VENTING - can vs should

[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

14 hours ago, blizair09 said:

I agree that there is no reason to be hateful to people. That being said, A LOT of the time, people aren't being hateful; the poster reacts badly to good information and advice. Example -- a man that posts on here and has had great success over a long period of time (he's a beast if you look at his pictures) gave some relevant, honest feedback that wasn't hateful or even the slightest bit rude a few weeks back. The OP reacted terribly, and the thread turned into another internet war even though nothing out-of-the-way was said.

Many people on here want the following kind of response: "Oh [insert polite, "southern" noun signifying concern], everything will be alright. Listen to your body. Just get back on the horse. Bless you." And some of the things being posted are alarming, dangerous, and destructive on top of just generally being counterproductive to losing weight and improving one's health. (Look at some of the posts that get the most "likes." Many of them are just like my example.)

It is almost criminal that some doctors will operate on people that are so insanely unprepared for surgery or post-op life. But this whole enterprise is a business, and these forums are evidence of that every day.

I think you're referring to @BigViffer. Yes, his direct honesty has triggered plenty of snowflakes while being incredibly respectful. Generally the most intolerant people are the ones whining about the imaginary intolerance of others, and like some prior posts, try and attempt the "Duke lacrosse" (re: shaming and crying harassment with nothing to substantiate) method to shut people up whose opinions they don't want to read. It only motivates me, personally, to post more.

Edited May 29, 2017 by PatientEleventyBillion

[BigViffer 3,545]

I find that the key to this forum is to not care about anyone. I don't mean be a d**k to them, but don't emotionally invest yourself in strangers. Most likely you will never meet these people, they will have no substantial impact on your life, and many backgrounds so incredibly different than your own that once you are past the pleasantries you have nothing more to talk about. If you know the answer to a question and it hasn't been answered a hundred times before, answer the question. If you have an opinion but not experience nor knowledge, don't answer the question because you have an opinion on it.

For some reason, people always want to come on here and talk about the meanies. Then all of the other sensitive types will rally around this person, for their coming has been heralded and they will drive out the monsters that have taken over the land and spew their poison across the threads. I don't know why people get so emotionally invested in this forum and it's members. If you want to survive this place, share more facts than opinion. Should someone eat a pizza 3 weeks post op? Of course not. They fact that anyone would attempt that is horrifying to me and they need professional intense therapy for their food addiction. And I would say that they were not ready for the surgery and shouldn't have had it.

I am to the point where I don't really know why I come here. I used to think it is the hopes that someone will come on here that is similar to me and I'll be able to lend support to them and we will become life long BFF's. Now however, it is more likely a morbid curiosity. Who is going to have the most public failure? Who is going to take the trophy for the most dangerous thing to eat directly post op? Who will be the next to die from drinking? I take no satisfaction in knowing it will happen (and it will happen), it's just a game now of "can I spot who it will be?".

[Berry78 4,261]

I have found 2 good friends that I PM all the time. Big Viffer, if you wanna be my friend, just PM me! (Of course now I'm paranoid that you have a betting pool on me to f-up!) Lol!

[Joann454 1,329]

I have found 2 good friends that I PM all the time. Big Viffer, if you wanna be my friend, just PM me! (Of course now I'm paranoid that you have a betting pool on me to f-up!) Lol!

Or die lol

[MSinger 348]

I'm not on Facebook so maybe I'm missing some of the context here, but this is a person immediately post op, the most important stage to make sure you are 100% compliant, and this person is seeking permission to break their physician's orders. This case is not just someone asking to "cheat"... they are potentially endangering themselves. I'm sorry, but I would not have reacted to that post well at all. There is a difference between someone 3+ months post op asking if they can have pizza/soda/beer, vs someone who just had surgery risking surgical complications just so they can have ice cream.

Maybe this fb group is just catty (which I have heard can be the case), but this crosses the line from asking for permission to "cheat", to risking post op complications because you're not following your prescribed diet.

ETA: I am not the type of person to coddle or enable anyone. You will get a straight answer from me. Maybe that comes off as blunt or rude, but I do see some folks here asking for "permission" to do things they know they shouldn't. I feel this is basically an attempt to shove their personal responsibility onto a bunch of complete strangers, and I can see how that can grate on the nerves of some of the posters.

Edited May 29, 2017 by MSinger

[Berry78 4,261]

Ice cream (no chunks) will not hurt the stomach after surgery. It's not a diet-friendly, weight loss CHOICE, but it isn't going to damage the surgical site. After all, what is ice cream? Basically milk and sugar that's frozen. Might cause dumping, but dumping is itself not harmful.. just unpleasant.

Did I have ice cream immediately post op? No. Like I said, it's not a diet friendly choice. I did eat two small spoonfuls yesterday at a birthday party for the first time, and it was gross! But I'm 10 weeks out and life happens... sometimes experience is the best teacher. I'd rather have a handful of blueberries.

Joann.. Lol! Then I can be Deadpool!

[MSinger 348]

10 weeks out I can see people taking liberties and giving recommendations, but within the first two weeks I really feel people asking "can I eat this" type of questions should be referred to their surgery team/NUT instead of us answering these questions for them. I'm not sure why anyone would take it upon themselves to tell a person what they can eat during this period, particularly if it's something that is generally not allowed. You don't know their medical history, the surgeon and nutritionist's plan, or how they will react to the foods you were able to tolerate. Everyone is different.

There are some folks who just cannot accept hearing no from their Dr's office, and decide to post here to see if they will get a different answer. I'm a nurse and I can tell you from experience, stuff like that does happen.

People are free to post whatever they want, of course, but I do wonder if the willingness to answer these questions enables more inappropriate questions being posted. Someone who is less than two weeks out should be calling their Dr's office... not asking a bunch of strangers.

[NixNichi 79]

Some people were just raised differently. What can seem out right rude to some is just matter of fact for others (though some of those last opinions are a little yikes lol). Some people are a little less....er cuddly then others..perhaps more intense? I'd like to believe all advice comes from some place of caring. At the end of the day they are just looking out for ya the best way they know how spitting out some helpful words of wisdom. It's true there are some people who just don't learn/can't seem to change their ways and it's sad to see someone take this risk to loose weight and end up disappointed and back where they started. No one wants that. I think on that point we can all agree.

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I think grown ass adults asking random strangers on the internet to validate their life choices are getting the responses they deserve.

If you want to eat soft serve ice cream, eat it. Don't ask internet strangers if it is okay. Dumb questions deserve dumb responses.

You can ask someone on the internet if it is okay to eat nails and they will tell you it is fine because their cousin ate nails on a dare in 7th grade and nothing bad happened.

Everyone that asks about pizza and alcohol when you can google like 50,000 responses for it, when people jump down their virtual throat, don't care.

This whole site is searchable with google, even if the site search sucks. Plus there are other sites, to search and ask questions. Almost no one every asks a new question.

Ideally people should be asking questions from the people they let chop them up for thousands of dollars. You know the people that actually know their medical history.

Also, someone fresh from surgery or newly pre-op makes a little be nice to idiots rant monthly. This is old and played out too.

@BigViffer Said it better than me. I totally agree with his entire post.

I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.

These forums are pretty much useless for anyone that wants to make a real lasting life change and be a healthy/fit person. The only reason to come here is as a reminder of what not to do.

Edited May 29, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[Berry78 4,261]

We see doctor's offices and nuts putting people on Ensure for 3 months, causing blindness in diabetics.. we see surgeons recommending soft foods, right out the gate.There is plenty of insanity to go around, including that in the medical field.

Do I RECOMMEND ice cream immediately post op? No. Do I believe it will hurt them? No... not in the way a pork chop could hurt them. (Which is essentially the question, right? Will ice cream make my stomach explode?)

People need to put on their thinking caps, and do what makes sense. About the only way ice cream will kill someone post op is if they are allergic to an ingredient. (Not intolerant.. Face swell up like a toad, ALLERGIC). It's not my place to know their medical history.. that's their own job.

[Abeille213 59]

I think grown ass adults asking random strangers on the internet to validate their life choices are getting the responses they deserve.
If you want to eat soft serve ice cream, eat it. Don't ask internet strangers if it is okay. Dumb questions deserve dumb responses.
You can ask someone on the internet if it is okay to eat nails and they will tell you it is fine because their cousin ate nails on a dare in 7th grade and nothing bad happened.
Everyone that asks about pizza and alcohol when you can google like 50,000 responses for it, when people jump down their virtual throat, don't care.
This whole site is searchable with google, even if the site search sucks. Plus there are other sites, to search and ask questions. Almost no one every asks a new question.
Ideally people should be asking questions from the people they let chop them up for thousands of dollars. You know the people that actually know their medical history.
Also, someone fresh from surgery or newly pre-op makes a little be nice to idiots rant monthly. This is old and played out too.
[mention=252425]BigViffer[/mention] Said it better than me. I totally agree with his entire post.
I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.
These forums are pretty much useless for anyone that wants to make a real lasting life change and be a healthy/fit person. The only reason to come here is as a reminder of what not to do.

So, you only come here as a reminder of what not to do then?
One would think that after 8500 posts, an average of 11.5 posts every single day since you joined this site, you'd surely have it down by now.



Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

[Berry78 4,261]

24 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.

*Sniff, sniff... it's not me {Cries}

[MBird 298]

I think grown ass adults asking random strangers on the internet to validate their life choices are getting the responses they deserve.
If you want to eat soft serve ice cream, eat it. Don't ask internet strangers if it is okay. Dumb questions deserve dumb responses.
You can ask someone on the internet if it is okay to eat nails and they will tell you it is fine because their cousin ate nails on a dare in 7th grade and nothing bad happened.
Everyone that asks about pizza and alcohol when you can google like 50,000 responses for it, when people jump down their virtual throat, don't care.
This whole site is searchable with google, even if the site search sucks. Plus there are other sites, to search and ask questions. Almost no one every asks a new question.
Ideally people should be asking questions from the people they let chop them up for thousands of dollars. You know the people that actually know their medical history.
Also, someone fresh from surgery or newly pre-op makes a little be nice to idiots rant monthly. This is old and played out too.
[mention=252425]BigViffer[/mention] Said it better than me. I totally agree with his entire post.
I do have one friend from here that I text with almost daily, who is also a like minded individual. And I have a few other people that I am friends with on Facebook.
These forums are pretty much useless for anyone that wants to make a real lasting life change and be a healthy/fit person. The only reason to come here is as a reminder of what not to do.

People are trying to connect. And some do. You've met person you get on well with. I think that's great. As for the validation, some people have issues, doubt they deserve to be treated like crap. My life doesn't have more value than theirs. As far as the one seeking validation, and those supporting bad habits or degrading the poster, that's their bit, have a nice day.

I agree about the questions, nothing is new. I think the point is to feel people have a safe place to connect and maybe make friends within the context of bariatric surgery . I've a few great people who email me with questions. Maybe they're afraid, shy, tired of assholes who can't keep their yaps shut because they're perfect and have all the answers, their opinions are better than others.

So they message. They seek connection, and answers or advice. Nothing wrong with that. I'm more than glad to share what I can.

I think BigViffer is spot on, for the most part. I've no morbid curiosity about anyone personally, seems mercenary and cruel to disregard that there are human beings behind the screen, but one also can't help but notice whose screwing the pooch from the get go. It's a shame. I think the trick is to be compassionate. Kind.

I personally don't form attachments with people online, have no expectations of them, don't know them, but care a bit. If I get to know them better, great. I can't say what the future holds. I don't need that much control.

If someone does something stupid, I'm going to help by sharing what I know. It wouldn't matter if I were religious or not, it seems the right thing to do. Otherwise you just turn a blind eye and I'm not that way. I think people who are, are weak, cowardly, and selfish. Just MO.

Some people have no friends, lack social skills, live online because they can't make friends offline or they may even have a health issue preventing them from being out and about more, a handicap, some enjoy judging others, make a game of the lives of the lives of strangers, some lack empathy, view people online as if they are only a moniker. Forget that.

I can look at myself in the mirror, I'm good with it.

[NixNichi 79]

*Sniff, sniff... it's not me {Cries}

XD I'll be your friend! I can always use some more! Can you add friends on here?

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

[lindabalseca 373]

lol this is good. Who said I don't like the topic or the people discussing it? I think you're reaching, Steven.

And I'm trying to bully people out of a thread because they don't agree with my opinions? Hmmmm. Interesting. Let's explore this statement, shall we?

Who are the "people" I'm allegedly bullying? What method(s) am I using to bully?

What are my opinions? I assume you must know considering you claim to disagree with them. So, let's hear it. What are they?

Methinks you're unable to answer any of these questions. You're here pathetically begging for attention whilst periodically taking breaks in order to harass other users. As I'm not a fan of bullies, I called you out on your behavior and you can't handle it. It's really that simple. A bully will almost always flip out when someone stands up to them. Just as you've flipped out here. Funny, indeed.


Transitioning from lapband to bypass on June 12!
HW: 402, CW: 314, GW 185

My first time ever on BariatricPal he bullied me and I thought I hope not everyone is as insensitive. There are a few just like him. I dread when I see their post on threads thinking omg who are they going to chew up and spit out now? Now I just think wow they must be so sad inside and their life with not much meaning in their eyes of course that they want company. People to feel emotionally scarred as them. All I can say is they need prayers to soften their hearts and humble themselves.