Worried about my wife

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

@Biggamehunter if you are expecting tea and sympathy from bariatric patients by refusing to believe a good percentage of the forum didn't need surgery you are the wrong place -

your struggle with your concern of your wife's appearance being a medical issue is overshadowed by your opinions that surgery wasn't necessary in her case when it was clearly her decision to make. Plus 250 is MORBIDLY OBESE, 200 is OBESE, 150 is normal.

Many of us have lost weight only to regain it right back because we have - metabolic issues, have been overweight for years, have food issues and consider this surgery as a tool to assist in all those things. It is never so simple as you make it seem - diet and exercise, no surgery.

Well it is a moot point, we have tried to get you to accept that and yet you refuse. Over and out

[apositivelife4me 189]

On 8/7/2018 at 7:35 AM, Matt Z said:

@BigViffer Care to chime in about how us bypass folks can't work out? LOL

Show proof.. what do you want photos of us in the gym lifting weights? You state you can bench 400, well, using your own logic, prove it. I'm in the gym pretty much daily. Cardio, Weight lifting, I had the band installed in 2011, had it removed and was converted to the Bypass this past March. Zero issues working out and building / toning muscle. Just because you refuse to accept it, doesn't mean it's not possible.

No on here is giving you anything other than the truth, that you just refuse to accept. Everything you are writing is just highlighting how this issue, is 100% with you and not your wife or her surgery.

In all seriousness and honesty, you need to get to a therapist, your mindset is grossly unhealthy.

Here here, I concur!

[GreenTealael 24,964]

No updates...I guess he's no longer worried about his wife...

[GBinHouston 0]

Hello, “I feel” ya, and there is no shame or issue in that. Have the same situation going as you. In my case, I will say that even though I shared my opinion with my wife, I did/do respect her right to choose and do what she wants to herself. At the DRs. Intial visit, he tell her that she did not need it, and that her weight issue was not life threatening. He then proceeded to review the risks, and surgury options. Long story short, my wife is 6’3” tall and was 290lbs. Since her surgury, she plumetted to 175lbs... and thank God..... just stopped losing weight a week ago. I say thank God, because she is gaunt and has a very skeletal now... very lttle muscle, bones protruding... etc. The surgury not only resulted in fat loss, but also loss of most of her muscle mass as well. I love my wife, accept/respect her as that and as an indivdual. With that said, she has gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, and its not just extreme fat/muscle loss...., it has negatively impacted her mental health, energy levels, labido and personality. That is not criticism, just stating facts. I love my wife, Seems to me a very high cost, for what could have, in her situation, been otherwise achieved with exercise and diet self discipline.

[FluffyChix 17,413]

21 minutes ago, GBinHouston said:

Hello, “I feel” ya, and there is no shame or issue in that. Have the same situation going as you. In my case, I will say that even though I shared my opinion with my wife, I did/do respect her right to choose and do what she wants to herself. At the DRs. Intial visit, he tell her that she did not need it, and that her weight issue was not life threatening. He then proceeded to review the risks, and surgury options. Long story short, my wife is 6’3” tall and was 290lbs. Since her surgury, she plumetted to 175lbs... and thank God..... just stopped losing weight a week ago. I say thank God, because she is gaunt and has a very skeletal now... very lttle muscle, bones protruding... etc. The surgury not only resulted in fat loss, but also loss of most of her muscle mass as well. I love my wife, accept/respect her as that and as an indivdual. With that said, she has gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, and its not just extreme fat/muscle loss...., it has negatively impacted her mental health, energy levels, labido and personality. That is not criticism, just stating facts. I love my wife, Seems to me a very high cost, for what could have, in her situation, been otherwise achieved with exercise and diet self discipline.

((hugs)) So I feel and hear your concern. And I really hear that you love, respect, and honor her--but also that you have fear inside that the surgery has negatively impacted her/you in many ways.

But I think you need some facts in order to review your premise, because the basic premise is flawed by personal bias that is mediated by fear.

1. Diet and exercise do not work. Ever. They are temporary fixes in an unaltered body and fewer than 5% can maintain a 10% weight loss over 5 years time. Fewer than 5%. To give perspective, even WITH altering the gut and surgery, I've heard doctors speak of 5 year results of maintaining the full weight loss at less than 5%. They count success if someone maintains a 50% weight loss over that same time frame. So weight rebound is REAL. This surgery isn't really WLS. It's weight maintenance surgery because it DOES help improve the odds that you can lose substantial amounts of weight and at least keep 50% of it off over 5 years.

2. You are used to seeing your wife morbidly obese. You are. And now you see her thin-ness and fear that she is thin and guant. Gaunt happens. Especially if you are older. But, give it 1 year. The fat re-apportions itself and gaunt features will fill out and soften.

3. All weight loss comes with muscle loss. The end. We must do strength training to rebuild muscle and tone. Everyone must--especially if they want to maintain the losses.

4. Yeah...some women lose libido with weight loss, especially if you are peri-meno or menopausal. It sucks...but should be temporary.

5. Personality and moods change with extreme weight loss--it's a process and a journey and it takes a while for us to get our heads "right". The best thing you can do is be super supportive and compliment her on how she looks and reassure her that you think she's smokin' hot. Also, woo her. Don't just "Hey mama, let's get it on." Women want romance, and caresses that lead nowhere other than to be made to feel special--to tell her you enjoy being close to her. Try titillating her mind and senses rather than the end game. Try doing that kind of stuff and see if her libido changes!!!

6. I can assure you that we do NOT get to the Morbid Obesity Ball due to character flaws--due to lacking self-discipline. In order to get there most of us have exerted MASSIVE amounts of will power, time, energy, and committment to yo-yo our way through our broken metabolism and I would claim that we have more willpower than you will EVER (as a normie) be able to comprehend.

The End.

[Frustr8 7,886]

They is an Classics of a Song, maybe 50s , might even be before, I remember it as a wee Frustr8. It is called " Try a Little Tenderness" Google and read, really read the words. You say you do love her, you're here out of concern, I'm sure that 💘 love is returned even if,things seem bewidering for you both.👪 Give supportive Love a Chance.