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food is everything, everywhere, imbedded in every aspect of our lives. Today, like many many days, my boss came up to me and asked "would you like ice cream from Mc Donalds?" and naturally it is for a "reward" of sorts for good performance for the day. I looked at him and said "you know my answer" in a playful way. It's crazy how food is our natural go-to for reward. I yelled out of my office to my friend across the way, "I am one STRONG lady!" because it's true. These last 5 months, I have withstood so many potlucks, ice cream socials, food truck days, donut or bagel Breakfast, boxes of dilly bars, I COULD GO ON AND ON!

A part of me feels defeated, the reason why? Why couldn't I lose the weight differently and still be able to partake in some of these things in moderation? I know the answer why.... I would never have done it. I need the dumping syndrome to prevent me from partaking. This surgery FORCED my hand.

The other part of me feels accomplished, strong, and amazing. I have powered through every hard moment, candy on Valentines day, birthday party cupcakes, s'mores at cook outs, frozen margaritas at the health club pool, bread at the restaurant, baked goods at Easter, ice cream on a hot summer day,....... I have said NO to everything. I have been strong and it has paid off.

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Love this post Ash!

I agree, food is everywhere. Food and alcohol is embedded in my work life, they are embedded in my personal life.

Go out on a date, let's meet for a drink. My mom meets me for lunch on weeks I'm not traveling. Extended family BBQ for birthdays and holidays. Out to dinner with friends. Vacations focus on delicious and unique local foods. With work going out for a meal and drinks is invaluable for building relationships that can't happen across a conference table or the phone.

I have a love hate relationship with my restriction. I love that I am satisfied with a couple of ounces of food. It is still crazy to me. But that is such a small amount of food it is absolutely noticed by dining companions and wait staff. I hate the attention it draws.

I absolutely feel strong every time I ignore the bread basket. Each time I order the chicken vs. the Pasta dish. I honestly never thought I was capable of making good choices over an extended amount of time.

I do really miss social drinking though. It is a big part of my work life. I feel very self conscience and awakward drinking my Water while everyone else is having drinks. :(

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20 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

Love this post Ash!

I agree, food is everywhere. food and alcohol is embedded in my work life, they are embedded in my personal life.

Go out on a date, let's meet for a drink. My mom meets me for lunch on weeks I'm not traveling. Extended family BBQ for birthdays and holidays. Out to dinner with friends. Vacations focus on delicious and unique local foods. With work going out for a meal and drinks is invaluable for building relationships that can't happen across a conference table or the phone.

I have a love hate relationship with my restriction. I love that I am satisfied with a couple of ounces of food. It is still crazy to me. But that is such a small amount of food it is absolutely noticed by dining companions and wait staff. I hate the attention it draws.

I absolutely feel strong every time I ignore the bread basket. Each time I order the chicken vs. the Pasta dish. I honestly never thought I was capable of making good choices over an extended amount of time.

I do really miss social drinking though. It is a big part of my work life. I feel very self conscience and awakward drinking my Water while everyone else is having drinks. :(

It is nuts how everything revolves around food, especially social gatherings.

Do you feel self conscience about drinking because people know that you aren't? Or because you aren't on their level?

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4 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

Do you feel self conscience about drinking because people know that you aren't? Or because you aren't on their level?

Both!

Work related drinking, it's because it stands out that I'm not participating. As the wine is passed around the table, or as we are sitting in the lounge area of a bar and the waiter comes around. Just ordering Water is both unusual for me and unusual in my company/industry. I'm much more comfortable fitting in than drawing attention to myself, especially in this way.

With friends. I miss a nice glass of wine with a good meal. I also miss the feeling of relaxation and looseness a little buzz gives you. Things are a little funnier, stories are a little more engaging. I just feel a little "flat" when I'm stone cold sober in a group that's had a few drinks.

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So much truth here.
Work outing... we go to a restaurant
‎Saint Joseph's Day... Zeppole
Easter... just all bad junk
Valentines Day... more bad junk

Halloween... more bad junk
Thanksgiving... at least doable, then all those damn desserts
Birthdays... cake
Christmas... the same as Thanksgiving, except all the extra junk flying around as little gifts or stocking stuffers

Like.. what happened that EVERYTHING focuses on junk foods.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
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