Concerned For My Wife

[Queenb72 0]

Hi all, my wife had a gastric bypass a year and a half ago and she lost a lot of weight to begin with. Then slowly but surely her portion size has increased and she's eating lots and lots of surgery foods and she's snacking. I try and talk to her about it but it ends up in a row and she won't talk about it. Her bowel habits are awful and she has the most terrible wind which I account to her diet but she has excuses that's it's not the food. I was due to have my own gastric bypass in August but when the surgeon opened me up he found a huge mass which thankfully is not cancer but needs to be removed before I can have my bypass. I am waiting for both ops.

I am seriously worried for my wife as she's done so well to begin with but now I think she's putting it back on, she won't go to her follow up appointments as they are telling her she should be losing weight and she's not telling them the truth. She eats more than me.

I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do.

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

Nothing you can do. Her life. Her choice. No one can change unless they want to..writing a letter to show your concern is an idea.

Sent from my Vivo 5R using BariatricPal mobile app

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Does she attend support groups, or is there a counselor? The mental game is hard, maybe she is insecure since your surgery is coming up and she doesn't know how to handle you following the rules and her not following the rules.

food addiction is hard. Maybe some books from the library by Geneen Roth lying around and then not nagging about it. Maybe her fat is protecting her from feeling her fears that comes with weight loss...

Hang in there and good luck w your surgery, don't let her issues derail you but don't hold it over her head either.

Edited December 11, 2017 by Sosewsue61

[DropWt4Life 957]

Queenb72, unfortunately, all you can do is talk to her. Express your emotions, but try to be understanding about what she may be going through. This is really hard, and surgery doesn't help everyone. You must be open to changing your thought processes when it comes to food...Not very easily done.

I wish you the best of luck in getting your wife the help she needs and in your own personal journey.

[James Marusek 5,244]

There are two stages to bariatric surgery. These are the weight loss phase and the maintenance phase. The strategies to be used in each phase are different. It sounds like you wife is in the maintenance phase. This article describes my approach in the maintenance phase. http://www.breadandbutterscience.com/Surgery2.pdf

[shedo82773 1,236]

For one thing, you CANNOT fix her!!! She will need to do what is necessary. What was said above is so true. Support her but by no means make her defensive!! Surgery is a tool to help us lose our weight, and in my opinion, that part was the easiest!! Maintenance is when the true work begins!! I hope all goes well for your surgeries!! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE AND KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!