Thoughts on sharing with extended family

[TattooedSeaStar 139]

I am still in the very early stages of this whole process. I have met with a surgeon, gotten insurance approval, have a date for a scope, have an appointment with a nutritionist, and will me with my GP next week to start the 6 months of monitoring.

just curious how much you share with your extended family. My parents are on board as well as my besties and my husband, but I have refrained from telling his family as of yet. They will know eventually, but right now it’s a mixture of embarrassment and feeling like they won’t support me. My MIL has made several comments about how I wasn’t raised like my husband (which he shot down PTL) and can be very stuck up at times. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and my SIL (his only sibling) dabbles in drugs. I’ve never done these things and get really stressed when compared to her since MIL doesn’t know about the drug use. I was planning on telling them about my surgery at Thanksgiving, just not so early on the game.

Thoughts? Is there anyone out there who struggles with what/when to share. Just curious.

[KCgirl061 1,533]

I have a very loving family, both my own and my inlaws. So I felt comfortable sharing with them, confident they would be supportive.

However, your MIL sounds like she would be judgmental about it and it would only be stressful for you. Don't feel like you have to share with someone - family or not - who isn't going to be supportive and rooting for your success.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

Before surgery, I shared only with those people I felt sure would be supportive. (This did not include my MIL). The rest found out later. It's entirely your choice.

[Azlanie 51]

I included my boyfriend when I was making the decision to have the surgery. I asked my mom of her opinion (she is a nurse) so I could get an additional point of view. Both were extremely supportive. I was also extremely transparent with my boss and coworkers. It made it that much easier to get time off scheduled for appointments. There was a point where I had at least one appointment per week.

My boyfriend's family still does not know, nor do I care if and when they find out. It is my decision and I am doing this for me. Anyone who rears their head in jealousy or does not want to support me can be shown the door. I made a very public post on social media about my surgery date and I got some questions from supportive friends, and a little bit of push back from family ("oh you were doing so well on weight watchers, why would you want to have someone cut you open?").

Ultimately, I don't care about the opinions of those who are not going to be positive and supportive. I have learned to drown them out over the years.

I would absolutely inform those who are with you on a daily basis and who mean something to you. Everyone else can just wonder how you did it!

[ypease 177]

Only my husband knows. My kids are all adults, so I feel no need to share at this time. I think weight loss and/or wls are a very personal topics/decisions.

As for others noticing your weight loss after surgery, well I think it’s normal for others to wonder how and what you are doing to lose the weight. However, i think to much info to others, especially not immediate family members is unnecessary. And really, none of their business.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

I have always been a very private person and respect other people and their space as I would like to be respected. I'm not going to be the poster child for wls, as this is a very personal decision for me. I didn't make this decision lightly or quickly for that matter. I have a small but very supportive group and I just told my sister and she's highly supportive. This is a very mental process that requires for us to do a lot of internal work, I personally don't have space for anyone's unaddressed personal life issues. Negativity is not welcomed, this means I'm not going to be able to share with a few people and I'm fine with that. Some ppl are just narrow minded and that's not my issue to address, getting my health in check is the only priority for me. I come first, finally. Not anyone's opinions and ideas of what they feel I should be doing. Everything doesn't have to be publicized for approval.

[TattooedSeaStar 139]

7 hours ago, Krimsonbutterflies said:

I have always been a very private person and respect other people and their space as I would like to be respected. I'm not going to be the poster child for wls, as this is a very personal decision for me. I didn't make this decision lightly or quickly for that matter. I have a small but very supportive group and I just told my sister and she's highly supportive. This is a very mental process that requires for us to do a lot of internal work, I personally don't have space for anyone's unaddressed personal life issues. Negativity is not welcomed, this means I'm not going to be able to share with a few people and I'm fine with that. Some ppl are just narrow minded and that's not my issue to address, getting my health in check is the only priority for me. I come first, finally. Not anyone's opinions and ideas of what they feel I should be doing. Everything doesn't have to be publicized for approval.

I love this. You are right- it’s a very personal decision and I don’t have time for head games. I may not include them at all!!

[alex76 184]

I didn't feel like dealing with ANY negativity or judgement pre- op. I wanted to go in positive and strong. My surgery was last week July 3. Eventually, as I see people I may tell them- but I'll be stronger and more confident to deal with any bs thrown my way [emoji4]

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[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

On 7/9/2019 at 7:49 AM, alex76 said:

I didn't feel like dealing with ANY negativity or judgement pre- op. I wanted to go in positive and strong. My surgery was last week July 3. Eventually, as I see people I may tell them- but I'll be stronger and more confident to deal with any bs thrown my way

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How are you feeling? Hopefully you are only attracting positive vibes and manifesting blessings during your recovery and onward.

[NYJenn 1,464]

I told my parents and my husband. That’s it. I did WLS for me and I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

[alex76 184]

5 hours ago, Krimsonbutterflies said:

How are you feeling? Hopefully you are only attracting positive vibes and manifesting blessings during your recovery and onward.

My recovery has been nothing but a positive experience. I consider myself one of lucky ones because I have had no pain or setbacks. The few trusted people that I've told have been emotionally supportive and helped to get me started on a walking program! Thank you for checking on me.

[DianaP 38]

I am in general quite comfortable openly sharing, but I am only telling about my WLS if I feel like the people have shown a history of being supportive, or if they have good reason to be curious (i.e. they have their own weight struggle and I don't want to keep it a secret what's finally working for me).

I have told maybe a dozen people in my very supportive social circle, my husband (he's been integrally involved from the initial thoughts of this), and my family (parents, siblings, and their spouses). I have not told any of my husbands' family, and don't plan to at all, because they have shown themselves to be judgmental and not supportive. I also don't want to feel like they're watching every one of my food choices like a hawk for forever. If/when they ask how I am losing the weight (we only see them twice a year, so it will be completely obviously when I do see them at Thanksgiving), I will probably just give them an "eating less, moving more" brush-off.

Ultimately, this is for YOU. I think there are great benefits to sharing this journey with safe people, but healthy boundaries are important, and you don't owe them any information just because they're "family".

[ypease 177]

I'm in the same situation as you. My husband has been on board with me from the start, and has been very supportive as well. We have talked about this and agree as far as disclosure goes and to whom. I won't be telling my adult son's until afterwards, because mom & step daddy don't want them to worry. As for my Inlaws, well lets just say I mirror your statements regarding any disclosure and the after effects thereof . I live closer to mine and we do see each other frequently. My brush-off will be that I am on a doctors supervised diet plan, and am excreting more.

As far as my siblings go, well let's just say they are even less supportive than my inlaws. So that's a big NOPE!

[big_ange 77]

I've only told coworkers because oviesly they are gonna notice I'm gonna be gone for 2 weeks and the weight loss aswell.. my wife and her Imidete family know.. my brothers and sisters aswell.. Ive also let some work customers know

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[New&Improved 1,780]

Only told a few close family.. Again only did this for me and I will do it my way take it day by day definitely don't need strangers and others telling me what to do or judging me daily.

it is also a personal process for me and my mental health as well there will be so many changes internally and externally and I cannot wait!!