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Newbie on my Journey ... did you keep your journey a secret



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I am still in the beginning stages of the process so i have only told my husband, sister, best friend and asked advice of 2 friends who have done this already, one of whom wants to be my “sponsor.” 😂 My husband is very supportive, my sister does NOT want me to do this, but she is borderline anorexic so she has her own struggles. My best friend is trying to be supportive but doesn’t really know what to say. She doesn’t want me to do it but understands why I want to and is trying.
I am bursting to tell other people bc I am so excited at the prospect but I’m not going to tell anyone else until I have a date. Then I will inform the director of my massage program (in a student) and my work.
Both of my parents died so I don’t need to deal with that. My dad was a diabetic and died of pneumonia, my mom was morbidly obese and died from a heart attack. I see myself going down those same paths so I am determined to do this.
My main problem with telling people is that I have been a huge advocate for fat acceptance and body positivity. I feel like I will be judged as a hypocrite. 😢 But I am doing this for my health. It’s not the right choice for everyone and I will always advocate for fat acceptance, but I feel there will still be judgements made. You can’t please everyone.

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34 minutes ago, Elvira OC said:

I am still in the beginning stages of the process so i have only told my husband, sister, best friend and asked advice of 2 friends who have done this already, one of whom wants to be my “sponsor.” 😂 My husband is very supportive, my sister does NOT want me to do this, but she is borderline anorexic so she has her own struggles. My best friend is trying to be supportive but doesn’t really know what to say. She doesn’t want me to do it but understands why I want to and is trying.
I am bursting to tell other people bc I am so excited at the prospect but I’m not going to tell anyone else until I have a date. Then I will inform the director of my massage program (in a student) and my work.
Both of my parents died so I don’t need to deal with that. My dad was a diabetic and died of pneumonia, my mom was morbidly obese and died from a heart attack. I see myself going down those same paths so I am determined to do this.
My main problem with telling people is that I have been a huge advocate for fat acceptance and body positivity. I feel like I will be judged as a hypocrite. 😢 But I am doing this for my health. It’s not the right choice for everyone and I will always advocate for fat acceptance, but I feel there will still be judgements made. You can’t please everyone.

I am also an advocate for fat acceptance and plan to continue to be even after I lose weight. I think it is important for people of all sizes to advocate for fat acceptance. You are probably right that you'll take some flack from the fat acceptance community for getting WLS, but there's no reason you can't lose weight for your own health while still advocating for fat people to be treated right.

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I am just starting the process. I have my consult on Friday. I have only told people who are loving and supporting because this is such a personal and big decision that I do not want to deal with negative. Surprising enough one that I thought would be supportive gave me rash about removing organs that are supposed to be in my body. That’s exactly what I don’t want to hear. I only want to be surrounded by support & love.

I am glad I found this site. I am positive it will help me along my journey.

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I kept everything pretty quite prior to my surgery. My husband and my parents were the only ones that knew. Now I have told my husbands parents and that's it. Still want to keep it close to home.

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Posted (edited)

Yes, I have decided to not share my surgery with anyone. My children and mother are the only ones I have told. Not that it’s a secret, just none of anybody’s business. The struggle is hard enough without judgement and questions.

Edited by KASx4

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On 7/9/2020 at 3:35 PM, Nikki50 said:

I am new here kinda just stumbled on this site. I am on my Pre-op diet it has not been bad only one day with a headache. It feels good to read positive and uplifting words of encouragement. My surgery date is July 16, i am excited but nervous because nobody can be there with me because of this pandemic. I have been very quit about this nobody knows but my 3 kids. I was wondering was any of you secretive about having surgery? i chose to keep it secret because sometimes i feel people speak before they think, like saying this is the easy way out, when that is the furthest from the truth.

I have had it done twice. First time very successful weight loss but it came undone. I had it done again after gaining weight but not so great this time and suffering terrible with reflux acid. People do say it's easy and a cheats way but not true at all. You can still eat a load of crap like chocolate and biscuits so you do still need willpower. Everyone is different. Good luck

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I told my daughter and a handful of people I thought would be supportive. Now that I've had the surgery, I will tell more people as needed. It's not a secret but if they ask, I will tell them. And I don't care what the nay-sayers will say now that it's done.

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On 7/14/2020 at 7:53 AM, BigSue said:

I am also an advocate for fat acceptance and plan to continue to be even after I lose weight. I think it is important for people of all sizes to advocate for fat acceptance. You are probably right that you'll take some flack from the fat acceptance community for getting WLS, but there's no reason you can't lose weight for your own health while still advocating for fat people to be treated right.

YES!!!!! I was and still am an advocate for fat acceptance. I learned to love myself just the way I was... Until my bloodwork started coming back with struggling organs... I wasn't able to tie my shoes... I couldn't walk without pain...

Each of us has the right to choose what to do with our bodies. When we are fine and when we need help. It's not hypocritical at all. Self love is important at all shapes and sizes.

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I have chosen to tell my mom as the only family member - the rest are gossips and very judgemental. Hard pass on them.
I have told one colleague, who was also the one to pick me up from the hospital and who has checked in on me these past few days. She's really my rock. I have not chosen to share it with anyone else from work.
I have also told a few friends - they have all been very supportive. Not sure why I'm surprised at that really, I mean they are my friends after all. I'm sure word will spread eventually, especially when the weight loss becomes visible. While I wish it wouldn't I'm okay with it.

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Well good luck. I have decided to have a few Mills taken out of my band. I'm struggling a liitle with the restriction. It hasn't been as easy this time around but I am getting older so it's always a struggle. I think the thing that makes us want to keep it quiet is apart from the negative people around us is the fact what if I don't lose weight? I will be judged? Just don't do as I have done and get over tight on the band. If you are to restricted you won't get any good food in and reach for the crap. Good luck x

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On 7/14/2020 at 7:11 AM, Elvira OC said:

I am still in the beginning stages of the process so i have only told my husband, sister, best friend and asked advice of 2 friends who have done this already, one of whom wants to be my “sponsor.” 😂 My husband is very supportive, my sister does NOT want me to do this, but she is borderline anorexic so she has her own struggles. My best friend is trying to be supportive but doesn’t really know what to say. She doesn’t want me to do it but understands why I want to and is trying.
I am bursting to tell other people bc I am so excited at the prospect but I’m not going to tell anyone else until I have a date. Then I will inform the director of my massage program (in a student) and my work.
Both of my parents died so I don’t need to deal with that. My dad was a diabetic and died of pneumonia, my mom was morbidly obese and died from a heart attack. I see myself going down those same paths so I am determined to do this.
My main problem with telling people is that I have been a huge advocate for fat acceptance and body positivity. I feel like I will be judged as a hypocrite. 😢 But I am doing this for my health. It’s not the right choice for everyone and I will always advocate for fat acceptance, but I feel there will still be judgements made. You can’t please everyone.

I would think you could say “Personally, I needed to lose weight for health reasons, but I still fully believe in accepting and embracing people of all sizes.” I mean, that’s the truth, fat people are treated poorly in our culture, and it’s wrong. Being an advocate for treating people respectfully regardless of their body size is a valuable thing regardless of your own weight.

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There's a reason why because generally obese or over weight people are putting their health at risk.

Every extra lb or kg is impacting your organs and your breathing among other things so it looks like to outsiders that you're not caring about your health or your self which in turn sets a bad example to the children of today if they see adults being obese and acting like it's fine.... I know from experience how bad and unhealthy I felt for years due to my obesity, I could barely walk a mile without needing to stop I was so unhealthy.

so there's a difference between being curvy cuddly and being morbidly obese...

If you're that big you can't even walk around the shop to buy your junk food then that is an issue...

If you're too big to keep yourself clean that is an issue...

So embracing ones flaws is fine but not if you're risking your life....

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On 7/14/2020 at 10:11 AM, Elvira OC said:

I am still in the beginning stages of the process so i have only told my husband, sister, best friend and asked advice of 2 friends who have done this already, one of whom wants to be my “sponsor.” 😂 My husband is very supportive, my sister does NOT want me to do this, but she is borderline anorexic so she has her own struggles. My best friend is trying to be supportive but doesn’t really know what to say. She doesn’t want me to do it but understands why I want to and is trying.
I am bursting to tell other people bc I am so excited at the prospect but I’m not going to tell anyone else until I have a date. Then I will inform the director of my massage program (in a student) and my work.
Both of my parents died so I don’t need to deal with that. My dad was a diabetic and died of pneumonia, my mom was morbidly obese and died from a heart attack. I see myself going down those same paths so I am determined to do this.
My main problem with telling people is that I have been a huge advocate for fat acceptance and body positivity. I feel like I will be judged as a hypocrite. 😢 But I am doing this for my health. It’s not the right choice for everyone and I will always advocate for fat acceptance, but I feel there will still be judgements made. You can’t please everyone.

I've never posted before - but your post totally resonated with me! I'm in the same boat - I've spent my whole life learning to accept my body and preaching the importance of self acceptance (and believe me, I 100% still think this is SO important for girls everywhere!). It took me SO LONG (7+ years) to finally make the decision to have surgery. Part of me feels hypocritical ... but after so many years of thinking about it, I know that I'm 100% not doing the surgery to be skinny to or look different in my clothes - I'm doing it for my health. I had a baby 10 months ago and being an obese pregnant person was horrible (for me). I was SO high risk, ended up delivering early, baby spent time in the NICU, recovery was terrible. So at the end of the day, if having surgery and losing weight will in ANY WAY make pregnancy a little easier/safer for me in the future, I know I have to do it. I just finished all my surgery requirements and am waiting for a surgery date. So far, I've only told my husband and my best friend (who is a nurse, I wanted her opinion on the doctor I'd chosen). My mom and sisters know surgery is something I've been considering for years but I don't think I'll tell them until I have a surgery date! I'm excited for you and I can't wait to follow along your journey!

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Hi,

I kept it secret apart from my direct family and one person at work who I needed to cover for me, (my job involved quite a bit of meals and events and it was around Christmas). I was a bit worried about how people would react or 'judge' me and felt that I needed to get comfortable with it myself first. I only really started telling people about 2 or 3 months after when I found that people were asking about the weight-loss and were actually getting discouraged because they were dieting and going to the gym and were not getting the results that I seemed to be getting by doing the same thing. I was massively surprised by peoples reactions and feel guilty apart underestimating them. I can honestly say I have never had one negative comment, to my face at least. Mostly people have been so supportive, and at the end of the day, its what you think that counts. Do whatever you feel comfortable with, and hope it all goes well!

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