Hi all,

I'm three weeks away from having my bypass done and, partly prompted by reading here, I've been thinking about what my ultimate goal is.

I have the BIG goals that motivated me to take the step - a longer life, more activity and fun with my young son, but they're pretty abstract. Right now I don't have an absolute target weight, until 4 or 5 or so years ago I was around 220 (I have to convert from KGs so it is approximate) so my weight now feels strange and alien anyway. I imagine I would be good somewhere between 160 and 200, which his still a pretty big gap. Oddly I have clothes that I would like to wear that are much more of a motivation (some in my wardrobe some yet to be bought). Well, I am more of pictures than numbers kind of guy.

But seriously, have people set out with a rigid weight goal and then realised they were happy at some other point? Does setting a low weight goal help or does it lead to anxiety?

I would be really interested to know how some you approached this as we're obviously doing something that has a whole life impact. How did you find things that were tangible?

Cheers,

J

Goals weight is an artificial number. Originally when I met my surgeon we set a goal of 190 pounds. I felt that if I could reach 190 it would be a successful surgery. My real goal was to correct the health problems (high blood pressure, diabetes) which were caused by my obesity. At my lowest, I dropped to the 140's. I am 4 years post-op and pleased with the results.

As far as a goal, I would shoot for the high side of normal BMI. Normal BMI 18.5-24.9. So for your height of 5 foot 6 inch that would correspond to a goal weight of around 155 pounds (70.3 kg). The reason why I would select that as a goal is because individuals on the high side of normal live the longest. It is important to keep a little fat in your body because when you have a very, very serious illness or accident, you need that reservoir of fat to keep you alive until your body recovers. Anyways that would be a goal from a health perspective.

My goals were to avoid two knee replacements, not become Type II diabetic, and get off blood pressure medicine. I've accomplished those goals. All my numbers are good. Even my LDL cholesteral is in the too low range.

My NUT calculated that surgery would get me in the 198 - 222 range. If I make either of those weights I will be satisfied. I have no desire to be 145 (my surgeon's goal). I would look sickly and have too much loose skin hanging off my body which I have no plans to fix with plastic surgery. I'd rather retire early and spend the rest of my days traveling the country with my husband than drop $50-75K on more surgery.

My surgeon does not talk about goal weight until around 1 year post op. So I've picked a somewhat arbitrary number for now just because I like to calculate things like percentage of excess weight lost. But as others have said - my real goals are much less number focused and more quality of life focused (reduced knee/ankle pain, mobility, buying clothes in real stores....). I don't know where I will end up as far as numbers go but if my quality of life goals are met I'm pretty sure I will be happy whatever the number is. I've been overweight as long as I can remember from childhood so I have no frame of reference to pick a weight where I think I would be happy. I don't really even have a good frame of reference for some of my quality of life goals to be honest so I'm just going with the flow for this first year and then will figure it out

That's a really good question. I'm 2.5mo out from surgery and 46% of the way to by weight goal of 180. That's the lowest I've ever been as an adult(which is part of why I made it my goal), and while still on the high side of normal for 5'9", I think I could be happy there. I was a size 10/8. At first, I was dead set on 150(which I haven't been since 6th grade), and in a panic that I may never get there. But the mind is the real struggle in this journey, so if I get to 180 or 150 and my mind is not fixed, the results won't last.

So, the number is just a number, and I like watching it go down, but I try to document and celebrate other things about myself that I discover along the way. I'm 250 now, and I can fit in size 14, and it feels really good, I'm happy with my body as it is, which doesn't mean that I've given up working for my goal, but that I can love and accept myself as I am. I walked with friends up a hill and kept a conversation without huffing and puffing. When I eat out, I don't pick food by it's size, but rather by what I enjoy eating. I enjoy eating different things than I used to. I have a lot of non-weight goals, that I hope will contribute to my long term success. These are personal to me, and yours may be very different, and working with a counselor has really helped with that.

1. I hope to get to a point where I don't have to get on the scale every day. (This is sort of a compulsion for me, would like to get to 1x/wk)

2.I don't want to think about food, unless I'm hungry. (I currently obsess about food and exercise almost every free minute of the day, it's too much brain energy being used up when I could be out solving world peace.;) (this is a big one, and hard)

3. I want to fit in an airline seat without worry about who I'm inconveniencing. (I travel a lot, so this really makes a difference to me. It also goals along with being less insecure and more confident.)

4. I want to be able to do any activity without worrying about the weight limit. (being picked up, rides, being below my scooter weight limit, buying a ladder, etc.)

Good luck on your journey, and I hope you hit all of your goals! Remember, all the ups and downs are going to be totally worth it. And get a support group, see a counselor, or find someone you can talk through as you go through this.

Thanks James, thoughtful advice as ever.

Thank you for sharing Mona, so much of that sounds familiar.