"We don't think you're a good candidate for WLS at this time" ....Should I seek a 2nd opinion?

[NYJenn 1,461]

My
Own pinion is that the doctor was concerned that you have no support system outside of your husband and right now he isn’t really available, as you seem to be caring for him. Who would care for you then? Support you?

[Frustr8 7,886]

Jenn might be right, if it takes a village to raise a child then it follows that it takes a community to support someone in this endeavor, well we will support, sympathize in sorrow,vas Carole King's says YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND no matter what, we will stand with you, okay?

[lifeasfaith 48]

I swore up and down that I was NOT a stress eater. I really believed it. I had my initial peych eval and had to come back a week later to discuss the results of the written part. Well I went home and I was pretty anxious about my follow up on the psych eval. I mean... I really Wanted to pass the psych eval so I could proceed with my surgery. One day I found myself rummaging through the fridge and the cupboards and back to the fridge and not really finding anything I wanted. Then it hit me! I'm not hungry! I'm stressed! I AM a stress eater! I finally went back for my psych eval follow up. I admitted to them what I discovered about myself. Long story short I passed my psych eval. Being a stress eater doesn't disqualify you from weight loss Sur gery. In some cases they may identify some issues they want you to work on thru counseling before clearing to proceed. They didn't require me to that but I've elected to go to counseling while moving forward with the bariatric process. I think if I were you I'd get a 2nd opinion. One thing I've learned is trained proffessionals can often look at us objectively and see things that we really just can't.

Sent from my moto e5 (XT1920DL) using BariatricPal mobile app

[summerset 5,261]

10 hours ago, lifeasfaith said:

I AM a stress eater!

Who isn't?

I know quite a few stress eaters and quite a few of them have a fairly normal weight.

I think it's quite odd that so many WLS patients think they have to be "that perfect eater" who "eats for fuel only". (IMO that type of eater doesn't exist at all.)

[Separ1418 101]

On 1/24/2019 at 12:31 PM, NYJenn said:

This is so odd...I used food as comfort, and I was honest about it. I didn't get to almost 300 lbs by accident.

I completely agree - I don't see why this would be a no-go for surgery. Especially if you planned to get help with it somewhere along the line. Everyone uses food as a comfort, I told my docs that I planned on going to therapy to deal with my food/emotions connections. I actually have found that while I enjoy therapy, it hasn't made the difference when it came to emotional eating - what made the difference was the surgery itself.

[lifeasfaith 48]

So I had my first consultation today with the weight loss center I was planning on going through. My insurance has already approved getting surgery, for what its worth. During the meeting, the lady asked a ton of questions, and inquired about my relationship with food. She somehow got the impression that I stress eat, even after I tried to clarify that I do not. Things at home have been a bit rocky, and my stress level has been high, so you can see where this is going. After the hour long consultation, she told me that due to stress being high, financial issues being a factor, and the fact that we moved 2 years ago and have no family or friends here (No local support group), that I was not a good fit for surgery.
I was a little floored, but took it like a champ. I had an appointment already scheduled following that one, with a physician, and she encouraged me to see him regardless because ultimately he'd be working along with the surgeons and may have a different opinion. We met for a little over 40 minutes, and he questioned me about the traumas I'd experienced as a child, and followed up asking about how often I turn to food for comfort. I don't feel I do (And neither does my husband, nor my best friend of 20+ years), and told him rarely, if ever. He said, and I quote: "Mmm.. I disagree with you there!" Uh? Okay..? I figured I'd humor him and asked why he came to that conclusion. He went on to elaborate that because I was abused as a child that I surely turned to food as a form or comfort, or affection, even if I didn't realize I was doing so. Huh. Okay. I mean, I literally brought you my food log, and am telling you otherwise, but alright. The rest of the meeting he spent explaining that I was a better candidate for medical weight loss, but not so much surgical. I'm 32 years old, 397lbs. I have pcos, am pre-diabetic, and am pursuing WLS to not only better my health as conventional methods have failed, but also to start a family in a few years with my husband.
This whole experience has left me incredibly disheartened, and I genuinely feel like every step I've made on this journey has been an uphill battle. Do you guys think I should pursue another opinion with a different clinic? I'm not exactly thrilled at the thought of taking 'weight loss pills' so medical weight loss isn't very appealing to me. I'm super conflicted and confused as to what to do going forward. Any advice would be welcomed! Thank you!

Also I wanted to point out that showing them your food diary/log DOESN'T prove your not a stress eater. It just shows WHAT you've eaten. Not WHY. Anybody can list eating as Breakfast lunch Snacks etc and therapists expect this. I reiterate that trained proffessionals are really good at takeing an objective look and seeing things we just can't. I had a really hard time admitting this one. While I've been approved to proceed with Surgery I've elected to also continue with counseling to work on the issues they see in me to see if I can recognize them in myself. I don't want sabotage myself post surgery. Counseling may be a good place for you to start just to test the waters. Maybe for a year and see if your in a different place next year.

Sent from my moto e5 (XT1920DL) using BariatricPal mobile app

[Frustr8 7,886]

Did you ask them why they felt that way? Maybe it is something else that you can cure easily besides lack of support. Many people go in without support, find supportive others in their journey, I have found some here on Bariatric Pal as well as a very few friends, most of my peer group have died, some of which should have joined me instead of dying with obesity- generated diseases . But I survived long enough to receive surgery, hardest yet the most rewarding thing I have done in years, I can't really regain the years I spent in tears but I can make the rest of my life the best of my life. This I Can DO!

[Frustr8 7,886]

And I am still doing it, step by step, day after day, sometimes it is dull but even I have my bright flashes of sunlight. My weight is finally responding to the work I've put in, I am cheered by that. I cannot remember when I last weighed 234.6, praying I will be able to say someday I don't remember being so far over 300, but that is an deeply entrenched one. But I live from from from one doctor appointment to the next, hoping for positive glimmers. And they are actually starting to come, Oh I am not giving in as long as I can put forth my efforts daily.

[Everything 388]

Please please please go somewhere and start the process over. Do not take those pills. I got addicted to them and took them for 20 years. Please just go somewhere else!!!

[Everything 388]

I just realize this post was from January. What happened? Any update?

[sallie Lindsey 30]

Check out Bloosum Barriactics they are in Las Vegas n it’s great 👍 13 days post op today u don’t go through the bull shit

[CharlotteWebb 275]

Sometimes it is best not to share a lot of personal history. State your goals. Include you need this surgery as a tool. Do not overshare. That can be damning.

[KhaosG00B 30]

I would seek a second opinion. . . I’ll tell you about me. When I was younger I remember I was sleeping in a bed and someone who was an adult I believe was next to me. I believe it was male but I can’t fully remember. All I know is that I was trying to go to sleep. When I felt this person put their hand inside my pants and underwear. Me little I was confused and bothered because I really wanted to go to sleep and I was slightly opening my eyes. To see the person next to me that was bothering me. When I looked next to me since it was dark I couldn’t really see,plus I don’t have best vision. All I remember was that the person noticed and their eyes opened wider, they quickly took their hands out my pants. And that’s really all I remember. As I grew up all I know is that I would not like it when people tried to hug me make or female it was off limits. For me a lot also had to do with the fact that I was fat. But as a child I wasn’t that fat maybe I was a bit chubby. But I know that in 1st-8th grade I would get bullied a lot since I went to a school primarily filled with kids from Puerto Rico/ Dominican Republic and Black kids. My heritage was Mexican. I didn’t look Mexican according to people but. All I know is that they would bully me and my siblings since we were the Mexicans from the school. So I guess I would eat Snacks. Got overweight. Also I remember as I child I had dolls and would play with my siblings. The game would be that the dolls got raped, idk why but always the dolls got raped. And my siblings still remember that when I bring it up to them. So last year I told my mom maybe why I acted the way I did, I told her the truth my memory is not that good, I simply cannot remember certain things my mind goes blank. My mom was like, oh now she remembered something. When I was very young she would leave my brother and I with my grandma. But a lot of people would come by and visit my grandmother. My mother said that one time she was cleaning me in my private parts and I was complaining that it hurts. My mom checked me and she said my anus or vagina was but more red. And she said she immediately quit her new job so that she wouldn’t leave me and my brother at my grandmas. TMI when that memory first came to my head of the person touching me I went to check myself to see if by some chance I might have been raped. And My still intact, but I will never know if they did something to my anus. Anyway I didn’t bring that up to the psychiatrist. I just told her the bully part when I was young. Personally some people will say I should have told them. But I didn’t and I can’t change what happened, I learned to forgive who ever did that to me, and move on. Oh plus I have thumbs like Megan Fox the actress and my and my pinky fingers are shorter than average people. Also my second to last toes are really small that I’m going to need surgery to extend the bones so that they look normal. All of this also added to the bullying from the kids when I was younger. I will tell the truth why I got the surgery. I would try to lose weight and go to the gym but I would hide from people because I didn’t want them to see me. My family would tell me oh you don’t look bad their are a lot of woman bigger and less pretty than you. Have some confidence, you can do it. I’m my head all I herd was blah blah. I don’t care I don’t want to see myself and I don’t want other people seeing me. I felt so disgusted with myself that I didn’t like seeing me. So I got surgery because I knew by my own strengths I would never be able to lose weight myself. I tried before and I failed. But I will say I never truly tried 100% because I didn’t like the way I looked. Some people will say that’s they wrong reason to get the surgery, but I’m sorry that how my mind works. I got counseling and therapy when I was in high school and that didn’t change the way I thought about myself. The mind is a powerful thing even with all the help from other YOU have to bee the one that decides to change or be more free. Which I couldn’t, so I knew that every time I saw a really large person working out in public not giving a dam was a person with an incredibly strong mind. Which I didn’t have. So I knew this surgery was fit for me. I didn’t care about the two week liquid diet and the weeks of diet I’ll have to do because of the surgery to protect my stomach. Because I New I was strong enough to do this and I am doing this. But I knew the mind battle of not giving a crap about how I physically looked in public to try to loose weight. That battle I was never going to win. Yes I know I might end up with lose skin but personally I don’t care. Because my mind is telling me that I’m physically getting smaller, so I’m less scared to work out in public. Sounds really dum but that’s how my mind works. If I do end up with lose skin then I’ll save up money for skin removal surgery. If I would have told all of this to the therapist they would have with out a doubt not given me the approval for the surgery. So I lied since I know this tool is helping me. Some people can get from therapy but been there tried that and I was not willing to let go of my self hate toward my appearance. I wanted the perfect body, like most girls want. Starting this journey I don’t really care if I don’t get the perfect female body with wide hips. Would be nice but, if I’m not build that way then I won’t get it. I’m looking to get healthy and one thing I will say is that I want to gain some muscles. I want to be able to get a healthy muscular body while keeping my femininity. This surgery is actually giving me more confidence, since I would always wear jackets & sweaters all year around even during them hot hot summer days. So that I can someway cover my body so that people won’t see me. But they would look because I must have looked crazy with that during summer. I’m wearing more hoodies know, crazy how the mind works. But sometimes what works for many people, may not work for others. Oh and my highest weight was 290lb and in 3 month I lost 5lb. So when I stated this proses for the surgery I was 285lb. Now I’m 245lb and I’m working hard to get fit and healthy. So that I can move forward in life in the way that my mind can understand things. Oh and yes I do let people hug and kiss me know ( if I know the person) I will normally just give a hand shake. But I still don’t really hug people that much because I don’t really care for hugging. . . Sometimes I will make an exception. Personally I don’t miss the food, my aunt also got the surgery same day as me. And she is the one struggling the most still with food, Mentally. I have to be the one helping her and telling her not to eat because she doesn’t want to open stomach by mistake. I miss food but I know I can’t eat it because of surgery, I would rather follow the safety orders than end up in emergency for eating what I’m not supposed to. That is why I knew I was able to go threw with the surgery. Well good luck I do hope you get a second opinion and get approved because I’m pretty sure not everyone getting this surgery told the truth to the therapist. I’m not saying it’s good to lie, but if you know you can absolutely do this strict diet with discipline in order to get healthy then I’d say tell the therapist what you think they need to know about yourself. Every one will have something they don’t like about themselves even people that look or appear perfect. So if some one thinks that a therapist will solve my last problems and current. That’s good for them, and I know they actually do work. But it’s only if they person agrees to change that it will actually impact their lives. I myself chose this process VSG as a tool to help me get healthy and feel more better about myself. The journey is not over but I have made huge improvements with myself. And I look forward to the hurdles and victories in present and future. Sorry if this was long.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Oh Khaos honey I am so sorry but salute you for becoming strong. You are still a work in progress but you are going forward into the future with your head held high. Many of us had similar stories, opted for food as our only friend, but we have also got strong.There are better days ahead and we will be a part of them now. Sending love and Good wishes to you today!

[madscientistmommy 124]

Go somewhere else. That sounds very different from my experience. You deserve a better clinic. Good luck!!