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Friendship Only/ Dating "Limbo" for some of us WLS'ers?



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Is anyone in this similar predicament? You want to make new friends, or possibly date, or find a non sexual activity pal to work out at the gym or attend a concert or go to a gallery or arcade or bowling, or movies etc.. But it's difficult if you're not the club/ bar type and you're not the "hook up"/ "speed bump" type. Also if you're PostOp, have lost a considerable amount, but still have a ways to go, if you choose to search online, where do you sign up? You've dropped from ssbbw---> bbw stage or bbw---> plus size thus far but still losing weight & apparel sizes; you sure as heck don't want to register on a BBW date site because they're either feeders and/ or fetishists, just want sex or want to debate why you went through the procedure & make you feel low.

And it's purgatory dealing with the "regular" sites, even if you state clearly you had WLS to essentially help save & prolong your life so you can LIVE a healthier, more active & fulfilling one when traditional methods failed for many yrs/ decades, and even if you lost the weight & they see your most current pics, you're still "not what they expected", you may even still be a tad limited in what you can do physically, they still ask impertinent/ rude questions or comments. So you spend the meet/ greet over coffee or someplace lighthearted & neutral (if u decide to meet them) essentially defending your decision. Some are absolutely against surgical weight loss interventions for one inane or out dated reason or another. Ughhhh!!!

And there's no one remotely of interest or availability at my local WLS Support group meetings at my surgeon's office.

Then we're caught between a rock & a hard place. What a drag. :(

What have you done? What's been your Post Op date Quest experiences/ any success? I've been widowed for many years. The pickings were slim back when I was pre-op, single b4 I was married. Now here in northeastern OH it's just as lousy if not worse. ROFL! And I can't afford a decent matchmaker. LMBO!🤣

Thanks in advance for helpful recommendations. Much appreciated. :)

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Dating in this day and age is difficult for anyone, especially those that aren't into internet dating.

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Been friendszoned my whole damn life :(

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    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
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    • Doughgurl

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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