Stigma with WLS

[SGirl35 165]

On 07/18/2018 at 16:25, Tracy1978 said:

Today was hard. I have surgery this Friday 20th. I've been eating the pre-op "envelope meal" diet almost 2 weeks and today the office ordered Cheesecake Factory. It's not their fault that I made the decision to do the surgery, but I still wanted to kick their chairs out from underneath them. It's literally all I can do to keep myself from saying "Eff it" and going for a steak and beer. I know I know, I am so close to surgery; I wont sabotage myself.

One other thing that has been on my mind is how some people I have told have reacted to my news. I honestly didn't tell people for a long time about what I was doing because I didn't want to listen to everyone's opinions. I've worked in the medical field for 20 years and if I have questions I know who to ask.

It doesn't stop people from saying things that are seriously discouraging:

- "Oh wow. Can't you lose it on your own without having surgery?"

- "I could NEVER do a liquid diet for that long."

- "Haven't people died getting that done?"

- "Awwww! Your surgery is the day of my party?? That sucks! We were having a Mexican food buffet too! I know that's your favorite. Well, at least you are missing for a good reason."

- "I'm fat too, but there is no way I would have surgery."

- "Let's go to {insert restaurant/bar here} before you have surgery since you wont be able to do it after that."

- "You know you can't have carbonated beverages the rest of your life, right?"

- "Don't people gain their weight back most of the time anyway?"

It's hard to tell if people are trying to make me feel bad about my decision because they don't understand it, or it they are jealous or just being downright hateful. I don't get it. I just needed to vent. Today was the hardest day I've had so far and I needed to get that off my chest. I keep telling myself that by this weekend it will all be over and I can start focusing on living a normal life again, just healthier this time.

The same exact reactions I got ... I also lost lots of friends. Lots of salty people! My own damn family .... but guess what??? When I post the new pictures on Instagram- the crowd went WILD. At least all the people who are happy for me, did... they can stay fat. It was the hardest and best decision of my life.

[George OG 73]

Tracy all I can tell you is the world has a lot of miserable people in it.Surgery is a last resort for some people,it’s literally life saving.Can you imagine if someone said to a diabetic “Can’t you just keep your sugar in check without insulin?”What if someone was in a wheelchair and you said if you tried you could walk😂.I hate to tell you this but some people don’t want you to be confident,happy,or successful.They hate life and the fact that you might feel worse off makes them feel better about themselves,it actually scares them that they might become the most miserable or that you will be getting all the attention!YOU DO THIS FOR YOU AND SCREW THEM IF THEY DON’T SUPPORT OR UNDERSTAND YOU!You deserve to be happy,confident,healthy.Peoples true colors always shine through and I believe through your journey you will learn who your true friends are.

[beingdina 64]

I am feeling this post. I’m 2 months away from surgery (if everything stays on track) m. My best friend for years has told me how bad of an idea surgery is “because she’s seen people not be successful”. So of course I was afraid to say anything to anyone. But as I started telling my family and my close friends and even a coworker or two, they were pretty supportive, however yesterday when I was telling a coworker about hair falling out and risk of malnutrition she started telling me that wasn’t the way to lose the weight etc. The old me would have taken it to heart, canceled all my appointments and then went and ate a burger. Just remember that none of these people know what it’s like to be you, in your big body, and what your inner demons are about your weight and remember they are all going to be ignorant about it. Some may be jealous, some may be afraid attention will be taken away from them, some may not understand how to relate to you in any way except with food. And that’s all ok. Just politely tell people that this is something you have to do for you, and please not mourn food with you. I would also quit talking to anyone except your closest confidants at work about the surgery. If anyone outside of that circle asks, just tell them you would rather not discuss it. It’s your private protected medical business and not up for discussion or debate.

[labwalker 1,177]

I made a decision not to tell anyone I had the surgery. But after several years and being able to lose weight and keep it off I let the cat out of the bag to a select few. We don't need to be judged.

[Tracy1978 113]

12 minutes ago, beingdina said:

I am feeling this post. I’m 2 months away from surgery (if everything stays on track) m. My best friend for years has told me how bad of an idea surgery is “because she’s seen people not be successful”. So of course I was afraid to say anything to anyone. But as I started telling my family and my close friends and even a coworker or two, they were pretty supportive, however yesterday when I was telling a coworker about hair falling out and risk of malnutrition she started telling me that wasn’t the way to lose the weight etc. The old me would have taken it to heart, canceled all my appointments and then went and ate a burger. Just remember that none of these people know what it’s like to be you, in your big body, and what your inner demons are about your weight and remember they are all going to be ignorant about it. Some may be jealous, some may be afraid attention will be taken away from them, some may not understand how to relate to you in any way except with food. And that’s all ok. Just politely tell people that this is something you have to do for you, and please not mourn food with you. I would also quit talking to anyone except your closest confidants at work about the surgery. If anyone outside of that circle asks, just tell them you would rather not discuss it. It’s your private protected medical business and not up for discussion or debate.

@Dina - I agree. I feel like people don't know how to react to that kind of news. Some else on here (I wish I could remember the post it was on) but they said, "People have to deal with the fact that you've changed, and change scares people" Its crazy that a decision I made for myself would have such an affect on how others see me. That is definitely why I chose the word Stigmata for this post. It feels like you are branded; a scarlet letter if you will. I have a few good friends who have had WLS and we talk regularly for support. It really helps.

[sariejack 22]

Other than my husband and my therapist, I've only told one other person. She's a very dear friend of mine and we've been close for over a decade. She's like a substitute mom to me. So I felt it was safe to confide in her.

She was very upset and wants me to use essential oils to lose weight. She says the surgery is dangerous and I am doing it for the wrong reasons. I wish I had never told her, to be honest. And it has made me recommit to not telling anyone else about it.

[GirlShrinking 110]

On 07/23/2018 at 21:17, SGirl35 said:

The same exact reactions I got ... I also lost lots of friends. Lots of salty people! My own damn family .... but guess what??? When I post the new pictures on Instagram- the crowd went WILD. At least all the people who are happy for me, did... they can stay fat. It was the hardest and best decision of my life.

I am so on this type of mindset with people that aren’t supportive.. I mean if they wanted you to truly be happy and healthy and this is what you needed to give you a boost in that department then what’s wrong with that?

My nutritionist told me to avoid high salty foods (I’m including salty people in that food category) even though I’m not eating them lol I’m just avoiding them altogether 🙌🏽 lol

[Tracy1978 113]

5 hours ago, sariejack said:

Other than my husband and my therapist, I've only told one other person. She's a very dear friend of mine and we've been close for over a decade. She's like a substitute mom to me. So I felt it was safe to confide in her.

She was very upset and wants me to use essential oils to lose weight. She says the surgery is dangerous and I am doing it for the wrong reasons. I wish I had never told her, to be honest. And it has made me recommit to not telling anyone else about it.

This essential oils fad is killing me. Don't get me wrong, I am not ignorant to the fact that essential oils can help for some things through scent therapy like headaches, anxiety and nausea. But losing weight?? I have never in a million years heard someone say "With the help of essential oils I lost 150 pounds and kept it off!" So irritating. I know this woman loves you and means well but she doesn't understand and its your body. Tell her you decided not to do it and do it anyway. If she asks how you are losing the weight tell her essential oils!

[Tracy1978 113]

3 hours ago, 1Mila said:

I am so on this type of mindset with people that aren’t supportive.. I mean if they wanted you to truly be happy and healthy and this is what you needed to give you a boost in that department then what’s wrong with that?

My nutritionist told me to avoid high salty foods (I’m including salty people in that food category) even though I’m not eating them lol I’m just avoiding them altogether 🙌🏽 lol

Salty foods including people! I am dead!!!! LMFAO!!!!!

[GreenTealael 25,615]

I am so on this type of mindset with people that aren’t supportive.. I mean if they wanted you to truly be happy and healthy and this is what you needed to give you a boost in that department then what’s wrong with that?

My nutritionist told me to avoid high salty foods (I’m including salty people in that food category) even though I’m not eating them lol I’m just avoiding them altogether [emoji1430] lol

Sorry can't talk, I'm on a salt restrictive diet lol

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 167

[GirlShrinking 110]

On 07/24/2018 at 17:38, Tracy1978 said:

Salty foods including people! I am dead!!!! LMFAO!!!!!

I have to! it’s bad for my healthy llol I’m ya’ll can relate! 😄 llol

[GirlShrinking 110]

On 07/24/2018 at 18:56, Tealael said:

Sorry can't talk, I'm on a salt restrictive diet lol

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 167

Girl who you tellin’?! Lmao! I’ve actually said this!!! I’m usually a very quiet person but even I have my limits too lol.. I can’t lol hahahaaa you guys have me laughing to myself like an idiot

[George OG 73]

23 hours ago, SGirl35 said:

On 7/18/2018 at 4:25 PM, Tracy1978 said:

Today was hard. I have surgery this Friday 20th. I've been eating the pre-op "envelope meal" diet almost 2 weeks and today the office ordered Cheesecake Factory. It's not their fault that I made the decision to do the surgery, but I still wanted to kick their chairs out from underneath them. It's literally all I can do to keep myself from saying "Eff it" and going for a steak and beer. I know I know, I am so close to surgery; I wont sabotage myself.

One other thing that has been on my mind is how some people I have told have reacted to my news. I honestly didn't tell people for a long time about what I was doing because I didn't want to listen to everyone's opinions. I've worked in the medical field for 20 years and if I have questions I know who to ask.

It doesn't stop people from saying things that are seriously discouraging:

- "Oh wow. Can't you lose it on your own without having surgery?"

- "I could NEVER do a liquid diet for that long."

- "Haven't people died getting that done?"

- "Awwww! Your surgery is the day of my party?? That sucks! We were having a Mexican food buffet too! I know that's your favorite. Well, at least you are missing for a good reason."

- "I'm fat too, but there is no way I would have surgery."

- "Let's go to {insert restaurant/bar here} before you have surgery since you wont be able to do it after that."

- "You know you can't have carbonated beverages the rest of your life, right?"

- "Don't people gain their weight back most of the time anyway?"

It's hard to tell if people are trying to make me feel bad about my decision because they don't understand it, or it they are jealous or just being downright hateful. I don't get it. I just needed to vent. Today was the hardest day I've had so far and I needed to get that off my chest. I keep telling myself that by this weekend it will all be over and I can start focusing on living a normal life again, just healthier this time.

The same exact reactions I got ... I also lost lots of friends. Lots of salty people! My own damn family .... but guess what??? When I post the new pictures on Instagram- the crowd went WILD. At least all the people who are happy for me, did... they can stay fat. It was the hardest and best decision of my life.

Haters gonna hate!Good job

[Born in Missouri 1,266]

On July 18, 2018 at 5:02 PM, GeminiSky said:

People are very uncomfortable about others changing. Ive really started to realize this. Anytime a constant is changed especially if you are close to them (family, friends, significant others) or work in close proximity (work places), people literally have to confront themselves with how they feel about YOU changing. It's crazy. The psychology of it all.

I never thought about this way. Intriguing.

[Dorothy_Correz 17]

I applaud you for being vulnerable and telling others. I didn't tell anyone except my husband. I didn't want to hear everyone's opinions. People are always going to have opinions both positive and negative. Try to focus on yourself and do what is best for you.