Feeling like a horrible failure

[chrys129 208]

I'm not sure where to post this, so I hope this is OK. I had VSG in October of 2015 and lost 115 lbs by the following August (10 months out). I went from 254 to 139. My goal was 129, but I likely was in that ballpark because of loose skin weight, so I felt like I had hit my goal. I maintained that goal weight for six solid months.

In December 2016 I had a betrayal by someone very close to me that I'm still not over. Somewhere in early 2017, I started eating more carbs. Grazing more often again. Drinking a lot calories, much of it alcohol. In the first year post op, I became a runner and was running up to five miles, 4-5 days a week. In 2017, it tapered off until I hadn't run in months and recently had to restart C25K completely, and couldn't even run 1/4 mile anymore without having to stop and walk again.

I have regained almost fifty lbs and I am so pissed off and angry at myself. I cry daily over it. I have no clothes to wear. I was 188 last week.

I saw a counselor at the end of 2016 and most of 2017 to try and deal with my "head stuff" and honestly feel like I did more damage than good. She was all about forgiving myself and it just ended up that I'd "binge" or not exercise and instead of trying to refocus, I'd just forgive it, make an excuse and do it again.

I'm not sure of anyone here can even help me but I needed to post this and put it out there as a first step in being accountable for my actions again.

I promised myself I wouldn't be a statistic with this surgery. I worked so hard and went through too much to end up here and I desperately need direction to get back on track.

I have my 2 year check up with my surgeons office on Wednesday. I will tell them all of this, as well.

Thank you for listening.

Sent from my SM-G935V using BariatricPal mobile app

[FluffyChix 17,410]

Dayum skippy! I'm so sorry you're in this position. The reality is "Mea culpa". The end. Ask for help. This isn't their first rodeo. And frankly, you can't blow enough smoke up their ass to defend your position. So take one (or two) for the team! Admit defeat!!!!!!!! And ask for fuckin' help!!!!!!!!!!

[Creekimp13 5,838]

Kinda sounds like a broken heart and the depression that goes with it.

Maybe you should talk to the therapist about the relationship ending rather than about your diet?

Seems clear to me you've suffered a huge emotional blow that has you too sad to care. Sad like that can be a pretty big problem.

You know how to diet and lose weight. That's not the issue. You've got the skills, you've got the grit. The issue is that you got hurt....you're not over it..... and food is still your comfort habit

I think it would benefit you to do a little talking about the relationship and find a way to get some closure and resolution.

Also, work on strategies to comfort yourself when things go wrong that don't include food. I have a lot of luck with baths, old movies, good books, phoning my BFF, sex and my pets. (like hugging and walking my pets...not sex with pets...yeesh!)

Just remember....there is no setback or heartbreak on Earth that is worth destroying your health over. We all hit self destructive patches....but it's important to get back up. And if we can't....it's important to ask other people to help us to get back up. Everyone needs a little help now and again.

Try the therapist again....talk about the relationship that went south. I really think it might help.

[BigAussieGirl 162]

Sorry to hear this, sounds like you've been to hell and back.

Could you see a different therapist? You might find someone who you 'gel' with better and get better results.

Good luck.

[xoxococojay 842]

I went through something similar. To be honest, therapy and all that was somewhat helpful but i wasn't super consistent. Because at the end of the day i got to that point because of what i was putting into my body and me starting to get lazy.

So i had to start all over from scratch. I threw out every piece of junk food, no carbs, started meal prepping again, forced myself to hit the gym either right before work or immediately after instead of going back home again. I had to find other non food related hobbies and take a mental break from some friends because they love to go out and over indulge. It wasn't fun, but i had to do it and now that i am back on track i feel so much better. So maybe something dramatic like that might help you too. I started ordering groceries online.

At one point i even had to ask my surgeon for an appetite suppressant. I don't need it anymore. But it helped.


You can do this, don't give someone else that power over you. You can take control back. Write down everything you eat.

[orionburn 1,023]

On 1/1/2018 at 11:57 PM, chrys129 said:

I saw a counselor at the end of 2016 and most of 2017 to try and deal with my "head stuff" and honestly feel like I did more damage than good. She was all about forgiving myself and it just ended up that I'd "binge" or not exercise and instead of trying to refocus, I'd just forgive it, make an excuse and do it again.

Long, long time ago I sought out the help of counseling for some issues I was dealing with. Finding the right one can be really tough. One was meh. One's solution to everything seemed to be "read this book." One was some feel good nonsense crap that was a complete waste of time. Finally found one that was a no b.s. type of person and (mentally) kicked my ass to get to the right place. She was freaking awesome. So if you feel that counseling is still something that would help don't give up hope.

Getting back onto the forums can help motivate you as well. I'm coming up on my one year mark and have decided to get active again to give myself some more accountability. I've pretty much been stuck at the same weight for the past 2 months and haven't lost anymore (I have lost over 100lbs though). While I'm not worried about regain the fear is there that eventually it will. Random internet people can sometimes be pretty good counseling too.