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Not telling, not even my spouse?



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Has anyone ever had WLS and not told ANYONE, not even your spouse? My spouse is VERY unsupportive and has NEVER had a weight issue. He thinks I'm crazy and I'm pretty sure he'd tell people even if I'd beg him not to :(

I feel very alone with this problem. Has anyone else had it?

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I can understand not telling friends, family and co-workers about your surgery, but I don't see how you can conceal it from your spouse. Do you really want him to find out after the fact, when you're on your post-op diet and are dealing with all the usual post-op recovery issues??? It's not like he wont see the incisions on your body. How will that conversation go when he finds out after the fact?? The fact is, if your husband is not supportive to the point you feel you have to conceal this from him, you need to consider whether you should be staying in this marriage. This is not a healthy situation.

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I cant imagine keeping a secret of that magnitude from my husband. Your spouse is supposed to be your person , the one that you share things with, that has your back, that looks out for you etc

Who is going to be taking you to and from hospital? Who is going to be your emergency contact? What is you have some unexpected side effects and have to stay in hospital longer than planned.

Imagine how betrayed he will feel if he only finds out afterwards. You wouldn’t want to be going through that kind of stress whilst trying to recover

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Get a new husband. Its 2019, no time for unsupportive and disrespectful spouses.

Sent from my SM-G960U using BariatricPal mobile app

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that sounds terrible. I agree, you can't keep it from your spouse. I think it's in your best interest to work on your marriage. you married him for a reason, i assume. I assume you love him and he loves you. i think that you should get that worked out before you go through a life change like this.. He will notice....

I sure hope you find the support you need.

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At first, I didn’t tell anyone but my husband. Found that wasn’t enough support. I needed the support others could provide.

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He would tell people??? Sounds like the problem is your husband, not the surgery

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I’m getting my lapband out after 10 years and getting bypass. I didn’t tell anyone the first time around and it was awful. I learned when I did let people in they were all very supportive, this time around I’m not going to lie to myself or anyone else close to me. Might separate those who love me from those who do t but living with the secret is something I refuse to do again. I promise it’s better to tell your truth.

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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