Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Has anyone chosen to shed relationships as well as pounds post surgery?



Recommended Posts

Going into this surgery I knew there would be head work but am surprised at a change I've decided to make: shedding or discontinuing one-sided relationships with some family members. It's as if as I lose the weight and become healthier I'm looking much closer at what's really going on with all my relationships. As I feel better about myself I will no longer tolerate indifference and lack of caring from others, or continue what I was doing - trying to buy their love with gifts.

I'm the maiden aunt who had been sending Christmas and birthday presents to family kids until they turned 18. In the past I've at least received photos of some of them in return and one niece was good about thanking me. But this past year - nothing except a different niece's wedding announcement via my brother - not even directly from her and no invitation just a bid for a gift, which I sent.

My sister is the only family member who is in frequent contact and clearly cares about me - and the only one who knows about my surgery. No one else has ever inquired how I am doing, if I'm well, or showed any interest in my welfare. I'm sure they're good people - they just don't know me or love me.

So rather than feeling sad that they don't care about me, I'm accepting it for what it is and shedding them from my life as well as the pounds. I'll simply stop sending gifts (and am changing my Will) - they probably won't even notice. It feels great! Is anyone else reevaluating relationships post surgery and deciding to shed those that either are one-sided or bad for you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some family members of their own accord actually ditched me, one was tough to take, but the two after that were a smaller blip and I have moved past it all of it. I don't know that you have to actually announce anything, or take steps to sever ties. I still attend some family functions, and am polite. I tried reaching out and since it is never reciprocated I have just stopped contact altogether in any one-on-one manner. It is just a non event. Changing your will is certainly in your control.

Make new relationships, go on some single cruises, or events pertaining to your new or favorite interests, fill your life up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While I've always held toxic family members at arms length (and still continue to do so), I have let a couple friendships go by the wayside since surgery. Not so much that I "dropped" them, but more like I stopped putting in so much effort to keep the relationship going. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to say good by to my "best" friend a few years after because she kept wanting to run my life and I finally stood up and said no. Of course, I was made out to be the bad guy. If you have to let things go for your emotional, mental and often physical well being, you have to do it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think its because generally, the weight loss sort of triggers a confidence thing in you and you begin to realize your worth, which in turn makes you more likely to reject those who don't.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

I think its because generally, the weight loss sort of triggers a confidence thing in you and you begin to realize your worth, which in turn makes you more likely to reject those who don't.

I think the new confidence is somewhat threatening to others who used to see themselves perhaps as superior. Weight shaming is very real - not only to the overweight person, but also in the minds of those who see themselves as better people than fat people. Take away the fat person, and what do they have left?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awww, this is sad. It's hard to hear that relationships can be ended due to WLS. But I think that rather than the outward appearance of people it is the new-found confidence and the loss of the need for codependency that allows us to shed relationships that weren't healthy in the first place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good for you! I lost about 80 lbs. in 2012 on Phentermine and was shocked by how fatphobic and mean a couple of relatives were, basically implying that I had looked like cr*p before I lost it. I've dropped a few of them, and I've also stopped being "the bank" for relatives who only talked to me to let me know when their kids have gift-giving events. There's never a bad day to refuse to be a doormat.

Edited by JessLess

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • AmberFL

      2 of the Biggest NSV thus far in my life; 1) my 6yr old daughter can wrap her arms around me for the first time ever! 2) My 12yr old son is having a basketball game for the parents vs. their players and I am playing with him! Its been awhile since I played basketball so I have been practicing lol but I would never had even volunteered to do this 70lbs ago! 
      This surgery has changed my life for the better!
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        That's fantastic!

    • Newtransformation79

      It has hit me today, as I sit in my chair at work that I don't have my belly sticking out to where it would hit the desk. Oh and I can cross my legs more comfortably. It amazes me just how much I have loss in inches vs actual pounds, I have lost 24 lbs all together. But I believe in inches all over about 3 inches. I am noticing more energy and have pep to my step. My skin is a lot clearer. My watch band is shorter by 3 notches. the little things are what I am noticing. When I bend over I don't feel out of breath or I am going to fall over ( weeble wobble). 
      I am having a hard time with my sweet tooth, it is very hard to not want to get some ice cream or chocolate. Candy I can do without. I have no craving really for that, just chocolate and ice cream. I have gone as far as taking Popsicle and putting them in my mixer with almond milk and making like ice cream with that/ sometimes I have added un-flavored protein powder. 
      I feel better everyday. The energy is great to have with having younger kids and being able to have the energy to keep up. 😃
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Manisha Sharma

      Buy Dohar Set Online: Top Picks for Cozy Comfort & Style 
      Check out our top selections for cozy bedding, perfect for adding a touch of style to your bedroom while ensuring warmth and comfort. Find the best Dohar sets online for ultimate comfort and style.
       
      Visit - https://amoliconcepts.com/product-category/throws-quilts-dohars/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Clueless_girl

      If anyone has any advice on how to make your stomach feel better after you eat something you shouldn't have or at too fast, I would GREATLY appreciate it!! It's painful on both sides of my abdomen (like to the point I'm doubled over and using a hot water bottle in addition to medicine) and I'm really nauseous (the thought or smell of food is 🤢).
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Mandirigma

      Just wondering if any of the Type 2 Diabetics also have there blood glucose go high when having only a Premier Protein drink for breakfast?  How does Premier Protein compare to BOOST Glucose Control in your experience?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×