Unsupportive partners make me so angry!

[Ed_NW 684]

I'm 51 years old and have been married for 30 years. I've never believed in traditional ways of thinking when it comes to marriage. I think you need to be faithful and intimate but keep your individuality. My parents were divorced when I was 2 and my Dad remarried and divorced 2 more times before becoming the loner hermit that he is now. There are matriarchs and patriarchs and both controlling personalities can be equally oppressive. Sometimes people of either gender try to find a partner that fills a void that was left by the parent opposite their gender. These people have huge insecurities and act childish toward their spouse that (probably unintentionally) treats them like a child. I started my marriage by emphasizing the point that she needs to have her life and I need to have my life and we need to have our life. We don't always agree on what is the best food to eat, the best car to drive, the best clothes to wear, etc. but we do come to an agreement when it comes to things that effect the household as a group. The trick is knowing what is an individual decision and what decisions effect the family as a whole.

[llhill 72]

My husband does not support me at all. It's very frustrating. I am very emotional about that fact that he continues to tell me every day (since a week ago) that I am not going to have the surgery even though it's in 10 days and I've already paid money for my surgery date slot. Every day my response to him is that I am going to do it. One thing I know is that I am ready for it even though it's risky, but I'm more sad that I don't have support. I'm not scared because the numerous success stories I've read so far keeps me excited for my future weight loss. But then I get sad again because I'm going to have the surgery alone. I'm sure I'll find surgery buddies to talk to and bond with.

[J San 1,072]

Well @llhill you have the support of everyone here for sure. Hopefully your husband comes around. Best to you on your journey!!!!!!

[llhill 72]

14 hours ago, J San said:

Well @llhill you have the support of everyone here for sure. Hopefully your husband comes around. Best to you on your journey!!!!!!

Thanks. I felt good today. I start my pre-op tomorrow so I went shopping and got all my goodies. It's gonna be a great week!

[mousecat88 2,281]

12 hours ago, llhill said:

Thanks. I felt good today. I start my pre-op tomorrow so I went shopping and got all my goodies. It's gonna be a great week!

I start my pre-op tomorrow. I recently broke up with my bf (like 3 weeks ago recently) of nearly 5 years for, well, many reasons, but one being that he started being an a-s and finally told me it was because he thought I'd leave him after I lost weight. My only other "support" is my mom, who is going to be there for the surgery, but she is completely against me having it. She considers it elective and tells me I am mutilating myself. SO, I am relying on basically just this forum as my real support system. We can do it all by ourselves! It's for us, ultimately, and no one else has any say.

Edited October 15, 2018 by mousecat88

[WeightLoss Mama 15]

@llhill I don’t have a date yet for my surgery but I am willing to be your buddy!! Let’s connect.... you have this! Be encouraged.....the end of your story is not yet written!!

[llhill 72]

1 hour ago, mousecat88 said:

I start my pre-op tomorrow. I recently broke up with my bf (like 3 weeks ago recently) of nearly 5 years for, well, many reasons, but one being that he started being an a-s and finally told me it was because he thought I'd leave him after I lost weight. My only other "support" is my mom, who is going to be there for the surgery, but she is completely against me having it. She considers it elective and tells me I am mutilating myself. SO, I am relying on basically just this forum as my real support system. We can do it all by ourselves! It's for us, ultimately, and no one else has any say.

Yeah so let me not get started with my husband and mom. My husband actually called my parents and they in turn called my siblings and everyone is blasting me for doing this. The entire family is blasting me. My husband said, "If your whole family is telling you not to do this then you shouldn't be doing this you should listen to your family." I told him he totally betrayed my trust and if I wanted my family to know I would have told them. It's a bad situation right now. My mom had a friend who got the surgery a LONG time ago, I mean ages along with her daughter. They both passed away and my mom associates that with the surgery. First and foremost, my mom doesn't even know what surgery they had but she's telling me that is the reason why I shouldn't do this. It's been really really emotional for me. My sister then called and asked me if I was doing this for my husband. It's all crazy town I tell you as if I can't soley make this decision for myself. I am glad for folks like you. We have to hold each other up and be supportive with each other. It's all I have right now. Also, keep your head up, your boyfriend is losing out.

Edited October 15, 2018 by llhill

[llhill 72]

5 minutes ago, WeightLoss Mama said:

@llhill I don’t have a date yet for my surgery but I am willing to be your buddy!! Let’s connect.... you have this! Be encouraged.....the end of your story is not yet written!!

Thank you WeightLoss Mama. I really appreciate it. Yes let's be buddies.

[MeanSleevedMachine 277]

My thought is this, we are the master of what we eat and do. My wife didn’t have the surgery, I did. If she wants to eat Peanut Butter m and m’s and Cookies and things, that is her choice. It doesn’t mean I have to eat that stuff and I do not.

I feel so much better post surgery and now that I am eating better my energy levels rival the energy I had in my early 20s. That is enough of a reason for me to say “no” to junk food whether it is a five mile drive away at the store or on the table next to me.

Heck, yesterday I baked cookies with my two little girls and I ate an oatmega bar while they munched on cookies we baked. At some point we have to own our actions and understand the world doesn’t change to suit our needs. We have to change.

[llhill 72]

4 hours ago, MeanSleevedMachine said:

My thought is this, we are the master of what we eat and do. My wife didn’t have the surgery, I did. If she wants to eat Peanut Butter m and m’s and Cookies and things, that is her choice. It doesn’t mean I have to eat that stuff and I do not.

I feel so much better post surgery and now that I am eating better my energy levels rival the energy I had in my early 20s. That is enough of a reason for me to say “no” to junk food whether it is a five mile drive away at the store or on the table next to me.

Heck, yesterday I baked Cookies with my two little girls and I ate an oatmega bar while they munched on cookies we baked. At some point we have to own our actions and understand the world doesn’t change to suit our needs. We have to change.

These are the kind of successes I love to hear...both mental and physical. It sounds like you are doing well. I like how you said 'we have to change' because it's so true. I can't listen to the noise and distractions. I can't allow any of that to trip me up. I feel good about my decision and I'm keeping my eye on the prize.

[elcee 3,343]

I do remember a couple of weeks after I got my band my husband decided to bake muffins. He's lucky he is still alive

[Leia 75]

18 hours ago, llhill said:

Yeah so let me not get started with my husband and mom. My husband actually called my parents and they in turn called my siblings and everyone is blasting me for doing this. The entire family is blasting me. My husband said, "If your whole family is telling you not to do this then you shouldn't be doing this you should listen to your family." I told him he totally betrayed my trust and if I wanted my family to know I would have told them. It's a bad situation right now. My mom had a friend who got the surgery a LONG time ago, I mean ages along with her daughter. They both passed away and my mom associates that with the surgery. First and foremost, my mom doesn't even know what surgery they had but she's telling me that is the reason why I shouldn't do this. It's been really really emotional for me. My sister then called and asked me if I was doing this for my husband. It's all crazy town I tell you as if I can't soley make this decision for myself. I am glad for folks like you. We have to hold each other up and be supportive with each other. It's all I have right now. Also, keep your head up, your boyfriend is losing out.

WOW! Yeah, talk about a betrayal of trust. Ouch! You are one Strong amazing person for sticking up for your self with that sh*t storm raining down on you. I'm sorry you're having to withstand it!

Keep your chin up, you have a bunch of us 'bariatric Pal's' on here, rooting for you. You have the science on your side, and an awesome journey ahead of you.

[J San 1,072]

You should ask your surgical team if they have something in place to help with your situation. Maybe they can offer your family some information, at the least some pamphlets. Best case scenario your surgeon or one of his team will talk with them as a group. Explain the surgery, how it has evolved and answer questions/concerns they may have. Sucks he went and did this but It really sounds like he is concerned and not just being an ass.

[johnsons13 359]

I am one of those that does keep trigger foods in my home, but I have a husband and 2 kids that are 6 and 8. I've had so many people tell me to make my kids eat what I eat and my husband. I'm sorry, this is my weight loss journey, not theirs. I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic, it's the same as going into someone's home and telling them they can't have alcohol. My husband doesn't drink but if he did, doesn't mean I have to because it's in my house. I don't avoid grocery stores or convenient stores because they sell alcohol and high calorie foods. I just don't get those thigns for myself. When I'm eating things that aren't healthy for me, my kids don't even like that anyway. My hubby supports me, but he also doesn't get it when I'm angry because I want that bowl of ice cream he is eating. It's not because it's in my house, it's because I'm mad at myself for getting myself in a position where food ruled me.

[J San 1,072]

I posted this in the "Quotes and Inspiration" thread but think it applies here somewhat.