Torn to make a decision

[Sugar42 49]

hey,

I have been on here for a couple weeks, researching the surgery, I am not a 100% sure if this is route I want to take. At this point I am about 70%..lol This is a big decision to make because I have never had any procedures done and I am pretty much blessed to be healthy as far as no major issues, but of course I am morbidly obese. According to the doctor I will have to lose 96 pounds. I am struggling with this decision because my family is not on board for support because they say i can lose the weight on my own. I have been on every diet in America and its a gain, lose, plateau type of situation and i am tired of it. This might be a good jump start to get the weight off.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

You may have no issues now, but the weight will eventually cause a lot of issues. Are the family members against this successful at keeping large amounts of weight off themselves? Or normal sized people that have never struggled? Have any of them kept you from making other decisions you wanted?

The reason I ask this is I have had so- called-caring family members that squashed every dream I wanted out of some unfounded fear, they held me back from being my true self my whole life for nothing but their own fears and anxiety. They are all dead now, so I can finally make my own decisions. Trust yourself first, not last.

Analyze what you have done so far with regards to weight loss, be honest about it, know your weaknesses, dig for the reasons behind it all. Because the surgery isn't magic, it still takes all your effort to make it work.

[lilbigprsn 15]

I am going through the exact same thing. I only told a few people. My children, partner, brother and 3 friends. I broke and told my mom because it was such a big decision I was making and I knew she wouldn't be supportive but I told her I didn't have to tell you and I didn't want any negativity. Also I feel the same as you. Is this the right decision and I think about that I am 40 now and if I don't get this 255 pds off my 5'1 body I will soon run into health issues. I am determined to lose weight and I agree with the jump start. If you are mentally ready the rest should be easy I guess.

Edited June 29, 2017 by lilbigprsn

[Sugar42 49]

Yes, I'm glad that I am not alone. I am 5'4 and 255lbs. So I know the minute i go up in pounds, health issues will creep up. Last year, my cholesterol, glucose levels, blood pressure was high. So that scared me and I lost some weight to where I am now. Now I still have high blood pressure, but all my levels are normal. I don't want to fall back on old habits, but I want the support as well.

[Sugar42 49]

1 hour ago, Sosewsue61 said:

You may have no issues now, but the weight will eventually cause a lot of issues. Are the family members against this successful at keeping large amounts of weight off themselves? Or normal sized people that have never struggled? Have any of them kept you from making other decisions you wanted?

The reason I ask this is I have had so- called-caring family members that squashed every dream I wanted out of some unfounded fear, they held me back from being my true self my whole life for nothing but their own fears and anxiety. They are all dead now, so I can finally make my own decisions. Trust yourself first, not last.

Analyze what you have done so far with regards to weight loss, be honest about it, know your weaknesses, dig for the reasons behind it all. Because the surgery isn't magic, it still takes all your effort to make it work.

My family struggles not as much as with weight, they gain a little and easily lose it. I know as I have gotten older, 41, that its gotten harder to lose it. I have even gone to the extremes when i was younger by becoming anorexic and lost 35 pounds in a month...I got support/an understanding that its not the way to go because its unhealthy. Its like I have come to the last option which would be surgery.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

You can always take the one person )that might be receptive to supporting you) to an orientation or a couple appointments so they can see/hear the facts. Then say to them, you may not agree w my decision, but I need you to be supportive of my choice. Once they hear that only a small percentage of people maintain a weight loss they might see things differently. And if they don't at least they know how determined you really are about this.

[blizair09 3,250]

Honestly, you need to do what is best for you, not your family, friends, or anyone else. That being said, this journey is much easier with support at home. I am so thankful that I have had that support from my partner, my family, and my friends. But, if your people won't get on board, you can find the external support you need in the form of support groups, on-line communities, and the like.

In time, they will get over their issues when they see you being healthy and successful. The key is to be successful and not give them ammunition to spread hate later...

Good luck!

[Leviosa 26]

1 hour ago, Sosewsue61 said:

You may have no issues now, but the weight will eventually cause a lot of issues. Are the family members against this successful at keeping large amounts of weight off themselves? Or normal sized people that have never struggled? Have any of them kept you from making other decisions you wanted?

Analyze what you have done so far with regards to weight loss, be honest about it, know your weaknesses, dig for the reasons behind it all. Because the surgery isn't magic, it still takes all your effort to make it work.

I cannot agree with this enough. Don't just look at your current situation and you're current health; you're trying to set yourself up for success in your future. Even more seriously, you're trying to get healthy so you can BE AROUND for the future. The life span of overly obese people are so much shorter than the average person. Not to mention, the quality of life.

I have extremely well meaning loved ones, but not one of them have struggled like I have with my weight. My mother was "fat" all her life but the most she's ever weighed was 140 ( 5'4'') smh. Believe me, I understand your concerns; I've gone back and forth with my decision to pursue surgery. I've let myself be influenced by people who have ZERO understanding of what my life is like. I finally made the call because it dawned on me that I needed help to get better; that im not as strong as I thought.

Ultimately, you are the only one who will be able to make this call; dont let anyone else do it for you.

Good Luck!

[queendeborahbee 119]

It's your life and your health! It will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself. My knees are destroyed from waiting till 56 to do this surgery. I have a huge regret, why did I not do this 10 years ago. Our lives are incredibly difficult being obese, prejudice, pain and unhealthy.

[Dimples58 167]

I agree with everyone responses thus far. You must take control of your destiny. It's ok to talk to and confine in others of what you're going through. But optimally, the decision is yours. You have to live with whatever decision you make. I have respect that you have taken the first step to identify that you have work to do. You're concern about your health and weight. Just know that you're not alone. We're here to encourage and provide support. Little about me. I'm 58, 5'4 and 255lbs. I'm scheduled to have WLS on July 25th. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make. Keep your head up high!

[Rivka7NV 40]

Family be damned! 99.9% of the time they speak from ignorance about weight loss in general, and weight loss surgery to any degree. Go find some books on WLS. Weight Loss for Dummies and anything by Kent Sasse are valid sources.

Remember, it is your life not theirs.

[VSG_Man_Vs_Food 55]

I was just sleeved 4 days ago and am in a weird place about how i feel about it. For the last 6 months I have been gung ho about getting approved for the surgery and the prospect of being skinny. I was/am 130 lbs over weight with high blood pressure and sleep apnea and a long family history of heart problems so I've always known I needed to do something about it. I lost 36 lbs leading up to my surgery following the pre-op diet plans and I know I couldn't have done it otherwise without the surgery motivation. The day of my surgery I thought I was ready for this journey but 1 day later is when realized the magnitude of this life change. I felt some regret that I went from being completely healthy in my mind (but not really) to being stuck on a hospital bed not being able to move without pain and nausea and not able to even drink Water at the frequency I wanted. Every day has gotten better though, fortunately my wife had the procedure a month ago and I've been able to see how great she is doing and losing weight so quickly. I guess what I'm getting at is really make sure you are willing to sacrifice some pain and challenges in the beginning of this journey, but if you have the will to stick with it for the rest of your life, it will likely be the best thing you can ever do for yourself. I still wonder if I just skipped the surgery and continued the pre-op diet if I could have made it all the way to goal without permanently modifying my stomach, but my track record over the last 20 years has proven otherwise and now I have no choice but to make this all worthwhile. The biggest asset has been the support from my wife as without her, I would never have even considered it. So I guess what I'm saying is make sure you are ready for this big lifestyle change and build up a support system so you have the best chance of success. Best of luck!

HW: 330 lb

SW: 294 6/27/2017

CW: 287 lb

GW: 180 lb

VSG, Dr. Jawad, Orlando, FL

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

Do some research on the long-term success of weight loss that's not through surgery. The statistics are so dismal it makes me crazy that people beat themselves up about this problem. Virtually all of us know we can lose weight--after all, we/ve done it numerous times by different methods. Keeping it off? not so much.

Good luck on your process, and I hope you find support whatever you decide to do.

[eccJuly 11]

Search out Dr Amir Heydari video. its very informative.