookies now!).

@WishMeSmaller Thank you so much! The air is horrendous over here. I haven’t had exercise outside in a long time, and haven’t been able to go to my farmers markets to sell my jam and bread because of the air quality. It’s awful. Up until the summer heat hit and then the smoke, I was walking a mile every morning. That made it a lot easier to stay motivated! Then the heat came (110+ days for 5+ days in a row), then the smoke...I have asthma, so I haven’t been able to be outside much. I think that took the biggest blow to my depression. Going on a walk in the morning before eating anything or even drinking coffee...it was nice. It set my tone for the entire day! And here I am now. But like I said to Lori, I’ve been doing Just Dance daily, and it’s really helping get me back out of that depression!

@tarotcardreader Hi there! My surgeon isn’t giving me any flack over this. I haven’t even talked to her since my initial appointment. I think it’s more of a self mental block that I’m stressing out over. My PCP said that it isn’t a major issue if I don’t lose exactly 20 pounds. I’m back down about 8 since I posted this, though. I’ve gotten a lot of my motivation back and ditched the depression! Thanks for looking out. ❤️

@BigSue Thank you for this! You’ve inspired me to try out IF again. I’ve been not eating until 10/11am, and finishing eating by 6/7pm. It’s really helping to keep me back in check. Right now I’m just adjusting to the IF and logging again, and getting a lot of movement in. And then I’ll start adjusting my calorie goal to below 2000 again (they recommended 1500 for women at my first nutrition meeting). I figured it’s kind of hard to go from 0 to 60, so I’m going to ease back into it (someone suggested it somewhere! To just cut down a little at a time, instead of the shock that tends to come from going 2500 calories to 1500 overnight. It is likely to cause binge eating!). Anyhow, thank you so much for your encouragement, it means a lot!

[Onmyway301 14]

On 9/20/2020 at 10:32 AM, mil_unloaded said:

My bariatric surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 pounds before the surgery. I remember at the time thinking “I’ll smash that, I’ll lose 25.” Here I am now, halfway through the 6 month period before my final consult, and I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’m stressing out a little bit because I wanted to lose at least the 20, but now it’s practically logistically impossible. Every day I keep logging my food and getting exercise, but I’m still having 2000-2300 calories a day on average. I talked to my primary care doctor and she said that generally all they want is a show of good faith that you can lose weight and stay focused most of the time.

I think a lot of my struggles are stemmed from depression. I’m not generally very depressed, or I can usually pull myself out of my “funks” pretty quickly...however right now with COVID happening, now forest fires only 40 miles from my home (I live in Central California, near Fresno), plus basically becoming a homeschool teacher because of COVID (and my kids are special needs, did I mention that?)...on top of that I’m trying to keep my home business afloat (I make jam and bread). So it’s a lot to deal with all at once, and trying to lose weight is just one more piece of fuel to chuck onto the fire.

I guess I’m just looking for some kind words from people that have been there. I know that losing weight in general is hard, that’s why we’re all here, we need this tool to help us lose that weight. But why can’t I just keep my head in the game? I know a lot is going on, and past me has just let things go and gained 30 pounds. So at least there’s that. I’m still down about 5 pounds.

Hi, I went through something similar. My insurance required me to loose 15% of my weight. I struggled...one pound here, 2 pounds there. I got to my last visit and didn't reach my goal. I was beyond disappointed and stressed out. Finally my nutritionist and I decided to stop focusing on Carbs and focus on calories. I began a 1500 a day calorie intake. Two weeks later I had finally reached my goal. You can do this!!! Don't get discouraged!!! Adjust your calorie intake and Im sure you will see the difference.

[qianmij 31]

To “keep my head in the game,” I frequently went back to why I wanted the surgery. Personally, when my kids wanted me to play with them, I would be winded after 10 minutes. They deserve a parent who needs to be healthier so I could be there for them. I am their example and if I fail at everything else in life, I refused to fail them.

It could help your headspace to frame it that way - doing the surgery for a different cause besides the overarching “lose weight.” This path is very much a physical, emotional, and mental challenge. Best of luck to you!

[BigSue 1,428]

6 hours ago, mil_unloaded said:

@BigSue Thank you for this! You’ve inspired me to try out IF again. I’ve been not eating until 10/11am, and finishing eating by 6/7pm. It’s really helping to keep me back in check. Right now I’m just adjusting to the IF and logging again, and getting a lot of movement in. And then I’ll start adjusting my calorie goal to below 2000 again (they recommended 1500 for women at my first nutrition meeting). I figured it’s kind of hard to go from 0 to 60, so I’m going to ease back into it (someone suggested it somewhere! To just cut down a little at a time, instead of the shock that tends to come from going 2500 calories to 1500 overnight. It is likely to cause binge eating!). Anyhow, thank you so much for your encouragement, it means a lot!

Yes, I think it's a good idea to ease into it! I didn't set out to lose 70 pounds before surgery. I was just trying to lose the 20 pounds my surgeon wanted me to lose. The first week I used MyFitnessPal, I averaged 2018 calories per day, which was under my goal, but the next week, I aimed lower. As I made small changes, like having a salad with light dressing for lunch, or a big serving of green Beans instead of a side of rice or potatoes, or a Built Bar instead of a Snickers, it got easier.

BTW, I had some food funerals in the days leading up to my pre-op diet, and I don't regret it. But even when I was indulging in my favorite foods that I may never get to eat again, I still stayed under my calorie goal. So don't feel like you have to totally deprive yourself in order to do this.

[mil_unloaded 80]

@Onmyway301 Hi there! Yes, I’ve been working on whittling myself down about 100-150 calories every couple of days, so I can eventually sit back down between 1500-1800 calories daily. They told me to aim for 1500, but I figured I can slow go aim for it. I tried going 0 to 60 and ended up basically going on a food bender for a few days because the panic was too great. When I slowly ease back down I tend to do better. I’ve been logging my food every day for the last two weeks only skipping one day. I already have dinner calculated in today, and I still have about 350 calories I can play with (I might make an instant coffee, so that will cut it down a little bit more). My goal for today is to stick to as close to 2000 as I can, and get a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise (done, and I’d like to do more!).

@qianmij Hi there! I do try to think of my kids often and what their parts play in the grand scheme of things. My kids are special needs, and are ages 2.5 and 4.5. I don’t want to leave them behind because I died of a preventable metabolic disorder. So I often do my Just Dance time with the kids around because they like to wiggle with me, and it’s so fun! I frequently remind myself that it isn’t just for me, it’s for my kids, and my husband as well. I basically need to be gentle with myself while also urging myself to cut the crap, so to speak. Haha

@BigSue Food Funerals, that’s great. I told my husband I’d like to at least get one Mountain High Mudpie to share at Red Robin before this surgery happens. No way will we finish it, but still. It’s one of those things I know that I won’t be able to enjoy in moderation after the surgery because it’s HUGE. Like MASSIVE. Haha. It’s a family mission to take down this thing. But at the same time, I’m not sure I’m going to have true food funerals. I’ve read about people going on basically like a food bender before the surgery and the pre-op diet. Eating all of their favorite foods. I have a lot of favorite foods, but I believe I can likely still have most of them. Like a (vegetarian) hamburger sans bun. I’m cool with it. Or a taco, or a small burrito. I discovered a local pizza place will just throw toppings, sauce, and cheese in a bowl and bake it...and I thought hey now that’s smart. I can still get that “pizza” feel without the crust. And I can recreate it in a ramekin here at home. I love pizza, probably my favorite non-breakfast food item (I love breakfast like whoa). But I can happily give up the crust if that means living a longer and healthier life.

I think just putting out my initial post on this topic helped shift me back into the right mindset, and hearing everyone’s positivity on the subject. Thank you all so much for your kindness. It really does mean a lot. I’ve been finding that part of my soul that loved to move and groove, and that’s helping a lot!