Does the attention bother you?

[Creekimp13 5,841]

Husbands who act like they don't notice....

I've heard this from several of the gals at support group.

I promise your husband has noticed bigtime:) He might not say so, cause it probably freaks him out a little.

One of the husbands at group actually piped up and addressed this... he was like....Yes, of course I notice, but I don't want to freak you out by focusing on it. And it's weird to see other guys notice. And it's a little scary to think you're more attractive now and maybe you have more options. Sometimes it's easier not to talk about it, but yes, I notice. I notice a lot. And I'm really proud of you, but it freaks me out a little, too. You really do look amazing and I love that you're healthier, but change is just weird.

The guy seems like an incredibly dedicated husband....young couple in their early 30's. I thought his answer was really honest and awesome.

[Matt Z 4,140]

I like it personally, But I *TOTALLY* get the "why is everyone being nicer to me" thing. My first week back to work I noticed it, to the point where I was like... ok, is it me, or them, or both?

Am I feeling better and thus seeing a more positive interaction or are people really being nicer? Or is a mix?

Are people responding to me better because I'm carrying myself differently? I'm not hiding within myself any more, is that what's garnering these new, more positive reactions?

I think it's a great mix of a lot of things. I know I feel better, I know I look better, I know I'm carrying myself differently and I'm interacting with these folks differently to some extent, even if it's not a conscientious decision to do so, that alone is going to change how people respond. Plus humans tend to "mirror" the person they are talking to, totally unconsciously too.

So I think it's less that other people were disgusted with my appearance (I'm sure there were people), and more a reflection of how disgusted I was with myself.

[Dshell 33]

Sometimes it makes me very uncomfortable. This morning I got "nice jeans". What is that suppose to mean????

[BuzzVSG 252]

Aside from straight up compliments, I wouldn't know if someone was hitting on me if they were jumping up and down on my head. I went through the liquid phase, soft/mushy phase, flaky food phase, and now the oblivious phase! I got the strangest compliment yesterday at a doctor's appointment. The receptionist said I sound skinny. How does one sound skinny?!?

[sillykitty 10,789]

It's funny, I'm in a bit of the opposite situation. My friends and immediate family know about my surgery, so those compliments I'm happy to get.

But in business situations, the lack of comments are weird. I have known many of these people for years. I have gone from size 20 to size 14 in the same brand slacks. And like 5% of people have even mentioned it. I don't work in an office, so I see these people quarterly or yearly. I mean. I get that they don't want to embarrass or offend me, but it still seems odd that I've lost 60 lbs since these people had last seen me, and nothing is said.

My extended family is another surprise. We are close and supportive, but don't get in each other's business. I expected someone, to say something, but nope! I was at a baby shower a couple of weeks ago, and no one again said anything. On my ride home my aunt text me "I did notice! I just didn't want to embarrass you!" I guess she had called my mom and asked what was up lol!

[rosiec223 6]

I'm not looking forward to.... "You lost so much weight. You look sooooo good!" Not sure if anyone will actually say that but I’m anticipating it because I hear people say to others and I don’t really like what it means.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

5 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

It's funny, I'm in a bit of the opposite situation. My friends and immediate family know about my surgery, so those compliments I'm happy to get.

But in business situations, the lack of comments are weird. I have known many of these people for years. I have gone from size 20 to size 14 in the same brand slacks. And like 5% of people have even mentioned it. I don't work in an office, so I see these people quarterly or yearly. I mean. I get that they don't want to embarrass or offend me, but it still seems odd that I've lost 60 lbs since these people had last seen me, and nothing is said.

My extended family is another surprise. We are close and supportive, but don't get in each other's business. I expected someone, to say something, but nope! I was at a baby shower a couple of weeks ago, and no one again said anything. On my ride home my aunt text me "I did notice! I just didn't want to embarrass you!" I guess she had called my mom and asked what was up lol!

It took me to lose approx. 80lbs before my coworkers started to say anything. Now, they don't say much anymore.

[Creekimp13 5,841]

2 hours ago, Dshell said:

This morning I got "nice jeans". What is that suppose to mean????

If the person is the same gender....they probably like the cut and fit of your jeans and think they're flattering.

If the person is the opposite gender.....it's a nice way to say your butt and legs are attractive.

[Dshell 33]

No, was a guy. A girl saying it would not have bothered me.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

9 minutes ago, Dshell said:

No, was a guy. A girl saying it would not have bothered me.

"Nics a$$" - might get him slapped

"Nice jeans" gets a pass

[Wanda247 908]

To all of you lovely ladies and Matt in this conversation, I just honestly think people do not know what to say a lot of the times or it comes out wrong or don’t want to embarrass you because they may not have complimented you in the past but you all have worked very very hard and done a great job!! So please please accept the compliments even if it comes out as superficial, shallow, crazy etc. Reality is when you lose a significant amount of weight sometimes you may look like a totally different person, and that’s not a bad thing, you may not see it but others do...and NO people did not think that any of you were disgusting before, we live in a society that have people so messed up that even as adults they kinda go with the crowd or bullies and do not know how to react well to change. Enjoy the compliments and trust me people that don’t say anything they are noticing you. I’m so proud of you all, I don’t know you all but I love the support that you give everyone here so I know that you are all beautiful people inside and out. Know your worth, sparkle and shine on...

[Frustr8 7,886]

At least at your age you do k,ow it's directed at you. Men my,age, they may have only sprung a leak, and I think,lip-pukering ability goes along with the othe deficits they develop, or doesn't develop anymore👴👎

[Bryn910 519]

I like the compliments and support.

Prior to surgery I was always recognized for a bit of everything I did. I am one of those whom have tattoos, crazy colored hair and I am loud. Can’t say I was every treated negative because of my weight. If I was, I didn’t notice it.

Bring on the compliments!! lol

[Arabian78 34]

I don't mind the compliments. I work at a place where we all are very close so I don't mind my friends/coworkers telling me how great I look, or they like my new top, etc. I figure I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

[RapidFirePickle 119]

Ash, I am one of those people who WOULD have complimented your clothes, nails, smile BEFORE you started this journey. I've always been that kind of person. It's too bad most of the people you've encountered are so unappreciative of those around them.

Hugs from Alaska!