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Weight gain pre surgery and people’s expectations



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So much to touch on here and it may ramble but it all has a point so stick with me. 😂🤞. The first day I met my new doc 6 months ago, the last thing he said was, “I can tell who will be successful after surgery by the amount they lose before surgery”. Talk about pressure! Lol. Anyway, fast forward 6 months and the surgery scheduler calls to say I’ve been approved for surgery. I was nervous initially because I ended my 6 months 3 pounds heavier than I began so I was stoked that I was approved so quickly.

SS said if I was able to take the next day off work (9/27), I could have surgery on 10/8! Oh boy! First person I call is my husband, who immediately starts in on me about how I need to wait until AT LEAST November because we can’t afford surgery now! Never congratulated me or anything. I actually hung up on him. Then I tell my bosses/receptionist. Bosses and nearby co workers all start in on what an inconvenience it will be with me out. God forbid they call their own patients or check their patients auth. No congrats there. Receptionist is like I don’t care what you do, I just want to go to Vegas for Halloween. 😒. I finally call my mother in law, who is loaning us money for this surgery and she immediately screams, “YAHOO!!!! CONGRATS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!”. Tells me to absolutely do the 8th. Don’t wait! Go for it! I get to my desk and after 30 seconds of pause just cry because only one person of the 6 I just told was happy for me. I let my old insecurities set in and figure, if more people are against sx so soon then maybe I should wait. So I scheduled it for 10/22.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been incredibly agitated the last two weeks. Everyone at work is worried about how my sx will inconvenience them. I went from two weeks off work to one week and two weeks half days to maybe I can work from the hospital since I’m not doing anything. I’ve been binging on food left in the pantry (pasta, brownie mix, coffee) because I tell myself my hubs will be more relaxed if I eat shit and save money these last two weeks. In the back of my mind though I have the doc...”I know who will be successful after surgery based on how much weight they lose before surgery”. I KNOW I’ve gained weight the past two weeks. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 10 pounds. 🤷‍♀️. So the self loathing begins. “The doc thinks I’m a shit patient for gaining weight and he’s wasting his time working on me because he knows I won’t be successful”. “I’m worthless”. “Why can’t you just make people happy and lose weight?!”.

Tonight I told hubs I was going to bed early because I was “agitated” and when I laid down I stared at the ceiling sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t cry harder if I tried. Then it hit me: why am I letting these people control my life?! So I text my husband to come to the bedroom to talk (I’m a millennial. It’s what we do).

I proceed to tell him how angry I am. I’m angry that he was so concerned about money that he never congratulated me for a year of hard work. I’m angry that I let my co workers dictate my pre and post op care. I’m angry that I let my husband choose my surgery date. Most importantly, I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting them take away my initial happiness. Angry for being concerned about my co workers feelings over my own. Angry that something my doc probably meant as encouraging was twisted by my mind to negate everything I’ve done in the last year because I gained weight. As if the weight gain negated all the physical therapy, the personal training, psychology work, food logging, nutrition appointments, weekly classes for united healthcare, monthly support groups and $8000 in money to better my health for this surgery and life change. Angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and ate shit instead of grabbing my mother in laws credit card like she offered and getting the proper food I need pre op.

He listened and apologized. We chatted a bit over his fears/concerns, my concerns (I’m not afraid of surgery) and my need to work on my people pleasing. It was cathartic. It was also humbling that I thought I had this mental aspect under control when clearly I did not if I let all of these people live rent free in my mind.

Friday I’m going to for my pre op appointment and I’m going to be open, honest and an advocate for myself. I’ll probably stumble at some point in the future but I’m taking a screenshot of this post to remind myself that it’s ok to advocate for yourself and then pick myself back up.

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I am so proud of you on so many levels. You were able to identify the sources of negativity, address them, face them, and advocate for yourself! Hurray for you!!!! I have no doubt that you will be totally successful with your weight loss after having surgery. I did not lose but a few pounds in my 6 month pre-op period. But I have been hugely successful after surgery. I don't think your doctor can accurately predict how every individual's body will respond to surgery. I can tell that you are determined to make this work, and that is what it takes. When you think of it, it's kind of silly and unrealistic to think that someone who has wrecked their metabolism by dieting, and who needs WLS as a last resort, will be able to take off loads of weight before surgery. If we could have done it, we would have already, right? Please don't let that idea rattle your confidence. If anything, let it make you more determined than ever to prove him wrong. Your coworkers are being just plain selfish. Period. You take care of yourself right now, OK? Please keep us posted about your journey!

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So much to touch on here and it may ramble but it all has a point so stick with me. [emoji23]🤞. The first day I met my new doc 6 months ago, the last thing he said was, “I can tell who will be successful after surgery by the amount they lose before surgery”. Talk about pressure! Lol. Anyway, fast forward 6 months and the surgery scheduler calls to say I’ve been approved for surgery. I was nervous initially because I ended my 6 months 3 pounds heavier than I began so I was stoked that I was approved so quickly.

SS said if I was able to take the next day off work (9/27), I could have surgery on 10/8! Oh boy! First person I call is my husband, who immediately starts in on me about how I need to wait until AT LEAST November because we can’t afford surgery now! Never congratulated me or anything. I actually hung up on him. Then I tell my bosses/receptionist. Bosses and nearby co workers all start in on what an inconvenience it will be with me out. God forbid they call their own patients or check their patients auth. No congrats there. Receptionist is like I don’t care what you do, I just want to go to Vegas for Halloween. [emoji19]. I finally call my mother in law, who is loaning us money for this surgery and she immediately screams, “YAHOO!!!! CONGRATS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!”. Tells me to absolutely do the 8th. Don’t wait! Go for it! I get to my desk and after 30 seconds of pause just cry because only one person of the 6 I just told was happy for me. I let my old insecurities set in and figure, if more people are against sx so soon then maybe I should wait. So I scheduled it for 10/22.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been incredibly agitated the last two weeks. Everyone at work is worried about how my sx will inconvenience them. I went from two weeks off work to one week and two weeks half days to maybe I can work from the hospital since I’m not doing anything. I’ve been binging on food left in the pantry (pasta, brownie mix, coffee) because I tell myself my hubs will be more relaxed if I eat **** and save money these last two weeks. In the back of my mind though I have the doc...”I know who will be successful after surgery based on how much weight they lose before surgery”. I KNOW I’ve gained weight the past two weeks. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 10 pounds. 🤷‍♀️. So the self loathing begins. “The doc thinks I’m a **** patient for gaining weight and he’s wasting his time working on me because he knows I won’t be successful”. “I’m worthless”. “Why can’t you just make people happy and lose weight?!”.

Tonight I told hubs I was going to bed early because I was “agitated” and when I laid down I stared at the ceiling sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t cry harder if I tried. Then it hit me: why am I letting these people control my life?! So I text my husband to come to the bedroom to talk (I’m a millennial. It’s what we do).

I proceed to tell him how angry I am. I’m angry that he was so concerned about money that he never congratulated me for a year of hard work. I’m angry that I let my co workers dictate my pre and post op care. I’m angry that I let my husband choose my surgery date. Most importantly, I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting them take away my initial happiness. Angry for being concerned about my co workers feelings over my own. Angry that something my doc probably meant as encouraging was twisted by my mind to negate everything I’ve done in the last year because I gained weight. As if the weight gain negated all the physical therapy, the personal training, psychology work, food logging, nutrition appointments, weekly classes for united healthcare, monthly support groups and $8000 in money to better my health for this surgery and life change. Angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and ate **** instead of grabbing my mother in laws credit card like she offered and getting the proper food I need pre op.

He listened and apologized. We chatted a bit over his fears/concerns, my concerns (I’m not afraid of surgery) and my need to work on my people pleasing. It was cathartic. It was also humbling that I thought I had this mental aspect under control when clearly I did not if I let all of these people live rent free in my mind.

Friday I’m going to for my pre op appointment and I’m going to be open, honest and an advocate for myself. I’ll probably stumble at some point in the future but I’m taking a screenshot of this post to remind myself that it’s ok to advocate for yourself and then pick myself back up.
Just Wow!!!!!! Emily Jane, YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!!! I was incredibly moved by your insight!!! I wished I was half as insightful as you when I was your age!!!
This surgery is exactly designed for your honestly and self reflection as you start to discover parts of yourself you didn't know was tucked in there waiting to blossom like a swan! You start to change and morph both physically and emotionally in your journey and you wonder who this new AMAZING, POWERFUL, COURAGEOUS and CONFIDENT person is!!!
Take heart in the difficult early days because you my friend are about to have your swan song!!![emoji123][emoji123][emoji122][emoji122][emoji119][emoji119][emoji119]

I'll be here rooting for you!!!🧡[emoji176]🧡[emoji176]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

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Girl, yes! I am so glad that you have had such a breakthrough and especially glad you and hubby had a talk, now he can understand your needs and be there for you as a support system after surgery. It sounds like you have your MIL for a great support system and us too, we're excited for you!

I think if my work treated me that way, I'd probably be job hunting during my time off, they don't sound like they deserve you. I'm only getting a hand full of days off of work and I'm pretty sure if I need more time, I'll get fired, so maybe I'll be doing some job searching my time off anyway. 🤣

You are going to be so successful, I just know it!

Edited by SorryNameTaken

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Wow! It sounds like you have had some real personal growth over the last several months of this journey. I'd love to see you congratulate yourself for all that hard work. ❤️ None of it is easy but the mental toughness it takes to get through is by far more difficult than the physical. You are on the right track!

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So much to touch on here and it may ramble but it all has a point so stick with me. [emoji23]🤞. The first day I met my new doc 6 months ago, the last thing he said was, “I can tell who will be successful after surgery by the amount they lose before surgery”. Talk about pressure! Lol. Anyway, fast forward 6 months and the surgery scheduler calls to say I’ve been approved for surgery. I was nervous initially because I ended my 6 months 3 pounds heavier than I began so I was stoked that I was approved so quickly.

SS said if I was able to take the next day off work (9/27), I could have surgery on 10/8! Oh boy! First person I call is my husband, who immediately starts in on me about how I need to wait until AT LEAST November because we can’t afford surgery now! Never congratulated me or anything. I actually hung up on him. Then I tell my bosses/receptionist. Bosses and nearby co workers all start in on what an inconvenience it will be with me out. God forbid they call their own patients or check their patients auth. No congrats there. Receptionist is like I don’t care what you do, I just want to go to Vegas for Halloween. [emoji19]. I finally call my mother in law, who is loaning us money for this surgery and she immediately screams, “YAHOO!!!! CONGRATS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!”. Tells me to absolutely do the 8th. Don’t wait! Go for it! I get to my desk and after 30 seconds of pause just cry because only one person of the 6 I just told was happy for me. I let my old insecurities set in and figure, if more people are against sx so soon then maybe I should wait. So I scheduled it for 10/22.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been incredibly agitated the last two weeks. Everyone at work is worried about how my sx will inconvenience them. I went from two weeks off work to one week and two weeks half days to maybe I can work from the hospital since I’m not doing anything. I’ve been binging on food left in the pantry (pasta, brownie mix, coffee) because I tell myself my hubs will be more relaxed if I eat **** and save money these last two weeks. In the back of my mind though I have the doc...”I know who will be successful after surgery based on how much weight they lose before surgery”. I KNOW I’ve gained weight the past two weeks. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 10 pounds. 🤷‍♀️. So the self loathing begins. “The doc thinks I’m a **** patient for gaining weight and he’s wasting his time working on me because he knows I won’t be successful”. “I’m worthless”. “Why can’t you just make people happy and lose weight?!”.

Tonight I told hubs I was going to bed early because I was “agitated” and when I laid down I stared at the ceiling sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t cry harder if I tried. Then it hit me: why am I letting these people control my life?! So I text my husband to come to the bedroom to talk (I’m a millennial. It’s what we do).

I proceed to tell him how angry I am. I’m angry that he was so concerned about money that he never congratulated me for a year of hard work. I’m angry that I let my co workers dictate my pre and post op care. I’m angry that I let my husband choose my surgery date. Most importantly, I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting them take away my initial happiness. Angry for being concerned about my co workers feelings over my own. Angry that something my doc probably meant as encouraging was twisted by my mind to negate everything I’ve done in the last year because I gained weight. As if the weight gain negated all the physical therapy, the personal training, psychology work, food logging, nutrition appointments, weekly classes for united healthcare, monthly support groups and $8000 in money to better my health for this surgery and life change. Angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and ate **** instead of grabbing my mother in laws credit card like she offered and getting the proper food I need pre op.

He listened and apologized. We chatted a bit over his fears/concerns, my concerns (I’m not afraid of surgery) and my need to work on my people pleasing. It was cathartic. It was also humbling that I thought I had this mental aspect under control when clearly I did not if I let all of these people live rent free in my mind.

Friday I’m going to for my pre op appointment and I’m going to be open, honest and an advocate for myself. I’ll probably stumble at some point in the future but I’m taking a screenshot of this post to remind myself that it’s ok to advocate for yourself and then pick myself back up.
Yesssss, Congratulations to you for finally realizing that. [emoji3] Now get back on track and start losing again. Surgery is next week. Kudos to you. [emoji1439]‍♀️ hugs

Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

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Amen sister! Good for you! Interesting, I was watching an episode of 'My 600 lb. Life' yesterday and it featured a woman who was going thru WLS with a non supportive husband, who eventually left her because he was with someone else. Once she released all of the stress and strain of his controlling, belittling attitude and re-aligned herself with advocating for herself, she started to become more successful with her weight loss.

This is also the reason why folk don't tell many people about these procedures because the last thing a person needs is people being negative and non-supportive.

Lastly, it's not like you gained a whole lot here -- just think that if you weren't going for the WLS, just eating the way you have in the past, you may be much heavier so clearly you are making good changes that will only get better post-op.

Oh, one more thing: your health is the most important thing here. Please monitor how you feel first before returning to work.

We must be present and in control of our own health.

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Thank you for sharing your journey. You should be proud of the woman you've become so far and of the woman you are becoming. You are making nothing but positive changes in your life, Celebrate them! For us chronically overweight people I think we are more comfortable putting ourselves down rather than lifting ourselves up. But that is what this surgery demands of us, yes? It demands that we value ourselves and our health regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels. Not that we're arrogant in our self love, but that we are starting to get some self love. You are going to do great things post-surg, keep up the wonderful work.

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