Non supportive support system

[sunflower71609 14]

So....I'm new to the group. Will finish my insurance mandated diet October 18th and will schedule ds surgery for November. I've been working for months with doctors and have informed my family of the plans. Now that it's getting closer to the date they're all starting to say things like...."why not just eat healthier?" Or "are you sure you can go your whole life eating like that?"

Anyone else have similar issues? How can I get them to see this is necessary for me to live a happier, healthier life?

[Walter.Sobchak 978]

Everyone has issues like that.
People are always going to be unsupportive.
You need to do what is best for you.
It's not about losing some weight, it's about losing weight and keeping it off.
Anyone can lose some weight, but long term success is what matters.

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[sunflower71609 14]

Thanks. Just seems like every time I talk to one of them they have something negative to say. I would say they're just concerned for me, but it doesn't feel that way! Lol

[Berry78 4,259]

For the most part, it stems from fear. Fear of complications, fear that YOU'll begin regretting it..

My own family did the same thing.. they just want what's best for us...

[sunflower71609 14]

For the most part, it stems from fear. Fear of complications, fear that YOU'll begin regretting it..
My own family did the same thing.. they just want what's best for us...

Everyone I've talked to says it's the best decision they've ever made. Have you run across anyone who really does regret it?? Just wondering. As it gets closer it's starting to feel more real and my anxieties are going crazy

[Apple203 1,314]

Yea, and ugh, this is why I am not sharing with my family (other than H and kids). Sometimes I wonder if their own regrets may be a factor. What would my 63 yo future self say to me if she had a time machine? I'm pretty sure she would kick my butt for staying obese and unable to live the life she/I deserves << maybe that is what my 75yo mom would think about my upcoming surgery, but about herself?

Edited September 13, 2017 by Apple203

[Walter.Sobchak 978]

I have only seen like two people say they regret it and I believe both of them had some personal issues they didn't address before hand.

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[sunflower71609 14]

Yea, and ugh, this is why I am not sharing with my family (other than H and kids). Sometimes I wonder if their own regrets may be a factor. What would my 63 yo future self say to me if she had a time machine? I'm pretty sure she would kick my butt for staying obese and unable to live the life she/I deserves. (I'm 53 haha)

My husband is super supportive. He's been with me and has seen my struggles through the years. He would always lose his 20lbs, and I'd lose nothing. He's seen the fasting, dieting, and then the guilt. He wants this for me. My best friend, my brother, and my grandmother are the only other ones I have. They all have negative/ rude comments. Like thanks, never thought to eat healthy!
My mom died 2 years ago of a stroke at 53. She wasn't nearly as over weight as I am. I fear that I don't have a 60 year old self if I don't do this! I'm only 28, I need and want to be here as long as I can. Thanks for the support! [emoji173]️

[Berry78 4,259]

30 minutes ago, sunflower71609 said:

Everyone I've talked to says it's the best decision they've ever made. Have you run across anyone who really does regret it?? Just wondering. As it gets closer it's starting to feel more real and my anxieties are going crazy

From what I've seen, about 5% - 10% of people regret their surgery long term.. which means 90-95% DON'T regret it.

Short term regret in the first weeks postop is extremely common.

The ones with long term regret don't hang out on message boards full of happy patients for long.

It seems the majority of regret is fueled by physical complications or unresolved emotional issues.

We've seen regret stemming from religious beliefs.

Sometimes people find that perfect diet/exercise program that they are sure would have worked without surgery.

And the biggie... "he/she wouldn't have left me if I hadn't had the surgery".

[sunflower71609 14]

From what I've seen, about 5% - 10% of people regret their surgery long term.. which means 90-95% DON'T regret it.
Short term regret in the first weeks postop is extremely common.
The ones with long term regret don't hang out on message boards full of happy patients for long.
It seems the majority of regret is fueled by physical complications or unresolved emotional issues.
We've seen regret stemming from religious beliefs.
Sometimes people find that perfect diet/exercise program that they are sure would have worked without surgery.
And the biggie... "he/she wouldn't have left me if I hadn't had the surgery".

[emoji51][emoji51]

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

You can try responding to critics with facts--it's a very safe surgery, safer than gall-bladder removal. Long-term weight loss without surgery is only successful in a tiny minority of cases; most people put what they've lost back on, plus more. The fact that people feel guilty about this and we're treated as being somehow weak and self-indulgent is shameful. There are many reasons for people being overweight but few lasting solutions--except this one. And, ultimately, it's your body--you shouldn't have to defend your decision to do something smart for yourself.

Best of luck!

[MauiLolly 32]

My husband is my biggest supporter as well as my daughter. Other people that I have told don't seem to have a good reaction. I have gotten many rude and ignorant comments. It is a shame that some people do think this is the easy way out! They have no idea do they? LOL and some people make comments about my vanity, like the things we do for vanity! I try to stay calm and tell them the surgery is not for vanity it is for survival and health. It really gets me that I have to defend myself. I'm getting to the point where I don't anymore. I really don't care what they think. All I care about is being healthy and living a happy fulfilled life! I'm 3 months post-op gastric bypass. I've lost over 50 pounds and and feeling so much better and I'm so much happier. So hang in there and don't listen to the naysayers just listen to your heart!

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[sunflower71609 14]

My husband is my biggest supporter as well as my daughter. Other people that I have told don't seem to have a good reaction. I have gotten many rude and ignorant comments. It is a shame that some people do think this is the easy way out! They have no idea do they? LOL and some people make comments about my vanity, like the things we do for vanity! I try to stay calm and tell them the surgery is not for vanity it is for survival and health. It really gets me that I have to defend myself. I'm getting to the point where I don't anymore. I really don't care what they think. All I care about is being healthy and living a happy fulfilled life! I'm 3 months post-op gastric bypass. I've lost over 50 pounds and and feeling so much better and I'm so much happier. So hang in there and don't listen to the naysayers just listen to your heart!

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lol yes! Thank you! I'm just ready to have it over. I've been waiting for what feels like forever! (6 month mandated diet). All I've heard is negativity. Congratulations on your successful surgery. I hope to be you one day soon! I'm having the ds in around November. 1 more month of the counseling, nutritionist, and classes! [emoji173]️[emoji173]️

[I AM NOT MY SIZE 69]

@sunflower71609, that's why only my husband and my kids know. As close as I am to my siblings and cousins, I didn't tell them. Everybody will have an opinion. My husband was never really on board with the surgery. He thinks I can just magically all of a sudden lose the weight on my own...well I tried that and it didn't work. Sometimes I hate I had to tell him, but I couldn't get around that. I will tell you like I had to tell myself, this is for me, my health depends on it and I'm going to do this with a smile on my face. I'm ready to start living the rest of my life as a normal or at this point an under weight person, just not an over weight person ever again. You do you honey and don't let anyone stop you. Sometimes I wonder if peoples opinions are out of joyously of what you're gonna look like after the weight is loss.

[sunflower71609 14]

[mention=326145]sunflower71609[/mention], that's why only my husband and my kids know. As close as I am to my siblings and cousins, I didn't tell them. Everybody will have an opinion. My husband was never really on board with the surgery. He thinks I can just magically all of a sudden lose the weight on my own...well I tried that and it didn't work. Sometimes I hate I had to tell him, but I couldn't get around that. I will tell you like I had to tell myself, this is for me, my health depends on it and I'm going to do this with a smile on my face. I'm ready to start living the rest of my life as a normal or at this point an under weight person, just not an over weight person ever again. You do you honey and don't let anyone stop you. Sometimes I wonder if peoples opinions are out of joyously of what you're gonna look like after the weight is loss.

Lol maybe! I am lucky to have my husbands support at least.