How is everyone dealing/coping with the attention that comes with weight loss?

I know personally, its been weird for me. Sometimes I feel happy when people compliment me, but other times, I feel horrible because I think to myself, no one treated me this well before. No one went out of their way to say, "I like your shirt." or "your nail polish is lovely." Now, I get compliments all the time on everything, not just my weight. Was I so disgusting before that people didn't look at my nail polish, or my fat clothes weren't cute? I'm ashamed of how bad I let myself get. I'm ashamed....

16 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

I'm ashamed of how bad I let myself get. I'm ashamed....

I totally get you on this. I think we've all got a double-dip of self-loathing & regret that we need to work through. I was fortunate, though. I often got compliments on my clothes (I love bright colors/patterns) or my nail polish, or my Day of the dead facepaint for Halloween, or whatever. Maybe it's a Southern thing?

17 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

I totally get you on this. I think we've all got a double-dip of self-loathing & regret that we need to work through. I was fortunate, though. I often got compliments on my clothes (I love bright colors/patterns) or my nail polish, or my Day of the dead facepaint for Halloween, or whatever. Maybe it's a Southern thing?

Thanks for the response. I think we'd be great friends in real life O&D. I'm glad I can call you one here.

1 minute ago, AshAsh1 said:

Thanks for the response. I think we'd be great friends in real life O&D. I'm glad I can call you one here.

Thanks, Ash. I feel like that too, or actually more like you're my "other" daughter

Btw, has your husband gotten better at compliments?

Just now, Orchids&Dragons said:

Thanks, Ash. I feel like that too, or actually more like you're my "other" daughter

Btw, has your husband gotten better at compliments?

I'd be okay with that too!

No, not really, he's unchanged. I guess he's just not the complimenting type. I didn't deserve them before, but now that I do, I notice more. But my sister gave me some good advice, she said to increase my compliments to him, and see if that prompts them in return. I'm about a week into this experiment.

2 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

I'd be okay with that too!

No, not really, he's unchanged. I guess he's just not the complimenting type. I didn't deserve them before, but now that I do, I notice more. But my sister gave me some good advice, she said to increase my compliments to him, and see if that prompts them in return. I'm about a week into this experiment.

That's a good approach. Especially if he doesn't compliment others, either. Maybe he just didn't grow up hearing a lot of compliments and just thinks they're "fluff". He might think differently once he realizes how nice it is to receive them. Good luck!

55 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

I'm ashamed of how bad I let myself get. I'm ashamed....

I don't feel this way. I just feel like the world is full of a lot of superficial stupid...and I pay better attention to the quality people who treat me no different.

Folks who are overly impressed by my aesthetic changes....are just kinda....shallow and boring in my opinion.

When I remember that they're about as deep as a mud puddle....it changes my view of them. And not for the better.

If someone likes me for my creativity, my ideas, my humor, my passion....we connect in a meaningful way. (and would connect this way regardless)

Confidence, compassion, and joyful curiosity are endlessly attractive to me.

Being impressed with my butt or my clothes? Not so much.

2 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

Folks who are overly impressed by my aesthetic changes....are just kinda....shallow and boring in my opinion.

When I remember that they're about as deep as a mud puddle....it changes my view of them. And not for the better.

Turns out there are a lot of these people though, and I never realized until now. I must have been fat and blind lol.

Edited June 22, 20188 yr by AshAsh1

I dunno...I think sometimes people are just misguided. Maybe they figure....well, shite, she's gone through all the touble of surgery to look hot, it must be important to her...I'd better acknowledge it?

Wheels within wheels. People and communication are an imperfect pairing sometimes.

That said....there is no shortage of stupid or shallow people on the planet.

The good news...is that there's no shortage of brilliant and deep and introspective and compassionate and fun and wonderful either:)

1 minute ago, Creekimp13 said:

I dunno...I think sometimes people are just misguided. Maybe they figure....well, shite, she's gone through all the touble of surgery to look hot, it must be important to her...I'd better acknowledge it?

Wheels within wheels. People and communication are an imperfect pairing sometimes.

That said....there is no shortage of stupid or shallow people on the planet.

The good news...is that there's no shortage of brilliant and deep and introspective and compassionate and fun and wonderful either:)

I try to take their compliments for what they are, and leave it at that. Sometimes it's genuine.

And even if it isn't maybe they are starting to Act Better!

Might as well just enjoy the compliments...as compliments. If the person has more to say to you of substance...give them a chance. If all they want to talk about is superficial bs...let it roll off.

I've had more doors held for me by middle aged gawky men in the past thee months than in the past ten years. I feel your irritation.

Here's the problem Ash....you're freaking gorgeous and maybe you're realizing that more than you used to. Mortal men cannot resist. Can you really blame them?

Yep, it's dopey.... but, meh...it's largely harmless.

7 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

Here's the problem Ash....you're freaking gorgeous and maybe you're realizing that more than you used to. Mortal men cannot resist. Can you really blame them?

Thank you, I appreciate that! I have gotten a little more attention in the man department recently. There was a bar tender asked for my phone number, and I literally turned around to see who he was talking to. I probably looked like an idiot. Made me feel good. Now, if I could just get my husband to notice SMH, lol. I'm working on that too!

I really have not noticed any new or different level of attention but it is probably my age. I am surrounded by people who are genuine, real friends and those people have always been complimentary and supportive to me. Even though I gained A LOT of weight in the past 5 years no one has mentioned that either. People that know about the surgery ask me how I am feeling and tell me I am looking good which is appreciated by me.

My husband is my biggest supporter and literally every day he takes me in his arms in a hug and runs his hands up and down saying how much he can tell I am losing weight and "getting my curves back" which is nice.

15 minutes ago, MIZ60 said:

My husband is my biggest supporter and literally every day he takes me in his arms in a hug and runs his hands up and down saying how much he can tell I am losing weight and "getting my curves back" which is nice.

Your husband must be a bigamist! I'm married to the same guy!

Husbands who act like they don't notice....

I've heard this from several of the gals at support group.

I promise your husband has noticed bigtime:) He might not say so, cause it probably freaks him out a little.

One of the husbands at group actually piped up and addressed this... he was like....Yes, of course I notice, but I don't want to freak you out by focusing on it. And it's weird to see other guys notice. And it's a little scary to think you're more attractive now and maybe you have more options. Sometimes it's easier not to talk about it, but yes, I notice. I notice a lot. And I'm really proud of you, but it freaks me out a little, too. You really do look amazing and I love that you're healthier, but change is just weird.

The guy seems like an incredibly dedicated husband....young couple in their early 30's. I thought his answer was really honest and awesome.