My Wife's Reluctance & Subsequent Challenge

[Dragon64 142]

My wife, who is a God-send to me, is very much against VSG surgery, she lets me know in no uncertain terms. She believes in me, and knows that deep down, I have the will to overcome my 'morbidly obese' condition. I wish I had her belief, but after 20 plus years of failures to lose... well, here I am. Nevertheless, she will support me regardless of my decision. She accompanied me to the initial consult as my conscientious objector, and grabbed on to the notion that as long as my BMI stays above 35, insurance will approve surgery, fall below, and nadda...

I told her, that my current BMI is 44.9! At 5'11" I would have to lose down to 250lbs in the next 6-months, which will put my BMI at 34.9. That is a whopping 72-pounds to lose in the next 6-months! Her response, "challenge accepted!"

But I reminded her, that even if I could manage 72 lbs in the next 6-months, there is still the issue of gaining it all back... hence the reason I am seeking surgery in the first place. I would have to start the process all over again should latter come to pass...

[FluffyChix 17,418]

I don't see anything about "her subsequent change" in your post. It still sounds as if she is trying to bend you to her will. I've no doubt you can lose weight. Most of us are very big losers. We almost to a person are outstandingly sucky maintainers. And there is the real issue. The insurance companies most usually go for the first weigh in for your BMI calculation, and as long as you are not below the 35BMI deck at the point of insurance submission, things should theoretically be fine.

You must do what is right for you. Hopefully your spouse will be supportive, if not, then you have a big decision to make. Most negative spouses are negative because of fear and lack of knowledge about the surgery.

[Dragon64 142]

Not her change, her challenge... as stated, she is supportive regardless of my decision.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Glad she is supportive of your decision. It sounded to me that she accepted the challenge of trying to help you lose the 72 lbs in the next 6 months!

[abefroman329 704]

I heard something similar to that from my wife, “well, what if you lose a lot of weight on the pre-op diet? Then you could just cancel the surgery!” She was concerned about the risks of the surgery, whether I’d be happy with it long term, whether it would work... She’s been really supportive post-surgery. She talked to the surgeon right after the operation and found it really helpful when he told her that my stomach was larger than normal and that I would have a strong chance of being successful.

Having observed my dad’s quality of life rapidly diminish due to being morbidly obese in his 60s...a) you’d be surprised how quickly it happens and it’s not something you’d want for yourself. And if you’re like me, and you’ve tried everything else, and nothing worked, this is really your best hope.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Most insurance companies, use the weight and BMI when you entered the 6 month weight loss and exercise program rather than your final weight at the end of the program. But a challenge is a challenge and the weight you lose pre-op adds to the weight loss you will achieve after surgery. So in a way it is a win-win situation. Go for it.

[Dragon64 142]

I will definitely lose all the weight I can over the next 6-months, but I want to do it healthy, so as not to starve myself like I did on so many other diets. My wife and I have talked, and we both agreed, that getting my head right will be the key to longevity surgery or no surgery. So I am working diligently now to curb my food addiction(s).

[Dragon64 142]

Just now, James Marusek said:

Most insurance companies, use the weight and BMI when you entered the 6 month weight loss and exercise program rather than your final weight at the end of the program. But a challenge is a challenge and the weight you lose pre-op adds to the weight loss you will achieve after surgery. So in a way it is a win-win situation. Go for it.

Agreed, my short term goal is to lose 35 - 50 lbs before I hit the liquid pre-op.

[Creekimp13 5,841]

Dragon....you and your wife should research these two questions:

What percentage of people who lose weight with diet/exercise alone keep the weight off for five years?

What percentage of people who lose weight with surgery keep the weight off after five years?

When you find the answers, you'll know with certainty the best course of action.

[brookelynzoo 13]

It was explained to me that the one thing I could not do without surgery was to change my metabolism. That piece would require a surgical fix at this point in my life since my metabolism has been blown. My surgeon related it to trying to hold a beach ball under Water because it always wants to come back up to its new set point. That’s why sleeve and rny are categorized as metabolic surgeries. Sure I could and have lost weight in my own but I always go back up like the beach ball

[Dragon64 142]

Two goals are at work here; getting healhty & living a longer and healthier life. At 53 years old, I have come to terms with the fact that surgery is my remaining option, but I will not rule out the "flipping of the switch" and managing on my own. Either way, in 6-months I will more than likely have VSG surgery.

[JanineVSG 93]

My mom was similar, in some ways . . . she supported me having WLS, but she kept saying things like, "Well, of course I'd prefer it if you could lose it on your own."

I always put it this way... "What's the most weight you've lost? Okay, how long did it take for you to lose it? Did you keep it off? Chances are, I have at least 2-3 times more weight to lose... and I can't afford to not keep it off." If she waffles on it again, use a talking point like that. Make sure to highlight the absolute plethora of information that shows that WLS is the ONLY choice for long-term weight loss.

Good luck on your journey!

[Dragon64 142]

Thank you honeyedlife, I appreciate you. I see that you are just about 6-weeks post op, congrats! My next appoint is a stress test this Wednesday, and the the first of 6 PCP visits next week... 6-months looks so far away right now.

[kakatlady612 1,053]

Dragon64 that works out to 12 lbs every month or 3lbs consistently each and every week. You do not have the metabolism of a Roman Gladiator, adorable dude that you may be. If you did, maybe, but you're Fluffy like me. Fluffy rams and fluffy ewes don't lose like that even if they shave their wool down to the skin. We need surgery, that is the tool to help us. I am doubtful anything short of that will have a lasting effect.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[Dragon64 142]

Fluffy Rams (?) I like that. My wife and I have been binge watching Doctor Weiner videos on YouTube. She was impressed enough to buy his book "A Pound of Cure". She said she'll read it for me... I said knock yourself out. It is nice to have a spouse who can give you the "Cliff Notes"