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Anyone have a hard time telling family about surgery?



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Hi there. I just finished my 6 month supervised diet and I’m just waiting to hear back from insurance so I can schedule for RNY.
So far I’ve had no issue telling people my plans. Everyone at work knows. I work at a psych hospital and we have a lot of potlucks and I just figured early on there would be a lot less pressure if I told my coworkers so they’d be understanding when I wasn’t eating or going for weekly beers after work anymore. All my friends know and are very excited for me. My immediate family knows and are very supportive however....
This passed weekend we had a huge family get together with family members I haven’t seen since my mother passed almost 2 years ago.
I found myself hiding that I was going to have surgery from them. I’m not really sure why I just couldn’t tell any of them and didn’t want anyone else to tell them either.
Has anyone else had this problem? I feel like it’s weird that I can be so open with everyone else but can’t tell my family.
~crystal

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Do what u r comfortable with hell i havent talked to half my family about it like aunts etc i figure its not really any of their business

Sent from my SM-G935F using BariatricPal mobile app

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My father has a force of will that is something; he does anything he puts his mind to. He quit smoking cold turkey, and when he had an injury that required him to relearn how to walk, he went on to RUN half-marathons. Now that he is retires, he lost 40-50 pounds controlling his food and exercise, and he thinks my mom should be able to fix her weight easily because he could. My mother has been diabetic since her 20's, and she has hormonal issues that affect her ability to lose weight. I have my father's drive and my mother's metabolic issues. Even when I was training three hours a day (TaeKwonDo) and lost 60 pounds, my diabetes didn't change, and I even began to gain it back while I was still earning new belts and adding cardio kickboxing to the mix.

My father won't understand why I'm doing the surgery, and my mom is so sensitive about her health that she would be self-conscious about it. I will tell them if/when I think they need to know.

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I have only told two of my sisters, my boyfriend, my son, his wife and one other person. Then a good friend at work told me just week she was having weight loss surgery so i told her. lol

I am not gonna tell anyone else. People are judgmental. One of my sister's was very supportive, the other being no so much. It hurt my feelings and made me with i hadn't said anything. I figured this is my time and I am gonna treat it like it is:)

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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