Do I need surgery still? A reality check

[wjgo 272]

Thanks for all the comments, I did read them all!

Sent from my XT1609 using BariatricPal mobile app

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

On 10/7/2017 at 6:28 PM, wjgo said:

Brief background, all my dieting failed, I loved nutrisystem, but just could stay on it past 6 months.

Now, I am in a pre-op situation. I was to stop the nutrisystem, and eat regular meals. It took a while, but now I am building my own meals. Never spiced or rubbed s chicken before in my life, until now. I can pass fast food joints, even when I am hungry. Grabbing an apple is second nature, and I push for better Fiber count. I actually watch cooking shows for ideas of what I could cook up. Two months, I lost 15 lbs of my starting 394. I haven't felt better. Normally, if I lost 15 lbs, I'd hit a pizza as a "celebration.". No desire for that now, just want to tick off another 2 lbs. My only problem is perhaps not enough vegetables, and need better meal scheduling.

So, I feel like I could keep doing this, and maybe won't need surgery. Or am I falling into a trap?

Sent from my XT1609 using BariatricPal mobile app

Your 394lbs ... That is pretty high to get to just now decide you can do it on your own. Your really at a high risk of so many conditions. If I ever reached your weight I'd feel like a ticking time bomb and run into that surgery room. I'm just being honest. But the reality is.. To get to the size you did before doing something there must be something deeper and are you sure you can keep it off ? Its up to you. I would not comment on anyone else's weight but you asked. I can only say what I'd do if it was me.. I made my choice at 244lbs best thing I ever did. Only you know.. Please don't be offended I'm just saying how I'd feel at that weight ..

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

On 10/7/2017 at 9:56 PM, Berry78 said:

Even though it's true that 95% can't keep it off... what if you are in the 5%? After all, you haven't taken THIS path before.

I say give this lifestyle change a real chance at avoiding surgery. If it works, that's perfect! If it doesn't, surgery can always be a backup plan.

Surgery should always be a last resort.

I would agree with you if the op was lighter .. 394lbs is quite high. And even for light weights the risks increase to health. I would say the risk in surgery gets higher the bigger someone is too. So if this diet doesn't work and op puts on that weight plus more.. It really can be dangerous.. But I'm not expert my surgeon makes people around this weight loss a good amount before he will go in because of the risk going higher so it may make the process longer. If someone was lighter I'd probably say sure give it a go even though youve said you've failed loads of times. I know for me at 244lbs I was so worried for my health I think I'd be dead at 300+ lbs because I was getting so sick with blood pressure etc. But I know people 300+ who are really healthy I know so sure it depends on the person. But Its scary for.me to think of waiting at that weight if I had failed before if that makes sense?

[Berry78 4,259]

Each of us has his/her own journey.

This surgery is a BIG DEAL. There are risks and dangers. If someone feels less than 100% ready to take it on, then he/she shouldn't do it.

We see enough leaks and other complications pop up on this board often enough to keep the dangers in mind.

Imagine feeling pressured to do a surgery, and then you end up with a complication. Then you're sick AND feeling like it's someone else's fault (for pressuring you). We each need to understand and accept the risks for ourselves in order to be at peace through the difficult parts of the journey.

This also applies to the postop lows that we all seem to go through. The moments of "what the heck did I do to myself??" Which would be so much worse if it were, "What the heck did those horrible people sign me up for?? They LIED to me! They said it would be so much better, and now look what mess I'm in!"

The most important part of this journey is our taking personal responsibility for our health. Diet and lifestyle have to change.. forever. Huge commitment. Up there with having a child. MORE of a commitment than marriage.

[FluffyChix 17,410]

31 minutes ago, Berry78 said:

Each of us has his/her own journey.

This surgery is a BIG DEAL. There are risks and dangers. If someone feels less than 100% ready to take it on, then he/she shouldn't do it.

We see enough leaks and other complications pop up on this board often enough to keep the dangers in mind.

Imagine feeling pressured to do a surgery, and then you end up with a complication. Then you're sick AND feeling like it's someone else's fault (for pressuring you). We each need to understand and accept the risks for ourselves in order to be at peace through the difficult parts of the journey.

This also applies to the postop lows that we all seem to go through. The moments of "what the heck did I do to myself??" Which would be so much worse if it were, "What the heck did those horrible people sign me up for?? They LIED to me! They said it would be so much better, and now look what mess I'm in!"

The most important part of this journey is our taking personal responsibility for our health. Diet and lifestyle have to change.. forever. Huge commitment. Up there with having a child. MORE of a commitment than marriage.

This. It's SO important. I was pressured into having breast reconstruction after my double mastectomy surgery. I really was ambivalent and scared I would end up with mannequin boobs (boobs without nips). Everyone assured me that would not be the case. Well fast forward, 3 EXCRUCIATING (like the most pain evs) surgeries later, I now have stage 2 lymphedema in my left arm, unequal mannequin boobs, a huge divot in the left one where it started to eat itself, tiny spider veins where it started to eat itself and I have chronic neuralgia at my chest wall. 24/7/365 I have a burning stinging pain 360degrees around my chest that's about 8-9 inches wide. It never goes away but sometimes gets worse lol. Happy happy joy joy, right? I also have an unreachable itching on my chest wall that I can't get to cuz the cadaver transplants and lat flap transplants and silicone implants cover them up. It is misery. I have to keep my mind focused to keep from being pissed and depressed about my "lot" in life. But then I have to remember that no one could have predicted this. The healers were trying to give me some sense of normalcy after a late stage breast cancer. Mine was a complication and not the general rule. But it's a LOT of daily headwork. LOTs.

The same thing could happen with this surgery. It's elective also. You have to be at the point where you're willing to throw the dice and pray/hope for great outcomes. It took me 2 years to be willing to risk it again with this surgery. I'm risking adding another 10 inches to my "sphere of pain." *sigh*

Edited October 31, 2017 by FluffyChix

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

9 hours ago, Berry78 said:

Each of us has his/her own journey.

This surgery is a BIG DEAL. There are risks and dangers. If someone feels less than 100% ready to take it on, then he/she shouldn't do it.

We see enough leaks and other complications pop up on this board often enough to keep the dangers in mind.

Imagine feeling pressured to do a surgery, and then you end up with a complication. Then you're sick AND feeling like it's someone else's fault (for pressuring you). We each need to understand and accept the risks for ourselves in order to be at peace through the difficult parts of the journey.

This also applies to the postop lows that we all seem to go through. The moments of "what the heck did I do to myself??" Which would be so much worse if it were, "What the heck did those horrible people sign me up for?? They LIED to me! They said it would be so much better, and now look what mess I'm in!"

The most important part of this journey is our taking personal responsibility for our health. Diet and lifestyle have to change.. forever. Huge commitment. Up there with having a child. MORE of a commitment than marriage.

Well at the end of the day there is a risk in everything and MOST OF US have the " oh shall i try it on my own" when for alot of us the underlyning issue is fear of change , it all depends on the person, i have two children,i could not afford to get to 340+ lbs and just hope i will figure it out , while others can and if they can that is wonderful. I gave my honest opinion based on myself. I dont know the op. But I agree no journey what ever is easy. It is obviously a big deal no one is denying that, but if someones already saying they have failed and failed what is different now? the only difference is they know a pre op diet is x amount of weeks. thats why most of us could stick with it. Everyone is different but for me id take the surgery risk over being 340+lbs any day because id not be able to move with all my other health issues.

I also dont agree with " if someone does not feel 100% ready they should not do it" tell me who did not have last minutes doubt on their way into theatre lol i thought i was going to die, but gues what? no regrets!! there is sometimes for some of us the " is this a good idea i am scared of the unknown" Does not mean the change should not be made. I had those last minute doubts yet have no regrets now

Edited October 31, 2017 by dreamingsmall

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

9 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

This. It's SO important. I was pressured into having breast reconstruction after my double mastectomy surgery. I really was ambivalent and scared I would end up with mannequin boobs (boobs without nips). Everyone assured me that would not be the case. Well fast forward, 3 EXCRUCIATING (like the most pain evs) surgeries later, I now have stage 2 lymphedema in my left arm, unequal mannequin boobs, a huge divot in the left one where it started to eat itself, tiny spider veins where it started to eat itself and I have chronic neuralgia at my chest wall. 24/7/365 I have a burning stinging pain 360degrees around my chest that's about 8-9 inches wide. It never goes away but sometimes gets worse lol. Happy happy joy joy, right? I also have an unreachable itching on my chest wall that I can't get to cuz the cadaver transplants and lat flap transplants and silicone implants cover them up. It is misery. I have to keep my mind focused to keep from being pissed and depressed about my "lot" in life. But then I have to remember that no one could have predicted this. The healers were trying to give me some sense of normalcy after a late stage breast cancer. Mine was a complication and not the general rule. But it's a LOT of daily headwork. LOTs.

The same thing could happen with this surgery. It's elective also. You have to be at the point where you're willing to throw the dice and pray/hope for great outcomes. It took me 2 years to be willing to risk it again with this surgery. I'm risking adding another 10 inches to my "sphere of pain." *sigh*

How did someone pressure you to do this? Sorry I am just curious. I mean like.. Who? I can't grasps being forced into surgery. Scary.

[FluffyChix 17,410]

@dreamingsmall My oncologist, my plastics guy, and my two sisters who were not ready to have a little sister lose her breasts. My sissies thought I would be getting a set of perky new tatas. They had no idea I would live on in excruciating pain until the end of my life--which at that point we all thought would be under 5 years. I had a less than 50% chance of living 5 years. And they had no idea that although perky (they don't move--cuz you know, they're mannequin boobs), they are truly ghastly to look at nekkidy. But hey, it's 6+ years and I now have a 75% chance of living 10 years.

And no one physically strong armed me, but to a vulnerable person, being "strongly encouraged" and told that "most women like having breasts," is highly motivating and persuasive. Especially when you don't know the right thing to do, when you're in fear for your life anyway, and you only have one shot at the right choice.

Edited November 1, 2017 by FluffyChix

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

@dreamingsmall My oncologist, my plastics guy, and my two sisters who were not ready to have a little sister lose her breasts. My sissies thought I would be getting a set of perky new tatas. They had no idea I would live on in excruciating pain until the end of my life--which at that point we all thought would be under 5 years. I had a less than 50% chance of living 5 years. And they had no idea that although perky (they don't move--cuz you know, they're mannequin boobs), they are truly ghastly to look at nekkidy. But hey, it's 6+ years and I now have a 75% chance of living 10 years.

And no one physically strong armed me, but to a vulnerable person, being "strongly encouraged" and told that "most women like having breasts," is highly motivating and persuasive. Especially when you don't know the right thing to do, when you're in fear for your life anyway, and you only have one shot at the right choice.

Thank you for explaining im sorry you went through that if i only had 5 years to live my boobs would be the last on my mind , i can understand when your not sure and in a vulnerable situation its easier to be convinced. Hugs

[Berry78 4,259]

Oh, Fluff

[Sprinkles1 358]

If I were in your position, I'd know it was a trap. I've lost 60+ lbs before and felt wonderful! Told myself I'd never go back.... then I gained 80+ lbs within a year & a half. It's true... only you will know what's right but... don't be like me! I was supposed to start the WLS process in June but decided I'd try regular diet & exercise for the 100th time and I'm 20lbs heavier and officially starting the process.

Do what's best for you of course... but remember that history has a tendency to repeat itself. So, if you fell in the cycle before... it's always a possibility it could happen again.

... or maybe it won't.

[dreamynow 136]

This. It's SO important. I was pressured into having breast reconstruction after my double mastectomy surgery. I really was ambivalent and scared I would end up with mannequin boobs (boobs without nips). Everyone assured me that would not be the case. Well fast forward, 3 EXCRUCIATING (like the most pain evs) surgeries later, I now have stage 2 lymphedema in my left arm, unequal mannequin boobs, a huge divot in the left one where it started to eat itself, tiny spider veins where it started to eat itself and I have chronic neuralgia at my chest wall. 24/7/365 I have a burning stinging pain 360degrees around my chest that's about 8-9 inches wide. It never goes away but sometimes gets worse lol. Happy happy joy joy, right? I also have an unreachable itching on my chest wall that I can't get to cuz the cadaver transplants and lat flap transplants and silicone implants cover them up. It is misery. I have to keep my mind focused to keep from being pissed and depressed about my "lot" in life. But then I have to remember that no one could have predicted this. The healers were trying to give me some sense of normalcy after a late stage breast cancer. Mine was a complication and not the general rule. But it's a LOT of daily headwork. LOTs.
The same thing could happen with this surgery. It's elective also. You have to be at the point where you're willing to throw the dice and pray/hope for great outcomes. It took me 2 years to be willing to risk it again with this surgery. I'm risking adding another 10 inches to my "sphere of pain." *sigh*

That sounds terrible and I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. It’s hard enough dealing with weight and all that, but cancer too? Not fair. Hoping things get better for you soon!

[FluffyChix 17,410]

11 hours ago, dreamingsmall said:

Thank you for explaining im sorry you went through that if i only had 5 years to live my boobs would be the last on my mind , i can understand when your not sure and in a vulnerable situation its easier to be convinced. Hugs

I didn't find out my survival % until I was 5 years survivor status. Until then, the onc firmly refused to discuss it and told me that I wasn't gonna die. So at that point of the decision tree--I thought I was looking at a normal life span, but still scared to death I was gonna die during surgery or treatment.

[hap314ness 90]

@wjgo You are the only one who can truly answer the question of whether you should move forward with the surgery or continue making strides without it. Once upon a time I was a lot like @dreamingsmall. I thought of a number that I would "never" be and somehow felt superior for it. For me it was "well I'm fat but at least I'm not 200 lbs." And then I hit 200. But "at least I wasn't 250." And then I hit 300. Do NOT let a number on a scale determine your level of readiness for surgery OR your worth. If I were you I would direct this question to your surgeon/dr/therapist whoever is a professional and has experience with the emotions that go along with this surgery. They may be able to help you come to a decision. My other suggestion is to flip a coin. I've heard that if you leave a choice up to "fate" by the time the coin is in the air you already know in your heart which side you hope faces up.

Best wishes as you find your way, and hope you are getting support from friends and loved ones.

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

31 minutes ago, hap314ness said:

@wjgo You are the only one who can truly answer the question of whether you should move forward with the surgery or continue making strides without it. Once upon a time I was a lot like @dreamingsmall. I thought of a number that I would "never" be and somehow felt superior for it. For me it was "well I'm fat but at least I'm not 200 lbs." And then I hit 200. But "at least I wasn't 250." And then I hit 300. Do NOT let a number on a scale determine your level of readiness for surgery OR your worth. If I were you I would direct this question to your surgeon/dr/therapist whoever is a professional and has experience with the emotions that go along with this surgery. They may be able to help you come to a decision. My other suggestion is to flip a coin. I've heard that if you leave a choice up to "fate" by the time the coin is in the air you already know in your heart which side you hope faces up.

Best wishes as you find your way, and hope you are getting support from friends and loved ones.

I do not feel superior for being one weight over the other they are all obese and carry health risks. For me the scale would not determine my readyness as such but some amount of weight id not question it over some other weight id give more time. I don't think you were like me, I was being honest based on myself. I am not superior because I said if I was 394lbs I would run into the surgery room because I already have done or that id be dead that weight because I would. That is truth for the state my health was already in, so there is no need for your comment to tell me that your like me, you don't know me. This post asks for opinions so I gave it I have never once thought " I am fat atleast I am not x amount" Because health risk from obesity is there obese or morbidly just the risk gets higher the bigger someone gets. because I could of got there if I did not stop being scared and made that jump so I have no reason to feel superior about being fat or less fat, its all fat. mis interprete what I said all you like. If you felt superior for being fat but a different level of fat , lovely confession and good for you, I am glad you got a reality check, but that has never been me. Lastly who said anything about the OP worth? Everyone no matter how big is worth the world.. But also worth staying IN THE world with a good quality of life. , my points are valid for most of us we can stick to pre op diet but not long term pre surgery, if they do not want the surgery dont have it. No one is forcing them, they asked a question everyone answered, they can take from it what they want. I have said my piece so you can stop being passive aggressive. I was trying to help by saying what I WOULD DO, not once told the op what they should do.

Edited November 1, 2017 by dreamingsmall