Not going to apologize for being vain

[ryan_86 335]

Back when i started this process, I made sure everyone knew it was about health, not vanity. And that's true, it was mostly about health. But it's also about vanity.

I want to look good! It's another way of feeling good, and I have every right to feel good about myself and if that makes me vain, so be it.

It's not that anyone has said anything, but I just have had this sense that it's not socially okay to do this for the sake of appearance. But sure it is. Why not?

I feel good. I look good. I want to look better. I'll do what I want and need to make that happen, and I'm going to stop apologizing for it.

[Joann454 1,329]

Back when i started this process, I made sure everyone knew it was about health, not vanity. And that's true, it was mostly about health. But it's also about vanity.
I want to look good! It's another way of feeling good, and I have every right to feel good about myself and if that makes me vain, so be it.
It's not that anyone has said anything, but I just have had this sense that it's not socially okay to do this for the sake of appearance. But sure it is. Why not?
I feel good. I look good. I want to look better. I'll do what I want and need to make that happen, and I'm going to stop apologizing for it.

If I were younger that would be what it's about for me. Now that I'm 53 and have health issues, it changed to health, but I'm sure gonna enjoy looking better too. Win/win!

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Oh hellno, don't apologize!! Everyone wants to look good, be attractive and that is one motivational part of the whole process. I fully intend to preen like a peacock (peahen) when it happens to me......preen and posture and prance away...

[Dashofpixiedust8 1,469]

I definitely did this partly for vanity. I'm 30 and single. The main reason to do this surgery was to save my life because I was killing my self at 540 pounds. But a part of the reason I did this was to look hot. To shove it in the face of every person and guy who judged me first for my appearance and personality last. The ones who said I had a great personality but they weren't attracted to me...I want to get to a healthy weight and shove it in their face that I can be hot and I'm not interested in them because I can change my weight but they can't change their attitudes or poor personality.

It's already started and I haven't even hit goal yet.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I definitely didn't start because of vanity. Vanity allowed me to think I looked perfectly fine before surgery. I was happy with how I looked.

If I started for vanity and vanity was my motivation, I would have quit at 100/120 pounds. I was insanely curvy with a small waist and a lot of curves, with limited loose skin. At a certain point though, there is nothing left but vanity to keep you motivated. I solved my health issues losing the first 60 or 70 pounds. The desire to beat the odds, and just see how small I could get kept me going further.

Vanity and more so pride I think can be insurance against regain.

[Dashofpixiedust8 1,469]

@outsidematchinside that's a good point..vanity allowed me to think I looked okay even at 540 pounds.

It's weird, I felt more confident naked at 540 pounds than I do at 285 with extra skin...

I feel like I'm in competition with myself now. I try and beat my best to see if I can do better. Now with my Fitbit I try and beat my last days steps the best I can.

[Samia toufik 5]

I agree with you and you look good! Congrats!

[Iona 23]

Yeah, my primary motivation has been health too. But I want to feel good, look good. I think I look pretty good now, but I know that if I end up with a bunch of loose skin and empty boob sacks I'm going to want plastics even if they're not medically necessary.

I think most people want to look good and feel good about themselves, and when the subject isn't surgery-related no one has a problem with that. I refuse to believe that we have less right to physical self-esteem just because we've been fat and we choose different tools.

Sent from my SM-G920P using BariatricPal mobile app

[Irish Girl in NW 20]

I think vanity helps keep me healthy! I want to feel good AND look good. It's a motivator for me. Just like keeping my hair blonde--mousy brown hair on me does not look good and I wouldnt keep it looking near as good as it does now. Same thing. It's nobody's business but mine!! Just sayin!

[Moon Princess 55]

Girl I feel you, the amount of selfies on my phone have gone up tremendously. I have never felt or considered my self beautiful until very recently, it's a nice feeling and a bit of a confidence booster. Continue to do your thing girl, let's all continue to slay!

[Justjoan 11]

On 5/14/2017 at 10:48 AM, ryan_86 said:

Back when i started this process, I made sure everyone knew it was about health, not vanity. And that's true, it was mostly about health. But it's also about vanity.

I want to look good! It's another way of feeling good, and I have every right to feel good about myself and if that makes me vain, so be it.

It's not that anyone has said anything, but I just have had this sense that it's not socially okay to do this for the sake of appearance. But sure it is. Why not?

I feel good. I look good. I want to look better. I'll do what I want and need to make that happen, and I'm going to stop apologizing for it.

I'm with you ALL the way. I'm 57. I have been overweight for 19 yrs. first it was 10-20-30 pounds. Now I'm 215lbs. 5'3 I'm so tired of feeling unhealthy and looking like this. Yes! Number one reason is my health. But, I do want to feel good. Look good. I want to hold onto my husbands arm and look good at his side. So vain? Idk. I just want to feel and look good!! So I'm with you and... good for you!!! 😊

[A_new_sara 136]

I am going through this right now as I prep for my revision. My boyfriend keeps dropping comments about how I "better not cheat" I'm "doing it for myself" ect.. I would give anything if he could read what's in my heart. Yes I want to look better, but I DO want to look better for him. I want to be his arm candy, I want his friend's to stop thinking he has the girlfriend with the "pretty face" I want to be able to wear lingerie and feel sexy. Yes, I'm doing this for myself, but I'm also doing it for him. I feel like he's bracing for me to run off.. I just wish he could read my heart.

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

[hermione53 157]

While this is primarily about health for me, too, the improvement in appearance is a close second. I want to feel confident enough to try dating again because I'm lonely. I've missed out on having kids, but I don't want to be single forever.

[CocoNina 210]

For me, I was fed up with being obese. I am already healthy so the surgery was for prevention. But of course vanity is part of it too. I wasn't always obese, only the past 9 years, I missed my old sexy self & I want to look hot for my man too & not cover up during sex since I was so insecure being big.


Height: 5'0"
Weight for WLS consultation: 216 lbs.
Surgery date: 2/13/17
Goal: -71 lbs for healthy BMI (about 145 lbs).
Current weight: 165.6 lbs
My profile picture is not me. It's my "FITspiration" body.

[bellabloom 2,469]

Hmmm.

Well. Here is the thing...

You can't know for sure if losing weight and looking better per societal standards are going to help you in the long run.

I can 100% say I had surgery to look better. That's the main reason I did it. And for awhile it felt GREAT to look better. I felt like a million bucks.

But it wore off. After a while it wasn't enough.. I found I felt the same about myself. There was always something about my appearance to feel unhappy about. So then I wanted plastic surgery. And I got that. And still... nothing really got better. I felt unsatisfied by another thing and then another.

I also realized that finally looking better (or what I thought I should look like) left me feeling even more scared and vulnerable about food. What if I gained it back and got ugly again? Was I going to diet forever? I was miserable.

I was more miserable than ever as I felt even more at risk for losing what I wanted which was to look good to other people.

Then I realized looking good still wasn't enough to make everyone love me.

Anyway. In the long run I had to get away from caring about my looks and start working on my life. I had to forget about being good looking and perfect in order to be happy. I said no to any more dieting, made peace with my body. I'm still working on continuing that process every day. I got angry. I got pissed about how I treated myself before I lost weight and how others treated me. I got it through my head that being fat does not equal being ugly.

Being fat DOES NOT equal being ugly. Period.

I decided my looks were like getting an unexpected bonus from work but they weren't what made me deserve that bonus. Looks are secondary to happiness and they should be. Looks are subjective. Lots of people like overweight body types and visa versa. I wasn't ugly before and that is what I needed to realize.

It's okay to want to take care of yourself and to feel good but it's important to make sure that physical appearance is what you need to do that. What will REALLY make you happy/unhappy?

Taking care of your appearance isn't vanity and neither is practicing self care. Just don't forget about all the other factors in your relationship with yourself and others that matter.

And be careful what you say about yourself to others. Being overweight does not imply anything negative about a person. Just because you feel that being thin is important to you doesn't mean it's okay to be negative about body weight- remember there are many people out there working to love themselves as they are and they don't agree with you about what is attractive.

Don't feel badly about what you want for yourself but don't place your aesthetic beliefs on others.

When you say "I lost weight to look better" you are making a value statement to others about what is attractive. You are saying that being at a higher weight isn't attractive. That can hurt others a lot. Being at any weight can be attractive, period.