No family support

[Crystal* 9]

I have been trying for years to qualify for weight loss surgery with insurance. I have to lose 10% of my body weight and keep it off. Unless I have some kind of condition that prevents me from losing weight, which I do not, there are no exceptions. I have not even come close to 10% and I am tired of waisting my life being depressed about it. So I took matters into my own hands and am planning on having the duodenal switch with Dr Ungson in Mexicali, self pay. My family doesn't even know I am going to Mexico, they would probably disown me if they knew. I just told them I am going out of state. My mom is the only person I have to watch my children while I am gone, and she is the person that is against this decision the most. She told me I am "using risky physical means to fix a spiritual problem". What is that supposed to mean anyway? I have faith in God, I pray about this everyday. I don't want to risk my life, risk leaving 4 children and a husband by having this done. But I am desperate and this is my last resort. I can't educate my family because they won't listen. Their minds are made up that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you deal? I just want to cry.

[GradyCat 3,697]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough. Luckily my husband has been very supportive and helpful. I didn't tell anyone else because I didn't want to have to endure the snide remarks or judgmental looks or comments like, "Why can't you do it on your own instead of doing something so drastic?" Is your mom overweight? If she isn't she probably doesn't understand your struggle.

[Crystal* 9]

17 minutes ago, GradyCat said:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough. Luckily my husband has been very supportive and helpful. I didn't tell anyone else because I didn't want to have to endure the snide remarks or judgmental looks or comments like, "Why can't you do it on your own instead of doing something so drastic?" Is your mom overweight? If she isn't she probably doesn't understand your struggle.

Thank you. My husband is supportive thank God. It took him a long time to come around, and he still has doubts, but wants to see me have a life again. It's really hard to lead a normal life when you have a BMI of 48! Every single thing is a challenge. My mom is overweight but not nearly as heavy as I am. People always say to me "what if something goes terribly wrong?" And I just can't help but wonder, what if something goes incredibly right? What if this is the tool I need to finally succeed? What if I don't have any complications and go on to enjoy life again? It just seems worth the risk.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Yeah Doctors have a lot of schooling and training to become licensed but who is to say they are not God's Instruments as well. Doubt or loss of faith does not cause Obesity but Bariatric surgery gives you tools to help being a success from that day forward!

[Shanda_2019 77]

I can relate to what you are going through. I started this journey in January and that’s when I mentioned it to my mother. She pretty much blew it off and was like “you don’t need that “ , “you are not that big”, “ just exercise and stop eating late .” So I continued going to my dr appointments and I kept trying to bring it up whenever I would see her. Fast forward to today , I got the news that I was approved and I haven’t shared that with her and we talk about everything. So it bothers me , but I have a super supportive husband that says nobody needs to know unless you want too tell them. I’m going to try and educate her on why I’m doing this and hopefully she will understand and support me just like she has with everything else in my life. If not it will be ok because in the end we all made this decision to live longer healthier lives. Good luck to you !!!!!

[Crystal* 9]

@Frustr8 I agree with you, well said! I need help and maybe this is God's way of helping me.

[Crystal* 9]

@Shanda_2019 that's great you got approved! Congrats! My mom and I are pretty close too. And it is heartbreaking to me that she won't even try to see this from my perspective. She is very judgmental of everyone, including family unfortunately.

[Frustr8 7,886]

I am sure it is, many times I say to myself Why didn't you have this surgery sooner. 72 was not the prime age for Major Surgery. But then. I remember how resistant I would have been if someone had ordered me to have it. It took time to wear down my resistance to the whole idea, to it being something I should persue or not, and. I think the final timing had to be influenced by God. When I sought it at OSU, after a miserable pre- experience in a previous program, every little thing fell into place as if it was ordained. It is a wonderful facility, I had and still have a wonderful surgeon, I feel incredibly at home there,and the people I have met, they want only to make my experience wonderful. I have the honor of being my surgeon's oldest patient, my recovery has been good, but certainly not "textbook perfect", I had things come up that were unexpected, but together we met the challenge and I believe my final victory will be the sweeter for it!
Last weight I had on Friday was 224 pounds , a big decrease from my highest weight of 365plus. And that's only 8 months, I still have 4 months before my First Surgibirthday on September 5th , who knows what I might achieve? I can't help but be upbeat about the prospect!😝⭐

[GradyCat 3,697]

13 hours ago, Crystal* said:

. People always say to me "what if something goes terribly wrong?" And I just can't help but wonder, what if something goes incredibly right? What if this is the tool I need to finally succeed? What if I don't have any complications and go on to enjoy life again? It just seems worth the risk.

[Crystal* 9]

@Frustr8 Wow, congrats on coming such a long way! It really does give me hope hearing your story!

[Dabeyhive 206]

My mother doesnt support me. Just this weekend she sent me a long message about how i should do it and how i wont be able to have kids and how im going to have some many complications. For my mother to be a educator for over 45 years she still wont allow me to educate her on the surgery.

I told her i do not want her to come to the hospital i told her to just pray from me from home. She has been hurting my feeling this past month! She is the ONLY person i regret telling

[Frustr8 7,886]

Why would you not be fertile anymore? We have more than a few who had VSG or RNY or DS first and are now blissfully expecting. YOUR babies tend to be slightly smaller, 6 pounds as opposed to 9 pounds, but every poster says they come out healthy and screaming their little heads off.
She is obviously thinking with her gut instead of her brain. Mama is supposed to want what is best for her little girl, I'm sure this was not a flippant decision on your part, even if she doesn't totally understand, she should be grateful she raised a strong daughter and support your desire to be smaller and healthier. I have been a Mama for 50+ years, an recovering RYN bypassed for 8 months, so I have experienced both sides of the coin , therefore I am a advisor to anyone who will listen. And if she can't be proud of you decisions, I am and I wish,you only the best of everything!

[Crystal* 9]

1 hour ago, Dabeyhive said:

My mother doesnt support me. Just this weekend she sent me a long message about how i should do it and how i wont be able to have kids and how im going to have some many complications. For my mother to be a educator for over 45 years she still wont allow me to educate her on the surgery.

I told her i do not want her to come to the hospital i told her to just pray from me from home. She has been hurting my feeling this past month! She is the ONLY person i regret telling

I am so sorry to hear you are going through it too. My mother told me last night that Satan has be backed into a corner and I am having surgery because I feel it's my only way out. That hurts me so bad. I am learning from my mother though. Not to judge people just because they are doing something you don't necessarily agree with. Listen to their story and have empathy. Something she lacks severely, apparently. All you and I can do is just keep moving forward and pray that our mothers will eventually have some kind of understanding of why we are doing this. But even if they never understand, we have to do what we feel is best for our health! Good luck!!!!!❤️

[Goal_Digger 21]

I’m so sorry your struggling with this. I think the fear is what’s causing her to say unkind things to you and I bet once she sees you drop the weight, gain confidence and become happier she will come around. I wish for your sake she could come around sooner but if she doesn’t now I believe she will later. Best of luck to you!

Stephie

Edited April 30, 2019 by Goal_Digger

[Crystal* 9]

@Goal_Digger Thank you. You are right, I believe fear has a lot to do with it. My family knows someone who almost died from complications after gastric bypass surgery many years ago. So now they are all against any type of weight loss surgery.